Are you serious?
Chapter 16
Gabriel R. Lopez
The problem with being a super heroine, especially for one Usagi Serena Tsukino-moonstone, was that it was particularly boring…now when I say boring, I mean boring in the way a woodpecker keeps eating away at the stump until it bores a hole past the thick bark of the wood to reveal the gooey termite nest on the other side. Usagi was getting bored with the whole villain of the week routine. Unfortunately Luna had absolutely no idea what Usagi was thinking until recently. There was no one to blame for Usagi's apathetic state of mind except maybe Luna, with whom she was now sharing half a mind. Luna, had taken it upon herself to teach Usagi a lesson in humility, because she felt, rather she believed, Usagi needed to shed her naïve school girl mentality. Unfortunately, this lesson in humility wound up biting the black moon cat in her black fluffy tail. If only Usagi had simply gone home after the others booted her out of the group instead of sulking under a bridge like some fallen samurai warrior, she wouldn't have been kidnapped. If she hadn't been kidnapped Luna wouldn't have had to track her from the urban jungles of Japan into the untamed wilderness of China.
Of course now that both Usagi and Luna shared mind, and body, it became obvious to Usagi that Luna was holding out on her. And, it became painfully obvious to Luna that Usagi was out of her flipping mind, but then again now that they were fused Luna was sure that Usagi would realize that counting the number of times her little brother farted each day was really un ladylike…as was counting the number of dimples in a golf ball, the total number of the blades of grass on a soccer field, and the number of individual hairs on her head. Luna was shocked at how much information Usagi had gathered on magical girls from manga alone… It was no wander Usagi was failing at school. From what Luna could gather, Usagi spent most of her time in class sleeping…which was justifiable because she ether spent several evenings counting the individual hairs on her head and another week counting the number of hairs on her arm. Usagi probably started counting the individual hairs on her legs soon after…and it was probably for the best that she became a magical girl and grew tired counting the individual hairs on her body.
Currently, after being rescued from a near death experience by the waiter from the Crown Arcade and transforming from Luna into Samara Morgan (whoever that was), Luna/Usagi knew the best course of action was to transform into sailor moon and take out the daemon Kagome. Kagome appeared to be one of those low level youma whose intelligence bordered on that of any creature with a brain the size of a walnut… launching arrows (as Kagome was), she hadn't noticed the slow moving pink candy heart headed strait for her. Of course victory went to sailor moon, well sailor moon and the smurf guy that was dragging Andrew into a back alley. Of course, the victory was short lived, very short lived. Because apparently the youma had a sidekick. And said sidekick beamed Sailor moon on the head with a baseball bat. Sailor moon was distracted, as one would expect her to be, she had been making sure the youma didn't wander out of the path of the aforementioned pink candy heart , and was preparing a back up action oriented attack with her tiara. This was also the reason why the sailor moon's head was unprotected from the blow. Additionally, said youma's sidekick hit a particular sweet spot of sailor moon's skull that had been kissed by a mallet less than 78hrs earlier. The effects of which immediately knocked Sailor Moon unconscious. Lum smiled as she dragged the unconscious body of Sailor Moon off to the dark kingdom. Woo-hoo, Somebody was getting a promotion.
Elsewhere, Nabiki desperately needed to find her cell phone, it was an emergency. Akane was in the kitchen cooking up a storm, and Nabiki needed a backup before the hurricane blew in. Alas, Nabiki hadn't used her Cell phone in over a week, and since it wasn't where it should have been, it was naturally lost. At the very least, the misplaced cell phone could be anywhere… It was then Nabiki was hit with a sudden spark of inspiration. Assuming she had left the cell phone on, and the battery hadn't died. (which wasn't likely since it had three bars the last time she'd used it) Nabiki picked up the home phone and dialed up the cell phone.
At the Nekohaten Cologne picked up the cell phone she had taken or more accurately lifted from the mercenary girl , who had been using her shop to sell photographs of Akane Tendo to Tatewaki Kuno. Cologne had a particular disgust for Tatewaki, because he didn't tip well and as a form of revenge, she had made well over $300 dollars in long distance phone calls to China with his girlfriends cell phone… to make matters worse cologne had made several contacts of both terrorist and communist interest, which had piqued the interest of the JDF and CIA organizations. Needless to say whether she got her cell phone back or not Nabiki Tendo was going to be under investigation for a long while. "Hello? Nekohatten."
"Oh thank God, You found my cell phone." Nabiki cheered
"who is this?" Cologne asked.
"Nabiki Tendo, wait…Nekohatten? Is this the Chinese restaurant just up the street from the Tendo Dojo."
"could be." Cologne wasn't exactly sure, where the Dendo dojo was, however there was a Tendo dojo just up the street.
"Wonderful! Do you deliver?" Nabiki asked.
"Only on orders over sirty dollars. You have sirty dollars yes?" Cologne smirked.
"but you have my cell phone." Nabiki whined.
"Then you come pick up, no deliveries under sirty dollars. And that not include tip."
Nabki groaned "ok fine. Sixteen egg rolls, five servings of general chicken, five orders of orange chicken, a flask of egg drop soup, five orders of ramen, six bowls of rice, and a bottle of soda pop."
"That only fifteen dollars, no delivery for you." this was a lie, but Cologne had to get rid of a particularly bad batch, or rather, shipment, of ramen noodles. The ramen noodles had apparently been tainted when the Furinkan High School's home economic class visited the factory. Apparently one of the students was so eager to help the factory workers, she accidentally mixed in ten square pounds of salt into the flour mixture for each table spoon. No one knows who the particular student was, as the student also created a particularly nasty ramen youma …or was it a spaghetti monster, that had to be defeated by sailor moon and the sailor scouts. Of course the whole event was later dismissed as an attack by the dark kingdom, and the ramen was marketed as having that extra sprinkle of magic for half the price.
" Just double the order then" Nabiki said.
"no, don't have enough chicken and rice…but, I'll sell you sixteen cases of uncooked ramen to make up the difference."
"really?" Nabiki asked. "I'll take it!" It was the deal of the century, six cases of ramen noodles meant at least a week off for Kasumi, and Akane's lack of culinary skill…
"remember, no refunds." Cologne sing songed.
"okay, be sure to put my cell phone in with the order" Nabiki did not want to have to travel all the way across town to the ramen shop if she didn't have too.
"what, I didn't hear the last part. My hearing's bad"-- Cologne
"I want my Cell phone delivered with the order." -- Nabiki
"that cost extra." -- Cologne
"how much?" -- Nabiki
"sirty dollar" -- Cologne
"fine."-- Nabiki
"no worries, food be there in half an hour." -- Cologne
"great" Nabiki deadpanned, feeling as if she'd been ripped off.
At the nekohatten Ryoga was helping Shampoo gather the dishes after the Furinkan soccer team celebrated their victory against the rival Hitsugaya Team. Ryoga stole a glance toward Shampoo when Cologne started chatting on her cell phone. "why stay here?"
Shampoo looked as if she were about to cry but then wiped her eyes against the sleeve o her shirt. "it my fault…sob… stupid outsider girl get shampoo banished, shampoo grandmother help track her to Japan but…Shampoo find present for great grandmother in old trunk, make her mean, make her opposite-"
"))whack(("
"ite!" Shampoo whinced as she rubbed her head.
"Quiet girl, we have a delivery to make." Cologne then jabbed Ryoga in the ribbs with her bamboo pole. "Boy, I need you to deliver those four boxes of food to the Tendo Dojo. You you know where that is?"
"no actually." Ryoga tried to protest
"that's alright" Cologne pulled out a small memo pad and started jotting down a list of directions, which if followed properly would lead him to the local graveyard 3 miles in the opposite direction. "I wrote the directions to get there on this paper. Remember if your late I take it out of your pay."
"I don't work for you." Ryoga asserted.
"then why you stay, do you like my pretty granddaughter?"
Ryoga blushed "no…I mean, that is to say, why can't she deliver the order?" Ryoga had it planned Shampoo would leave and he would defeat the old woman in honorable combat, and then…
"))whack!(("
"it's going to rain soon, you want my granddaughter catch her death from cold?" Cologne momentarily wondered if that was such a bad idea, but then dismissed it. Where else was she going to get a slave so far from home?
Some time in the future Gen had to make a decision, "so you're saying that by joining the Green Lantern Corps. I get a magic ring that allows me to control matter, space, and time, and in exchange all I have to do is show up one weekend a month and two weeks every year for the next thirty years."
Hal Jordan smiled at the young pink haired martial artist. Granted the girl was barely 18 and wearing an outfit that was three sizes too small. But who was he to judge fashion sense. She was wearing an orange shirt, a purple jacket, and green short shorts. With the matching socks and shoes, not to mention the ridiculous hairstyle the girl had adorned her hair in, made the teenaged girl appear almost like an insane clown, but not quite. If it weren't for her curves no one would taker her seriously, which says something about what Hal was thinking at the moment….which involved a candle light dinner on the beach with aforementioned martial artist. "It's not that simple, you'd also have to thwart the Sailor Scouts and other villainous organizations throughout the galaxy young lady"
"Pfft! Piece of cake. And I ain't no lady." the currently adult formed pink haired teenage Genma Saotome was picking her nose as she looked over the contract. This thoroughly disgusted Hal long enough for him to think of her as the teenage girl that she so obviously was. After finishing her nose mining expedition the formerly male 47 year old Genma wiped the booger on her short shorts. "Now, the ring also negates the effects of magic right? I mean, assuming someone was trapped in a hideous magical leotard or something simmilar, they could remove said outfit and burn it?"
"well as a Green Lantern you would be expected to wear the spandex of justice"
"yeah…you know what, I'll think about it."
"are you sure? The Green Lanterns could really use someone with your assets."
"yeah, I'm fairly certain this isn't going to work out."
A.N.: green lantern belongs to DC comics, and will not be mentioned again.