SHINOBI NEWS. LIVE. AT. FIVE.
-The opening Music Turns on. Naruto is sitting behind the desk, adjusting his headband-
Naruto: Welcome, viewers, to Shinobi News, Live at Five. I'm you're anchorman, Uzumaki Naruto.
Kakashi: Wow naruto. Very professional.
Naruto: Thank you. I felt being professional today.
Kakashi: Why?
Naruto: Sakura isn't here.
Kakashi:…..
Naruto: Our first story today, is rare look into the life of the much stalked emo, Uchiha Sasuke. We go to our field reporter, Inuzuka Kiba. Kiba?
-Screen Turns to Show Kiba standing outside the Uchiha Compound-
Kiba: Hello Naruto. Welcome, to the Uchiha Compound. Today, I, Inuzuka Kiba, will lead you through Sasuke's everyday life. –Kiba starts walking into the compound, all the way to Sasuke's house. He opened the door and began sneaking through the house. And whispering- Okay, now, We find ourselves within the lions den. I'd like to say, that If I don't make it out alive, don't let Naruto near Hinata. Okay, we find the Uchiha in his natural habitat. At the current moment he's making tea… Let's watch.
Sasuke: -feels someone watching and turns around- What. The hell. Are you doing here.
Kiba: A news special on the secret life of Uchiha Sasuke.
Sasuke: Leave. Now.
Kiba: uhhh. Okay. –leaves-
-Screen Shows an image with the words '2 hours later' written on it-
Kiba: Okay, this morning went badly, but not that badly. We just got a death glare. Now we watch the Uchiha in his hunt, for food. He finds his targets at his regular stalking grounds, the Super Market. Now, nothing is really super about this market, not the prices, not the food, not the people who shop here. In reality, it should be the Ninja Market. Wait. That makes me think weapons. Why don't they just call it the Foods Market. That's what it is anyway. Oh, wait, I'm supposed to be stalking Sasuke. Er, I mean, reporting on him. Let us zoom in as we watch the predator circle his prey, marking everything that can't get away as a potential victim.
Sasuke: -in the grocery store looking at the tomatoes- ……. This one… mabey… yeah.. –picks one up, bags it, and puts it away, starts looking at the cucumbers- …! –turns around and sees Kiba- What the hell.
Kiba: I said we were leaving. I didn't say we weren't coming back.
Sasuke:…. Whatever. –picks a cucumber, bags it, and puts it in his basket. Walks to the apples and examines them-
Kiba: Okay, now let us watch the Uchiha, as he stalks around the super market, eyeing his targets, getting ready to pounce upon his unsuspecting pretty like the wild Uchiha that he is. Notice how he scans the victims, looking for the best product to energize his emo-y self while he sits in the corner slicing his skin and crying about how nobody likes him.
Sasuke: -turns and glares- What the hell.
Kiba: -blinks- what?
Sasuke:…. First, why are you calling it my 'prey', second, I don't cut, and third, I have a lot of fangirls thare are obsessed with me and fourth, who the hell makes you think you can call me emo?
Kiba: uh.. the aura of emo that exists around you and everything that pertains to you?
Sasuke: -cracks his knuckles-
Kiba: Uh oh.
Sasuke: -attacks-
-2 days l8r-
Kiba: -bandaged- Well, that…wasn't successful. I'm sorry to report that we lost 2 good camera men in that last encounter. Let's have a moment of silence for them. –two seconds later- And, that's over. Let's try one last time. –sneaks up on Sasuke- and here we have Uchiha Sasuke, working with some of his jutsu.
Sasuke: -smiles at Kiba- so, you're still doing this ridiculous news story?
Kiba: uhh. I don't like that smile.. uhh..S-Sasuke? Sasuke? Saasssuukkkeeee? R-r-r- RUN EVERYONE RUN!!
-The tape cuts short-
Naruto: and now everyone knows why Kiba is in the hospital.
Kakashi:…. Well. That was… interesting…
Naruto: Yeah, we're actually covering stories!
Kakashi: -sweatdrops- Yeah, we never really did that before…
Naruto: So.. what should we do now?
Kaksahi: I dunno…
Naruto: Let's go to Neji, with the fangirl report!
-Screen Shows the Fangirl Report animation before showing Neji with his chart of doom-
Neji: Thank you Naruto. Today's fangirl report Is rather frightening. There seems to be a massive influx of fangirls of all shapes and sizes. It's starting to seem like there is no end in sight to the common attractive male's fear of the fangirl. However, Choji is still safe.
Choji: Hey!
Neji: The Kakashi Fangirl's seem to be grouping near the hokage monument, If I was Kakashi, I would stay away from that area. Far. Away. Other than that, it seems the other fangir's activities are as mysterious as their leaders. Here are today's numbers.
-A screen appears, and the numbers appear as Neji says them-
Naruto Fangirls: 9289754129084389743
Sasuke Fangirls: 999923984712398712422
Neji Fangirls: 99982389472987323
Kiba Fangirls: 98230219300
Shikamarou Fangirls: 3323098129343
Shino Fangirls:? 9828392352
Lee Fangirls: 2389232
Gaara Fangirls: 2309842039482
Kakashi Fangirls:30982094832
Orochimarou Fangirls: 234
Choji Fangirls: 10..
-The Screen Returns to Neji-
Neji: Wow. Choji has a grand total of 2 more fangirls. Back to you Naruto.
-The Screen Returns to Naruto-
Naruto: And one day, Choji will have 12 fangirls!!
Choji: Oh, shut up you guys.
Naruto: And now onto our next segment, a Look into the world of the authoresses with our brave, potentially stupid, reporter Inuzuka Kiba. Hello Kiba. You just never learn, do you?
-Screen Shows Kiba in front of a massive white building, with the entire front made of transparent glass panes.-
Kiba: No. No I don't, apparently. That and they keep making Hinata give me the assignments.
Naruto: ah.
Kiba: Well, I'm here standing in front of one of the greatest buildings in all of authoressdom. The Word Hub Center.
Naruto: The World Hub Center?
Kiba: It seems that the authoresses get around using a system of portals that are connected to all worlds that you could possibly think of, and they come here to go to portals they don't buy off of ebay.
Naruto: They buy portals off of ebay?
Kiba: Yes, but portals are expensive and they take a lot of time to prepare, after all you need to make a drop site and stuff like that, so it's easier, cheaper, and more convienient to come down to the WHC and use their portals.. Unforunately, fangirls use them too, because they sell things like binoculars, nets, various char catching equipment both at the WHC itself and the portal centers that exist in our worlds.
Naruto: What's a portal center?
Kiba: It's a building they have disguised somewhere in our world… It could be anything from a little shop with a larger storage area to a mansion…
Naruto: Do they go the same place if they have a private portal?
Kiba: No. They usually have their own apartment or house somewhere where they stay, but as I said before, that's expensive and a hassel, and it takes way too long. Only the diehard addicts who are there daily, sometimes without leaving, do that.
Naruto: ah.
Kiba: Anyway, the authoresses use the portal systems to get here. If they need a place to stay, there's usually an authoress – run inn somewhere nearby.
Naruto: Kiba. I have another question.
Kiba: Yes Naruto?
Naruto: How did you get to the world of the authoresses anyway.
Kiba: I'd rather not talk about it.
Naruto: I understand. So.. How do you plan on getting back? You're bound to get jumped if you take one step into that building
Kiba: I'd rather not talk about that also.
Naruto: I understand.
Kiba: And that's all in this segement of 'A look into the world of the Authoresses'. Back to you, Naruto!
-The Screen Returns to Naruto-
Naruto: They're making him go back?
Kakashi: Yep.
Naruto: That's sick.
Kakashi: It is.
Naruto: Anyway, we're drawing close to the end of the show folks. I'll see you tomorrow. This was Shinobi News, Live. At. Five., with Uzumaki Naruto. And don't forget kids, Cannibalism is never good in the mornings.
Kakashi: so is it good in the afternoon?
Naruto: I dunno…
--Line Break--
Lunar: Guess what story I got the line 'Cannibalism is never good in the mornings.' From and I'll put you in the next newscast somehow… Only one winner!