Well, I managed to get another chapter draft done yesterday, so I figured I would go ahead and post this. I think this will end up being about nine or ten chapters by the time it is all over.
It Was All About Love For
By: December
Chapter 4: It's okay to be easily ignored
Last time: "But, it's like you've said, words have power….everything was fine, until, as Sally predicted, Derek didn't want Mike anymore."
"Wait, what?!" Dr. Lawrence asked.
"The second Mrs. Venturi got pregnant," James shrugged. "Soon Derek had a daughter with the woman he loved. So the son he'd had with the other woman probably wasn't worth the effort anymore."
"When did this happen? And why didn't the court just give Mike back to Sally or place him in the custody of his…I don't know, maybe his grandmother Abby?"
"Custody wasn't reassigned because this didn't happen right away. Mike was living with Derek and his wife for about two years before she got pregnant. By then, for whatever reason, Mike didn't see as much of Sally. And he didn't initially think it would become as much of a problem as it did. But he should have seen it coming."
"How?" Dr. Lawrence asked. "How could Mike have seen his displacement coming? Especially since he lived with his father for two years without problems."
"From the way they reacted to his reaction to their announcement."
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For the most part, the last two years with his father and Casey had been…fun in a way. Mike did miss seeing his mother almost everyday, but home life was a little calmer. Casey was nice, although she was a lot more insistent that he do his homework than his mother had been. That just made his father laugh, he often said that Casey was "still a keener". It didn't sound like an insult when his father directed it to Casey.
It was still awkward at points. He was still very careful to be neat so that he wouldn't be punished. One time he rushed through the house and damaged a glass punch bowl; he'd been nervous for weeks. He was so sure that he was going to get in a lot of trouble for that. He never did though.
It was also hard because of the visits with his mother. Sally rarely spoke to Derek and sneered and snapped at Casey when she came to visit Mike. At first, his mother was only allowed to visit him for a few hours while he was with Nana Abby. (He found out later that his mother refused to visit with Grandpa George and Grandma Nora present and that his father wouldn't consent to having Grandma Rose or Grandfather Will around for these visits.) Later, she was allowed to take him for the day or weekend. Usually, they managed to have fun – especially when he got to celebrate his birthday, just the two of them. But a few times, his mother wasn't quite herself and some of the stuff she said just stuck with him.
He never told his father about the rougher days. And he also didn't complain or comment when Sally started to see him less and less. He didn't want to not see her for months on end, but he didn't want to see her when she wasn't quite herself…or when she didn't want to see him.
At the end of this last visit, though, she'd said something that really bothered him. "So, Casey isn't pregnant yet? That's surprising. Maybe she can't get pregnant. You might just have lucked out, Mikey."
Normally, Mike wouldn't have asked, but his curiosity got the best of him. "Why would Casey being pregnant matter?"
Sally shook her head as she sipped her third drink of the day. "Because, if Derek has a kid with her, he won't need you anymore, will he?"
'He won't need you anymore, will he?' That question remained with him as he walked up to his 'new home'. It still didn't really feel like his yet. It was almost like he was visiting for the past two years.
"I'm back," he called into the quiet house as he let himself in. The quiet house made him a little nervous. Over the past few weeks, Casey hadn't been feeling too well. Last week, Mike was afraid that he might have given her that flu that was going around school. She also seemed really preoccupied. As she had always been nice to him, he hoped she was okay.
"Mike, we're in the living room. Can you come here for a minute?" his father responded to his call.
Putting down his suitcase in an out of the way place by the stairs and hanging up his coat, he carefully walked over to the living room. As he entered, he saw his father and Casey standing in front of the fireplace. Casey looked a little nervous, but his father seemed happy, so Mike assumed it was good news.
"Have a seat, Mike. We have some news," his father requested.
Mike sat down quietly and looked at the adults expectantly.
"Um…well…" Casey began, but couldn't seem to finish. She was smiling though and she looked better than she had a few days ago.
"Mike," his father began, "you're going to have a brother or sister in a few months."
He must have looked that them with a very confused expression, because after a few beats of silence, his father further explained. "Casey is going to have a baby."
"Isn't that great news?" Casey asked.
If you asked Mike even a few minutes later why he responded the way he did, he probably wouldn't be able to tell you. All he could hear in his head were the last words of his mother, 'He won't need you anymore.' Before he realized it, he had shot up and shouted, "No!"
That surprised the two adults. Casey paled a little bit.
It was his father who spoke first, "Mike. Now, I know this will be a bit of a change – and that this may have come as a bit of a shock. But it will be a good change and-"
"No, it won't," Mike insisted.
As the smile that was on Casey's face – the one that had frozen at Mike's initial shout of 'no' – fell off completely, his father seemed to be even more annoyed, "Michael, I get that this is a change, but there is no excuse for-"
"You get that this is a change? Good then. You've caused a lot of changes in my life. I'm still waiting to see if any of them are actually good. They are all different though – I'll give you that."
"Michael Venturi! First, you will apologize to Casey and-"
"Apologize for what?!" Mike heard himself shouting, although he wasn't sure as to why. "I didn't do anything. She's the one who changed everything."
"Michael, go to your room. Now!"
"Fine!" the ten year old replied as he ran from the room and ended up in bed. Mike wasn't sure what he thought the tantrum he threw would prove. Would he matter enough for his father to check on him? Or was he trying to prove his mother right? Or wrong?
Whatever he was trying to prove, neither his father nor Casey came to talk to him in his room. Later that day, they invited other family over for the big announcement. Mike could see them all from his hiding place at the top of the stairs: Grandpa George and Grandma Nora, Nana Abby, the aunt and uncle he barely knew, and another woman - who looked a little like Casey - with someone who must be her husband. No one had come up to get him; he guessed that was because they weren't sure what his reaction would be like in the crowd.
The gathered family had the right reaction to the news. They cheered and laughed. The one who resembled Casey gave her a big hug, after Grandma Nora, and even touched her stomach. And there were name suggestions, like Elizabeth, Nora, Edwin, Daphne. For some reason, the Daphne suggestion from Mike's aunt made them laugh. Everyone seemed fine.
Well, everyone except Nana Abby. Sure, she was happy like the rest, but she said, "How did Mike react to this?"
"He…didn't take it well," Casey admittedly quietly.
"He'll get used to it, " Mike's father insisted.
"But…I don't think it will be that easy," Nana Abby countered quietly. "Won't he feel a little replaced?"
"But we would never-"
"I'm not saying you would do anything wrong, Casey, not at all," Nana Abby said quietly, "but Mike's been through a lot. It will probably make him a little nervous about his place here. You both are doing things to assure that he still feels a part of the family?"
"Mom, we aren't going to suddenly ignore him," his father replied.
"I realize that, but…"
"He'll get used to it," Mike's father continued to insist.
"Where is he now?" Nana Abby asked.
"In his room, asleep," Casey said quietly. "He was a little upset when we told him earlier."
"Rude more like," his father muttered.
"Oh," Nana Abby almost whispered. "Well, I trust you two know what you are doing."
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"Did they? Know what they were doing?" Dr. Lawrence asked.
James shrugged. "I'm not sure. I think they might have done better, had her pregnancy gone better."
"Her? You mean, Casey?"
James nodded. "Because she wasn't super young at the time she was pregnant there were a few complications. This made Derek rather protective, so he hovered. And there were a few scares in there. Understandably, the focus wasn't on Mike. In fact, they rarely talked much about what was happening with Mike either. He was worried as well, but he never said anything about it."
"Why?" Dr. Lawrence. "I mean, yes, the adults should have been a little more tuned in, but Mike was ten at the time, right? He could have shared what he needed."
"Honestly, I don't think he was sure how. Even when he was aware of his feelings, he couldn't put them in a form where…where he wouldn't sound rude or something."
"Okay. So…then what happened?"
"Well, around all the planning, scares, and creating of a nursery, she finally had her baby," James answered. "They named her Emily Martina and the little girl was the apple of her parents' eye. Because she was so little and defenseless, she was their focus and they loved her. They didn't understand why Mike didn't. In fact, they just assumed he did and called him on his responsibility as a brother all the time."
"Did Mike really not love Emily?" Dr. Lawrence asked.
James shrugged. "He never really figured out his feelings about the feminine 'thing' that had invaded the house. And he couldn't really talk to anyone about how he felt about everything, not even his mother. The few times Mike saw his mother, Sally would laugh and say she warned him. And everyone seemed very wrapped up in Emily, ignoring Mike until they needed him to do something for Emily. Well, everyone except…"
"Except who? Mike's Nana Abby?" Dr. Lawrence leaned forward, clearly interested in the answer to her question.
"Well, okay, Nana Abby did remember Mike, too. But, for some odd reason, little Emily decided she really liked Mike. You know how cats can tell which person is afraid of them in a given room…and that's the person they rub up against and pounce on? That's what Emily did to Mike. Sure, she seemed to like her parents, but there were times that she would cry and cry until someone brought Mike in the room. Mike was the first person, after Derek and Casey, Emily let hold her without fussing. Emily took her first steps in Mike's direction, not Casey's. Her fifth word was Mike."
"Her fifth word was Mike? What were her first four?"
"No, Ma, Da, and Mine."
"Emily sounds like a determined little girl. Did she want a big brother from birth?"
"I guess."
"Derek and Casey must have loved that."
"At first they did, and even in the beginning they loved it only to a point."
"To a point?" from Dr. Lawrence.
"They were a little annoyed that Mike didn't fawn over Emily the way Emily adored Mike. Mike just had no idea what to do with this thing that was usually in head to toe pink that always seemed to smile in his presence. But then, Emily turned three and it happened."
"It?"
"It was an accident!" James suddenly shouted as he banged on Dr. Lawrence's desk. "It was a total accident but no one ever believed that. That they believed-"
"James," Dr. Lawrence said soothingly as she laid a hand on the fist James had slammed into her desk. "If I believe it was an accident, will you tell me what happened?"
James took a deep breath as he nodded. The sudden emotion over that incident that happened over a decade ago surprised him. Why should he still be upset by that? He knew what happened and he knew everyone would think what they thought, regardless of what he said. But maybe Dr. Lawrence wouldn't blame Mike. She hadn't reacted like anyone else who had heard Mike's story so far.
"Well, it was a few months after Mike had started high school, which wasn't going well for him. Emily had just turned three, and she was all over the place, smiling and laughing and generally just happy. Derek and Casey had decided to go out to dinner, just the two of them and they had insisted that Mike was older enough to watch 'his little sister', so…"
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He couldn't believe this. It was a Friday night and the night of the freshman social. And where was he? Stuck at home, watching his little sister. She and his father didn't give him a choice. She kept saying it was his responsibility, but why was he being held responsible for something he had nothing to do with? His father just said, "Do it. End of story."
Yeah, so instead of making friends, he was watching a pink wearing monster throw her stuffed animals into each other…when she wasn't running all over the house. Maybe he wouldn't have minded if his father or even if she had thought to ask how high school was. But the pre-school search must be more important than the fact that he was friendless, alienated, and completely inept at math.
Case in point, the algebra homework in front of him. Mixing letters and numbers in math already confused him, but when you have more than two letters in problem, he was completely lost. And word problems had an amazing talent of making him feel stupid. It's like no one saw him at home.
Which fit, in a way, because no one saw him at school either. People pushed past him in the halls. They wouldn't let him sit at their table at lunch. If he sat anyway, they all got up and left. No one talked to him. No one looked at him. He wasn't sure people realized that he was even taking up space in the high school.
It didn't help that he didn't play sports at all. His mother never took the time to teach him when he was with her. And, by the time he came to live with his father, it was probably too late. Mike thought that his father might try to teach him hockey, or how to skate, but that was about the time his father's career really took off. That documentary on the Toronto Maple Leafs really put his father on the map as the indie film maker, so there were always projects and interviews. And, while Derek would clear time to be with young Emily, there probably wasn't enough time to teach your son from your first marriage how to stand up on skates.
It was depressing, and his one shot to make normal friends gone because of something his father wanted. Maybe he wasn't being fair, but that's how it felt. He was finally beginning to understand why his mother shouted, "What Derek wants, Derek gets," in the courthouse that day.
The only other opportunity he had to make friends, Mike hadn't followed up on because he knew it was wrong. The only reason he even went over to the strange looking kid in the trench coat was because the kid had actually called him by name. No one had ever done that. The conversation had started off normally enough, with the kid – whose name was Harry – talking with Mike about how much high school had sucked. Harry even shared that he knew how to get through all the bullshit.
That was when Harry pulled out the joint. Mike had quickly backed up and said no thanks. As Mike hurried away from the situation, he heard Harry call out, "No worries. I'll be here when you change your mind."
"Shit," Mike muttered to himself. Noticing that Emily had turned to look at him from her play area from the other side of the room, Mike stared back at her and said, "And don't you repeat that, Emily."
She giggled and smiled at him, "Silly Mikey," she said.
"No shit," he muttered again as he looked down at his math homework. After a few minutes, he slammed his book on the coffee table in front of him. And then he proceeded to bang his head into it. "This sucks!"
Mike was so focused on his mini-pity party, he didn't notice that his banging on the table had dislodged the corner cover on the coffee table, leaving a sharp edge right near him. He didn't notice Emily's look of concern at his behavior. He didn't notice Emily get up to run toward him, probably to give him a hug…or that her shoes were untied. All he heard was a "boom" and then a giggle.
Looking up from the table, he saw little Emily, blinking up at him. She had a big smile on her face, even though she was flat on back…and bleeding from where her head had hit the coffee table.
"Oh, my God. Emily!" Mike quickly dropped to the floor next to the little girl. He was shaking because he was panicking and not sure what to do next. A few seconds later, the front door opened and Mike's father and his wife returned.
"Mike, we're home!" Mike's father said.
"Is Emily in bed yet?" Casey asked.
Mike isn't sure if he answered them or not, because he was still so freaked out about the sight in front of him. Even though Emily was still smiling.
"Oh, my God," he heard from behind him. "Emily!"
Casey rushed by the coffee table and lifted Emily into her arms. "Hi, Mommy," Emily smiled. Casey paled and rushed Emily to the kitchen.
"How in the hell did this happen?" Derek turned to Mike, practically shouting at him.
"I don't…I – I don't know," Mike stuttered out.
"You don't KNOW?! You were supposed to be watching her!"
"I was! Kinda. She was just over there and then she was over here bleeding and-"
Mike was shaking at this point, but Derek didn't notice that. Instead he noticed that the corner cover on the floor. Looking back up to stare at Mike, he said, "And you have no idea why the corner of the table near you doesn't have this on it?"
"No!" Mike shouted.
"I'm asking this one more time, Mike. What happened? What did you do?"
"Do?! I – I – don't…I mean…nothing happened!" Mike could barely get the words out.
"Emily is bleeding, Michael," his father began. He probably would have continued to fuss at the little boy if Casey hadn't come rushing back from the kitchen, Emily still in her arms, with a towel pressed to her head.
"Derek, we need to go to the hospital," she insisted as she kept moving to the door.
Mike's father paled, but grabbed his keys and started to follow Casey. Mike rose to his feet, too. He might have gone to follow them, if his father hadn't turned around.
"You. Just – just stay there. We'll talk after we make sure Emily is okay. Stay here."
Soon after that, the door banged shut. Mike sank down into the couch, still shaking. Emily had been smiling, but she had been bleeding. And he really didn't know how that happened or if she'd be okay. His father was clearly angry and Mike was scared.
He stayed in that spot on the couch for hours, waiting. His father and Casey returned two hours later with a sleeping Emily, who Derek carried to bed. Mike stayed downstairs for an hour after they returned, in case they needed to talk with him, but they never came down. Finally, the boy stood. Putting away his unfinished math homework, he climbed the stairs and went to sleep.
The next morning, Casey didn't smile at him like she usually did in the mornings. Derek didn't say anything to him except to tell him when the bus arrived. Emily still smiled at him and said, "Hi, Mike" but he couldn't respond because he was frightened by the large bandage on her forehead.
That afternoon, Mike found Harry and took him up on his original offer. Escape suddenly seemed like a very good idea.
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"Oh, my God," Dr. Lawrence said.
James nodded quietly.
"Poor Mike. He must have blamed himself for what happened to Emily. Was she okay?"
"Yeah," James replied. "She got a little scar just above her left eyebrow for her trouble. It's a permanent scar, but that's the only lasting trauma she suffered. Later, she shared that she didn't even realize that she had hurt herself."
"She didn't blame Mike for what happened, I take it?"
"She was the only one who didn't."
"James," Dr. Lawrence said quietly after a few beats of silence, "it really wasn't Mike's fault. It sounds it was an accident, just like you insisted."
"Yeah," James shrugged, "but the choice Mike made after that wasn't an accident."
"The thing with Harry, you mean?"
"It was the beginning of the long spiral down for Mike. He was smart enough to walk away once, but you saw how long that lasted. Clearly, the boy was stupid at the end of the day."
Dr. Lawrence sighed. "James, can we come to an agreement?"
"An agreement?" James asked.
"Yes. I'd like you not to call Mike stupid for the rest of your story."
"Dr. Lawrence, you can't think that taking drugs was a smart thing to do?"
"Of course I don't," the academic replied. "But I completely understood why he did."
"Wh-what?"
"Look, Mike may not have made some of the best decisions, clearly. But he is not stupid. You can share that a decision was stupid, but not that Mike was stupid."
"Why?" James asked.
"Besides the fact that Mike isn't stupid? Well, he's the hero of this story, so to speak, right? I like him. It hurts me to hear you call him stupid. And I think – I think it hurts you, too."
James stared at his advisor. Times like this, although he appreciated her and her insight, he didn't understand her at all. "Okay."
"So, after taking up with Harry, what happened?"
"Not much really. The same old, same old. Emily protected and invested in. Mike, ignored and treated gingerly when he had to be involved. Nothing really changed until Mike was sixteen and got caught sneaking back into the house, in an impaired state." James laughed, although it wasn't a happy sound. "Considering how his behavior might affect precious Emily, you can guess how that went over."
- to be continued -