A human male stepped inside, looking around, wary and cautious, searching for something. A disgusting stench filled my nose like a horrible death was rotting in this very house and I screwed up my nose, recoiling from the smell. I realized, with a start, it was the same scent I had sensed when I first woke up from that pain of my change. I took another look at the man. Something about the face reminded me of someone awfully familiar from a time long ago. The color of his skin, the black hair, his face, the eyes. I gulped, my eyes widened.
"Jacob?" I whispered, my eyes frozen as he stopped moving. He slowly turned to me and saw where I stood. We stared at each other, neither of us wanting to make the first move.
"Bella?" he said after awhile, taking a step in my direction and I moved away, keeping the same distance.
"W-why?" I asked, inflicting every pain in me into that one word as the feelings of that day surged forth in me. The day I tried so hard to forget—and failed—these past four decades was now fresh in my memory like it occurred only an hour ago. I tried not to double over in pain, wrapping myself around my midsection, attempting to keep myself together. I felt like I was about to go into pieces.
"Huh?" he asked, not moving closer to me, and he seemed to remember how I tried to hold myself together whenever I felt like I was going to break. Jacob swallowed, wondering what to do next. He remained somewhat confused by my question.
"Why did you leave?" I whispered, trying not to let my voice break, remembering the minutes I had been by myself before I took his life.
"Oh Bella, I-I am so sorry," he answered, anguish in his voice. "I knew I should have stayed with you, even during your... funeral. Embry... convinced me to go, for some sort of... closure."
"I... I... My funeral?" I asked, wondering why Charlie was driving at that time. "C-Charlie?"
He saw my confusion on my face and spoke again with care.
"We all went there, and your dad... he was driving around, trying to collect his thoughts, or, that's what he said. Bella, I cannot tell you how much I regret leaving you alone that day. I went to mourn the loss of your humanity, for that closure. I had never left your side until that moment, you must realize that, Bella," Jacob pleaded, as though wanting my forgiveness. "I've never forgiven myself for leaving you."
I sighed, looking at the ground, "I understand, but... you couldn't have had anyone to stay with me? Like... like a guard duty? And... I... didn't I tell you it took three days to change?"
"That's what confused us the most, you left six hours before you were supposed to be... done. It was because of that, we left, figuring we would be back before you... woke," Jacob said, eyebrows knitted together with agony. "It pained me so much to leave you for even a minute, Bella."
I looked away from him, still attempting to hold myself together.
"None of the others wanted to stay with you. So, when you disappeared, and... found your father... we knew what went wrong, what happened, and we knew that you must have been in a horrible shape, Bella. We were terrified with the thought that you simply became a monster... not like the Cullens." he said and I flinched slightly at their thoughts of her being a monster. "We tried searching for you for years, but you were just... gone. Can you ever forgive me, Bella?"
"I... forgive you, Jacob," I said, closing my eyes, finally having the reason for the abandonment. I felt a little better with the knowledge that my friends had been trying to find me. I opened my eyes again, studying my old friend. "I never tasted human blood since then... I hated the thought of being a monster so much..."
"So you never took another life?" Jacob asked, relief washing over his face, and I nodded with a grim smile.
"Did you... try to contact the Cullens?" I asked, remembering the days after I turned, I had waited for them to come as well. Maybe my scent had been too faint for them too.
Jacob shuffled his feet and nodded in answer, "Rather, they came here after what Alice... and found out what happened to you. They've been looking for you since."
I paled at the news, my mind went blank. They've been searching for me!
"Alice saw... you..." he said and his face pained, "you and your dad," he finished quietly. "That's what made them come here."
I moaned at the words, curling up on the floor, unable to stand, realizing they were too late as well. They had never seen me jump off the cliff, or Victoria, or even during my change. Where had I gone to wait? It was in that clearing with the rotting carcass I had hunted. Did I run so far away that I was out of reach? Jacob took a step closer to me, watching for my reaction.
"So... I gather you haven't met them yet..." he murmured.
I didn't move, still shaking, and he moved closer. Then when he was only a foot away, he kneeled down, and grabbed me into a light hug.
"You have no idea how often I thought of you, how I blamed myself for this. I am sorry, Bella," he said, his hot skin burning against mine. I didn't say anything, allowing him to comfort me. I was still in shock over the fact that they had been searching for me all these years.
"Sorry, I'm sorry Jacob... I... So..." I said after some moments of silence, trying to swallow the pain in my throat. "So... they've been searching for me, all this time"
"They have, yes," he replied.
"Where are they?"
"I haven't heard them in... a while Bella, I'm sorry," Jacob replied.
I merely nodded in understanding and moved away from the hug and stood up. Jacob straightened his legs, both of us still appearing uncomfortable—mostly by each other's scents.
"I guess I'll start searching for them," I said, looking around in the mansion. "How I missed this place..." I said in a quiet voice.
"You should stay here, wait for them to come," he said with hope in his eyes.
I shook my head, "I've bee waiting too long, I can't stay, sit around, and wait for them to come to me."
His face fell and another awkward silence crept on us, his feet shuffling quietly.
"Where will you go?" he asked.
I shook my head, unsure.
"I don't know Jacob, where could I start? Did they tell you where they're staying?" I asked.
"Sorry, I don't..."
I nodded in understanding and moved to Jacob, pulling him into a hug. "I missed you so much, my friend. How has life been treating you so far?" I asked, ignoring the terrible smell emitting from Jacob.
"I've... done my best, I found a nice girl," he replied, hugging me as tightly as he could, knowing that I couldn't get hurt anymore. "We have a family now, we have two great kids."
I swallowed thickly, smiling for Jacob, "I'm glad, what are their names?"
"Don't laugh... or cry," he said after a bit and pulled back a little to look at me in the eyes, "I named one girl after you; her name is Bella. It's too beautiful of a name to waste. My wife agreed."
In all the world to be thankful for, I was glad I couldn't cry properly. I was sure I might have started a flood. I tried to hold back a sob, nodding my thanks for the compliment.
"And... I named my son after your father, Charlie," he continued. That did me in, and I broke down, sobbing as Jacob pulled me against him, hugging each other tighter than before. "They're wonderful kids, I wish you could meet them," he whispered into my ears as I heaved my cries. All I could remember was my last moments with my dad.
"I... I hate, loathe myself so much," I spoke, not trying to hold back the pain in my voice. "Everyday, I thought, in the back of my mind, of how horrible I am. For... for..."
"Shh, Bells, shh," he murmured, stroking his fingers through my hair, "It's not your fault, I understand that. You're not a monster."
I shook my head, not wanting to believe his words, sobbing uncontrollably.
"There wasn't anything you could have done, Bella, not on your own," Jacob soothed.
"I could have tried harder!" I half yelled, pounding his chest with my right fist. Losing the strength in my legs, I fell to the ground again, dragging Jacob with me, consumed with my grief.
Rocking me back and forth slightly, Jacob said, "Hate me, not yourself."