NiNjA NONSENSE

by lunarxshinobi

Sasuke is king of the chickens, Naruto's best friend is a desk, and the aktsutaki love to dance. Nothing is what it seems to be, and just cause it's not possible doesn't mean it won't happen.

25. DUN DUN DUUUUN

Ninja Nonsense

Chapter 25

Dun Dun duuuuuun!

Naruto: What's up with the title?

Lunar: Ninja nonsense?

Naruto: --'' No. dun dun duuuuun.

Lunar: oh…. There has to be a reason for the title?

Naruto: Well…. Yeah, kind of.

Lunar: -blink. Blink. Blink.- uhhhhhhh. Uhhhhh. Uhhhhhhh. I dunno. OOOH OOOH OOH Guess what Guess what Guess what!

Naruto: uhhh. What?

Lunar: Kyuubi sent us a post card!

Naruto: really?

Lunar: yep! It sayyyys:

Dear beloved cast and crew, and to the hated Lunar who must die in a ball of fireflames that shall fall to the very deepest pits of hell and crash into a deposit of diamonds upon which her body shall be impaled and then she shall be crushed by falling rocks that are burning with the fury of a thousand suns and then she shall be fed to a herd of angry wildebeests and then she shall be dead…..

((Lunar:… wow, loving, isn't he.

Naruto:… Lunar. Just continue reading.

Lunar: -pout- fine. You suck.-))

It is I, Kyuubi no Kitsune. I am writing to you from the closet of the authoress that the hated Lunar (may she die a terrible death by being gnawed apart by hundreds of great white sharks then tossed in a vat of acid and set to simmer for several hours while a team of 20 men stand above it firing countless machine guns into the acid.) gave me to. I am writing to say I am quite fine, or I would be if it wasn't for these stupid freaking bows ( may all bows be destroyed in a massive atomic explosion and may all memories of how to make bows disappear into time's gaping jaws, which is also what I hope shall happen to Lunar, who must die by falling into the gaping jaws of a hundred thousand lions, then she must be tossed off the highest cliff into the deepest canyon where she shall be torn up by hundreds of thousands of rocks and then she shall finally die by drowning in the deepest river known to man/youkai-kind.) Anyway, I was just really writing to say Hi, how are you doing, and HELP ME IF YOU HAVE ANY HUMANITY IN YOUR HEARTS AT ALL RESCUE ME! And when you do, we shall find Lunar, and then we shall kill her by first stabbing her with a million kunai knives, and then impaling her with a thousand shuriken, and then repeatedly slashing her with hundreds of kantanas, and then 

we shall set her on fire with a giant pile of gunpowder so that she might explode, and then any remains that remain shall be set on fire and stomped on until they can no longer be seen with the naked eye in any circumstance. MHUA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

With lots and lots and lots of love, Kyuubi no Kitsune. (heart)

Naruto:ummm…. Oookayyyy…

Lunar:… What a lovely letter. How sweet of him to send it.

Naruto: OO! Dude! He mentioned, several times, about killing you! In pretty terrible ways to…

Lunar: oh, he'll get over it.

Naruto: I don't think so.

Lunar: Well, that can be for another chapter. I don't feel like dwelling on Kyuubi's eternal hatred of.. um.. well… me.

Naruto:… I wouldn't want to dwell on it either.

Lunar: Anyway, let's see… what shall we do now that Sasuke's… -pauses and reads a review- uh oh.

Naruto: uh oh? What uh oh.

Lunar: eh heh… uhhh, I think Kingman's imprisonment (accidental folks, accidental) affected him….

Naruto:… why?

Lunar:… Well… he's going after Sasuke. To kill him… I think I oughta go save Sasuke….

Naruto:..WHAT? YOU THINK!! GO SAVE SASUKE-TEME FROM THE MANIAC YOU CREATED.

Lunar: XD Kingman wouldn't be the first… Anyway, COME SPARKLES!

Naruto: Sparkles?

Giant white armored war horse: -walks up- -snorts-

Naruto: OO that's sparkles?

Lunar: -hugging sparkles- well, yeah. A fan girl has got to have a decent warhorse.

Sparkles: -stares at Naruto menacingly-

Naruto: OO uhh. Okayy. Um, Shouldn't you be going to save Sasuke now?

Lunar: Oh yeah!! Off we go Sparkles, to save the stupid gay chicken! –rides off-

Naruto: Oo Gay chicken?... wait. WHAT WILL WE DO HERE FOR THE REST OF THE CHAPTER THEN?

Kakashi: What about a gay chicken?

Naruto: oh, Sasuke went on vacation, and now the guy Lunar had locked up in her closet is going after Sasuke.

Kakashi:… I would too if I was trapped in Lunar's closet for that long. There's…. things living there.

Naruto: terrible, terrible, yaoi-ish things. –shudder-

Kakashi:… We're kind of lucky he didn't kill himself.

Naruto: -solemn nod- Very Lucky.

Kakashi:.. So, what will we do without the authoress?

Naruto: We can call Angel… She can tell us more stories about Lunar and the akatsuki.

Kakashi: -chuckles- do it do it.

Naruto: -grabs a phone- hi, is this Angel ? Hi, this is Naruto… Lunar when to go save Sasuke-teme from certain death. Will you come run the chapter? Cause, we're bored. Cool! Thanks, bye!

… She's coming.



Kakashi: Cool. So, what will we do until she gets here?

Naruto: I dunno. I don't usually think about these things anymore.. It's hard enough keeping alive in here.

Kakashi: yep. Alive and unmolested. An oc nearly jumped me yesterday. Luckily itachi was nearby, so I used him as a human shield.

Naruto: -shudders- They're everywhere…..

Kakashi: XD… Yes. They are Naruto.. And they're coming.. For you!

Angel: KAKASHI HATAKE! DON'T YOU GO ABOUT MESSING WITH NARUTO'S HEAD! LUNAR DOES THAT JOB WELL ENOUGH!

Kakashi: OO. Uh, yes ma'am.

Angel: Anyway, so, let me get this straight. Lunar sent Sasuke on vacation. Then the guy that Lunar has accidentally left in her closet for a couple of months decided to go after Sasuke and kill him. So Lunar had to leave to save Sasuke.

Naruto: yes.

Angel:…. Why can't this story be more normal? Like, I don't know, Repercussion, or Backlash or something……

Naruto:… Same reason why Lunar can't be normal. This story is more fun.

Angel: That's it, I need to get all of you away from Lunar for a little while.

Naruto: Isn't that why you're here?

Angel:….. yes. Yes it is. Anyway, let's see, Lunar usually leaves backup plans somewhere…. –picking through a file cabinet-

Naruto: Oo?

Angel: Shut up Naruto. Anyway, okay, here we go. 'Just in Case Plan number 52. If I ever accidentally leave a reviewer in the closet for months on end and it just happens to affect his mental health so deeply that he becomes psychotic and bent on killing Sasuke and I have to leave to rescue Sasuke and someone calls Angel to stand in for me.'

Naruto:… Lunar's really specific, isn't she?

Angel: Yes. Yes she is. Okay, so basically, I use clip 15 of Lunar and Diedara with the giant pot of clay named Roberto, and I give you guy's extremely caffeinated beverages and watch what happens after that for the convo.

Naruto: 'Roberto?'

Angel: Lunar named it, plainly.

Kakashi: So. How is this going to work?

Angel: well, First, I give you guys these –lifts up a couple dozen 50 liter bottles of the strongest coffee known to authoress kind (about 234543 more powerful that what normal people can handle.)

Naruto: -grabs his- So, I'm supposed to drink this?

Kakashi: Is this a good idea?

Angel: No. It's not. But it's Lunar… so… it should be mildly amusing what happens next.

Naruto: If you say so……

Angel: Well, let's see what Lunar has planned. Drink away.

Naruto, Kakashi, Neji, Gaara, Kisame, Itachi, Shikamarou:-drink it- …. –blink. Blink.-

Angel: oh my… umm. –leaves-



Naruto:I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS STUFFISTHISSTRONGHOWDIDLUNARGETCOFFEETHISSTRONGHOWDIDSHEGETSOMUCHOFITWASITREALLYSAVEFORUSTODRINKSOMUCHOFITIFEELSOENEGRIZEDISHOULDGORUNAMARATHONWOULDITBEAGOODIDEAFORMETORUNAMARATHONRIGHTAFTERDRINKINGSOMUCHCAFFINEHEYCAFFINEINEVERKNEWIKNEWTHEWORDCAFFINEHEYIJUSTSAIDKNEWIKNEWHEYDOESN'THATSOUNDKINDOFRETARDEDKNEWIKNEWKNEWIKNEWHAHAHAHAHAHHEYHEYHEYHEGAARAGAARAGAARAGAARAWHATAREYOUDOINGHUHUHUHUHUHUHHUHUHUH WELLWELLWELLWELLWELLWELLWELLWHATCHADOINGGAARAWHATCHADOINGHUHUHUHHHUHUUHUHUJHUJHUHUHHWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!-falls to the ground twitching-

Kakashi: -blink. Blink.blink. blink. - -starts laughing. Keeps laughing. Doesn't stop laughing. Sitting in the corner laughing his ass off and rocking back and forth-

Gaara: -running around waving his Teddy bear over his head- ALL HAIL MR. TEDDY! YES YES YES! BOW TO MR. TEDDY! MHUA HA HA HA MR. TEDDY SHALL HAVE YOUR SOULS! YOUR SOOOUUULLLLSSSS! MR TEDDY RULES ALL! YES HE DOES! ALL HAIL MR. TEDDY! MHUA HA HA HA! DON'T YOU ALL LOVE MR. TEDDY? PROCLAIM YOUR LOVE TO MR. TEDDY OR FACE THE POWER OF MR. TEDDY'S TEDDY-BEAR MIGHT! FACE HIS MIGHT! FACE IT! MHUA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA FAAACCEEE IIITTTT! YAY FOR MR. TEDDY! YAY FOR HIM! CHEER FOR MR. TEDDY! I SAID CHEER DAMNIT! WHY AREN'T YOU CHEERING? CHEEERRR! –starts throttling a lamp- CHEEERRRR!

Neji:-starts running around- I SEE YOU! I SEE YOU TENTEN! STANDINGTHERE IN ALL YOUR TEN-TENEDNESS!

TenTen:… neji. Did you have caffeine?

Neji: Yes I did oh great talking pink-wearing lady master of the panda-bear people.

TenTen:…. What the hell.

Neji: Yes indeed oh great talking pink wearing lady master of the panda bear people that live in huts made of bamboo but they have to keep making their houses because pandas eat bamboo and they keep eating their house which makes the real estate market of the panda bear people villages very very confusing cause you don't know if your neighbors sold their house or hate it cause no one tells you anything cause most panda bear people don' t talk only the great talking pink wearing lady master of the panda bear people.

Tenten:…Come on Neji. Let's go get you some of your special medicine.

Neji: Yes oh great talking pink wearing lady master of the panda bear people .

Naruto: HAHAHAHAHNEJIBELIEVES INTHEPANDABEARPEOPLEOFTHEMOUNTAINSANDTHEY'RECALLEDTHATCAUSETHEY'RESUPPOSEDTOLIVEINTHEMOUNTAINSBUTHEYDON'TLIVEINTHEMOUNTAINSBECAUSETHEYDON'TEXISTBECAUSETHEY'REFAKEBUTNEJIBELIEVESINTHEMBECAUSEHECALLEDTENTENTHEGREATTALKINGPINKWEARINGLADYMASTEROFTHEPANDABEARPEOPLEBUTWOULDN'THATMAKETENTENAPANDABEARDEMONWHICHWOULDBEAWKWARDBUTITALSOWOULDBEWEIRDBECAUSEOFTHEKYUUBIHEYDOESTENTENEVENHAVEALASTNAMEORISHEJUSTENTENITHINKSHE'SJUSTTENTENHAHAHAHTENTENTENTENTENTENWITHNOLASTNAMEHAHAHAHAHIWONDERWHYTENTENDOESN'THAVEALASTNAMEISITTHESAMEREASONGAARADOESN'THAVEALASTNAMEEITHERHEYNEITHERDOESTSUNADEORJAIRAYAORTHATONEPEDOFILEGUYWHATISWITHALLOFTHESEPEOPLEWITHOUTLASTNAMESWHYDON'THEYHAVELASTNAMESISITB

BECAUSETHEYALLHAVEIDENTITIYISSUESORSOMETHINGWAITWHYWOULDTHEYAHVENAMESATALLIFTHEYHAVEIDENTITYISSUESWHYAMITALKINGABOUTIDENTITYISSUES? –falls totheground twitching-

Kakashi: -blink. Blink. Starts laughing his ass off again and continues sitting in the corner laughing his ass off about who knows what-

Gaara: HAHA NEJI HAD TO LEAVE! BUT THAT IS BECAUSE NEJI DID NOT BOW TO MR. TEDDY! IT IS MR. TEDDY'S AWESOME POWERS OF TEDDY-NESS THAT CAUSED NEJI TO GET TAKEN AWAY BY THE FEARSOME PANDA-IMPERSONATOR! WHICH SLIGHTLY FLATTERS MR. TEDDY BECAUSE MR. TEDDY IT'S A BEAR! YES! ALL SHOULD DO AS THE FEARSOME PANDA BEAR IMPERSONATOR AND THEY SHOULD ALL PRETEND TO BE BEARS! YES! PRETEND T OBE BEARS FOR THE MIGHTY MR. TEDDY! PRETEND I SAY! PRETEND! PRETEND OR DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! –starts attacking a couch cushion-

Itachi:….. OOOOH WHERE OH WHERE AS MY LITTLE DOG GONE, OH WHERE OH WHERE CAN HE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. WITH HIS EARS BUT SHORT AND HIS TAIL CUT LONG, OH WHERE OH WHERE CAN HE BEEEEEEEEEEE –singing with a drunk grandma voice-

Kisame: SHUUUTTT UUUPPPP, LIKE, ITACHI. CAUSE, LIKE, you cannot, like, sing , like, right now. Totally. Like, seriously, totally. And, like, anyways, like, yeah, I was all like, yeah huh, and they were all like, nah huh, and I was like, yeah huh, and they were like, no way, and I was all like, yes way, and they were all like, nooo way, and I was all like, oh yes way. And they were like, nuh uh no way, and I was like, yeah huh yes way. And they were like, oh, my gosh. And I was like, oh, my gosh, I like, know. And they were like, oh, my gosh, and I was like, oh, my gosh, I like, totally know.

Naruto:KISAMETALKSTOOMUCHHASANYONEELSENOTICEDTHATKISAMETALKSTOOMUCHHEYIWONDERIFANYOFTHEREADERSHAVEANYIDEAWHATI'MSAYINGHEYIFYOUREAREADERANDYOUUNDERSTANDWHATI'MSAYINGTHATREVIEWWITHTHEWORDNONSENSEINYOURREVIEWANDTHEAUTHORESSWILLINCLUDEYOUINANUPCOMINGCHAPTERASANOC.MOSTLIKELYAFANGIRL,BUTIFYOU'DLIKETOBEPARTOFTHEFIRSTREACTIONFANGIRLMEDICALTREATMENTCOREORTHEFRFMTTHANSIMPLYPMONEORTHEOTHERTOLUNARALONGWITHTHEWORLDNONSENSE.BUTTHAT'SONLYIFYOUCANUNDERSTANDWSHATIMSAYING.CAUSEIFYOUDON'TUNDERSTANDWHATI'MSAYINGTHATEVERYTHINGIJUSTSAIDISOFNOUSETOYOUWHATSOVERANDITHASTOBETHEWHOLEWORLDNOTPARTOFITSO,ANYWAY,ICAN'TBELIEVEKISAMETALKSTOMUCHAMITHEONLYONEWHOTHINKSHETALKSTOMUCHWHOELSETALKSTOMUCHLOTSOFPEOPLETALKTOMUCHAMITALKINGTOOMUCHI'MTALKINGTOMUCHAREN'TIIHATETALKINGTOOMUCHBUTRIGHTNOWICANBARELYSTOPTALKINGATLIKE80MILESPERHOURANDWOWIJUSTSAIDANUMBERAMITHEONLYONEWHORECOGNIZEDTHENUMBERTHATISLIKESOFREAKINGAWESOMEITSONLYSOLITARYNUMBERINAGIANTPARAGRAPHOFWORDSWITHNOSPACESWHATSOEVERYEAH.

Kakashi: -stares for a few seconds before laughing again. Continues laughing. Loudly. Slightly creepily..-

Gaara: YOU THERE! BOW TO MR. TEDDY! MR. TEDDY HAS GIVEN YOU THE GIFT OF JOY! HE HAS GIVEN US ALL JOY! WE SHOULD ALL BOW TO MR. TEDDY! BOW TO MR. TEDDY! BOW BOW BOW! YES BOW TO MR. TEDDY! MHUA HA HA HA HA MR. TEDDY RULES OVER ALL OF YOUR PATHETIC MEANINGLESS LIVES! NO, WAIT, YOU ALL HAVE MEANING IN LIFE! AND THAT MEANING IS TO SERVE MR. TEDDY! WE SHOULD ALL SERVE MR. TEDDY! YES! EVERYONE SING THE MR. TEDDY NATIONAL ANTHEM! THOSE THAT DO NOT SING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM TO MR. TEDDY MUST ALL SUFFER A TERRIBLE PAINFUL DEATH AT THE HANDS OF THE SKILLED ASSASINS THAT WORK AS MR. TEDDY'S PRIVATE ASSASINS! YES, HE SHALL STRIKE YOU DOWN WITH HIS TEDDY-FUL MIGHT! FEAR HIS TEDDY-FUL 

MIGHT! FEAR IT! FEEEAR! I SAID FEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR! –starts beating a duck into the ground-

Itachi: OOOOOOH, OLD MAC DONALD HAD A FARM, EI I EI I OOOHHHHHHHHHHH –still signing in the terrible drunk cat lady voice. Possibly on purpose. No one can tell with that much caffeine-

Kisame: I like, totally told Itachi to like, stop like, singing in his like, totally terrible voice. Cause, like, I totally, like, know that like, he is like, so doing that on like, purpose. But, like, anyway, I was like, totally talking to like, this one girl, you know, like, the one with like, the hair, and like, the glasses, and like, the really cute purse. You like, totally know. But anyway, like, totally, I was like, talking to her, and we were all like, ah huh, and like, nah huh, and like, yeahhhh. And then she was all like, 'did you like, here about the, like, new cd from, like, them?' and I was like 'they have a new cd? No way' and she's all like, yeah way, and I'm all like, no way, and she's like, totally yeah way, and I'm like, totally yeah way! And she's like, I, like, know, and I'm like, whoa. And she's like, whoa, I like, know,

Kakashi: -more slightly insane slightly frightening laughing-

Shikamarou: -runs past them all naked screaming- VIVA LA REVOLUTION!!

Ino: OMG SHIKAMAROU PUT YOUR PANTS ON! –chasing-

Kakashi: -MORE insane and now even more frightening laughing-

Naruto: DID SHIKAMAROUJUSTRANPASTNAKEDHEJUSTRANPASTNAKEDWHYDIDSHIKAMAROURUNPASTNAKEDTHATWASLIKESOWEIRDANDKINDAFREAKYWHYWOULDHEJUSTRANPASTUSNAKEDANDWHATWASITTHATWASHEWASYELLINGWHYDIDHERUNPASTYELLINGTHATANDWHYTHEHELLWASHENAKEDWHATWASHAPPENINGBEHINDTHESCENESWHYARETHECAMERAGUYSONLYFOCUSINGONUSWOULD'NTITHAVEBEENFUNNYTOSEEWHATHAPPENEDTOSHIKAMAROUWAITWHYDOICAREHEYIWONDERHOWMUCHTHISCOFFEESTUFFCOSTSTHISISSOMEPRETTYGOODSTUFFISHOULDTAKESOMEWHENIGOONMISSONSICOULDPROBABLYTALKMYENEMIESTODEATHLIKETHISITHINKITWOULDBEIMPOSSIBLETOKILLMEWHENIMLIKETHISJUSTBECAUSEICAN'TSTAYSTILLANDI'MBOUCNINGOFFTHEWALLSANDIMNOTSTAYINGSTILLANDI'MNOTSHUTTINGUPANDIBETTHISISPRETTYANNOYINGHEYIWONDERIFLUNARSDONERESCUINGSASUKETEMEWAITWHYDOICAREIFSHESDONERESCUINGSASUKETEMEIHAVESOMUCHEHENRGYISHOULDSTARTDANCINGTOITACHISHORRIBLECATLADYSINGING.

Kakashi: -blink.blink.blink. starts laughing his ass off again-

Gaara: YOU SHOULD ALL BE BOWING TO MR. TEDDY! MR. TEDDY DESERVES COMPLETE AND TOTAL RESPECT! WE SHOULD ALL BE RESPECTING MR. TEDDY! YES! ALL HAIL MR. TEDDY! YAY MR. TEDDY! MR. TEDDY IS THE MOST PREFECT TEDDY IN ALL OF TEDDY-DOM, WHICH IS WHY WE BOW TO MR. TEDDY BECAUSE MR. TEDDY IS WAY MORE PREFECT THAN US CAUSE HE'S THE MOST PERFECT TEDDY TO EVER BE CALLED MR. TEDDY THAT MAKES ALL OTHER BEARS NAMED MR.TEDDY OBSOLETE THEREFORE AS SERVANTS OF THE GREAT MR. TEDDY IT IS OUR DUTIES AS NINJAS THAT SERVE THE GREAT MR. TEDDY TO GO OUT TO ALL CORNERS OF MR. TEDDY'S KINGDOM,WHICH IS THE ENTIRE WORLD AND WE MUST WIPE OUT AND DESTROY ALL THOSE WHO DARE CALL THEMSELVES MR. TEDDY BECAUSE MR. TEDDY PWNS THEM ALL AND THEY SHOULD ALL GET OVER IT AND CHANGE THEIR NAMES BECAUSE MR. TEDDY IS THAT FREAKING AWESOME EVERYONE SHOULD BOW TO HOW AWESOME MR. TEDDY IS!! YES! LET US ALL BOW TO MR. TEDDY AND SING HIS PRAISES! I SAID SING! SIIIIIIIIINGGGGGGGG! –starts, uh, 'choking' a shoe-



Itachi: MARY HAD A LITTLE LAAAMMMBBBBB HIS NAME IS STEEEVVVEEE I FORGOT THE REAL WOOORDDDSSS CAUSE I'VE INGESTED ENOUGH CAFFIIINEEEE TO KEEP A LARGE ARMY AWAKE FOR A COUPLE OF DOZEN OF YEEAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.! –still singing in the drunken cat lady voice-

Kisame: and that I was like, Itachi, should like, totally like, stop like, singing, and then Diedara was all like, yeah, totally, and then I was like, yeah, and then everyone was all like, yeah, and then itachi was all like, shut up, like, now, I only, like, sing like that, like, when I have caffine, and I was like, oh, then like, let's like, not give you any caffine, like, totally, and he was like, yeah, totally, and then lunar was sitting in the corner, like, yeah totally, this would like, so like, work like, for a chapter, and itachi was like, what, and she was like, oh, nothing, and he was all like, with this like, evil aura, and then he said, like, better be nothing, and then he like, left, and lunar, like, started laughing this like, creepy laugh, and like, I like, left the room. Yeah.

Kakashi: -blink. Blink- -starts laughing his ass off.. again. Actually, he only pauses one in a while to breathe, than he starts laughing again-

Gaara: FEEEAAARRR MRR TEEDDYYYY YOOOUUU MMOOORRRTTAAALLLLSSSS!!

Shikamarou: VIVA LA REVOLUTION! –sets an explosive down and runs before Ino can attempt to put pants on him again-

Ino: SHIKAMAROUUUUUUUUUUU! Wait. What is that?

--….. BOOOOMMM……--

Everyone: -blink. Blink.-

Kakashi: -starts laughing maniacally again-

Naruto: -falls to the ground twitching-

Gaara: -falls asleep-

Itachi: -gets knocked out by a camera guy, mainly because his voice was disturbing Lunar's electrical equipment-

Kisame: -leaves to go shopping-

Neji: -walks back in- ah hem, I feel that I should take this chance to point out my previous…. Episode, was influenced heavily by the extremely caffeinated drinks that Lunar had Angel give us. On any normal day I do not refer to Tenten as the Talking Pink-wearing Lady Master of the Panda People. I also do not require special medication on a daily basis. That's only when I receive more than the recommended amounts of daily caffine in under 30 seconds. Thank you.

Lunar: WOW!

Sasuke: ?

Lunar: I haven't even gotten to the disclaimer segment and we're already at 2, 838 words! This is gonna be a really long chapter, isn't it?

Sasuke:… I have the feeling this will be an ongoing pattern.

Lunar: yeah, it will , sauce.

Sasuke: --

Lunar: okay, no one will get it as much as I do unless I tell them. Kay, I just got a new computer, and I got the new word program ( I had Windows 98 people. 98 do you know how terrible that is? ) 

Anyway, and it records your word count as you type, so that's why I knew the word count, and, if you do spell check, Sasuke keeps coming up as 'Sauce' which is funny cause some people refer to him as 'Sauce is gay' or something like that…. Anyway, I may be the only person that finds that funny, so, yeah….. But, I really did enjoy caffinating everyone. That was hilarious.

Sasuke:… If you say so… Kakashi's kinda scaring me.

Kakashi: -still laughing his ass off and rocking back and forth in a corner-

Lunar:… uh, he's scaring me too……. Wanna ignore him for the rest of the chapter?

Sasuke: yep.

Lunar: Then you'll have to do that disclaimer segment.

Sasuke: whatever.

Lunar: Do it then.

Sasuke: -sigh- CUE THE DISCLAIMER SEGMENT BEFORE I FREAKING SHOVE YOU IN THAT DAMNED CLOSET OF LUNAR'S!

Audio & Visual Crew: OO NOOOOOOOOOOOO! –leap, dive, and press the disclaimer segment button-

Lunar:… I've never seen that many people in one pile, and it have nothing to do with fangirlism……

-Disclaimer Segment-

Lunar: -disheveled, and looking in a really bad mood-….. Why is that camera on, and why is it pointed at me?

Poor unfortunate Camera Guy: uh, because it's the disclaimer segment.

Lunar: … Do I look like I want to do the disclaimer segment right now?

Poor Unfortunate Camera Guy: umm. No, not really.

Lunar: Then why is that camera still on.

Poor Unfortunate Camera Guy: um, the on button is stuck.

Lunar: Then why is it still pointed at me.

Poor Unfortunate Camera Guy:…. Um, because, um, I'm, um, talking to you?

Lunar:…. If you want to keep your life intact, turn it off. Now.

Poor Unfortunate Camera Guy: um um um but the button is stuck!

Lunar: -starts walking towards him menacingly- turn. It. Off.

Poor Unfortunate Camera Guy: um, yes ma'am! Yes! –desperately trying to unstick the button-

Lunar: -dark aura of doom-

Poor Unfortunate Camera Guy: OO AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

-Camera goes all fuzzy with the black and white dot-thingy… you all know what I mean…-

Sasuke: Oo

Lunar: eh hem, um, I don't do well when I first wake up.

Sasuke:… So you KILLED a camera guy.

Lunar: no, not killed. Maimed.

Sasuke: oh, that's so much better. Do you have a real disclaimer segment?



Lunar:… you mean one that wasn't accidentally filmed at a bad moment but a camera guy with really bad luck?

Sasuke: yes.

Lunar: oh.. um. I don't know.. Let me check. –goes into a drawer and starts digging around-

Sasuke: -sweatdrop- I have to remind myself not to be around when she wakes up….

Lunar: FOUND IT! –hands it to a av (audiovisual) guy-

AV Guy: -plays the tape, thankful the camera guy wasn't him-

-Real Disclaimer Segment-

Lunar: hmmm. What shall I do for the disclaimer segment? Hmmm. –thinking- OOH. I KNOW. I TOTALLY KNOW.

Kakashi: (pre caffine kakashi) … and what is your idea?

Lunar: okay, this segment, is an advertisement by….. –shudders- OROCHIMAROU!! Pay me my 234235 436 4363434634576437674567456734645634573456547658364724565246234524 bucks and then the stage is yours, pedo-freak.

Orochimarou: .. that's pretty cheap.. –pays-.

Lunar: Well, I'm off to sterilize this money. See you guys later. –leaves-

Kakashi: …….

Orochimarou: Eh hem, HELLO, ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, my name is Orochimarou, the snake sanin! And I have a very special treat In store for all of you!

Kakashi: sexual harassment?

Orochimarou:… shut up. Anyway, Are you all thought of as the 'weak one' in your family? Do you want a little more power, a little more respect? Well, I can certaintly help you!

Kakashi: While he helps himself to you.

Orochimarou: shut up. Anyway, I, Orochimarou, will train you to the best of your abilities until you are the perfect ninja! Need that little boost each time you fight? Well, then I even have a special curse mark that you can use! All it costs is your body!

Kakashi: So he can molest you, then steal your body, then molest your body again.

Orochimarou: SHUT UP. Anyway, All you need to do is swear your eternal alliegence and then give me your body if I need it.

Kakashi:… which is whenever he can't get a cold shower.

Orochimarou: YOU KNOW WHAT…

Kakashi: what?

Orochimarou: I paid for this commercial. Shut up.

Kakashi:…. Like Lunar's gonna let you get out of here unscathed.

Orochimarou: ??

Lunar: BONZAIII! –rolls a giant marshmallow/rice crispies ball that's still very sticky and very hot at Orochimarou-

Orochimarou: -gets picked up by the sticky molten marshamallow and lets out a scream- THIS HUUURRRTTTSS.

Lunar:… that was awesome.



Kakashi:.. where the hell did you get that?

Lunar: Internet.

Kakashi:….. how the hell.

Lunar: Kakashi. You've been here what, a year? Year and a half?

Kakashi:… yeah…..

Lunar: and since when do I ever do anything with a logical explanation?

Kakashi:… good point.

Lunar: yes it is. Now if you excuse me, I must ride this second sticky marshmallow/rice crispie ball (this one's cooled down) to a meeting with my pixie-stick supplier.

Kakashi:… you're going to ride a…. you know what? Never mind. I don't care. I don't want to know. It's better for my mental health if I don't know.

Lunar: Yep. It most certantly is. –gets on the giant marshmallow/rice crispie ball and rides off-

Kakashi:… She doesn't own Naruto…. I'm not even sure she owns sanity…… I think I need to go see a therapist…….

-End Disclaimer Segment-

Lunar: XD That was freaking awesome.

Sasuke:… A rice crispie ball?

Lunar: oh, yeah. They go pretty fast. And they're eco-friendly!

Sasuke:……. I'm not going to ask.

Lunar: That's a really good policy. Yep.

Sasuke:… so. What are you doing to do now.

Lunar: Well, a chapter. Duh. Oh yeah, it's a dear sally sort of thing today!

Sasuke:… oh freaking hell… I hate you Lunar.

Lunar: -grinning- oh I know Sasuke. I know.

Okay, let's see. My type (its me Lunar hi hi hi hi hi) will be regular, 'letters' will be italics, answers will be bold. Answers will be written by who they're addressed to. (like, a letter for sasuke will be answered by Sasuke, a letter for naruto will be answered by naruto, etc.) If there's more than one character, then I'll just use bold/italic and labeling! Okay, here we go!

Dear Sasuke-sama,

I need your advice on something. There's a guy I really like. But he doesn't notice me. And a ton of people notice you, so I was wondering if you could tell me how to get his attention?

Sincerely,

Invisible Girl

Dear Invisible,

Why the hell are you asking me this? Why aren't you freaking asking Naruto himself? Dunce still probably wouldn't notice though…. Hmmm. Well, let's see. I'm just naturally cool, plus I have these great looks, so everybody notices me naturally. But for you, (and I know who you are. Starts with an 'H' ends with an 'A' has 'inat' in between them…) I suggest stalking him till you know his daily habits, then leave him mysterious notes and letters, then send him a note saying it was you. Or just tell him straight to his face. Either way works.

Sincerely,

Sasuke

Dear Kakashi,

You see I have this problem, I am drop dead gorgeous(not exagerating) and it is very annoying. All of the gay guys try to jump me after my shift is over at the missions office, I think I may have even seen Kisame once shudder. The main thing is that I cannot wear a face mask like you to keep off the hordes of rabid fangirls and guys. A few of my commanding officers wish for me to join ANBU, but I have heard about the high fatality rate, I know the mask would help me with my fan problem, but I am not sure, especially as I would not be able to wear it all the time, especially if I have to keep any identities secret. I look forward to any advice you may have as you also have my problem and were in ANBU at one point.
SIncERely,
the hoIt MAn who is GrowIng veRy tired of being molested

Dear Hoit Man,

I completely understand. However, you already have the answer to your problem. Join ANBU. Why? Well, ANBU masks do hide smexyiness, and if you can't wear a face mask, it is really useful. You can wear the mask as much as you'd like, and when you don't want to wear it, you can chill out at the ANBU hq. Also, once you join ANBU, you can hire some of your fellow ANBU females to keep the fanpeople away. Trust me, ANBU girls, just as creepy as fangirls.. in fact, some of them are fangirls. Hence their effectiveness. And ANBU don't stalk other ANBU.

Sincerely,

Kakashi

Dear Naruto,

I like you. A lot. But.. I'm afraid to go talk to you. What should I do?

Sincerely,

I like you.

Dear Like,

Well, techinically, you just talked to me, so, there you go! Although I might end up gay by the end of Ninja Nonsense….

Sincerely,

Naruto

Lunar: That's the best you could do Naruto?

Naruto:.. they didn't give me much to work with!

Lunar:.. whatever, next one!

Dear Lunar,

Can I kill you?

Sincerely,

Tired of you calling me a pedofile.

Dear Pedofile,

… This is for the characters only, weirdo. Second, It's cause you are a pedofile… KABUTO! Ha, bet you all weren't expecting that!

Sincerely,

Lunar.

Dear Asuma,

I have noticed for quite some time your smoking habit. How do you do that without dying of lung cancer or something? I would like to know, cause I like smoking, just whenever I try, my wife beats me into a pulp.

Sincerely,

Smoking to Relieve Stress

Dear Shikaku Nara,

I know it's you. Anyway, Just smoke the special not-actually-cigarettes-but-i-say-they-are-real-to-look-cool-anyway cigarettes. They're in the liquor store under 'Smoke-Free'.

Sincerely,

Asuma.



Lunar: asuma, you weren't supposed to say his name. Now everyone knows he's whipped. Wait. Everyone already knew.. nvm.

Asuma: ooh burn.

Dear Tsunade,

I'm afraid of bandaids, but I'm afraid of you too. What do I do if I don't like bandaids, but I don't want to get a bad infection that would make me go see you?

Sincerely,

Not even putting a description here.

Dear Freaking Sissy,

Go see Shizune if your such a wimp.

Sincerely,

Tsunade

Dear Sasuke,

Mooo.

Sincerely,

Moooo

Dear Kimimaro

……What the hell is wrong with you.

Sincerely,

Sasuke.

Dear Sasuke,

… Stop chasing me, Tobi won't stop singing that children's rhyme about the monkey and the weasel.

Sincerely,



Sexy

Dear Itachi,

Oh, I know, I hate that song. Kill you later.

Sasuke.

Dear Naruto,

I find you extremely smexy. In fact, I'm going to stalk you to your house, kidnap you, and use you for my own means. I love you!

Sincerely,

Stalker

Dear… er, Stalker.

You can be a couple of people… I'm thinking, Hinata, but..

Hinata: Naruto, I wouldn't waste my time kidnapping you when I can just 'take advantage ' of you in your own house?

Gee, Hinata, er, thanks.. then, who is it?

Hinata: Itachi.

OO.. er… well, um… AH!

Sincerely,

NOT INTERESTED.

Lunar:.. wow. That… sucked. You people need therapy.

Sasuke: and you don't?

Lunar: … Yeah, I do, just not as obviously.

Sasuke: Whatever.



Lunar: This is my single longest ninja nonsense chapter Ever. It's way bigger than last chapter.. and most of it was just that thing with the coffee.

Sasuke: …… Kakashi is still laughing in that really creepy way.

Lunar:.. hmm. It must be the caffine.

Sasuke:… no, really?

Lunar: Shut up Sasuke. Anyway, let's see, let's see.

Sasuke: ….

Lunar: I know! -gets out some Nyquil and shoves it down Kakashi's throat-

Kakashi: XX

Sasuke: OMG. YOU KILLED KAKASHI!

Naruto: You bastard!

Kakashi: Lunar doesn't own Southpark.

Lunar: See? He's fine!

Naruto:…. Whatever. –goes back to sleep-

Kakashi: Lunar?

Lunar: Yes?

Kakashi: I hate you.

Lunar: I know, I know…

Kakashi:…. You're a terrible person

Lunar: How so?

Kakashi: You gave me something that was pretty much nothing but caffine.

Lunar: I know. Actually, Angel gave it to you. She just happened to use one of my incredibly specific and therefore incredibly interesting and useful.

Kakashi: You suck. I mean, you seriously suck.

Lunar: Heh heh heh. I know. I know.

Kakashi: You need a therapist.

Lunar: Actually. You do. That's where you'll be next chapter. I'm ending this one. YAY 5000 WORDS WOO HOO. REVIEW LOVES!