Author's Ramble: Guess who's actually posting? =O So I don't know if I'll be getting to seven chapters anymore, but this is certainly fun to mess with Hogwarts. -evilsmile- Thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed.

Note: This is satire. How do you think the gang would feel seeing themselves thrown together in slash pairings? Yeah, hopefully something like this...

The Weekly Word: Double Trouble

By: Rita Skeeter

Fred and George Weasley: the dynamic duo. Their miraculous departure from Hogwarts the year Dorlas Umbridge began her iron-hold on the school will be remembered for years to come. Tragically, when the twins returned to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, it would be Fred's last visit. The Final Battle raged within the school for hours, and many renowned witches and wizards lost their lives. Among them, Fred Weasley perished within the fight.

What can life be like after you loose a twin? For George Weasley, a piece of him was lost. But how big was that piece?

Those who knew the twins understood that you could not have one without the other. Never once were they seen apart. In this day and age, the idea of two brothers constantly getting along is a miracle at most. How was it that these two were able to spend days together and still get along? Had anyone ever seen them argue?

The relationship they had suggests a deeper meaning to an outsider. The words George Weasley spoke at his brother's funeral only adds towards suspicion, "He was my partner in crime, my best friend, my get-away driver, and my brother."

Were there perhaps a few family secrets that died with Fred Weasley? Perhaps a hidden agenda in his relationship with his brother, George Weasley? This is Rita Skeeter, for the Weekly Word!

Responses to the Last Issue of the Weekly Word: Toads and Scones

Maybe Longbottom's just is trying to comfort Ginny. If my boyfriend were cheating on me with another GUY I'd sure want to be comforted. Good for you Ginny!

Bertha from Liverpool

Why haven't you talked more about HARRY AND DRACO??? What's going on with THEM? I mean, you said at the end of the article that you'd find out more!

Chelsea from London

Okay, this one's better than the last one, but still, Rita. You're starting to push your luck.

- Name and Address Disclosed


"But I hadn't meant to walk in on that," Hermione insisted, tears streaming down her face as she finally told Ginny what had happened those few nights ago when she'd ran upstairs to tell Harry about the article. Ginny had read it too, and was not speaking to anyone but Hermione and Neville, and neither of them talked about Skeeter.

"No one would want to walk in on that, Hermione," Ginny mumbled. She didn't like talking about Harry, even in passing. She was hurt beyond belief from all that was going around.

"I-I'm sorry I'm telling you this. It must be really… well… awkward…" Hermione mumbled, blushing at her stupidity. She shouldn't be talking to anyone about finding Harry in his dorm doing…

"All boys do it, Hermione. I can't tell you how many times I've walked in on Ron," Ginny said, her face filled with disgust. Hermione turned scarlet, her eyes widening to the point where Ginny knew she shouldn't have said that. "Er…"

The two Gryffindor girls were seated in the common room. It was early, so not many other students had come down yet. The hype over Rita's article had made Ginny avoid the general student body, especially Gryffindor students to the point where she would go to bed early and wake up even earlier. Hermione had not been able to deal with Ron on her own, and there was no hope for getting to Harry now. But suddenly, the common room door burst open making them both jump. (Though, Hermione was very glad for this sudden noise to act as a topic change.)

Harry came stomping in, the notorious Witch's Weekly clutched in his hands. His knuckles were white. The dark haired boy stared at Ginny for a second, before turning to Hermione. He threw the article at her before saying loudly, "I don't care what she's writing about us anymore. But this has gone too far." He turned back to Ginny, who was staring at one of the embroidered pillows she clutched tightly. "I just wish people would start being honest if all of this is true or not."

"Maybe you should start, then," Hermione said icily. She flipped through until she found the column. She didn't even need to read the article. The frizzed haired girl stood quickly and headed towards her dorm. "Harry, go to the Owlery. I'll get dress, and then I'm going to talk to the headmistress. And whatever you do, don't tell Ron."

She was gone before Harry could say anymore.

Ginny looked down at the magazine, her eyes wide as she saw a picture of her older brothers playfully punching each other. Tears began to well in her eyes. How could anyone do that to Fred and George? "Rita doesn't have a soul, does she?" she growled and stood up as well. Harry watched her with a calculated gaze. "Don't just stare at me!" she cried suddenly. "You don't think I'm mad at you not telling me anything? I'm furious! Sure, we broke up! But we both agreed that it was just for now. Just to get people to get off of our backs. Maybe because we were fighting too, and just needed a breather. But if you actually want me back, you're going to have to be at least honest to me. I can't believe you won't talk to anyone. Ron and Hermione care about y—

"Maybe Rita's right about some things she's saying."

The crackle of the fire became the only noise in the common room.

"W-what?"

"You care about Neville, right?"

"Y-yes… he's my friend. But… Harry…"

"I know. I'm not snogging Malfoy, Ginny. I swear to you. But after everything, he's half the reason I'm still alive. What with his wand… and he tried to save us when we were captured by his dad. I'm trying to understand why he did it. I'm trying to see if we could be friends. Apparently that's a crime around here."

The seventh year left the flabbergasted redhead standing in the middle of the common room, as he left through the portrait hole once more.

When Hermione made her way out of the castle towards the Owelry, she reviewed in her head everything Rita had so far wrote about in her gossip column. Harry and Malfoy, Ginny and Neville, Fred and George… What was the pattern? Like any good puzzle, there had to be a pattern.

Obviously the first pattern was romance. Rita was having a field day of devising her own sick little pairings between a number of…

Gryffindors. That was the second pattern.

But not just any Gryffindor. It was Gryffindors who fought at the Final Battle, and did the most memorable damage. Was it just for a juicier story?

Hermione was so wrapped up in her thoughts she almost ran smack into another student.

"I'm so sorry!" She immediately cried as she narrowly sidestepped the other student, turning her head back to see whom it was.

"Watch it Granger."

"Oh. Never mind then."

She was not about to apologize to Draco Malfoy. She took a half step forward, then turned around suddenly to see that Malfoy hadn't moved. She'd expected to see a smirk from the Slytherin. Instead he was watching her with guarded eyes. The witch opened her mouth, closed it, opened it again and finally blurted:

"What were you and Harry just doing?"

She hadn't missed that Malfoy had come from the Owelry. She was supposed to meet Harry there right now. Hermione could put two and two together, after all. Or had these two forgotten that?

"What gets your knickers in a twist more, Granger? Me and him banging each other, or just being friends? I'm curious."

Well, then Malfoy could be curious with his hand cursed down his pants.

"Expelliarmus!"

Hermione's wand flew from her hand before she could utter the curse that would have Malfoy spending the rest of the weekend attempting to pull his hand out of his trousers. From the slope leading up the Owelry came two people. One of which she was expecting to see, the other of which she'd rather not see.

The one who'd drawn their wand was Harry. "Hermione, leave him alone," he sighed. "We were just talking."

Hermione's eyes fell to the fourth person among the group.

"We were discussing what to do with Skeeter," George confirmed, his eyes dark and stony. "It's one thing to mess with Malfoy."

"Hey."

"Shut up, you git," George sniped back. Malfoy glared away begrudged. "But it's a whole other thing to mess with the memory of my brother."

"So… so what are you doing here?" Hermione asked, breathless. She'd talked to Professor McGonagall about all this, and as Headmistress she decided to confiscate Witch Weeklies as for now. What more could they do from school? They had to finish up their seventh year, it's not like they could hunt Skeeter down…

"I figured it was time we found out who's been telling Skeeter all this stuff," George answered simply. "Someone's been snooping around here, finding out things that should be private."

"Wait… wait…" Hermione's head was about to explode from all this. Did this mean some of it was true? Were they trying to get Rita to keep quiet? "Does that m—"

"BLOODY HELL NO!"

It was a mixed answer from all three at the same time, but to the same effect.

"Potter and I have a mutual agreement not to kill each other on sight," Malfoy muttered, attempting vainly to regain some of his composure. Hermione couldn't understand what he was trying to protect his ego for. It wasn't like it meant much to her.

"I'm trying not to bear grudge, Hermione," Harry said, glaring at blond nonetheless. "We've just talked. It's nothing… weird. It's just… if anyone saw us it'd be such a big…"

"So you've been lying to me and Ron so you can shoot the breeze with Malfoy, then?" Hermione was all but fuming. "Harry this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen you do! How can your… your conversations be worth Skeeter pulling your name through the mud and you being the laughing stock of the entire school?!"

"He's already been there before, hasn't he?" Malfoy sneered, leaning against the wall of the Owelry tower. "When he became friends with you and Weasley, when he was thought to be Slytherin's heir nobody got near him, when everybody thought he'd put his own name in the Goblet of Fire and proceeded to feed Skeeter his sob story, when no one believed him that the Dark Lord was back and he was a raving looney, when he started talking to Luna Lovegood… the list goes on."

"Thanks Malfoy," Harry said. "It's nice to know we've gotten so far in developing a friendship that you can forget all about how much of an idiot you used to think I was."

"Don't mention it."

Hermione put her head in her hands.

George had stepped back from the conversation, watching idly as he bewitched a slug to tap dance. It did a twirl as he spun his wand. "Look, I don't care anymore if you two are ready to declare your love to the Queen," he said, his eyes not leaving the sight of the dancing slug. "What the problem's become, is that someone's snooping around our business and blowing it out of proportion. Someone knows you two are sneaking out to "talk". Someone knows Neville and Ginny are going to Hogsmeade together. And someone knows what I said at Fred's funeral. That was a private funeral. No one should know what I said there but our family and friends."

"It could just be Skeeter," Hermione interjected, unable to stop herself. "She's an animagus, after all."

"Didn't you put a damper on that one, Hermione?" Harry said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, but…"

"Skeeter's not that clever, Granger," Malfoy interrupted to the surprise of the witch. "I was the one telling her half those things about you lot. She prefers having someone do her dirty work for her."

"Then we've got a snitch," Hermione said, her jaw setting.

"Not for long," George said with a wicked grin. The slug did a back flip and landed on the wall of the Owelry. It began inching its way upward as the unlikely group made their way up to the castle.