Disclaimer: I don't own anything, Janet does. I make no money.

Commence

By Calliope

PART TWO

I opened the door to find Diesel leaning against the door frame with his arms across his chest and wearing a smug smile. I snorted and decided to nip this in the bud before it even started. "Come on in, but you might as well wipe that smile off your face cause I can tell you it's not going to do you any good."

He sighed heavily and followed me in, lacking the enthusiasm that was present just moments before. "You sure know how to ruin all the fun. I never would have labeled you as a buzz kill Stephanie."

I rolled my eyes and pointed to the couch. "Sit down. You want something to drink or is that even in your meal plan?"

He did his own eye roll and got himself a beer out of my fridge before sitting down on the couch and putting his feet up on my coffee table. I sighed. Such typical male behavior, was it too much to ask for a little consideration?

He grinned again. "You shouldn't broadcast your thoughts so loudly."

I glared at him. "How the hell can I broadcast my thoughts when I haven't said anything?"

He shook his head. "You have to remember you are in special company. I'm gifted honey, get over it. And you are shouting your thoughts for my mate Keagan on the west coast to hear them. So tune it down if you don't mind."

Wonderful. I recruited help who was sensitive to a woman's feelings. Why couldn't I find that in a man?

Diesel snorted again. "You want to tell me what was all fired up important that I left a poker game in Russia to drag my happy ass to your domain?"

Good grief. When had Diesel become such a drama queen? I added that as one more thing I DIDN'T want in a man. No drama queens need apply; I had enough drama in my life to write an entire play based on my deeds alone.

He stared at me until I felt my underwear begin to itch. I sighed again. Damn unmentionables…couldn't keep them out of your panties no matter how hard you tried. When he started laughing, I knew my assumption was right.

I sat in the chair across from him and pulled out the paper that I had been scribbling on for days and handed it to him. "I need some help with this."

He stared at me in disbelief and then took a few minutes to read my list. He sat it down and grinned at me. I crossed my arms and huffed. "Well?"

His grin widened. "Well what? What do you want me to do, say 'poof' and produce you a man? Of course, according to this list I'd say you want a transgender model."

I glared at him and stomped. "I do not want a transgender! I just want what I deserve and the qualities on the list is what I deserve."

Diesel took a long drink of his beer and then belched and it took everything I had not to reach for the pen again to add to my list. He took my list and ripped it right down the middle. I stood up and danced around him, trying to reach for the torn pieces. "Hey! I worked long and hard on that!"

He snickered again and pushed me back into the chair. "Let me get this right hon. You want me to find the perfect man so you can bag him and tag him. Does that sound about right?"

I would have worded it differently, but I nodded.

Diesel pulled out his cell phone and I gapped at him. He raised a brow at me. "What? Just because I have some talents doesn't mean I can speak to whomever at will. Hence, the cell phone."

I watched as he typed out a text message and sent it and then settled back on the couch and continued to smile at me. I was tired of waiting. "Well?" I asked.

"Patience, honey. Rome was not conquered in a day you know."

I blew an errant curl out of my face. "I don't want to conquer Rome you ass! I want to conquer a man…that's it. One man. One who doesn't want me sporting a drooling baby on one hip and a crock pot on the other. And if he's a friend of yours and can fly, I would consider that a bonus and I'd be willing to drop a few of those other qualifiers off my list."

Of course, Diesel found that hilarious for some reason. His phone chimed and I waited with baited breath as he read his text. He stood up and belched again and rubbed his six pack stomach. "Good to know I'll never have to worry about a beer belly huh?"

I rolled my eyes and poked him in the chest. "Well? What did he say? Is he interested in a date?"

Diesel chuckled and pushed me back into the chair and then snapped my photo using his phone. "My mate wants a picture of you before he'll commit to anything."

I shrieked and jumped around. "You snapped a photo of me looking like this? I look like shit Diesel! Couldn't you have given me a little warning and let me tame my hair or something?"

He grinned and pushed the send button and it was too late for me to have a meltdown. "No worries honey. The guy wants to know what he's in for and well, I have to be honest…this is your hair at it's worst unless you've just woken up. If he can brave that hair, everything else is nothing."

I muttered and sat back down in my chair, but couldn't sit still. I really wanted to pace up and down my hall. A full minute later and I swear it was like three years, Diesel's phone chimed again. I couldn't help it, I jumped up and bounced up and down. "Well? What did he say this time? Did my hair scare him off? What's he like? He's not gay is he?"

Diesel shook his head at my questions. "Would you sit down or go get a beer or something? Shit. Thank God you took me out of the running or I might shoot myself. Let me give you a piece of advice while you are looking for Mr. Perfect….calm-the-fuck-down. Take a Xanax or something, a shot of whiskey, or use your vibrator before meeting him."

I sighed and sat down heavily in the chair. "Well, I wouldn't be so high strung if you weren't teasing me. I'm ready to move forward with my plan and if I have options, I want to know what they are!"

Diesel grinned at my explanation. "My mate figured it would be fair trade if you received a picture of him since he got one of you…kind of a tit for tat."

I raised a brow at him. Tit for tat? Do people even say that anymore? Oh, who the hell cared! I wanted that cell phone so I could see what my maybe Mr. Perfect looked like!

I held my breath as Diesel did some type of complicated maneuver and produced the cell phone display in front of me. I took in the picture reflected on the screen and I think my panties ignited from the cocky gaze staring back at me.

Holy sinful fucking hell! If my panties could do that from a mere look, I had hopes for meeting him in the flesh….unless he was a cocky bastard.

I hate cocky bastards.

Suddenly, everything seemed a little too good to be true. I pinned Diesel with a suspicious look. "What's wrong with him?"

For once, I had managed to surprise the Unmentionable. "What do you mean what's wrong with him? You don't like him?"

He started to pull his phone away and I jumped away and hid it from him so I could sneak a few more peaks. "I like his physical looks just fine. He's hot. You know that. Why isn't this guy already attached?"

Diesel ran a hand through his hair and sat down. "Oh that. Well, that's Keagan. He's an old soul really. Think back to the times where knights actually had chivalry and fought for their lady's hand and you have Keagan…only he's a bit more complicated than that."

I was intrigued. He sounded perfect to me…as long as the old soul bit didn't expect me to birth an entire nation and feed the poor while I was at it. "How complicated? And is he Unmentionable like you?"

Diesel looked at me like I was stupid. "Do you think I'd hook you up with a mere mortal man? Please woman! Give me a little more credit than that!"

Hmm…a date with an Unmentionable with an old soul and sounded like a gentleman. Something sounded off and I didn't know what. "Does he know I'm a mere mortal woman and how old is this guy? I don't want someone old enough to give my grandma a run for her money."

Diesel grinned widely. "He's my age and trust me, he's hip in a round about way. He's totally down with dating a mortal woman. Besides if it goes that far, there are ways around the little things."

I didn't want to know about the little things at the moment. It was enough to know that he was 'kind of hip'. I could deal with that. I finally started pacing…due to my nervousness you understand. It's not like I have been on a date in years.

Shit! What did a woman do on a date with a man who wasn't 'mortal'? Oh wait! Did the guy even want to date me? Maybe my hair had scared him off!

I started chewing my nails and nailed Diesel with a pleading look. "Well? Did my hair scare him off? Does he want to go out with me? Did you tell him I was looking for serious, not a one night stand?"

Diesel tipped his head back and laughed long and hard. I started stomping in my pacing…not appreciating being the butt of his joke. Why did the men in my life find me so amusing? I was tired of being the punch line in everyone's joke! I stopped stomping and smacked him in the back of the head, hard.

He rubbed his head. "Ouch! You are crazy! I wasn't laughing at you, but the situation."

I crossed my arms again. "Well? What about the situation?"

Diesel smiled again, this time a mysterious one. "Keagan doesn't date anyone who isn't serious hon. Trust me, this is the kind of guy that is looking for forever. He just hasn't found it yet."

My jaw dropped. A guy that looked like walking sin hadn't found what he was looking for yet? Diesel had to be joking! Any man that looked like Keagan should have had a buffet to choose from! And he could consider me the entire dessert course…of course, only if he was super serious about me….then bring out the whipped cream.

I was almost feeling giddy at my find…almost. I was still filling a little suspicious. "My hair didn't scare him off? He liked my picture?"

Diesel grinned and popped open another beer. "Honey, the man thinks you are beautiful and is probably preparing a sonnet in tribute to your mass of curls and kissable lips as we speak."

Oh. Oh, wow! It left me momentarily speechless.

Then I smacked Diesel again for good measure. "He's not gay is he? You know gay guys today like poetry."

Diesel glared at me. "If you don't stop smacking me, I'm going to hook you up with Dandy, who is gay! And no! Keagan is far from gay. He's just old fashioned Stephanie."

Oh…I could do old fashioned. We could take things slow and see what developed. It sounded wonderful and fantastic to me. I'd have time to let my panties slowly ignite and fan the flames before they burned right off of me.

Talk about foreplay!

I was making all kinds of plans for a true courtship when Diesel stood up and made his way to the door. He turned around with his trademark cocky grin. "Prepare to be serenaded like you deserve Stephanie. He'll take romancing you to a new level if you two 'click'. He'll pick you up tomorrow night at 6. Oh, and one last thing, he's a virgin. He's really been waiting for that special someone."

My jaw fell open and then POOF! Diesel was gone with no trace that he'd never been in my living room.

A virgin?

Me, Stephanie Plum, was going to date a certified virgin at the ripe age of 30 who was hot, beyond hot?

If he was the one for me, I could be his first and his last?

I closed my mouth and shook my head…then I started to grin.

Hell yeah.

I deserved sonnets and romancing. I deserved to be serenaded.

And if I was being honest, just his name was enough to start my panties to smoking…if I added his picture to it…well, I was looking forward to a seriously slow burn.

Now I just had to break it to the former two men in my life that they were getting the boot.

I was pretty sure that one already knew and I really wasn't looking forward to telling the second.

Ranger doesn't always understand the meaning of the word 'no' and I was going to have to introduce him to the concept and pray he didn't throw me out my apartment window.

Cause I really wanted to be wined and dined by Keagan.

It was just making the two macho men in my life understand that I was moving on.

So, why did I feel overwhelming doom at the thought of the impending conversations?

All well, I'd just 'man up' so to speak and tell them like it was.

It couldn't get any easier than that.

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