Lise was real young, maybe around five, but she was always smiling and talking happily. I loved her, I loved her a lot, but my mom couldn't let me be happy. She took Lise away from me. Mom got drunk one night, real drunk, and dad was out. She had the beer bottle in her hand, and when Mom was drunk, she was violent. Lise didn't know any better, she asked Mom for something and she snapped. Mom hit her with the bottle...real hard. I heard the bottle break, and I ran as fast as I could down the stairs, but all I could see...all I could see was the Lise...poor little Lise. She was dead as soon as the bottle hit her head. Mom slept it off, and in the morning she didn't regret it.
"Don't ever oppose me, you got it?" She snapped, "You ugly piece of crap! You ever question me about anything, and I'll do to you what I did to your sister." I kept quiet, I was so afraid for my life. I never talked to my mom, I just nodded whenever she talked. I dunno how she got the cops and dad not to be suspicious of what happened to Lise. Dad didn't ask, the police didn't care, nobody but me cared about her.
I visited her grave for a long time, but that was when we still lived in Ohio. Now, I can't see her grave anymore, or rest flowers on it. But I can pray that she's in a happy place. I missed her a lot, I was like her mother. I...loved her so much. I tried so hard to protect her from out mother, but she still...she still believed in her mom. It was like some part of my heart was ripped out and thrown away.
My dream is always about that day when she died, I never dream of anything else, if I even dream. I became quieter after that, I guess more self-conscious. My mother called me ugly all the time, like that would keep me quiet about everything. 'You're ugly', 'You're a piece of crap, why do you even talk', 'You fat sack, stop eating all our food,' and the one that hurt the most 'Why can't you be like your sister?'. I couldn't say anything, I stayed quiet and I was just scared. I guess I never really looked at myself in the mirror, I never really thought I was pretty. I hated myself for being so weak, I couldn't even protect my sister. I just let my mom yell at me, tell me I was ugly, that I would never have a boyfriend, and that is was my fault Dad left.
Dad. He was another case. I loved my dad, we were always close, but he loved Lise so much. He loved her, his life revolved on her well-being. When she died, or disappeared as Mom said, his life and personality went downhill. He started drinking heavily, he became meaner. He hated me. He said I looked too much like Lise, I reminded him of so many painful memories. He became as bad as Mom. One day, I just walked into the kitchen to get a drink. Dad was there, glaring at me as I drank. I looked at him for a second, placing the glass in the sink, and as I was about to leave, he called out to me. I stopped, but that was a bad idea. I should've run then and there but I didn't know. He slapped me, sending me to the ground. I was surprised, grabbing my throbbing cheeks as I tried not to cry. He kicked me again, and I didn't move. He left me alone after that. I know he didn't mean to, I know he didn't, but he still did. I couldn't hang around boys anymore after that, whenever they raised their hand I winced and shrunk back. I only hung around Amber, Kim, and a few others.
It might be the reason I'd never had a boyfriend. And it's the reason why I live alone now. I liked to be alone, the quiet made me feel happier, but not that safe. Do you know how much time it took for me to respect Two-Bit, to actually have a conversation with the kid. I was afraid at first, but he wouldn't leave me alone. He was sweet and funny though, he showed me around Tulsa and even shoplifted a few things of food for me. I started to trust him more, and I guess I started to trust most men. Guys like Pony and Johnny, sweet, smart, and quiet boys, I wouldn't have been able to get to know them at all. I wanted to trust people more, I wanted to tell myself I was pretty, but after everything I've been through, after everything...It was just so hard to trust anyone. Amber told me I was pretty, and sometimes I thought I was, too. But then I thought of my mom, and I just saw a monster. I wanted to become confident, I was skinny, had a smooth face and short hair. Two-Bit told me I was every greaser's fantasy, a shy, innocent girl with a hot body. But I just thought of it as a joke.
I woke up around nine to the banging on my door. Two people banging on my door. Oh no. I groaned tiredly, slipping off my bed lazily and walking downstairs, almost falling twice. I wasn't exactly a morning person. The banging got louder as I got close to the door, and as I opened it, I saw two annoyed faces.
"You were supposed to wake up at EIGHT!" Amber shouted, pushing into my house with Two-Bit close behind her. "I can't believe you. Nine? Don't you always wake up early?"
"I was dreaming..." I murmured. Two-Bit and Amber froze. They both knew what it meant. I had only told Amber about the dream, but she must've filled Two-Bit in some other time. Amber led me to the couch, plopping down beside me. Two-Bit stood in front of me, watching me carefully.
"Well, maybe..." Amber thoughtfully pressed her finger to her chin, her eyebrow raised. "I wonder if talking about Sodapop will help cheer you up!" Two-Bit let out a loud guffaw while Amber smiled slyly. I was bright red, fidgeting in my seat as both of my best friends looked down at me. "Well?"
"There's nothing going on between us." I stated. "Nothing. He's going out with Sandy, I don't have a chance." Two-Bit stuck his hands in his pockets.
"I'd much rather have you around then Sandy, but that girl loves Sodapop. She won't let him go easily." I nodded.
"SO?" Amber shouted, jumping up off the couch. "Kaylyn is freakin' hot and she has a great personality. Sandy is a little whore, who has a horrible, obnoxious personality and not to mention her voice! God, I just wanna hit her with a frying pan whenever she talks." Two-Bit smiled, messing up my hair even more then it had already been. I was still in pajamas, and I had no make-up on, and I was beginning to feel self-conscious.
"Okay. Just stay down here and play nice while I get ready," I started walking up the stairs, before Amber stopped me.
"Dress slutty, we're going to the DX." I turned pink again. I was going to get teased so badly by them if I didn't man up. Or however this goes. I sighed, shaking my head and walking back up the stairs. I went into my room, slamming the door behind me. I had to get dressed quickly, unless I want to find food all over my kitchen and furniture turned over. I glanced in my closet, noting that I really had to wash clothes. In fact, there was only a plain white, sleeveless shirt and a skirt in the closet. A skirt from about a year ago. It was all I had...I don't want to wear it. I really don't. But, Sandy wore skirts and Soda liked her so maybe... I shook my head. No, you are not Sandy, I told myself, don't try and be like Sandy, be yourself. I begrudgingly put on the skirt and sleeveless shirt and posed in the mirror. I guess I was... pretty. I put on my mascara, eyeliner, and cover-up. I just then realized how pale I was.
Amber had that tannish look to her, Two-Bit was a normal white boy color, Johnny had real dark skin, and I was pale as a ghost. I pinched my cheeks, only managing to get some pink into them and make them hurt. I was thinking about my hair now. What would impress Soda? I thought for another second before grabbing a brush and brushing my bangs to one side of my face. There, done and done. I looked in the mirror again, turning to the side and placing my hands on my hips. I had to build my confidence, I had to think I could get Soda if I wanted to get Soda. I stood up straight, throwing my pajamas back into the drawer before walking down the stairs.
Two-Bit whistled, and Amber clapped, making me more embarrassed then usual. Well, it's what friends do, I guess. I smiled happily, leaning forward and hugging them both. At that moment, I guess I was...happy. I just noticed that I would have these two with me for life, they were my best friends, and whether I ever got Sodapop or not, I would still have Amber and Two-Bit.
"Enough of this lovey-dovey crap, let's go," Amber squealed. "To Dally!" Me and Two-Bit gave her a wide-eyed look. Her and Dally? No way! They were complete opposites... it could totally work. Two-Bit let out a laugh, and I laughed with him. She gave us a puffy cheeked look, daring us to say something about her new love interest. We didn't, though we did laugh again, and we left the house. I locked the door quickly, slipping the key under the mat. We were walking down the street, Amber on one side and Two-Bit on my other. We talked about boys, well me and Amber did, while Two-Bit rolled his eyes as he listened. She mostly talked about Dally, and I didn't talk at all. It was best to let her talk on and on and not interrupt. When the gas station was in view, I could feel the adrenaline flow through my veins as I saw to guys working on a car out front.
Amber grinned deviously from beside me, straightening out her plain black t-shirt and matching skirt. She seemed to just glow with enthusiasm today. We walked over to the other side of the car, to where Soda and this other guy couldn't see us. Two-Bit gave us the sign to tell us to be quiet, and he snuck around to the other side while we hid quietly.
"Hey Steve, Soda," Two-Bit greeted them, "Working hard, or hardly working?"They laughed.
"So, I saw you puttin' the moves on our little miss last night," Amber silently laughed as I turned pink.
"She was scared, so I let her hug me," Soda replied.
"Who's this little miss?" The other guy asked.
"Oh, just a girl." Two-Bit commented. "She got pretty shooken up last night."
"Did she get home okay?" Soda asked. I could feel my heart flutter, and Amber smiled at me.
"Yeah, she'll be alright. I asked her to come to the DX to hang out. She doesn't have a life, she's not doing anything." I twitched. Oh boy, he was going to get hit when we left. Amber elbowed me, signaling that we should stand up. She nearly jumped to the other side of the car, dragging me behind her.
"Hey there Sodapop!" Amber waved. "Long time no see." He smiled. That beautiful smile that I fell in love with. But he wasn't smiling at me, he was smiling at her. Immediately I regretted bringing her along. Damn it all. Why did she have to be prettier then me? I felt annoyed, and I turned around, crossing my arms and glaring the other way.
"Hey Kaylyn," I smiled cheerfully, turning to face Sodapop. I couldn't help but blush whenever I looked at him. he had to be God in the body of a human.
"Hey Soda. Nice to see you again. Are you gonna introduce me to your friend?" I nodded my head at the mystery boy, who seemed slightly annoyed at being ignored the whole time.
"Hey there, I'm Steve Randle." An idea sparked in my head, and I turned to face Steve.
"It's nice to meet ya, I'm Kaylyn." He gave me this smile, a crooked smile, but still pretty attractive. This Steve guy was pretty cute. I had to build up my self-esteem, so maybe I should flirt with him a bit. Just to see how it works. Two-Bit seemed to catch hold of my plan, but Amber was too busy staring at Soda. I gave her a glare. I stared at Steve again, ready to work my magic on him. Here goes nothing.