I couldn't believe it, Nagato was back! Hot damn, I feel like doing a little jig. I'm all grins tonight, aren't I?
Well almost. I still had a few concerns, so let's start off with the first and least problematic one.
Had Nagato never really been gone? Had I done it all for nothing?
I touched my lips carefully, remembering the warm feel of Haruhi's lips against mine, the stimulating fragrance of her hair and the calm, warm, satisfied look in her deep eyes.
No, it hadn't all gone to waste, I think. Nagato was coming back and Haruhi wasn't pissed off at me anymore.
Heh, I think I might have had worse days. And this time it wasn't a dream.
Or was it?
Sigh. You know things are bad when you're not sure if what's happening to you is real or not.
Ah, whatever, she's back! She's back! She's back! Who cares how?
Everything was finally going according to plan, except…
As I jogged towards Nagato's apartment, I realized I'd rather been ignoring an important fact. It was understandable, since I was just so jubilant about Nagato's return, but this could be a major concern. Nagato B was still around and kicking, from what I could tell. She made me nervous, I don't know why. She's just Vanilla Nagato after all, with no added toppings. She's not evil or anything, right? And yet, Nagato wants me to delay her return to her body… how? And then she's going to "delete" her? Just exactly what does that entail anyway? Death? Can these data entities even die?
I'd never asked Nagato to elaborate on what had happened to Asakura, mainly because I was just so relieved to be alive after my last encounter with her. But now… what had happened to the cute girl with an even cuter smile and murderous intent to match a serial killer? Had she died? Had Nagato killed her?
I had reached Nagato's apartment complex. All the lights were off by now, only adding to the spooky feeling in my gut. It was like hungry weasels were fighting over whatever was left from my lunch, several hours ago. Maybe I was just hungry. Yeah, that's right, just hungry, that's it. It's not the fear of unexpected disaster, the prospect of ending Nagato B's….
Gulp.
I tried the main door, and sure enough, it was open for me. The hallway was darker than the outside air, only adding to my anxiety. What was going to happen? More importantly, what was I going to do once I reached Nagato's apartment? How far was I willing to go to save a friend? What am I about to do??
After the race up the stairs, I came to a grating halt in front of Nagato's door, frozen in my place for the moment, by my over imaginative mind. Nothing was going to go wrong. Nagato was here now, she'd make sure everything was fine, she always did. All I had to do was…was… delay reconstruction…
The door handle turned easily, the lock clicked, the door slid open soundlessly. I was in. Nothing had changed in Nagato's spartan room. What little furniture she had was still where it had been from the beginning, while the distant light of the stars filled the room with an eerie quality. It's as quiet as a crypt, everything seems like it's muffled by stale air that hasn't been disturbed for years. I feel like I'm in a horror movie.
I walked into the main room, where I had sipped tea such a long time ago. Guilt panged in my nervous, frightened mess of a stomach. I should have come here more often, knowing what I know about Nagato. She must be so lonely. I just forget so easily, seeing her so impassive all the time, just reading her books.
I surveyed the room, wondering how the Nagatos were getting back. I saw nothing out of place. Maybe they're in the bedroom…
Nagato's bedroom, now there was a place of ambivalent thoughts for me. For starters, a girl's bedroom is usually a sanctified place where a guy like me should have no place in, so naturally, I had been apprehensive about entering it the first time. And that had been together with Asahina-san, following instructions from Nagato herself. She'd told us to sleep in her bed, together – whew, I still get all flustered thinking about it – where we'd taken a short nap that had taken three years in suspended animation.
Now I had different qualms about entering the room, but I had to go in and check. It'd be insane to have gone this far and stop here, wouldn't it?
The door to Nagato's bedroom slid open with little effort, revealing a truly spooky sight to me. There, suspended in the middle of the room, were two softly glowing, translucent Nagatos in their school uniforms. Like phantoms of hanged men they hung in the air. I noticed that small particles of matter swirled around them. They seemed to be coming more substantial by the moment, more solid. Before long, I wouldn't be able to see the wall behind them through their bodies.
Wow… So, I have to delay B from returning, but how… wait… Oh shit. Which one is my Nagato? What am I supposed to do?
Oh crap oh crap ohcrapohcraohcrapcrapcrap.
Calm down.
Nagato?
Yes.
Oh, thank God! Thank Ha- best not go there – What do you want me to do?
All that you are required to do is to disrupt the reconstruction process.
Yeah, I know, but how?
A simple relocation of already loosely attached matter through impact should suffice.
You want me to… to hit her?
Yes. The process advances at an exponential rate. I shall be fully operational within minutes, along with my copy, unless you hinder her. She must be stopped. You can do this. I will take care of the rest.
Okay, but that would mean… what's going to happen to her?
I will delete her.
And that means…? You're going to kill her? Yourself?
I hear nothing for a small moment and then: …Yes, I suppose the action could be seen as such.
Do you… have to? Isn't there another way?
No… she is a major risk factor, compromising my mission. Her existence is also unauthorised in the first place. Two identical versions of the same data entity are not allowed to exist. Such redundancy is abhorred by the Integrated Data Sentient Entity.
…
You must do it.
……
She is the one to your left.
………
Her existence could ruin everything. If Suzumiya Haruhi were to see her, the consequences could be disastrous for all parties involved.
……………
Do it… for me.
…Huh?
I don't know what to do. My mind is a blank; I can't bring myself to even think about it. In order for Nagato to survive… Nagato would have to die. But she never did anything wrong, she's just a girl, just like Nagato herself. How could I ever…
Do it for me.
Like under the orders of a hypnotist, by body advanced on the Nagato on the left, my fists squeezed tightly, ready for dreaded action.
My mind offered no more guidance. I was in shock, I had to be. This was crazy.
I raised my fist.
Wait…
I heard Nagato's voice again, but it was weaker than just before, the same interference plaguing the voice as it had in the park.
Not me…
I'm sorry Nagato B, but I think I have to do this. You endanger us all, Haruhi can't find out. Nagato will be locked in a never ending fight with you if you aren't gone. I can't let that happen…
Not me…
I'm so, so sorry.
I pulled back my fist. My face felt wet, but I ignored the feeling.
She is… lying…
………………………………………………… WHAT?
She is… not the one who… originally contacted you… for assistance. It was me… She is… my failsafe program…
Do not listen to her, she is lying. She has no other way to protect herself in her weakened state. I am using what little processing power I posses to suppress her, diverting it from reconstruction.
No, it is… she who is lying… remember… what I said…. Neither had advantage… over other… only way she could have…. advantage now… if I had diverted…. power to contacting you….
But… that doesn't mean you were my Nagato from the beginning either, does it? You wouldn't kill, would you?
I am afraid…. neither one of us… can exist while the other does….Not only does risk… of being observed by Suzumiya Haruhi exist… with predicted results varying… from dangerous to apocalyptic… In our prime directives…... to remove unauthorized data entities… Deletion is…… only solution…
How can I tell who's the real one?
I warped reality with Suzumiya Haruhi's power once, both of the Nagatos echoed in my head, one speaking slower than the other. We went to a library together once. You assisted me in procuring a library card.
Damn it! Which one's the real one?! How can they both know about those things?
I wanted… to go again….. The weaker voice said.
I spun on the spot, hitting the Nagato to my right, particles spiralling out of the way of my fist, the Nagato disappearing like dust in a gush of wind.
Pleas////
What did I just do? What did I just do?
You saved… My life…
But what if - ?
I have no recollection of the time between my moment of malfunctioning and my return to you at the room where I met my accidentally created copy. Between us, there would ultimately have been little difference. She too would have come to similar conclusions I had concerning my observation subjects, resulting in a similar malfunction upon regaining my memories," Nagato said, stepping down from midair onto the floor of her bedroom, giving me a fully solid, vacant look. "No matter what you're decision, there would have been little to no change in my personality program, unless enough time would have gone by to install a new mainframe after data analysis, then perhaps, my copy might have been –"
I interrupted Nagato's longwinded explanation, giving the girl a hug, squeezing the little angel against my chest. She looked up at my face and blinked twice.
"It is you, isn't it?" I said. "I'm just so happy to see you again."
"…I also prefer this option personally," Nagato admitted, focusing her eyes on my damp face. "But if you do not mind, I still have unfinished work to do."
"Huh?" I let her go, her heels hitting the floor with a little thump. Nagato walked past me to spot where the other Nagato had levitated in all her ghost like magnificence.
I took the moment to wipe my face, trying to regain some of my lost dignity. Not for her sake, but mine. I can't help but feel so weak sometimes in Nagato's stoic presence. She's such a lonely person, on an insane mission, just three years old or something, having spent most of it just waiting for Haruhi. Throughout all of it, she's persevered. She has so much more strength at such a young age, while I've been around for several times longer than she has, lacking something she had in abundance. I don't know what it's called, maybe it doesn't even have a word for it, but anything that will allow a person to survive three years of perfect solitude is probably something truly valuable. And now? She was being required to do something even far more painful and taxing than those three years ever could have been.
Nagato stood still for a moment, her eyes focused on a spot in the air, and then she chanted her data manipulation at a speed I could never understand or hope to replicate.
After she was done, Nagato stood as still as a statue, still staring emptily into space. She looked lost to me. I took a few steps closer to her and raised my hand. It hovered uncertainly over her turned shoulder.
What should I say? What could I say at a moment like this?
Had Nagato needed to kill herself (well, a virtual copy, if you like to nitpick at details… which I do) in order to make sure she herself survived? She had, hadn't she? That copy of hers… she said there would have been little to no difference? How do you go about killing yourself so you can live? The most intimate of… murders?
Nagato B had actually tried lying so she could continue existing. Her last words had been a plea for life. Please…
And then we'd pressed the delete button on her, like she was just an unwanted file on a computer…
I can't even handle this myself…
Just what had happened? Do data entities die? Can they? Will Nagato die some day?
……I can't handle this, I……
I'm doing it again, focusing on myself…
"It…… couldn't have been easy," I finally mustered the courage to say, placing my hand on her small shoulder reassuringly.
She turned her head to look at my hand on her shoulder, still as expressionless as ever. "No," she replied in that familiar monotone I knew so well. Despite our sombre subject, her tone felt oddly reassuring.
We stood still for what seemed like hours, just standing there. Nagato continued looking at my hand, while I tried to think of something to say to her. There was a horrible air of uncertainty around us, indecision digging at our hearts. Then, Nagato brushed my hand off her shoulder and turned around to face me.
She stared into my eyes intently, never blinking. "I have come to a decision."
Oh, about what?
Nagato walked out of her bedroom, into her main room, where she turned to her door, stopping just in front of it. Hesitantly, I followed her.
"I am an impartial observer. I cannot allow my judgement to be affected by personal considerations… I have seen what my individual realizations and thoughts have caused. First there was a major data distortion, and then this event occurred. I cannot and will not risk a repetition of comparable events. I will not make another mistake. Such errors will not be tolerated," Nagato said, still facing the door.
Errors… Nagato's mistakes. I remembered all the things I'd noticed about Nagato just before this whole mess had started. I think I was finally starting to see the constant factor in all the odd behaviour. After all, I'd always been there.
"Umm, if you don't mind me asking, what are these personal considerations, you know, the ones that made you malfunction?" I asked, starting to feel my empty stomach lurch again with nerves. It was a pointless question, but I felt it needed to be asked.
Nagato elegantly turned to face me, her unreadable poker face in place again. "Inconsequential, as of now."
"Please, let me know. I'm sure if you just talk about them openly with someone, like me, it'll be okay. Things shouldn't be kept bottled inside, people go crazy that way."
"I am not a person," Nagato said, lowering her head.
I was shocked by her statement at first, until a sudden anger took hold of me.
"Yes you are," I said sternly.
Nagato remained silent, head down as she stared at her feet, almost as if measuring the distance between us.
"It's normal for humans to act weird when they have strange feelings. It happens to everyone. I know how lonely you must be, please let me help," I said, tenderly touching her slim chin, lifting her head up so we could look into each other's eyes. Like dim stars, her gem like eyes, so empty they drew me in like a black hole. I saw myself reflected back in them, amidst the lonely darkness.
"Whatever your problems are, we can work through them together," I said, lowering my face closer to hers, foreheads nearly touching, lips even closer. "Please let me help you."
Nagato looked at me with an unreadable expression. Then, with one hand she grabbed me by my school uniform's tie, with the other she reached behind her and opened the door to her apartment. She turned slowly on the spot, leading me around her like a goat. When we'd switched sides, she let go of my tie and gently pushed me out of her apartment.
"I will not repeat the same mistake again, endangering myself and others because of whatever I may… feel. It is an error I shall not permit to reoccur. Next time, the consequences could be devastating if such a malfunction is allowed to be repeated. Too often I have acted upon my own thoughts, becoming increasingly erratic in behaviour. There is no telling what might happen if this continues. Something must be done."
"Yuki…" I pleaded desperately with her, dreading her following words. I could see where this was going now. Damn it…
"I don't think we should go to the library again."
She closed the door on me, shutting me out for good. Her only real mistake.
Her true error.