Chapter 25

My Mom

I felt like crying. So many imprints of my mother were attached to the cabin. Even walking up the steps to the porch I could see her looking out, waiting for my Dad's car to pull up. She was so happy here. I could feel her love pouring out of every splinter of wood. I was disoriented; so many visions were hitting me at once that I fell down. Auri ran over to check on me.

"Honey?" She touched me and immediately felt what I was feeling. But instead of being overwhelmed, she smiled, "See, now you know how much love there was inside of your Mom. You need to feel her, know that she loved you more than anything in this world. Your mother has never left you, she's always there." She sat down and started holding me, rocking back and forth, "I'm trying to tell you, that you don't need a substitute mother, she's still with you. Besides, you have many people who love you and care about you and care for you. You don't need to match your Dad up with anyone, including me."

I didn't quite understand what she meant, but we went inside. I was looking around when Auri went out to get wood for the stove. She told me to put my bags in this tiny bedroom. I immediately flashed on my mother. She was lying on the bed in so much pain. I couldn't diffuse the pain; it was so intense that I screamed. I fell on the bed and the pain started to go away. I saw my Mom holding me and crying, laughing and crying. Her love was like a tidal wave crashing down on me, almost drowning me. I couldn't breathe. Auri must have heard me choking because she ran inside. She threw me over her shoulder and got me out of the room.

"Oh Furey, I didn't realize you'd absorb it so deeply. You're like a sponge and you just got oversaturated. I tell you what; let's go for a walk and then you and I will try to tackle that room later."

"Auri? I was born in that room, wasn't I?"

"Yes, honey, I think you were. At least your Dad once told me you were born here at the cabin and it would make sense you 'd be born in that bed."

"Why didn't she go to a hospital to have me, like normal people?"

I think I sounded mad, which isn't what I wanted. Auri gave me a scowl. "Your mother had you here because…because it seemed natural to have you somewhere that she loved."

Auri handed me a bottle of water and we began to walk through forests and meadows. I kept seeing my mother laughing, running with a dog, carrying baskets, picking berries.

"Did my Mom have a dog?"

Auri shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know honey."

"Did she pick berries?"

Auri gave me sad smile, "Sorry honey, I only know she loved it here more than anywhere in the world. When I came here with her, we hiked all over Yosemite."

On the way back from our walk, we went to the lodge to eat dinner. A dozen people came out of the woodwork to stare at me. They created quite a fuss, touching me, hugging me, tossing my hair, oohing and ahhing. I was embarrassed.

A rather stocky woman with wavy brown hair waved over a man, "Oh my God, Luke, come see Gumby, he's so big!" She looked down at me, "Stand up and give me a hug!"

Auri and I looked at each other at the mention of Gumby. Auri motioned for me to stand up, "Furey, this is Yolanda, she knew your Mom really well."

As she hugged me, I saw images of her and my mother staring at the man, Luke, who was setting up a crib. Then I saw my Mom bringing in boxes of pies and everyone sitting around laughing. I even picked up images of them rushing my mother to the hospital and me staying with them for a few nights. It was weird, but these strangers had a lot of affection for me and I didn't even remember them.

"Auri, when you get into the park, you've got to stop at the clinic and let Dr. Medina see Gumby. Sylvia too. She's working at the Ahwanee." The lady looked at me, "She was one of your Mom's friends."

The man, Luke, with big hands, came over and shook my hand, I could feel his affection for me and for my Mom, "Wow, you've sure grown. Sad to say, you don't look a thing like your Mom. You're all Greg House, aren't ya?"

Auri nodded, "I'm afraid he is."

"Well, do you have your Mom's talents?"

I nodded, "Yes, sir. I'm intuitive."

He laughed, "Intuitive, hell! Your mom was psychic…scary sometimes."

Another wiry man came through the door that I immediately felt was someone who knew my Mom. I flashed on him and my Mom, with a dog between them."

"Fred! Come here and say hi to Teag's son, Gumby."

Fred perked up and walked over, "Howdy. Boy last time I saw you was at your Mom's funeral. You were just a little baby!" He turned to Auri, "Hey, ain't you that friend who fell into the cascades?"

Auri nodded and smiled.

"Why do you guys call me Gumby?"

Yolanda looked at her husband and shrugged her shoulders, "It's what your Dad always called you. It kinda stuck."

I thought about it and realized they were right. I saw images of my Dad at the funeral, sad and somber as they buried my mother in a …blackberry patch? Dad had stopped calling me Gumby and started calling me by my last name after Mom died. I wondered why.

We stayed and ate, everyone sitting at our table was telling me story after story about my Mom. I had a great time listening. We were laughing, crying and enjoying everyone's memories. Fred promised to take me to my Mom's grave in the morning. By the time we left, I had been fed a ton of food as well as petted and hugged more than I had been in my whole life. It was nice to know that everyone loved my Mom. Even better was that fact that I actually got to talk about her, ask questions, get answers. She seemed so alive listening to them describe her. She wasn't just a figment of my imagination, someone I had to make up stories about in my head. I wondered why Dad never talked about her to me?

We walked home despite warnings of bears in the areas. Auri wasn't afraid of anything, which was something I loved about her. We got inside the cabin and she made up the sofa bed for me. I couldn't believe that my Mom lived in the cabin for so long. There was electricity, but it was run off of solar panels and sometimes it ran out when there was no sun. The stove and oven was a big black wood-stove contraption. The cabin was heated by the fireplace in the living room. It was really primitive, so different from all the gadgets and comforts in our house in New Jersey.

Apparently, people paid good money to stay and rent the cabin, although Yolanda said that few of them actually cooked on the stove. Most of them went up to the lodge for their meals. Yolanda said that I owned the cabin in a trust and Dad was the trustee. She and Luke took care of the renting, cleaning and maintaining of the cabin. My Dad let them keep half the rental fees for their services.

My Mom wasn't buried on the property though. She was buried on National Park (Yosemite) property with special permission from the government. They buried her in a field near the blackberry patch where she picked blackberries to make pies that she sold in the lodge. Everyone said that they missed her pies.

When we woke up in the morning, I was so excited about going and seeing my Mom that I didn't want to take the time to get the stove going and cook. But Auri insisted I learn how to get it started, so we did and we managed to make oatmeal. It was freezing in the cabin so Auri sent me out to get some logs. We started a fire in the fireplace and the cabin started to warm up.

Auri and I sat in the living room next to the fire eating our oatmeal. "It's a lot warmer in the summer." She assured me.

"I don't mind. I like it here."

There was a knock on the door and I opened it. Fred was standing on the porch.

"You guys ready to go see Teags?"

Auri smiled, "Come on in Fred, we just have to brush our teeth and grab our jackets."

Fred was a gray haired man with a friendly smile, but a quiet kind of guy. He had been pretty lively last night talking about my Mom and his dog. He told me that his dog liked my Mom's cabin better and so the dog spent most of her time with her. Everyone, but the locals, thought Mom owned the dog because it was always with her. But when Mom would go somewhere like New Jersey, the dog would simply go home to Fred's. I could tell that my Mom must have loved the dog a lot, because a lot of the imprints included her.

Auri and I got ready and started walking down the road with Fred who talked about the day I was born. He said Mom spent the day on Fred's porch, waiting for me to be born. He worked while she rocked and had contractions. We had to hike a few miles through woods until we came to a field. I immediately knew we were close, not because I could feel Mom, but because I could feel the imprint of my Dad.

"Auri are you feeling it?"

She nodded, "Your Dad, huh?"

I nodded, "There's a lot of memories for him here."

We walked a hundred yards and there were the blackberry brambles with their white blossoms. Under the tree was a large rock which looked out of place. I looked up at Fred and saw that he was crying.

He tried to wipe his tears without us seeing. Pointing under the tree he said, "She's buried under the rock. Molly's buried next to her."

I went over and sat down under the tree next to the rock and I could feel her around me. I started to cry and so Auri sat down and put her arm around me, letting me cry into her shoulder. After everything I heard about her, I wish I could have known my Mom. She sounded cool, a real woodsman.

"You guys know how to get back?" Fred asked.

Auri and I both nodded. We could follow the imprints even if we got lost.

Fred excused himself and instead on going back towards the cabin he went a different way, into the woods.

I looked at Auri, "You know he grows marijuana back there."

Auri laughed, "Shhhh, I'm a cop, I'm not supposed to know that, especially since it's being raised on federal land!"

We both laughed. There were no blackberries yet, just blossoms, but I could see my mom picking them in the heat with me lying on a blanket in the field. The dog was lying next to me keeping watch for bears and coyotes. I was beginning to understand why my Mom loved it so much here. I did too.

We spent the rest of the day close to the cabin. The next day we hiked around Hetch Hetchy and Carrion Falls. All day long Auri kept reading my thoughts and saying something about them, making comments, sometimes making fun of them. It seemed she did a running commentary of what I was thinking, including when I was thinking about farting and taking a pee and other things that embarrassed me.

"Auri, you always tell me not to read people. You're embarrassing me!"

"I am?"

"Yeah, if I wanted you to know I cut a fart, I would tell you."

"Hmmm…have I invaded your privacy?" She asked with her eyes narrowed.

It finally hit me what she was doing. She was making a point about how it felt to have someone listening when you didn't want them to listen.

I gave her a dirty look, "I get it. I need to understand boundaries."

We were sitting on a log by the cascades. She nodded, "When I was your age, I used to read everyone around me, afraid that if I didn't, then I wouldn't know what they wanted from me. What happened was that I was what everyone else wanted me to be and not who I should be. You're going to be tempted more and more to read people. But until you're an adult, it's only going to make things worse for you. You won't understand the full import of this conversation we're having for a few years, but at some point, when reading someone you care about backfires again, you'll think back to today and it will make sense."

"I think I understand. I kind of messed up when I fed you all those images about being married to my Dad."

"That's right." She handed me a juice box, "Furey, some people aren't going to like you and that's okay. It doesn't feel good, but you have to learn that we live in a world with billions of people and out of those billions there are going to be people who dislike you. The odds are just there."

It made sense. I understood things like that. Mathematically, not everyone I meet is going to like who I am. Of course, when it came to my Dad, the odds were more in favor of people not liking him.

I really loved Auri, she had a neat way of talking to me like I was a kid, but an adult too. And she wasn't afraid to talk about my Mom or bring me here, where I could get to know her. I grabbed her and hugged her, almost knocking both of us over into the cascades.

"Whoa!" She laughed loudly, "This is where I fell into the cascades before. I was pretty beat up by the time I climbed out. I was lucky I didn't die or break some bones."

We hiked back and had dinner again at the lodge. Yolanda and Luke wouldn't let us pay for the food. More people came in who knew my Mom and I heard more about her. It was cool. We got back to the cabin, stoked the fire and went to bed. I was dead tired from all the hiking. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was out.

When I woke up, Auri already had the stove going. We had hot chocolate, oatmeal and raisins.

"Auri, can we go back out to my Mom's grave?"

"Sure, but is there a reason?"

"I'd like to take her some flowers and I saw some up the road in the field."

She softened immediately. "Sounds like a good plan, and then we go into the park and do some hiking."

"Cool."

We went to the area where some wildflowers were blooming and picked them. As a result of Auri's lesson the previous day, I had turned off all my wiley senses…

We were joking and laughing as we climbed over the fallen logs and through the soggy leaves. I recognized the last part of the trail leading to the field where my Mom was buried. We grew quieter. As soon as we crossed the field to the tree, I smiled. I was pretty sure that my Mom would have loved the flowers I had picked for her.

I put them down and said a little prayer, turned and saw Auri's face. Her eyes were wide and her mouth had dropped open. I looked in the direction of her gaze. Standing at the edge of the field, crossing towards us was my Dad, cane in hand, backpack on, he shook his head and started towards us.

I started running towards him, "Dad! Dad!"

He smiled as I grabbed him and hugged him. "Hey Furey, how's it hangin, Dude?"

Auri stayed by my Mom's grave as we walked towards her. I tried not to read him, after everything Auri had said the day before, but he was broadcasting…not thoughts, but feelings. Being in that field was hurting him. He had a smile on his face, but he was miserable.

Auri came forward, "Greg, we can feel how hard this is for you. Let's get you back to the cabin."

He shook his head, "You and I have to have a discussion on why my son is here, but while we're here, I'd like to see my wife's grave."

He walked over and looked down, the large rock placed just to the side of the tree roots which stuck out of the ground. Dad looked up as if he was noticing the tree for the first time. "If you didn't know Teag was under the rock, you'd never know she was buried here. It's a pine isn't it?"

Auri nodded, "Joshua pine. She would have liked it this way. She wouldn't want her grave to disturb the look of her favorite meadow."

My Dad nodded, "Yeah, that's true." He turned and looked over the green field covered with waves of purple flowers. I could feel his heartache.

"Dad why does this place mean so much to you?"

He looked down at me and shook his head, sighing as if he was about to cry. His heart was so heavy; I was starting to understand why he didn't want to talk about Mom. If it felt like this, I wouldn't want to talk about her either.

"It's just that this meadow meant a lot to your mother and I, in a lot of different ways."

I could start seeing visions of them picking berries and sitting down, eating. Then it hit me, a vision so clear I felt as if I was there. My mother was beautiful, her blonde hair blowing in the breeze, her skirt wrapping around her legs. She was looking over the field, waiting for something. Then she saw the dog come through the forest into the clearing, my Dad following just behind. My Mom was both excited to see Dad, but nervous. She looked down at me, I was tiny, just an infant.

"Dad? I see Mom here and you walking through the field. I'm on a blanket…I was maybe a couple months old."

My Dad collapsed to the ground, sitting with one knee on the ground, the other bent up. His shoulders were hunched over, heaving up and down. He was crying. I looked at Auri, her eyes wide and full of caring. She rushed over and sat down, holding my Dad in her arms. I felt strange just standing there while Auri let my Dad cry into her shoulder. It was weird; I wasn't used to my Dad crying. I felt like I had done a bad thing.

I was panicking, "Dad, I'm sorry. We can leave. I was just curious. Sorry, Dad."

Dad pulled his head up and looked at me, shaking it, "You shouldn't be sorry. I know I don't say much about your Mom and it makes you feel like you didn't have one. But, I still feel as if I should have saved her for you, for me. I think of her and all I can feel is loss." He took a deep breath and looked around the meadow and brambles, "Being here reminds me that there was more to your mother than the fact that she died of a tumor. It's painful, but Furey, it's alright. This is good pain. I'm feeling your mother too. Maybe not like you and Auri, but in a good way. Maybe now, I can think of her life rather than her death." He looked into Auri's eyes.

Auri smiled at him, "Then tell him about the meadow. Tell him about when you came through the woods."

I wasn't surprised that Auri had seen the vision too. Dad didn't start right away. The wind was cool, but we were all now sitting in the sun and it felt good. I looked at the meadow and could tell why my Mom loved it. You couldn't help but love this Meadow. It was green with purple flower swaying in the wind. The blackberry blossoms were white against the spring green of the bushes. The forest at the edge of the meadow looked peaceful and inviting with the tall pines. On the other side of the brambles was a stream, so clear you could see every rock on the bottom.

Dad took a deep breath and patted the ground next to him for me to sit by him. I got up and went over. He put an arm around me and sat hugging me, kissing the side of my head. Then he pointed at the brambles, "Your Mom could have been rich. With her talents she could have worked for the FBI permanently like Auri, or she could have used her talents to make money off of people who were missing loved ones or wanted to contact someone who was dead. But she found it hard to deal with everyone's pain and so she retreated here. This was her sanctuary. She picked blackberries in this meadow and made blackberry pies that she sold at the lodge for money. She worked in Yosemite as a maid and waitress as well as doing other odd jobs to make a living. She was fearless. I remember her going out one night and confronting a bear with pots and pans. The bear backed down, not your Mom."

I grinned; I could just see her trying to scare off the bear with pots and pans. "Cool."

"She and I broke up for awhile. Mostly because your Dad is pretty stupid when it comes to women." He shot a glance at Auri, who was subconsciously nodding her head. "I was in Yosemite for a conference and decided to visit. It was an unexpected visit, but your Mom could sense that I was coming. I found her out here picking berries. You were just a tiny thing lying on a blanket. I didn't even know you existed and there you were, on the blanket. So, you see, the first time I lay eyes on my baby son was right over there. It changed my life, our lives, forever. Your Mom didn't know what to do and I wasn't exactly on my best behavior, but we worked it out. Your Mom was amazing. She managed to live up in the mountains on very little money. But she didn't mind. Material things were unimportant to her. Being safely away from the pain of others meant more to her than having things."

"Did she really cook on that stove?"

My dad chuckled, "Yeah, I don't know how she did it every day…and she was good at it. Her pies were the best."

"Dad, why did you come?"

He looked over at Auri. "Auri wanted to take you camping. It finally dawned on me that she'd probably bring you up here. I called the lodge and found out that she had booked the cabin…so she's paying you $500 to stay in your own cabin."

I looked at Auri who shrugged away my Dad's words. "Why Auri? You didn't have to rent it…we could have just stayed here."

"I wanted it to be a secret."

Dad looked at her, "The lodge is returning the money, so don't worry. " He continued to look at Auri, "I was angry at first, when I realized what you were doing. I felt you were intruding, making Furey face something I didn't think he was old enough to face. But, as I got closer and remembered everything I shared with Teags here, I realized that I had made a huge mistake staying away. Furey has a right to be around the things that made him Mom who she was."

Auri pulled some blades of grass out of the ground and then looked up to meet my Dad's stare, "I'm glad you see it that way. I was worried what you would do when you found out."

"Dad, Auri and I are going to go hike to Vernal Falls today."

He grimaced but then nodded, "I'll come with you."

Auri was worried and it showed on her face. I was trying not to read thoughts after Auri's lecture. My Dad tended to broadcast his emotions to me, so I figured they were fair game. She turned to my Dad, "Greg, it's a 1,000 foot ascent in about one and a half miles. We go over some pretty rough areas in the rock fall."

His nostrils flared in frustration, "I've been to Vernal Falls. I know what I'm getting into." He calmed down, "It just means we take our time. Okay?"

I nodded happily. I was excited about going on a hike with my Dad.

Auri smiled too, "Okay!"

We loaded up in Dad's rental, which was a SUV and drove through the forests to the gates of Yosemite. I was really excited, I couldn't remember being in Yosemite, even though everyone told me I had been. It was beautiful and there weren't many people in the park. Dad was driving and Auri was looking out the side of the window when we came to a meadow. She pointed out to the field and I followed her finger.

I blurted out, "Oh wow! Wolves!" The two foot high dog-like animals had beautiful gray, brown and white fur covering their bodies, and a big bushy tail.

Dad shook his head, "Nope, those are Yosemite coyotes. They're frequently mistaken for wolves, but they're coyotes. Your Mom told me that there are no wolves in California, not anymore. But the coyotes are cool, aren't they?"

"Yeah…man they sure look like wolves." I sat back in my seat, "Dad, when Mom fought off the bear, did you see it?"

He looked in the rear view mirror, "We saw them almost every night crossing the road or in your Mom's yard. They liked the garbage people leave out. Your Mom didn't leave out garbage, but the people who camped by the lodge did."

We drove along the Merced River which winds through the Yosemite Valley. It was full and fast from the spring rains. I thought it was beautiful. "Dad, is this the river that runs off of Vernal Falls?"

He nodded, "Yeah, Vernal Falls empties into this river. Your Mom's favorite river was the Tuolumne which runs up in the high Sierra parts of the park."

I leaned forward and touched Auri's shoulder, "Auri? Can we go up to the Tuolumne while we're here?"

My Dad turned and looked at me, "Sorry Dude, but that area is still under too much snow. They don't open the Tioga pass until mid to late June."

I must have looked disappointed because my Dad chirped, "Hey, I promise to bring you back and we'll hike it together."

"Can Auri come?"

My Dad glanced over at her as she turned to look at him with anticipation, "Yeah, sure."

"You guys might want some boy time, without me hanging around."

I leaned forward, "No Auri, you're the only one with a gun around here. In case of bears…you can come."

"I don't think I'll be shooting any bears, Furey."

"Maybe not, but I'd still like you to come."

She was about to say something when my Dad shocked us both, "Me too. I'd like you to come with us."

It shut her up.

We were able to park close to the trailhead because Dad had brought his handicap placard. Auri and I were going to take the backpacks and not make Dad carry anything. But to the surprise of both of us, he grabbed one of them and strapped it on. It ended up that Auri didn't carry anything but the camera and a waterpak on her back.

You have to first go through Happy Isles to get to the trailhead. Auri put her arm around me as we walked next to the river, "The trail to Vernal Falls is known as "The Mist Trail" for obvious reasons. The mist from the cascading Merced River frequently covers the trail, making it slippery, especially in the spring. So both of you be careful."

"I'm not a child, I've been here before." If my Dad had been a teenager, I'm sure he would have been accused of 'talking back.' But, Auri took his snide remarks in stride.

We were crossing a large footbridge when Auri stopped, turned and pointed up to a granite face on the rocks, "That's Glacier Point. We were here a week after the huge rockslide in 1996. One hiker near the trailhead of the John Muir Trail was killed and about 11 other people were injured. The falling rock pushed air so hard, the wind toppled hundreds, perhaps thousands, of 250-year-old trees. The trees looked like matchsticks lying on top of each other on the ground. The entire place was covered with about an inch of gray dust from the disintegration of the rock when it landed. It looked like a moonscape. Your Mom and I spent quite awhile just walking around, surveying the damage." She paused and then ruffled my hair, "Shall we go?"

We continued up the trailhead as it snaked along the side of the mountain. Looking down, you could see the rushing Merced River billowing its way down the canyon towards the Valley floor. It sounded like someone pour water out of a huge faucet. My Dad was slower and less balanced than Auri and me. I could feel Auri tense up with worry when we went over various areas, worried that Dad might fall. Despite a small slip, Auri and I took more "trips" than Dad. Although I admit, we were traveling pretty slow, allowing families to pass us on the trail.

We reached this rockslide area that had apparently been there forever because trees now grew between some of the rocks. It was hard to navigate, but I was proud of my Dad. He did it faster than either Auri or myself.

He barked back at us, "Hurry up you two, the falls will be turned off if we don't get there soon."

I looked at Auri, "They turn the falls off?"

She and Dad started howling. She shook her head, "Your Dad was just joking."

We sat down to catch our breath and have a drink of water. Looking around I felt so happy. I realized this must be what my Mom felt here in Yosemite. Of course, part of what was making me happy was that Dad and Auri were friendly to each other and seemed to be really enjoying the hike. I jumped up, eager to get to the Falls.

"Hey! Wait up Dude. I'm 56, not 26."

"Ah, come on Dad, I want to see the falls before they turn them off!" I smiled.

They got up and about ten minutes later we traveled around a bend on the mountainside and I could hear the waterfalls rushing. It sounded like a freightrain and we were still a good quarter mile away.

"Can I go ahead?" I begged.

Auri shook her head no and Dad nodded, yes. I was puzzled, who do I listen to?

"Come on Auri, Dad said yes. He trusts me."

She sighed and admonished me, "Be careful! And wait for us at the footbridge, don't go any further."

I ran ahead as the trail started down slightly. I started to see glimpses of white water and as I finally came to a flattened area on the trail I could see it. It was magnificent…that's the only way to describe it. The force of the water barreling over and crashing down on the rocks was amazing! I ran up to the footbridge at the bottom of the falls and looked up. I was so excited; I couldn't wait for Auri and Dad to get there. I waited and waited. I finally decided to go back up the trail a little to see if I could find them. I went up and turned the corner. Under a tree they were standing, holding each other and kissing. My work here was done.

Dear Readers:

Are you happy? Auri and House are back together, but for how long? What do you guys think should happen? Gorby