Konnichiwa minna! I'm back! Please leave a comment on my drawing at tokyopop(dot)com! I drew a picture of a chibi Eiri and chibi Shuichi in Halloween costumes. Please search for it in the arts section, or try searching for this name: nurix I used the account of my cousin and i hope she doesn't read this or else i'm dead!

Chapter 9

Looking Back

Shuichi rubbed Shinori's back. "Are you feeling ok, baby? I think you have to rest. I'll not send you to school today..

"No daddy. – cough – I want to go to school. – cough – Don't worry, I'll be alright." Shinori smiled and kissed his dad.

"Ok, then, let's go?" Shuichi said worriedly and held his child. "Shinori, if that man – Mr. Uesugi comes close to you again, tell him that you don't want to talk to him ok?"

"But Daddy, he's a good –

"Do you want to stay at home?"

"No." Shinori shook his head.

"Then do as I say." Shuichi found himself being strict to his son. He looked at him and noticed that the kid was feeling down.

If only I can tell you. It's for your own good.

He crawled slowly. He tried to get up and lay his back on the uncomfortable sheets of the old and dusty bed that was on the corner of the dark and gloomy room. He breathed in and coughed as he exhaled. He could feel his ribs cracking as he did so and he yelped in pain.

"I want to die." He whispered to himself.

Suddenly, there was a flood of light from the open door. His eyes squinted. In front of him was his cousin, looking blankly at him.

"I want to die." He repeated, this time more loudly for the other person in the room to hear.

"No. Not yet."

"Please Tohma, kill me now."

"I still need you, Fujisaki." Tohma smirked and put on his gloves. "You still won't tell me where that testament is."

"I – I've told you before didn't I? I don't know where it is. I don't know where uncle hid it – ouch!"

Tohma hit him hard on the face.

"Liar! Do you really want to suffer? I just want to know where your uncle hid that stupid will of his. What a shame. We, his children were not given even a single cent of his riches. And you! You are just our cousin, and yet you will inherit all that is ours?"

"I am not interested in that shit. Take them all if you want."

"That's exactly what we want to do. But the problem is, you – (he poked Fujisaki's forehead) – and your stupid memory. Why did you have to have that amnesia?!" he slapped Fujisaki and the latter winced in pain.

"I'm warning you Fujisaki. I only have a little patience left. Don't make me introduce you to businessmen in that state."

"Why would you introduce me to them? I don't want to –

"As if we have a choice. They are all looking for you, our lost cousin, and one of the richest in the industry. We have to show you to them or else they'll think that we are hiding you."
Fujisaki fell silent, slowly, his eyes fluttered. Slowly, his eyes closed. And slowly, he was brought to slumber.

"Hmph, only a few months to go and you're dead, Fujisaki." Tohma said and left the room.

"Aw, I can't believe it's raining! I didn't bring my umbrella!"

"Don't worry, I'll share mine with you. How about you, Yukari chan?

"I don't need an umbrella. We have a car." Yukari said while tossing her blonde hair. "Not unlike crumpled face over there." She made her voice louder in order for Shinori to hear.

"Yukari chan, you really are rich! Who was that blonde man who fetched you last week?"

"Oh, that's my dad. He's good looking isn't he?"

"Yeah, I think your dad is cool!"

Shinori sat silently on the waiting shed inside their school. It was already dismissal time and he was waiting for Shuichi to fetch him. He heard a loud rumbling of car and saw Yukari Uesugi's mom, Yukino. He didn't know why, but just looking at these mother and daughter, he could feel uneasiness……. Or maybe it was fright?

"Com'n honey, let's go that favorite restaurant of yours." Yukino said to her daughter sweetly.

Yukari fell silent. Her mom wasn't like this when they were at home. It was more like she was always being scolded for a little thing.

Yukino glared at her, signaling to hop inside the car. Yukari flinched and waved at her friends.

"Oh, are they your friends?" Yukino asked and her daughter nodded. "If you want, let's bring them to that restaurant."

Yukari fell more silent.

"Oh! Yes, we love to go with you!" Yukari's friend said.

"Then hop in." Yukino gave a fake smile.

Shinori shrugged. Yukari was sure a lucky kid. He had never entered a car before, ate at a fancy restaurant, and never did he had a friend. Well, except for his cousins which were all now grown ups.

"Daddy, where are you?" he coughed a little and looked at the school clock. Shuichi was supposed to fetch him hours before, and as always, he's late. He coughed again, and felt a little cold.

"Mou, why do I feel dizzy and cold?" he warmed himself by embracing himself. "Huh? Weird, my body is all hot."

He heard steps approaching him and as he tuned around, he jumped up and hugged the person.

"Daddy! Why are you late?!" he asked.

"Your dad's late again?"

Shinori pulled away and saw that it wasn't Shuichi, but Mr. Uesugi. He bowed down to show respect and sat again.

"You are hot. I think you have a fever." Eiri said and sat beside Shinori.

Shinori stood up and walked away quietly.

"Hey, kid, wait up, you have a fever don't walk around!"

"Stop following me Uesugi san. I'm waiting for my daddy."

Eiri scratched his head. "I think he told you to stay away from me." he murmured to himself and saw Shinori walking back.

"By the way Mr. Uesugi, Yukari chan was already fetched by her mom, so why are you here?"

"I'm here to see you. Aren't you glad? If you want I'll buy you some drinks."

"Um, but daddy said I shouldn't be talking to you or else he will not let me go to school."

He raised an eyebrow. "He said that?"

Shinori coughed some more before nodding.

Eiri rubbed the kid's back. "Daddy does –cough- that –cough- too."

"Alright, alright, I get it. Stop talking now ok?" Eiri was worried over Shinori. He looked at the clock. It was already 2pm and Shuichi was still nowhere. He breathed in and asked Shinori.

"Kid, where do you live? I'll drive you home." He offered.

Yeah, in this way, I'll know where Shuichi lives.

"Really? You will let me ride your car?" –cough-

Shinori kept on coughing and his cheeks were already bright red.

"This is bad." Eiri told himself. "Now, Shinori kun, please tell me where you –

Shinori collapsed on his arms.

"Shinori! Hey kid, wake up! wake up!" he shouted. "Geez, Shuichi, how dumb could you be, sending your son at school in this condition." He stood up and carried Shinori inside his car.

He gave the school guard his contact number and an apartment's address. "Give this to Shinori's dad. Tell him I brought his son in that place.

"Yes, Mr. Uesugi."

Shuichi ran on the school grounds and looked for his son, but there was no pink haired kid in sight. The guard approached him and handed him a thin piece of calling card.

"Mr. Shindou? You're looking for your son?"

"Y – yes, where is he?" Shuichi panted. He was caught between work and traffic and the pouring rain. "Where is my son?"

"A parent by the name of Mr. Uesugi brought him to that place written on the card."

"What!" he freaked out. "Why did you let him do it! Why did he take my son?"

"S – sir, I'm sorry, but I feel sorry for the child. He was coughing a lot earlier and he collapsed. Mr. Uesugi must have take him to –

"My son collapsed?!" he freaked out again. He hurriedly ran to call a taxi and went to the place written on the card.

"Shinori. I'm so sorry!" he crossed his fingers and prayed inside the taxi. "Please driver, drive as fast as you can."

"Yes sir."
The way to the apartment was a hard one. The streets are muddy and blurry.

"We are here." The driver said.

"Ah, thanks." Shuichi hurriedly got off the vehicle after paying.

He ran to the door and placed his fist on it to knock, but he somehow felt nervous.

I haven't thought of this. I'm going to see Eiri. What will I say? He shook his head. No, I shouldn't think of him. I should think about my child. Our child. He shook his head again. Having regained the courage, he knocked furiously on the door.

He didn't have to wait for too long. The door opened and revealed Eiri looking down at him.

"I'm here to collect my child." Shuichi said.

"Please come in first." Eiri said to him while opening the door wide.

Shuichi breathed in and gathered the courage to go inside. He looked around. It was just a small apartment, but larger than where they live. There were a few furniture, no decorations, just a coffee maker and a fridge on the kitchen. On the living room, he found his son sleeping on the couch with only a blanket on.

"Ah, Shinori." Shuichi ran to his side and felt his temperature. "I shouldn't have –

"Yeah, you shouldn't have sent him to school. This is your fault." Eiri finished for him.

Shuichi rubbed his eyes to prevent himself from crying. Getting a scold from a former costumer – no, his most beloved costumer was just too painful. He stood up and faced Eiri, and bowed down.

"Thank you for taking care of him. We'll go now." He said and turned his back.

"Why are you ignoring me?"

"This isn't about you. It's about my son." Our son.

"Then why did you tell him not to talk to him. What are you so afraid about?"

"I just don't want to remember the past. I don't want Shinori to know about my past."

"Then I'm right. You are ignoring me."

"Uesugi san, please." Shuichi sighed, trying to hold back tears. "I'm living a peaceful life now. I already quit being a whore. I have a decent job. I absolutely don't want my son to know my past. Our past." He said directly and for a minute, he and Eiri were just staring at each other.

"I'm not going to tell him. I have no intention of ruining a child's life."

"Then please, stay away from my child."

There was a loud thunder outside, and afterwards lightning followed.

After a few seconds, electricity went out. The only light that illuminated the room was the constant lightning, which Shuichi was afraid of.

"It looks like the two of you can't go right now. Just stay here for a while. It's dangerous outside."

Shuichi stood uncomfortably at his place. Every time the lightning struck, he winces. And worst of all, he could see Eiri looking at him.

Ah, why did this have to happen? Why now, why in this place, why Eiri.

"You haven't changed Shuichi. You're still afraid of thunder and lightning." He heard Eiri speak and in an instant, he felt warm arms embracing him.

"I told you, you can't see her if Tohma nii - chan is here." Yukino said to blonde man.

"I want to see her. I'm longing for that kid. I want to be with her. I want to be with you."

"If you only are rich, I would've married you." Yukino replied while exhaling smoke.

"That family of yours is so discriminating. What's wrong with being just a lawyer? You married a businessman, anytime businesses can be down –

"Eiri is different. He and his family are very powerful when it comes to business." She placed her cigarette on the ashtray and sat on the blonde man's lap. "Why are you so jealous honey? You can always see Yukari, seeing that I will hire you as her English and math tutor."

"You will?" the man replied excitedly.

"Yeah. You have the right to see her. After all, she is your daughter."

Shinori shifted from his place in order to get a much comfortable position, but instead he fell from the couch.

"Ouch." He mumbled and realized that the whole world was dark.

Shuichi backed away from Eiri as soon as he heard Shinori. Whew, I almost lost my mind there. Eiri on the other hand got some candles from the cabinet.

"Shinori? Baby, are you feeling ok now?" Shuichi sat beside his son and wrapped his arms around him.

"Daddy? Why is it dark?" he rubbed his eyes and gripped the shirt of his dad. "Turn on the lights, I can't see."

"The electricity went out, Shinori kun." Eiri was the one to reply. He came back from the kitchen, bringing with him small and already used candles.

"Mr. Uesugi?" Shinori was confused. "Daddy Shu, where are we?"

"We are at.." Shuichi paused. Just where exactly are we? It doesn't look like Eiri's family is here. It looks like he lives alone in this place and there's no furniture at all.

"You are in my apartment." Eiri finished for him and placed the candles on the center table. "Are you hungry Shinori?"

Shinori didn't talk; he sucked his thumb and embraced his dad. "Daddy, I want to go home now."

Shuichi sighed. He doesn't want to admit it, but Eiri was right. They couldn't go out in a situation like this, not with a storm outside and a black out.

"Um, Shinori, we can't go home yet. Let's just stay here after the rain ok? We should also wait for the lights to be back."

"Where did the lights go daddy?" Shinori asked.

"Um.." Shuichi thought for a reasonable answer, but couldn't find any. Damn, why is this kid too intelligent?

"The lights just went on vacation but they'll be back later. They don't like the thunder so they went to a place where there is no rain, thunder and lightning. When the rain stops, the lights will be back." Eiri said.

Shinori fell silent. "Then why is there light in that candle?"

Eiri scratched his head. Geez, I can remember myself in this kid. "Um, that's fire, not light."

"Oh." Shinori said and yawned. "Daddy, I'm hungry."

Shuichi bit his lip. Argh, why did this have to happen! He repeated in his mind. I can't believe I'm stuck here with Eiri and his kid. Worst of all, I can't do anything but to depend on Eiri this time.

"There's some food on the fridge. I'll go get it." Eiri said and went to the kitchen.

Shuichi breathed a sigh of relief. He turned to fan his son. "Do you feel ok now? You still have a fever."

"I feel cold daddy. Hug me." Shinori said.

Shuichi carried his son back to the couch and lay him down. He sat at the corner and wrapped an arm on the kid. He noticed that Shinori was wearing a loose shirt, which he believed was Eiri's. The candle light illuminated both of them. He looked at his son's face. He held the burnt part and kissed his son. In a moment he was brought back to the past which was 6 years ago when he had Shinori.

The nurse presented to him a small bundle wrapped in clean white cloth. He was excited, yet the nurses around him, as well as Maiko were speechless, as if there was something wrong.

He held the bundle of joy in his arms. And that's when he saw it. Something was different. Why was this baby he was holding had such a terrible scar on his left eye?

The doctor came in and greeted him, signaling the others to go out for him to talk with Shuichi.

"Doctor, why does he have this – this ugly scar?" Shuichi was almost in tears.

"We were also looking for the answer, Shindou san. Um, how exactly did you got pregnant?"

"I did it with someone of course." Shuichi was shy to tell him.

"No, I mean, did you take anything? Drank something perhaps?"

Shuichi tried to recall the situation. Yeah, that time, Eiri gave him a tablet telling him that it will make their session more fun.

"All I remember is that, my partner gave me a white small tablet."

"I see. So you were drugged." The doctor said while scribbling some notes on his paper. "Then I conclude that that scar is an effect of the drug. It must have been too powerful that it affected your pregnancy."

"Drugged." Shuichi repeated and looked at his child. "Is there any way? A way to remove this scar?" he cuddled his son who was crying.

"Yes, of course, there's a way. We can operate on that when he grows up; say when he's 5 or 6 years old."

Shuichi breathed a sigh of relief. He has to save a lot.

But then, bills are coming up. He needs money for food, tuition fee, electricity and other stuff.

"Daddy, I'm not hungry anymore. I want to sleep now." Shinori brought him back to the present time. "Please sing to me."

Shuichi smiled. What a brat. "Ok. Close your eyes." Shuichi said and started humming.

nigiyaka na hitogomi ni

tokeru tsubuyaki ga

Eiri went back to the living room bringing with him two cups of soup. He stopped walking when he heard Shuichi's voice.

ashimoto ni chirabatta

omoide nijimaseru

It was like serenading him. He had to close his eyes to feel and understand the song. He could feel the loneliness of the song in his heart. Shinori fell asleep.

mayoi aruku machi no kagayaki wa

Glaring One Way
kogoesou na boku o terasu

Shuichi hummed again and tucked Shinori in. "Sweet dreams baby." He turned around and jumped in surprise when he saw Eiri looking at him.

They were both shocked. For a while, they were just looking at each other's expressions. Eiri broke the silence by getting closer and placing the bowls of soup on the table.

"He fell asleep again huh?" he said and sat on the floor. "Here, have some soup."

"Thanks." Shuichi blushed and sipped a little.

"That song." Eiri began and Shuichi froze. "You sang it well."

When he started working at a club as a singer, he felt he had to pour his feelings in singing. So he tried writing lyrics. And those lyrics were inspired by his past with Eiri.

"Thanks."

They ate in silence, while Shinori was sleep talking. The kid purred a little and then laughed.

Shuichi blushed again. Eiri was looking confusedly at the kid. "Um, sorry about that." Shuichi said. "He's sleep talking every night, reciting some vocabulary words."

"I don't mind. I was like that when I was a kid."

Shuichi froze again. Like I thought. It's his genes.

"I want to ask. Where is his mother?"

Right in front of you. Duh. "Shuichi thought. Great, now what will I say?

"Um, I think I opened a sensitive topic. It's ok if you don't answer."

"Then, may I ask you, why does it look like you are living here alone? Where are your wife and kid?"

"I can't stand her, so I moved to a more peaceful place. But I visit them everyday. They don't know that I live here."

Oh, so that's the reason huh? Shuichi finished his soup.

"Oh." He said to fill the dead air.

They fell silent again. Glancing at each other every once in a while. Shuichi reached for the glass in front of him but instead, it was Eiri's hand that he grabbed. Apparently, Eiri was also reaching for the same glass. Shuichi looked at their hands and blushed some more.

There was a loud thunder that Shuichi shrieked and scooted beside Eiri. He gripped the blonde's arm and shut his eyes, as if he was to be stricken by lightning. It kept on rumbling outside.

Shuichi felt arms wrapping his body. When the rumbling stopped, it was only then that he realized that they were hugging each other. He tried to back away; instead, Eiri pulled him back and rested his head on Shuichi's shoulder. The latter was shocked and opened his mouth to speak, but he closed it again as there are no words coming out. He felt a brush on his neck. The next thing he knew, Eiri lips were pressed on his own.

Then, he found himself kissing back.

again, please visit my account at Tokyopop and please leave a comment on my drawing. i accept flames.

and don't forget to leave a review here!

a/n: yay! Chapter finished! I made it in only three days! That's a new record!

next chapter: Fujisaki meets with Hiro and Shuichi asks Eiri for some money for Shinori's medicine. Hm, will Eiri let him borrow money that fast?

Please review!