An: Two more chapters to go!!

Ch 18

The days have been a blur for us all. Ella passed away two days after the wedding and we're getting ready for the burial now. We had to make the arrangements back in the states at the family vault in Hartford and it's been a hard struggle with Finn. He's closing himself off from everyone. He's been locked in his childhood room for the last three days. The boys can't get him out and he only lets me in feed him and to sleep.

"Hey" I say walking in and seeing him half dressed. Pants are on which is a good sign, but unbuttoned and no shirt. He looks like a little child so unsure about himself.

"I don't know if I can do this" he says turning to me and I see his eyes broken. The unshaved face from a week and a half of not shaving and I walk to him. He wraps his arms around me and I hold him.

"I can't tell you what feel today Finn, I can't tell you that I completely understand what you're going through either, but I do know that you're mother loved you more than anything this world. You gave her the chance to see her only son get married like she did, you gave her the precious memory of knowing that you're going to be father and she loved that more than anything. She wouldn't want you to be like this, I know that it's hard, but we all need you. I need you; our child needs its daddy. You're family needs you, but most of all you need all of us" I say looking up at him.

"I love you" he says leaning down and kissing me softly. "And I love you too" he says kneeling down and kissing my stomach through the black dress I have on.

"No one is expecting you to be anything but what you are today. If you want to grieve then you do, if you want to cry then cry Finn" I say playing with his messy untidy hair.

"I'll be down soon, I promise" he says standing up. "I'll be waiting" I smile at him and head out.

"How is he" Colin questions as I walk down the stairs. Steph and Colin must have just arrived.

"Not good guys, he's going to need all of us" I say hugging him.

"How are you holding up" she questions.

"I'm not throwing up so that's a plus" I joke and they smile knowing my morning sickness as been horrible with the international flight and time change. "He'll be down in a few, I'm hoping he shaves, but that would be a lot to ask right now" I say walking with them into the dining room that Cassie and I had rearranged for afterwards, simple buffet lunch for the family.

"Hey" I state seeing Finn Sr. standing in the center of the room.

"You know she always loved this room, her and girls used to push the table just like that and do thee crazy dances for me and the boys. It was part of who she was. She really missed Evan and now she's with him" he says looking at me.

"That's so like Ella wasn't it" I say smiling.

"She would have loved watching that little one grow like Chelsea" he says and place my hand on my stomach.

"Between you and me, I think if Finn has anything to do with it, this one will be exactly like her" I joke.

"But what if she's like you, that would be something" I hear Finn say and we all turn to see him freshly shaved and looking every part of the devoted son he is.

"A little I suppose" I smile at him.

"It's time we get going" he says extending his hand to me and I take it. We walk out to the waiting limo and head to the church.

We enter the church and the white casket in there center stage with flowers everywhere and pictures lining both sides of the church. I look around and see all of Finn's family and friends here. They are here to support him, give him a shoulder if he needs it. He squeezes my hand and I look up. "I need you" he mouths and I take the first step almost pulling him to the front with me. He couldn't do it alone. We sit down front row and the priest begins the eulogy. Cassie goes up first, she talks about Ella like she was not only her mother but best friend. Throughout it, I glanced back at Mom and she winks at me. It's like mirror image to our relationship how Cassie is speaking. She is my best friend, my mom and I owe everything to her. Eve goes up next and tells a story of being left alone after Finn and Cassie went to school and how she used to envy them, but realized that being the baby of the family wasn't so bad. She got to spend the most time alone with Ella, pretending she was an only child and loving the crazy dances they used to do or just walking on the beach. Everyone laughed, they cried and Finn was smirking at his sister. I glance at Finn and it's his turn. He kisses my head and stands up.

"I spend most of my years away from my mother, between boarding schools and college. She always wanted more for me and made sure that I had everything I needed and wanted. I was her baby boy no matter how old I was. She was the one that I turned to for advice, the one person who understood better than I understood myself. When Evan died, it destroyed the person I used to be. I felt like it was my fault and I didn't deserve to be standing here. That's when I started to spiral out of control. The drinking, the partying, the whole I don't care about anything attitude I created to block out love. To block out the one thing I didn't deserve. It was my mother and grandmother flew across the globe to Amsterdam to have an intervention with me. Nana went crazy with making sure my hygiene was right and fixing everything that was dirty or just needed to be thrown out. She does that cleans up after our messes. Mom sat me down alone and made me realize that I can't hide anymore, that Evan would have never wanted me to destroy my own life, that I had more to live for and that she refused to lose another son. I started to see the world again like I used to. Friends that never leave your side no matter what you do including falling in love with their ex. (I glance at Logan who's shaking his head) and allowing someone close to me again. My mother was the first person to know that I was in love just in the way I spoke about Rory. She told me years ago, that I needed to be honest not only to myself but with her. I never expected her to feel the same. When we visited, mom told me that she's the one. That she looks at me like she will always look at my dad. That she will always be by my side and love me no matter what. That's something coming from her considering the odd relationship my parents had. I love my mother and I will never be more grateful to her for opening my eyes" he tells everyone and I know I'm crying and I can beat the room is too. I glance at Finn who's staring at me and blow him a kiss.

We proceed to the cemetery and I see they have the spot next to Evan. That is Finn's younger brother and Eve's twin. He died in a car accident when Finn was in high school. Finn was driving the car when they were slammed into on the highway and the car was pushed off the overpass into the small lake. He's lucky to be alive himself. They were both airlifted to the hospital and had intensive surgery. Evan slipped into a coma that he woke up from two weeks after, but began to have seizures. There was an abnormality in his brain that doctors were unaware of. He died three months later. It torn the family apart and Finn spiraled into partying and not caring about anything. He thought that it was his fault for the longest time. The doctors told them that Evan must have had it growing for some time and the accident only made them aware of it. Finn tightens his grip on my hand as Ella is laid to rest next to her son. We all just stand there in personal thought and I see Finn Sr. and girls walk back to the limo.

"I know that it wasn't my fault, but it felt like that" he says softly.

"He knows Finn" I say in a whisper.

"He would have loved you, just like Mama did" he says looking at me through the dark glasses he has on.

"If he was anything like you, the feeling would have been mutual" I smile at him.

"I'm going to need you to get through this love, it's going to be hard and I'm going to lash out" he says.

"Finn, I'm here no matter what, I will keep you grounded if that's what you need, but I will be next to you if you need to fly" I say rubbing his arm. He only nods before lifting the Blue violets from next to the seat and laying them on Evan's grave. He extends his hand and I take it before joining the rest of the family.

"That was some speech Morgan" Colin says as we're trying to get food at the house after burying Ella.

"I meant every word mate" he states.

"We know you do man, they both would have been proud of you" Logan says as I walk up to them.

"I need food" I say and they look at me.

"Love, I just gave you a plate, you can't be done already" Finn says.

"Hello eating for two here" I state taking the plate in his hands and adding more the noodles with vegetables and chicken in it. I don't know what it is but it's good.

"What was the reason beforehand Gilmore" Colin laughs and I look at him.

"You were at the wedding, right. You do know I'm not a Gilmore anymore McCrea" I say letting the comment slide.

"You'll always be Gilmore or Reporter girl so get used it" he laughs.

"Plus I've seen you finish off two pies of pizza in one sitting Ace, and those are vegetables you know" Logan laughs pointing at my plate.

"So" I state.

"You're a Gilmore you don't eat, what is that, you call them is?" he questions.

"Yucky green stuff" Finn adds fixing a new plate.

"Right and you're finishing them off like you love them or they made of chocolate" he adds smirking at me.

"They're being mean" I complain almost playfully whining to Finn who laughs. We all stop and look at him. He hasn't laughed since the wedding.

"Kitten, it is quite odd that you're eating that" he smiles.

"Well blame your child for not letting me have the good stuff, but if I eat that, it'll all just come back up and I doubt you want to be getting up at 3am with me again" I counter and he shakes his head.

"I love you" he says kissing my temple and walking away with the boys to the study. I smile at him as Mom walks up to me.

"You look happy, aren't you supposed to be consoling your grieving husband kid" she questions me.

"I think he'll be just fine Mom" I say as we hear them all yelling for the game in the study.