Chapter 21

Alone Again

The air went out of my chest, I felt Auri…she was embarrassed, very embarrassed and hurt. The gate went down like an iron inside my head. I couldn't reach her, talk to her, apologize to her. I ran out of my bedroom to the landing and started sobbing. I knew she had shut me out and I was responsible for her pain. My babysitter made me go back to bed and so I laid there listening for someone to come home. But, I must have fallen asleep, because I didn't wake up until the morning. When I went downstairs, my Dad was sitting on the couch in his shorts drinking coffee. He gave me a look as if he was really disappointed in me.

I started crying, "She's gone, isn't she?"

He bit his upper lip and nodded. "I think you had something to do with that. You better sit down and tell me what you know."

I didn't have to open the gate to know that my Dad was steaming mad. I knew this because he was calm and not calling me names. I sat down on the chair, but couldn't look up at him.

"Well?" he said without any tone.

I swallowed and finally looked up at him, "When she was in a coma, I didn't want her to think about being shot so I would hold her hand and project stories, stories about us being a family. I made up an engagement, a wedding, her being around the house and acting like a Mom. I just made them up. When she woke up I think she thought my stories were real because she referred to some things that were in my stories that hadn't happened in real life."

"What about your mother's rings?"

"She woke up and freaked out, worried that she didn't have her rings, when she didn't have her wedding rings on. I remembered that Mom's rings were in your dresser so I gave them to her, but they didn't fit. So she put them back until she could get them fixed or get fatter."

Dad shook his head, he was really angry, "You didn't tell her or stop her…you let her go on thinking that we were married? Do you know what you've done?"

I shook my head. I really wasn't sure what I had done, but I knew it was bad.

"She's left without talking to me, without saying goodbye, without resolving the issues. I'm pretty sure we won't see her again. When I saw your mother's rings on her finger last night, I was pretty mean to her."

I started crying. "But, she loves me. She said she loves me. Why would she never see us again? She promised she would always love me. Dad, she promised me. She promised she would always be there."

"Furey, that was before you duped her. This was a horrible practical joke gone bad."

"But it wasn't a joke. I just liked to tell her stories. I thought I could show her what it would be like if we were a family. She said that, no matter what, she'd be there."

My Dad shook his head, "She's not your mother or your Dad. She doesn't have to give you unconditional love and after what you did to her, she has every right not to love you."

"What? What's that?"

"Give you love no matter what you do. It's when someone loves you even if you turn out to be Ted Bundy."

I was freaking out. I had made Auri stop loving me? I could hardly get it out, I was crying so hard, "But, Dad, she loves me."

"Well, son, everybody lies."

I started crying even harder.

"Hey, Auri cares about you, but she's not your mother. Parents love you even if you dismember half the planet. But, Auri may care, but that doesn't mean she wants to be around us. I really embarrassed her in front of everyone last night. She was pretty hurt. Oh, by the way, get dressed, Uncle Jimmy called from the hospital. You're going to be a pseudo-brother."

I couldn't believe that Auri would never see me again.

We went to the hospital and waited in my Dad's office while he did some work. I ran around the hospital with my Dad's pager. Aunt Jen had been in labor for seven hours, so Dad was hoping it wouldn't be long. An hour later, I got a page and went to the delivery room. We were invited in just after the delivery of Sarah Ann Wilson, 8 lbs. 1 oz and 20 ½ inches long.

My Dad nodded at the baby, "Already an overachiever, got a 10+ Apgar score. At least she doesn't look too much like a prune in a onesie."

Aunt Jen let me hold her although I could sense that she was nervous about it. I sat down and looked at Sarah. I couldn't read any thoughts, but I could feel confusion, lots of it. I looked up at Aunt Jen, "She's really confused, not sure where she is or what's going on."

Everyone laughed. Dad smirked, "That can be said for half the population."

It seemed liked everyone in the room was pleased, even my Dad was amused by everyone's reactions to the arrival of Sarah. I felt mixed. I was curious about her and happy to meet her. But I was so jealous. Sarah Ann had a mom. A mom that cared enough to worry whether a nine year old would drop her. I wanted a mom like that.

Over the next few days I went to school, but I didn't care. We had a big exam, but I didn't do too well. I buried the exam at the bottom of the backpack. The following week, I was having a hard time on an exam. I thought about listening to the thoughts of the smartest girl in the class, Wendy Dobbs, but I didn't even feel like cheating. I got an F and buried it at the bottom of my backpack. My teacher handed back my homework and asked me to stay after class.

"Greg, I know you've been through a lot this semester, but if you're feeling bad about what happened, you should see our school counselor. Your grades are suffering and I'm afraid if you don't pull out of this, we'll have to hold you back."

I was in fifth grade, having been moved up a grade a year earlier. I didn't want to re-do fifth grade, but I just didn't feel like studying. I spent most of my time at home playing computer games. I wasn't going over to Uncle Jimmy's because they had their hands full with the baby. My Dad didn't seem to notice that I wasn't doing my homework. Not like Auri. She always asked about my homework and looked at it each night. I'd never done poorly on anything, so my Dad just assumed I didn't need someone looking over my shoulder.

Two weeks later I got home and my father was angry. He yanked the backpack off my back and dumped it on the coffee table. He found the poor test scores and my half complete homework. I thought he might hit me, he was so angry. But, no matter how mad I made my Dad, the worst he did was yell and take things away.

He kept shaking his head at me, but not speaking. Finally, after me sitting on the chair for five minutes, he raised his head, "What's going on with you? Ever since we met Auri you've been an emotional basket case. You cry, you get bad grades, you mope around. What's wrong with you?"

I didn't say anything right away. I looked in his eyes and then at my feet, "Dad, did you ever want something so much that living without it seems impossible?" I looked up at him, "I want Mom."

I could feel his anger dissipate and his sadness take over. Now that the anger was gone, I could feel how worried he was about me. I could feel the deep desire for my Mom too.

"Furey, it's just you and me. I'm sorry, dude."

"But Dad, you don't understand. It's not just that I miss having a mom. I don't know what to do with my talent. It's becoming stronger and I don't know what I'm supposed to do with it."

I could feel that he was just beginning to understand why Auri was so important to me. She wasn't just a mother figure, she was my mentor. He held out an arm and I went over and sat down next to him as he hugged me.

"I wish I could help you."

The doorbell rang. I got up and answered the door. I didn't even have time to grin. Auri stormed past me towards the living room. My Dad saw her and stood up, she pushed him hard. He fell back on the sofa.

Her eyes were narrowed and her teeth were clenched, "You sorry son of a bitch! You poor excuse for a human being. How dare you! How dare you tell that boy that I was lying when I told him I loved him, that I would always be here for him. You son of a bitch!"

"Hey, who the hell do you think you are? I told my son what he needed to hear…that you had abandoned him without a word." He lowered his voice, but not much. Waving his hand at Auri and me, "I thought you two had a special connection. Why didn't you contact him when you knew how miserable he was?"

She exhaled, "I needed to shut down. I closed the gate because I was humiliated, embarrassed. I needed time to get over it."

My Dad didn't back down, "Well, I thought that you knew."

"Oh for God's sake Greg, pick up a phone! You could have called me before telling him that I didn't love him." She turned to me, "I'm so sorry Furey, I didn't think you'd miss me that much. You see sweetie, I felt stupid and embarrassed for thinking I was a part of this family."

I ran over and held her, "Auri, I'm so sorry for feeding you those stories. I know now it was wrong. I should have told you."

"Yes, you should have and I am still angry at you for doing that. But," she turned back to my Dad, "it doesn't mean I don't love you, Furey." She swallowed and then looked around, "Well, I guess I'll go now, but I wanted you to know that not everybody lies about love."

She turned to leave. I was desperate. I didn't want her to leave so I looked at my Dad. I gave him a face, begging him to stop her.

He snarled at me, but then cleared his throat, "Auri, where did you go?"

She was calmer, "I flew home to San Diego. I was there until yesterday when I opened the gate and listened into Furey's thoughts. Do you know that this boy doesn't care if he gets good grades, goes out to play or…or lives. I was worried so I caught a flight out."

My Dad was flabbergasted. He didn't really know what to say. He couldn't believe that anyone would care enough to drop everything and fly back for a kid that wasn't hers. He sensed that there must be more to it. "You flew back just to tell me off?"

Auri was as dumbfounded. "I flew back because I wanted Furey to know that I took him seriously and I take my relationship with him seriously. I wanted him to know that I was willing to take time out of my life to insure he knew I was committed to him. Does that bother you?"

My Dad shook his head, "I'm just surprised."

She wrinkled her nose in contempt, "Yeah, I suspect you'd find it hard to believe that anyone could love unconditionally."

He was going to say something and I know Auri could hear it as well as I could, but he stopped. He looked at me and I must have looked worried, because he simply said, "Where are you staying?"

"I, uh, came straight here. I'm going to stay in a hotel."

He looked at me again, "You can stay in our guest room."

I nodded vigorously, excited that we might get her back.

She looked at me, "Furey, please try to understand this, I love you very much. But, your father and I are never going to be together. Ever. I don't appreciate the way he treated me the last night I was here and I really don't appreciate him telling you that I don't love you. He had no right to say that." She looked at Dad, "I'm going to stay at a hotel, but can I take Furey with me? I'd like to have dinner with him, because I have to fly back in the morning."

My Dad was pissed. But, he appreciated the fact that Auri had flown out because she was concerned about me. He nodded.

"Do you have homework?" he asked me.

I wanted to lie, but Auri would know. "Yeah."

Auri put a hand on my shoulder, "He can bring it and we can do it together."

I was excited, nodding like a dashboard doll, "Yeah Dad, it's English and Auri's good at English."

He nodded, "Okay."

I grabbed my book and some paper. I still had my jacket on so I was ready to go.

"I'll get him home before 8:00 pm so he can take a shower and get to bed by 9:00pm."

My Dad nodded, "Fine."

We went to a hotel first and Auri got a room. She only had her big purse with clean underwear and a t-shirt in it. We sat down on the bed and she helped me do my homework. Afterwards we went over to Denny's and ate.

"Furey, I'm going to be moving back here."

I jumped up in my seat, "Really?"

"The FBI wants me to work on their serial killer cases back here so that I can be near you. When I'm not doing that, I'll be guarding and helping you."

"Helping?"

"We have to clear it with your Dad, but I'll be helping you develop your gifts. They're going to get stronger and as you get older you're going to have to learn how to use them and what you can do with them. And what you can't."

"Yes, yes, yes! That's great Auri."

"Well, your Dad has to agree to it."

I nodded, "He will!"

"Don't be so sure."

"He likes you Auri, even you could feel that tonight."

"I shut the gate to your father Furey. I don't want to be connected to him that way ever again. He really hurt my feelings."

"But, he liked that you were angry and that you stuck up for me."

"Your Dad is happy when anyone shows affection for you, that's understandable."

"But it was more than that. He thought you were kind of sexy…angry."

She laughed, throwing her head back. "Your Dad is a piece of work."

"Auri, don't give up on him. Please?"

She grimaced and paused, "Honey, your Dad and I aren't going to happen. He doesn't want to be married and I don't want to marry him."

"Did you hear that Aunt Jen had the baby? Sarah Ann."

She smiled broadly, "Ohhhh! That's great. How are they?"

"Fine. Auri, you'll make a great Mom."

She sputtered, "Thanks Furey, but I'm a little old to be a mother."

The tilted his head quizzically, "But you're already pregnant, aren't you?"