"What the hell were you thinking?" A voice raged suddenly. I had no sense of how much time had passed since my last encounter with familiar voices, but it felt to me like only a matter of minutes. This voice was very different though. It was a woman, but she was angry and frustrated. He knew the tone immediately, but still couldn't draw a name or a face. "You've been a part of this team as long as I have, yet you didn't use any judgment whatsoever. Not to mention, you completely disobeyed my direct orders to seal off the hall." She explained, her voice moving back and forth. I could only guess she was pacing. He could somehow see her voice pacing back and forth, but still had no image of what she looked like. Her tone didn't intimidate him, but did make him feel partially to blame. He couldn't exactly remember what had happened, but he believed it was his fault nonetheless. "I can't believe this." The voice stopped abruptly, her tone now sad and brimming with grief. "Why did you do it?" It broke slightly, her breathing becoming shakier. She paused briefly before her tone hardened. "I seriously doubt it was worth it." She stated angrily, her feet stomping on the hard floors as she stormed out of the room.
"Lisbon," a man's concerned voice called after her from the hall. Then I heard the door slam closed and I was alone again to mull over my thoughts.
By now, I had deduced that I was in a hospital and not dead. Of that I was sure, but I still didn't know why or what was happening to me. I desperately wanted to wake up, but nothing had changed. Strangely enough, I was starting to get very tired. I finally realized why patients in hospitals are always so tired: unconsciousness and sleep are not the same. My mind wouldn't stop working and if it did, I had no recollection. I began to wonder if I was blacking out because it seemed like my mind was empty for long periods of time between visitors. Then like that, I was out again.
He was trying to calm himself by taking deep breaths, but it didn't seem to be working. He was near me and remained quiet for several minutes. "I'm sorry." He suddenly announced, his voice breaking slightly. I began to wonder if this person had been crying too because he didn't seem to have control over his emotions. "I feel stupid talking to you… like this. I mean you look like your dead…" He commented, his tone quiet. "I shouldn't have let you go. I should've backed you up better, but it happened so fast that I barely got off a shot before it was over." He said quickly. "I saw you on the ground, bleeding and I was sure you were dead. I just… I miss you, man." He confessed. His hand rested on my shoulder and I regarded it as progress. Now I could not only hear, but also feel. Of course, as my numbness faded and I regained my perception of touch, I also began to feel an undertone of pain all over my body.
I had finally linked each voice to a name, or most of them… I still wasn't sure who Jane was. To be honest, I was unnerved by my inability to speak. I wanted to knock some sense into Rigsby. I was sick of people blaming themselves for whatever happened. It wasn't helping me any to hear them indulge in self-pity, yet I realized they didn't know I could hear them. I always liked to observe and watch before stating my concise opinion, but being forced to sit through my friend's grief was becoming too much to handle. I wish I could tell them I was still alive.
"You're like a brother to me," he admitted solemnly, "except we look nothing alike and your version of brotherly advice is how to get girls." He remarked, intending to make a light-hearted joke. "Actually, you sound a lot like my real brother." He added, laughing slightly to lighten the tension in the room. The silence resumed when he got no reply from me.
"Please don't die." He told me directly, yet softly with honest sincerity. I wanted to reply that I would try my best. It wasn't exactly something I could control and as time went by, I began to wonder whether dying was my only escape from this purgatory. Then again, it didn't seem any easier to die than to wake up.