What Kind of Sickness is This?
By Lord Raa
Part 3
Disclaim-me-do: Not today, Galvatron!
Gendo sat behind his desk as he listened to the Rei's proposal.
"And you see this as your best chance to corrupt the Third Child?"
"I do, sir. Hot spring resorts are renowned for romantic misunderstandings."
Gendo arched an eyebrow. "And you have romantic designs on Pilot Ikari?"
"Eventually lust will give way to love. I will be the one to reap those benefits. I do not see him complaining about me bringing another woman into our bed," Rei smirked.
"You assume that he's not gay."
"Is that was this is about? Are you concerned that your son prefers the intimate company of men to women?" Rei asked. She didn't have gender preferences for sexual partners, unlike some of the more prudish citizens of Tokyo-3.
"Yes," Gendo nodded. "I would lose a massive amount of face, not to mention a large sum of money, if Shinji was more into 'receiving' than 'giving'. If I have you assurance that Shinji will be engaging in sexual relations with at least one attractive female, then I shall authorise a trip to the hot springs. We have some money in the field trip fund that must be spent before the end of the fiscal year."
"Thank you, Commander."
"Don't thank me just yet, Rei; it will be a NERV trip. The pilots, Captain Katsuragi, Lieutenant Ibuki, Dr. Akagi and I will be accompanying you."
"Why?" Rei asked with a frown.
"Because the more females that are there, the greater chance one of you will bed Shinji. Besides, the concept amuses me," Gendo smiled maliciously. "Now get everyone ready, we shall leave in 2 and a half hours."
"Yes, sir," Rei nodded.
Gendo spoke just as she was about to exit the office.
"Rei, seeing as you are in a rush, it is entirely conceivable that you might forget to pack your underwear."
"I see," the blue haired girl smiled. 'The Commander favours me as Shinji-kun's mate.'
Ritsuko was happy.
"Free holiday for Ritsuchan!" she shouted when informed that there was a NERV sponsored trip to a hot spring.
"Yes," Gendo said when the bottle blonde had finished her happy dance. "We will be leaving shortly. Lieutenant Ibuki, you will also be joining us. I know that you have cast a wanton eye over Pilot Ikari, so I thought it would prove to be amusing to watch you attempt to seduce him."
"Y-yes, s-sir," Maya squeaked.
"Good. I would have no objections to the pair of you doubling up on him. But if you do, I want evidence of this. Akagi, make sure that the footage is suitable for archiving, understand?" Gendo asked in a threatening tone.
"Yes, Commander," Ritsuko nodded. "One question, sir, will the bathing area be segregated?"
"It depends on whether or not there is a problem with the men's area," the bearded man smirked.
Misato wasn't as happy as Ritsuko or Maya.
"But I wanted to spend some private time with Shin-chan," she pouted when told about the additional members of this particular party.
"I'm sorry, Captain Katsuragi, but you've been pussyfooting around Pilot Ikari for too long. However, if you're the one that makes him a man, then I might be able to find your name on the promotion's list," Gendo hinted with his evil smirk.
The Captain blinked. "Are you telling me that my chances for promotion are going to improve if I'm the one who seduces Shinji on this trip?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
The bearded man looked at his watch in a bored fashion. "Time is running out, Captain Katsuragi. We will be leaving via VTOL at 11.45, with or without you."
"Shit!" the purple haired woman started to scramble to pack her things. "Wait! I'm already packed."
When she looked up to demand an answer to her question, the Commander had vanished into thin air.
"How does he do that?"
Gendo continued on his tour of mischief making around NERV.
'One last stop,' he thought with a smirk that was more than a little sadistic. "Pilot Sohryu," he greeted with a tone of indifference.
"What? Oh, hi Commander," the redhead replied. 'Wait, why's he talking to me?'
"You will be leaving at 11.45 hours with certain NERV personnel for an important exercise."
"I had plans for the weekend," Asuka protested.
"I know what you were planning, Pilot Sohryu, and I approve. The only change is that you will have more competition at the hot spring. Dr. Akagi and Lt. Ibuki will also be competing for Pilot Ikari's affection."
"What? Why?"
Gendo's smile greatly disturbed the arrogant pilot. "11.45 hours, Pilot Sohryu. Do not be late."
Aoba and Hyuuga sat at their stations, wondering about the activity that surrounded Misato and company.
"Hey, Hyuuga, any idea what they're up to?"
"Not a clue. But it looks like Misato's packed for a trip."
The sound of a man clearing his throat startled the two technicians.
"Sir," Hyuuga greeted his boss. "Is there anything I can do for you?"
"Certain members of the senior and bridge staff will be leaving for a brief vacation. We will return on Monday," Gendo explained.
"We're going on a trip with Misato?"
"No, you two and sub-Commander Fuyutsuki will be remaining here, I will be accompanying the Pilots, Dr. Akagi, Captain Katsuragi and Lt. Ibuki to the hot spring," the Commander informed the two other men with a smirk.
"But why can't we go?" Aoba protested.
"You fail to provide me with a sufficient amount of fanservice."
"That's discrimination!" the long haired man insisted.
"Keep up your arguments, I have always wanted to see human bodies dismembered with a gas-axe," the bearded man said in an even tone.
The two technicians gulped nervously. "Y-yes sir, we'll look after things for you here."
"That's good to hear."
Shinji sat nervously in the NERV VTOL. There were two major reasons for his anxiety; one, he was in an enclosed space with a number of very attractive women and two, his stony faced father was looking at him.
The bearded man's expression gave the pilot no hint that he was actually as mad as a drunken hatter.
Asuka wasn't too happy about the way that Rei was insisting that she check Shinji's seatbelt. "Hey, Wonderdoll, Shinji's not so stupid that he can't fasten a seatbelt!"
"I know," the blue haired girl replied. "I was making sure that Shinji-kun was securely in place."
"Yeah, Asuka, we can't have Shinji escaping from his duties," Misato said as she placed an arm around her male roommate.
"Bah," the redhead snorted, "you wouldn't have these problems if you disciplined his scrawny ass properly."
Rei looked at her fellow pilot quizzically. "Why would Shinji-kun's donkey be relevant to this discussion?"
"In this context, ass is being used as a slang term for buttocks, Rei," Gendo explained.
"I see," the blue haired girl nodded. "I have spent much time studying Shinji-kun's body and I am not sure I would use the adjective 'scrawny' to describe his buttocks. I believe taut would be a more appropriate term."
Shinji blushed at the way he was being talked about, but could do nothing as the combination of Rei and Misato's roving hands and his father's glare kept him still as a statue.
Kaji wandered the halls of NERV headquarters looking for his old girlfriend. Thinking that the purple haired lovely might actually be working, he made his way to the bridge.
"Misato-chan!" he called out in a sing-song voice.
"Agent Kaji," Hyuuga greeted. "Captain Katsuragi isn't here right now."
"Oh, where is she?" the unshaven man asked.
"She's at a hot spring with the others," Aoba whined.
"Misato and Ritsuko at a hot spring? Which one?" Kaji asked excitedly.
"I don't know," the long-haired man admitted. "The Commander didn't tell us."
"Perhaps the sub-Commander knows?" Hyuuga offered.
"Yeah, I'll go see the old man."
Gendo checked his watch as the VTOL landed outside the hot spring.
"It is time," he announced, stepping away from the others as he pulled out his mobile phone. "Agent Kaji?"
"¬Commander, where are you?¬"
"I'm at a hot springs resort with several senior NERV personnel, including the rather delectable Captain Katsuragi. If you wish to join us, you must bring the Third Child's two friends. You know the ones, they accompanied the Captain and the Third when they met you for the first time," Gendo answered with an even tone.
"¬But I want to spend some private time with Misato-chan!¬" the long-haired man whined.
"What is it with everyone that makes them think that I care about their petty wants? I told you the conditions for your attendance, if you cannot fulfil them, then you will be replaced. It is none of my concern as to what excuse you use to bring the other Stooges here," Gendo grinned maliciously as he ended the conversation.
The Commander walked up to the rest of the NERV party and led them inside to the front desk. "The bulk of the NERV party are here. Unfortunately, I cannot say when the others will be here."
The clerk was clearly intimidated by the bearded man. "Y-yes sir," he gulped. "Here are your room keys."
"Thank you."
Touji Suzuhara and his fellow stooge, Kensuke Aida, were surprised to see Kaji's car pull up at the military otaku's house.
"Is there something we can do for you, Mr. Kaji?" the bespectacled boy asked.
"Can you get permission to come to a hot spring for this weekend? As in right now?" the long haired man asked urgently.
"I think so, why?" Kensuke asked, taken aback by this question.
"Because Misato will be there, and Shinji's dad said I can only go if I take you pair with me," Kaji replied bitterly.
"A hot spring? With Misato? We're there, dude!" Touji said excitedly. "I'll leave a note and grab some clothes."
"I don't know," Kensuke shrugged. "Doesn't it seem weird that you've got to take us with you?"
"Actually, that's one of the Commander's more sane orders," the long haired man lamented. "Chop-chop, I've got better things to do than stand around here in this pit you call a room."
"Yeah, I'm coming," the scrawny youth muttered as he too prepared to notify his dad about his new weekend plans.
"Misato-chan awaits!" Kaji declared as he warmed up the car, intending to make quick work of the drive to the hot spring they pulled out of Tokyo-3.
"This will do nicely," Dr. Ritsuko Akagi said as she checked her ultra-high resolution digital camera. "I should finally be able get those naked Shinji photos and then those jackasses from Shota Sunday Magazine will finally be off my back."
"Why do they keep bothering you, Sempai?" Maya asked as she prepared some of the other surveillance gear that they'd packed. The young lieutenant was checking the internal batteries on some night-vision goggles.
"I made some outrageous claims after a drinking session with Misato," the blonde admitted with a sad sigh. "I may have said that I could get candid, yet arty footage of Shinji-kun when he's not wearing much."
"Then why didn't you use the surveillance cameras at NERV? It would have saved you a lot of stress."
"They said that 'anyone can get CCTV footage, we need something that hints that he's interested in an older woman'. That's why we need to get shots of him having fun with me," the sexy scientist replied with a grin.
"I see," the junior officer replied with narrowed eyes.
"Oh, don't look at me like that, Maya, of course we'll be having three-in-a-bed romps."
Maya breathed a sigh of relief. "Let's go get those photos."
Shinji Ikari sighed as he was finally allowed to relieve the pressure in his bladder in private. It wasn't that he didn't like Rei; he did very much so because she didn't slap him after he accidentally fell on her, but the way she offered to "help him aim" did make him feel slightly uncomfortable what with her saucy wink and all.
After washing his hands, the Third Child left the toilet to see his fellow pilots smiling at him.
"Is something the matter?" he asked.
"It's about time you finished in there, baka," the redhead snorted. "Let's go take a dip in the hot water."
"You didn't need to wait for me," Shinji insisted weakly.
"We felt that it would be best if we escorted you there, Shinji-kun," Rei countered. "Pilot Sohryu and I are looking forward to enjoying the spring water with you."
"But what about the others?" the young Ikari asked, not wanting to alienate his friends.
"Commander Ikari ordered us to bring you down; he is concerned that your inability to relax will soon affect your sync ratio," the blue haired girl answered. "I have been told to render you unconscious and carry you to the spring if need be. I would rather not inflict THAT kind of pain on you."
"Ok," Shinji acquiesced. He gave a small smile. "Lead the way."
The two female pilots each took one of the nervous Ikari's hands and almost dragged him through the inn to the rest of the NERV party.
When they reached the bathing area, Gendo stood up to make an announcement. "Captain Katsuragi, you will swap rooms with Pilot Ikari. It is to be kept secret from anyone who isn't here now."
The purple haired lovely blinked. "Ok, but why?"
"I am concerned that someone may try to abduct him. If an attempt is made, then I can narrow the security breach to one you five," the bearded man answered. "You will do this now."
Misato's whine was cut off by the intimidating look that was directed at her. "Yes, sir."
As Shinji's legal guardian left, the Commander turned to the others. "I believe that it is time for us to enjoy the facilities."
Rei and Asuka smiled as they disrobed and practically tore Shinji's white shirt and black trousers off the hapless pilot. The two nubile girls took great pleasure in ushering the object of their desire into the hot water before he could grab a modesty towel.
The young Ikari crouched down into the water, hoping to hide his nakedness from the assembled perverts. For better or worse, the presence of his authoritarian father killed any excitement he might have felt from being around several sexy females.
"What is up, Shinji-kun, are you not aroused by the situation? Are we not enticing enough?" Ritsuko asked with a mock hurt tone.
"It's not that…"
"I see," the bottle blonde nodded. "Your father is quite the passion-killer."
"Pilot Ikari, why are you not swapping rooms with Captain Katsuragi?" Gendo asked, casting a glance at his son.
"Sorry, sir, I'll get right on it," Shinji apologised and quickly left the bathing area.
"Dr. Akagi, I feel that now would be a good time to tell you about NERV's new smoking policy: no smoking until after sex," the Bastard King smirked evilly.
"That's unfair!" the sexy scientist protested.
"If that's how you feel, then I'll just change the rules further: you may only smoke after engaging in heterosexual sex," Gendo added, his smirk somehow becoming even more evil. "Are there anymore comments on NERV policy that need to be addressed at this point?"
"No," Ritsuko answered with gritted teeth. "Bastard" was added under her breath.
If the callous man heard the barb, he gave no indication; instead he opted to soak in the hot mineral water with his eyes closed.
After allowing the natural spa to wash away his tension for a few moments, Gendo opened his eyes slightly. "Doctor Akagi, you do realise that there will be ample opportunity to convince me to alter the policy this weekend."
The bottle blonde gave the bearded man a puzzled look.
"If you can provide me with the data on that I requested, then I will be too busy to implement this proposed change."
"I see," Ritsuko nodded in understanding.
"Shin-chan you really shouldn't look so depressed. I mean, you're here with me at a hot springs resort," Misato winked at her roommate as she packed up her things.
"Yeah, I suppose so," the young Ikari replied in his usual melancholic tone.
The purple-haired beauty rolled her eyes. "Are you completely ignorant of popular culture? What happens when guys go to a hot springs with cute girls in anime and manga?"
When Shinji didn't respond, Misato growled in frustration. "FANSERVICE! Jeesh, Asuka is right about you being a baka."
"Sorry, Misato-san," the blue-eye teenager apologised.
Sliding up to the object of her affection, the beer drinker wrapped her arms around the pilot. "Well, if you're really that sorry, why don't you just stay here with me?"
Shinji gulped nervously as he felt the soft breath of the voluptuous woman tickle his ears.
"Don't worry, Shin-chan, I'll protect you."
"I have not heard it called that before, Captain Katsuragi," Rei said loudly from the doorway.
"Damn, the blue haired killjoy is here," Misato cursed under her breath. "What do you want, Rei?"
"Shinji-kun."
"Besides that," the drunkard said, rolling her eyes.
"I was told to check on the status of the room change," Rei lied as she advanced to her fellow pilot. "You seem to be taking an inordinate amount of time for such a simple task."
"It's my fault, Rei."
"Shinji-kun?" the crimson-eyed girl looked questioningly at the insecure young man. "How is Captain Katsuragi's incompetence your fault? Surely you do not blame yourself for being such a desirable young man."
"What? Why would anyone want me? I mean, it's not like I've got anything to offer a girl," Shinji said sadly.
"We only want one thing from you, Shinji-kun. We want to make hot mon-" Rei's comment was cut off by the arrival of the Asuka.
"Hey Baka, you finished being molested by Misato?"
"I wasn't molesting Shin-chan!" the purple-haired woman protested indignantly. "I was merely hinting that we could do something to cheer him up."
"Like what?" the redhead asked, her hands on her hips.
"Well, I was thinking that perhaps I could give Shin-chan a backrub while we soak in the spring water," Misato answered. "Would you like that, Shin-chan?"
"Y-yeah," Shinji nodded. "But can you not grab me like you did the last time you gave me a massage? You were a bit rough."
"Baka, can't you be more manly? You know like Kaji?" Asuka asked rhetorically.
Rei disagreed with her fellow pilot's opinion on the young Ikari. "I find that Shinji-kun is of sufficient manliness. Though, he could be a little more aggressive sexually. Still, I think that it is something that we can work on."
"See, that's what I'm talking about – Baka Shinji can't make up his mind which of the trollops he wants to do it with," the German speaking pilot explained.
"Hang on," Misato interrupted with a smirk. "Didn't you just include yourself with the rest of us 'trollops'?"
"…"
"You're not trollops," Shinji insisted. "I don't know what it is you find so appealing about me, but you're not trollops."
"Thanks, Shin-chan," the Captain smiled. "That means a lot to me. Now let's get out to the water for some relaxation."
Unlikely to be continued, but who knows when I will feel the need to spout crap?