DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything to do with Harry Potter
Ok, this was sort of painful to get through. Forced chapters are never fun, but I needed it in order to move the story along. So forgive me if it's not up to expectation. I'd still love a few reviews!!
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Choose.
How can I choose when I love them both?
You decide their death then.
No! Please, just give me more time!
You have none. Go to him. Save him. Or watch him die.
No I can't do it!
Time's up.
CHOOSE.
Harry woke with a jerk, causing him to fall off the bed and thump onto the floor. He groaned. The landing hurt, but the rest of him was fine, completely healed.
Sunlight streamed through the faded curtains of the window. It must have been around noon. Remembering last night, Harry stood up abruptly but smiled in relief when he saw Draco fast asleep, splayed out on the narrow bed he had slowly taken over during the night.
As quietly as he could, Harry snuck out of the room and made his way downstairs. Harsh whispering could be heard as he rounded the corner to the kitchen. The conversation ended immediately when they all turned to see Harry approach them at the kitchen table. Hermione jumped up toward him and embraced him cheerfully.
"Good morning!" Her eyes looked over his face and she frowned. "You look terrible. Are you ok?"
"Bad dreams" He muttered. Hermione's expression immediately changed and she grabbed Harry by the arm, leading him toward the couch furthest away from the others, by the stairs.
"About what?" she asked as they sat down. Harry looked hesitantly up at the stairs before answering.
"I'm standing in the middle of a field, and I can't see anything. Everything is foggy. But I can tell that two people are on either side of the field. Then I see a big black creature come out of the fog. It reminds me of a Dementor." Harry shivered at the thought of the draped floating figures. "It starts talking to me, saying I have to choose between the two people. And I can't choose. Then it turns into a bright green snake and says that both of them will die if I don't choose…" His voice trailed off as Hermione's eyes went wide.
"Do you think it means anything?" she whispered.
He shrugged. He didn't know what anything meant anymore. Way too much had happened in such a short time. The feeling of having to choose between Ron and Draco was still strong, and he still didn't have an answer. How could he? Both meant so much to him, in different ways.
"Who do you choose in the dream?" Hermione asked, raising an eyebrow.
He hesitated. "Well, I never…want to choose, because I can't. They both mean too much to me. But…in the back of my mind…I know who I'm going to choose."
She waited for him to go on, but his eyes just shifted around her. Her forehead creased in confusion before realization slowly overtook her. With wide eyes she mouthed Ron?
A creak in the floor coming from the top of the stairs made Harry jerk his head up.
Shit.
Draco had heard everything. Harry dropped his head in his hands and sighed. This wasn't going to be fun to explain if Draco hadn't already blasted out of the room on his broom to go after Ron again.
Hermione assumed the same. "Go talk to him" she said quietly, "We have something to discuss when you're finished."
He gave Hermione a half-hearted smile and trudged up the stairs. He took his time going down the slightly darkened hallway, thinking of what to say. What could he say? That he couldn't decide who mattered the most to him? No, that would hurt Draco far too much.
Ugh. Nothing is ever simple.
Harry came to the almost closed door of his room. He stared at it for a second before slowly pushing it open with a creak. It fell back to reveal Draco sitting on the bed, his elbows resting on his knees and clasped hands at his forehead, staring at the floor. Harry hesitated in the doorway, biting his lip. Draco still being here was a good sign, but he didn't think anything he now had to say would make things better at all.
He took a step towards Draco, placing his foot down carefully, testing to see what reaction he might get. Nothing. He took another step. Still nothing. He went to take a third step.
"I'm not going anywhere, Potter." Draco snapped. Harry back stepped at the harshness of his voice.
Harry just stood there, opening his mouth to say something but closing it when he thought better. He could feel the angry silence attacking him. They both stayed in their respective positions for several minutes, never moving. Finally, Harry couldn't take it anymore. Talking and making things worse seemed better than this angry neutral stage.
"Drake –"
"I really don't think you want to talk to me right now." Draco warned angrily, keeping his statue-like position staring at the floor.
Harry snapped his mouth shut. Anguish welled up inside him, a lump forming in his throat. Once again he had hurt one of the most important people in his life. This was never going to stop. Not unless he tried to make things right. He had no idea how to even begin to do that, though.
Harry quickly ducked out of the room, eyes hurting from trying to hold back tears. He felt helpless, unable to do anything but drive away the people he loved. It felt like he was losing control, like everyone close to him was abandoning him.
They have every right to want to leave me, he thought sullenly, I've given them enough reason to.
He walked heavily back down the stairs and joined the others at the kitchen table. He glanced around to see the group looking everywhere but at him. Percy was sitting on a stool in the corner, arms crossed and a death stare aimed right at Harry. He ignored the eyes burning into him and turned to Hermione.
"So, what are we discussing?" he asked flatly. Whatever it was, it couldn't possibly make him feel any worse.
Hermione looked at the others before answering. "Well, we think….we think Ron and Ginny might be at Hogwarts."
Harry blinked and sat back in his chair in surprise.
That's it? What's the problem then? Hogwarts is safe enough. Except…
"Wait I thought Ron said he left because he wanted to get away from people? School's in session now, there won't be a single place that isn't overrun by students."
Dean shifted in his chair. "Except the Forbidden Forest…" he mumbled.
Hermione nodded. "That's why we're worried, Harry. Ron could probably handle himself if he ever got into trouble, but if Ginny goes in looking for him…" she didn't finish her thought. She didn't have to for Harry to get it.
Would Ron really be stupid enough to go into the Forbidden Forest just to get away from me?
He closed his eyes.
Yes. Yes he would.
Susan put a tentative hand on top of his. "It's ok, Harry. Percy sent an owl out this morning to his parents. They're going to go look for him. So we can focus on helping you and Draco."
Harry just shook his head. This was too much. He needed to think. Everyone watched him get up and hike upstairs for the second time.
He shuffled down the hallway towards the bathroom. He faltered at the room Draco was in, but the door had been shut and he couldn't hear anything behind it so he moved on. When he got to the bathroom he closed the door and stripped, his thoughts elsewhere. He turned on the water for the shower then moved to the sink, leaning over it and staring at himself in the mirror. His face looked tired. The shadows under his eyes gave his expression an almost haunted look. The fact that the grimace he wore looked permanent didn't help either.
When the mirror started to fog up with steam, Harry pushed himself away from the sink and pulled back the curtain, stepping into the shower. He stood there, letting the hot streams of water beat against his bare chest and run down his body, trying to get his thoughts in order.
Ok, so the situation with Ron is going to be taken care of, right? At least, the getting him back part. That should solve everything, shouldn't it? I mean, I can focus on Draco. I can choose him. I should be relieved…so why aren't I? Why do I still have this feeling that things aren't going to be this simple? Argh, this is so frustrating!
Harry was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear the bathroom door open and click close. However, he did see the faint shape of someone through the shower curtain, but he wasn't surprised. He saw the figure sit down on the toilet across from the shower, staring at him silently. Harry turned off the water and watched the body run its fingers through his hair. He knew who it was, but he thought it best not to say anything. The silence hung in the air almost as thick as the steam.
"You don't have to choose" Draco finally said in a low voice from across the tiny bathroom.
There was no response from Harry. He just listened.
"I didn't…I just…thought…" Draco sighed in frustration. He knew he wasn't making sense but he didn't know how to put what he was trying to say.
He got up and walked over to the translucent shower curtain, his head bowed.
"I can handle the Ministry on my own. Go and find Weas –Ron. Don't worry about me. You need to focus on who matters most. Go. I want you to."
Harry's jaw dropped. There was more than one meaning behind his words. He ripped back the curtain as Draco lifted his head, clearly at war with himself.
"You want me to leave?"
Moist grey-blue eyes locked with bright green.
"You are my life, Harry. I can't even begin to imagine the pain of having to live without you if I get sent to Azkaban. But if staying with me means making you miserable, then yes, I want you to leave. For good. I won't make you get involved with this Ministry thing, nor will I have you go through the possible grief if I get taken away. It would just be easier on both of us if you left." His strong voice cracked on the last word.
"Draco…"
He tore his gaze away sharply and held up a hand. "My only request is that you leave when I'm asleep. I know you and goodbyes. I'd never be able to get through it."
Harry didn't know what to say so he just nodded slowly, heartbroken at the lengths his boyfriend had gone to make sure he was happy. It killed him to see Draco standing before him like this. He had been given the decision he was waiting for though, the decision that he could go save Ron. In his dreams and in the back of his mind, he always knew that choosing Ron was the right thing to do. Now he could finally make that choice. Of course he would miss Draco more than anything. He was the love of his life. He wasn't sure how he would get through it after things were ok with Ron, but Harry was sure that with Ron and Hermione by his side again, it would all be ok.
Draco's face fell as he understood the silence. He nodded once, turning to go. Draco was sure he should be happy that Harry did what he told him to do, but he couldn't help the feeling of an empty hole burning through his heart. Harry watched his now former lover start to walk away. Then Harry blinked as something flickered through his mind.
He grabbed Draco by the shirt and yanked him into the shower, kissing him more forcefully than ever before. Draco gasped as he was slammed up against the shower wall and Harry pressed the full weight of his naked body against his. He fisted the platinum blonde's hair as they moved their lips together with as much power as each could muster. Muffled moans from Draco were lost in Harry's mouth. Harry broke the kiss suddenly to stare intensely into his eyes, both men panting, a single tear rolling down Draco's cheek. Harry grinned.
"How the fucking hell could I ever leave you?"
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