Steph-Schell, I know what you mean. I really want him to kiss her. But... he's too much of a gentleman +grins+ (don't worry, he'll kiss her sooner or later ;))

Aly, I haven't even seen the episode yet! Let me watch the episode and then think about it, okay? :)

By the way, I wanted them to keep the jewelry, too... both Lisbon and Van Pelt were so beautiful with it... when they first opened the boxes, I was like, oh my God, how awful, but when they were wearing it, it looked really good.

Love you all for your reviews; they're my Patrick Jane (they make me smile ;))!

SEVEN - Silent gratitude

Set shortly after "Seeing Red"; you could call it an Episode Tag, but I wouldn't say it's one.
Lyrics from the song "This House" by Alison Moyet. Somehow they fit properly to Jane and his life - at least to my mind.

Five years ago, his heart had been torn apart because of his own stupidity and arrogance. When he had lost his wife and daughter, the two persons he had loved more than anything, his own life, too, had slipped from his hands. He lived to find the man who had done this, and who had murdered so many other women before. He lived for vengeance, and for justice. He wanted this man to suffer, and he wanted him to face his own death, to become aware that he was going to die just before he did.

But whatever was going to happen - Patrick Jane knew that nothing of all this would bring him his family back.

He didn't know if he could trust the psychic's words. He didn't know if he should or wanted to. Her words had broken his heart and yet somehow calmed his inner storm, the storm of guilt and pain. Knowing that his daughter probably had never come to realize what happened to her, that she had never seen the horror before experiencing it, didn't make it easier; but then, on the other hand, it did in some way.

For years, his heart had been numb with grief and pain; for years, he hadn't been able to cry, not even at their funeral. For years, he had just looked at the annoying face of blood on the wall of their former bedroom, the sneering grimace that seemed to laugh at him, and spent the nights on a lonely mattress on the floor; either with his mind working rapidly, playing it all over in his head again and again, or with his mind completely blank. But always insomnious. And never being able to cry, to give in to the fury and grief he felt, to slam a fist into the wall, to scream out his pain. Like most people would do.

He still didn't feel like clamoring, but at least he was feeling tears in his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. And in a strange way, he felt alive. For the first time in five years, he felt alive again. His heart was breaking for the second time in his life, but in some macabre way it made him also feel something; made him feel himself. Finally he wasn't feeling completely hollow anymore. Crying was like freeing his heart and soul from the chain that had been crushing them for so long.

And so he cried. Let his emotions flow. Cried for his wife and his daughter for the first time since their death. And felt his heart heal just the tiniest bit.

((Here stands an empty house
That used to be full of life...

Who can take your place?
I can't face another day
And who will shelter me?
It's cold in here
Cover me))

---

It took him countless minutes to regain his senses and feel able to return to the world outside of his mind and troubles, to be the Patrick Jane everyone knew, the charming, always smiling man. Although he knew that he would probably fail pretending that everything was okay. He was glad that it was already late and most people had left; so maybe he wouldn't met anyone. But when he stepped out of the room he had been sitting in, and made his way back to the now empty and dimly lit bullpen to grab his jacket, he nearly ran into his boss.

"Hey," she said quietly, looking intensely at him.

"Hey." Teresa Lisbon wasn't used to him being so sparing with words, but didn't comment on it. There certainly was a reason for Van Pelt's earlier comment - that he might need some cheering up later. She would have been blind if she hadn't seen the signs of his earlier emotional outburst he must have had experienced; if she hadn't seen the streaks of tears and the slight red in his eyes.

Seconds and minutes of silence stretched between them, and it was the first time she thought this usually comfortable silence was somehow awkward. She had no idea that he shared that feeling - though it was more because he knew she would see that he had been crying and that he just wanted to get away from her and the CBI building; that he just wanted to go home.

"Got any plans for tonight?" she asked, giving him an encouraging smile. One he didn't see. His gaze was lost somewhere in the room. He didn't answer, only shook his head. But she wasn't about to give up easily. "How about a drink?" she tried again. Finally, he looked at her, and she saw immediately the sadness behind the smile he was trying to give her. "You look like you could need a little cheering up," she added, but slapped herself mentally at the same moment the words had left her mouth. Now the smile reached his eyes, though it was still kind of a sad smile.

"That's very sweet of you, Teresa." His use of her first name put her off her stroke momentarily. But before she could try and give an answer, he continued: "But I'm afraid I have to turn the offer down. I'd love to come back to it some time, but not today. Today I just want to be alone." There was no reason to be not honest with her; she was too clever as he would have tried anything else.

She nodded her understanding. "But... you know... if you need some company..."

"Then I have your number. And you'll be the first for me to call."

Lisbon smiled gently at him and his words. For the first time, she was the one to be there for him. It was good to know that he obviously had confidence in her. It felt like a way, her way, to help him. It felt like friendship.

She looked curiously at him when he kissed his own fingertips and then took her hand, pressing it slightly, "giving" her the kiss in a gesture of silent gratitude. With one last sad smile, he left.

When she watched him leave she hoped that she would never have to see that sad smile of his again.

END

I'm sorry... I was crying at the end of this episode; I felt so sorry for Jane that I couldn't bring myself to write anything cheery for this episode.