Chapter 23

The Grilling

It started in the car, "What's this about a baby?"

I shrugged. "Auri told you."

"I don't buy it. What aren't you telling me?"

"Nothing."

"Gregory Scott, you're lying to me."

I hated when he called me by my given name; it meant I was in for a long night. "Dad, you should talk to Auri."

He turned and burned a hole in me with his eyes, "I'm asking you!"

I stayed quiet. But I could feel his curiosity. He was anxious, afraid that Auri was pregnant with his baby. I figured if that was all that was bothering him, I could put him out of his misery. I turned and looked straight at him when we pulled over in front of the house.

"Dad, you can stop worrying, you're not the father."

I thought he'd be happy, but he wasn't. He was even more upset that he wasn't the father. He didn't want a baby, but he didn't want Auri having someone else's baby. I didn't understand him. He just loved being miserable.

He asked rather sadly, "Is she seeing someone?"

"Some agent named Thad-something."

We went into the house and I went to bed, but I could hear my Dad doing his analytical thing in his head.

This is better. I sure dodged a bullet. It would never have worked out. No privacy. She takes over, bulldozes her way through your life. This way we can all just be friends. She can see Furey, even babysit while I go out and get some tail. Great, this takes care of a lot. I get my life back. She has a baby. Furey gets her attention and I get to bring new women home. It's a win-win situation. I didn't need a baby anyway. Furey's enough to deal with. His talents require more attention than the average kid. I wonder what it would have been like to have another kid around. Furey will be grown in a few years. He'll be gone and it will be just me and Jack Daniel again. Maybe not, maybe Furey will stay here in Princeton to go to school. Still, another kid running around, making my life more complicated might have been interesting. It probably wouldn't be that bad with Auri here to help. Nah, it's better this way.

I was having trouble following my Dad. He couldn't decide if he was happy or sad that he wasn't going to be a Dad. I do know he felt like Auri had cheated on him, although I don't know why. He was the one who made her feel bad and sent her packing. Auri didn't feel like she had cheated on anyone. She just seemed embarrassed that the baby's father was 'standing one night'. Didn't make sense, but when did people ever make sense? I went to sleep.

The next week went fast and on the weekend I went to stay with Auri. We stayed up in our pajamas Friday night having popcorn and watching sci fi. We were off to the Franklin Institute the next day. I called my Dad on the cell phone he gave me. He sounded bored.

"What are you doing?"

"We're in Philadelphia at the Franklin Institute. It's so cool Dad, you'd love it. We got to walk through the chambers of the heart and play virtual basketball with some NBA players."

"Great. How's the pregnant flatfoot?"

"Fine." I listened and could tell that he wished he could be with us although he'd never admit it. He was lonely without me. I thought back to the other night and about me going away for school. How lonely would he be then? This was only for a few days and already he was bored and cranky.

"Call me when you want to be picked up tomorrow."

"Okay Dad."

There was a long pause.

He finally spoke up, "You usually say something pathetic like, I love you Dad or I miss you."

"Oh! I love you Dad, bye!"

"Love you too." The phone went dead. Once again he left me confused. He always moaned when I showed him affection, but now he was irked because I hadn't told him I loved him. I wanted to scream, he was impossible to understand.

We had the best day together. Auri suggested that the next time I came over, I bring a friend and we could go to a movie and laser tag. After we ate dinner, Auri seemed a little tired.

"Honey, you can stay up until ten, but I'm going to go to bed. I'm not feeling well."

"Okay Auri, good night." I was excited about getting to watch whatever I wanted. I turned on an old episode of 24 and was engrossed in it when I felt a wave of pain from Auri. Something was wrong.

I didn't do anything at first. A few minutes later she came half way down the stairs. "Furey, can you call your Dad to come over and pick you up. I'm not feeling well and I think it would be better if you went home."

"Auri, are you okay?"

"I'm in a little pain, but I'll be okay. Just call your Dad."

I called my Dad and luckily, he was only on his second drink. He drove over and came inside. Auri came down the stairs, standing on the bottom step.

"I'm so sorry. I just feel crappy. You take care Furey, I'll see you sometime this …" She squatted down in pain, holding her abdomen.

My Dad, who was standing next to the front door, was ready to leave, a little upset that he wasn't going to get a visit tonight from one of his friends. He rolled his eyes and walked over to her, sitting down on the step above her. Holding her shoulders, he pulled her up and they stood up together. He walked her upstairs.

"Furey, we'll be here a few more minutes so you can watch some tv."

"Okay, Dad."

I watched the rest of the 24 and then went upstairs. I saw my Dad sitting on top of Auri's bed, his jacket was on the chair. His back was against the headboard and he was holding Auri's head and shoulders in his lap. Auri was under the covers, rolled up like a fetus, crying.

"What's wrong Dad?"

"She's cramping. It means she might lose the baby."

I was so sad. I knew that Auri loved the baby already and had made all these plans in her head, including buying a bigger house for the three of us. I walked over and put my hand on Auri's side. Auri was watching me closely, hoping I could give her good news. I couldn't feel anything, not anymore. Whatever little spark of life had been inside of her was no more.

"I'm sorry Auri. I don't feel anything. I don't feel a baby."

She sobbed and nodded, "I know, honey. I know."

We stayed the night, my Dad sleeping in his clothes on top of the bed, but with his head on the pillow, still holding Auri. When they woke, everyone seemed really sad, although my Dad felt sorrier for Auri than for the baby who had died. I was sorry for all of us, except Dad.

Auri got up and went into the bathroom to take a shower. When she came out she tried to give me a smile, but it was pretty weak. "Sorry Furey, I wasn't a very good hostess. I promise to make it up to you, honey."

"It's okay Auri. I'm sorry about the baby."

She looked liked she might cry. She nodded and whispered, "Me too."

On the way home my Dad was really quiet. Instead of reading his thoughts I decided to just ask, "Dad, were you sorry that Auri lost the baby?"

He winced, "Yes and no. The baby obviously meant a lot to her or she wouldn't have been so upset. But, Auri's single and doesn't have anyone to help her with a baby—"

"She has us!"

He turned sharply and looked at me, trying to figure out what to say, "Furey, babies are 24/7. They take a lot of time and effort."

"But Mom had me and she was single."

"I know, but…"

I couldn't help it, I read his thoughts.

How do I say it? I don't want Auri having someone else's kid. I want her to stay available, just in case. I don't want her burdened with some other guy's kid.

I blurted out, "You just want Auri to yourself. You're a very selfish person. If you don't want her to have someone else's kid, why not give her a baby? Then she'd be happy and you'd be happy."

"Furey, stay out of my head! I'm not going to bring babies into this world just to make Auri happy."

"Why not, you do whatever it takes to make yourself happy. Can't you ever do what makes other people happy? Just give her a baby and I'll help her take care of it." I was screaming.

I could tell he was angry, his teeth were shut tight together and his eyes were still and cold, "Damn it! I wish that woman had never come into our lives."

"Yeah, well I wish you'd go away and crawl in a hole, you don't care about anybody but yourself."

The minute I said it I knew I was in trouble. He stomped into the house and up to my bedroom. I followed, my heart beating hard, wondering what he was going to do. He grabbed my computer, unplugged it and threw it out the window while I watched. Dad was pretty dramatic sometimes and didn't stop to think what he was doing or how much it was going to cost.

He turned to me, "Great, you can go be with your girlfriend. I need room if I'm going to crawl in my hole."

I grabbed my little suitcase out of the closet and started throwing stuff in it. He grabbed it out of my hands and threw it across the room, "You leave how you came into this house…with nothing!"

"That's not true! My mom brought clothes with her when I came to Princeton."

Dad walked out and came back with a little box. Reaching inside he started grabbing baby clothes, "Yeah, well here. I think you were wearing this when you came to Princeton and I'm pretty sure you had this too. We gave your bottles away or you could take them too."

"Can I take what I have on?"

I could see he was losing steam. He stomped out without saying anything. I heard him go downstairs and get something from the refrigerator. I looked out the window and my computer was busted. I was hoping that maybe I could save the hard drive. I ran down the stairs and outside. The hard drive appeared to be okay, so I put it to the side. I found a few more parts that were okay and put them aside. I threw the rest away in the bin. I grabbed what was left and went inside.

"Want something to eat?"

My Dad usually signals that his tantrum is over by offering food or some activity like watching a dvd. We don't talk about it. We just go on as if nothing happened.

"I still want you to give Auri a baby. If I was old enough I would."

He sighed, "Furey, it doesn't work that way."

"Why? Are all your sperm old and shriveled?"

He chuckled, "Maybe, I don't know. It's just that you don't go getting women pregnant on purpose unless you're married or living together and you both agree on it."

"Well, Thad got Auri pregnant and he was just standing one night."

My Dad started howling, laughing really hard. "You moron, he was a one night stand. It means she only had sex with him once."

"Well, see, it only took him once. How many times did you sleep with Auri? Maybe your sperm are dried up."

He was still laughing, "Did Auri tell you he was a one night stand?"

"No. But, she was thinking it."

"You have to stop reading everyone's thoughts Furey. It's an invasion of privacy."

"But Dad, you could make her so happy and I'd have a brother or sister."

"Yeah, and I'd have a kid to raise for another 18 years, send through college, pay for braces. I'm done with this conversation. I'm not going to impregnate Auri so that you can play being a big brother. She'll have to go out and have another standing one night." He laughed again and gave me a bowl of cereal.