So, as soon as they left, I went straight to Ponyboy's room. Just as I thought, Pony was sitting up in bed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. I walked over to him, sitting next to him a placing my hand on his forehead. He was burning up. I guess I should've known that from his red cheeks.

"You an' Soda aren't fighting, are ya?" Aw, he was worried. It made me feel kind of, well, weird. I mean, he was asking if me an' Soda were mad at each other. He did stand up for me earlier, when Soda was upset, though.

"No. It was just a misunderstanding. Don't worry." I murmured, softly stroking his hair. He let out a small pant, coughing a few times before wincing in pain. "You got yourself pretty sick, huh? Maybe you could use a cold washrag." I continued to brush his hair. Ponyboy let out another sigh, leaning on my shoulder. He must've felt like complete crap. Poor kid. "Here, let me go get you some aspirin and a washrag." He nodded his head. I stood up, leaving him alone and softly closer the door behind me.

Washrags...washrags...where could they be? I looked around the kitchen, finding the washrag. I've walked over to the sink, ready to soak it with cold water, when a piece of paper caught my eye. I dropped the washrag, walking over to it curiously. It was in an envelope, still sealed. Huh. What's this? I opened the envelope.

i'Dear Sandy...'/i

My heart stopped, tears gathered at the corner of my eyes. Oh no, this was going to make me cry so much. I just knew it. But I had to read it, my curiousity got the better. Please...don't cry yet, Kaylyn, you don't even know what's in it.

i Dear Sandy,

We've been together for a long time. We've had so many good memories, but we've had bad ones, too. I thought these would've made us closer, but I guess it didn't. I love you Sandy. More than I ever thought. You were a wonderful girl, one who made happy. You can't find many girls like you. I thought I didn't deserve you, but then you tell me that you've been cheating on me.

It opened my eyes. I've realized that we never really connected. You thought that, too, right? I know you did. I loved you, Sandy. I would marry you, even if that baby wasn't mine. But you didn't like that, did you? I'll want to take your advice, but not because you told me to. I'll move on. Our memories will last forever, Sandy, but that's what they'll be to us. Just memories.

Love,

Sodapop Curtis/i

I stared at the letter for a few more seconds before throwing it down on the table. A few tears threatened to fall, but I refused to cry. I wasn't going to cry. Soda loved Sandy so much, he would never love me like he did her. I wasn't Sandy, I never would be. He didn't love me. He didn't love me. I wet the rag, squeezing it out so it didn't drip. With the washrag in one hand, I filled a glass with water and grabbed a bottle of aspirin, somehow balancing all of that and opening the door to Pony's room. Ponyboy was one of those oversensitive boys, he knew I was upset when I walked in the room.

"Kaylyn..." Ponyboy coughed out weakly. I shushed him, softly placing the washrag on his head. Soda didn't love me like he loved Sandy..Damn it! Go away, stupid thoughts, leave me alone. I handed him the bottle of aspirin, waiting for him to take out a few pills before handing him the water. He swallowed it, placing the bottle of aspirin and glass on the table.

"There, now lay down and rest for a bit." I tried to push him down, but he refused to.

"You saw the letter didn't you?" Ponyboy asked. Could people just read me like an open book? A tear fell down my cheek. "He loves you, you know."

"Don't worry about it Ponyboy, if he doesn't love me as much as I love him, it's fine. It's the way life is." I smiled at him, softly pushing him back to make him lay down.

"He never talked about Sandy as much as he talks about you. I don't think him an' Sandy were ever really happy together." Ponyboy coughed, "Their personalities were completely different. I think you an' him make a better couple. I like you more..." I laughed through all the pain I was feeling.

"Thanks, Ponyboy. Now, relax, okay?" He nodded his head, finally laying down and falling asleep. I stayed next to him until he finally fell asleep, I didn't have anything better to do. Pony really looked like Sodapop...I smiled, standing up and gently closing the door behind me.

I just kinda lazed around all day. Ponyboy was out like a light the whole time. I just watched some Mickey Mouse, and fell asleep for awhile. I was so bored. There wasn't anything to do...

"Kaylyn, Ponyboy, we're home!" Sodapop came bursting through the door with Darry behind him. The letter came back to me, and suddenly my heart ached. Sandy...you're so lucky. Why'd you throw it all away? Why would you so stupidly throw away someone as perfect as Sodapop? Why, why, why? Why did you have to take his heart with you? He couldn't love anyone else, him and Sandy were just...

I guess they both sensed something was wrong, because they both walked past me into the kitchen. Wait! I didn't close back up the letter. Damn it! This wasn't the best time to be a forgetful girl!

"I'm leaving!" I stood up suddenly, my eyes were tearing up again. I ran from the house, not giving them any chance to say something to me. I was so upset. He would never love me. I didn't want to think about that, I hated when i thought that way, but what else could I think? That letter was for Sandy, it told her about how much he loved her. How much she meant to him...I stopped running after awhile, stopping near the park. The sky was growing darker by the second, but I didn't care. I began to run again, I didn't want to be here. not here, of all places where couples hung around.

"Why me? I don't want to feel like this. It's too much." I didn't notice where I was running to, until I saw the yellow police tape. My house...I climbed over the tape, walking through the front door, which was unlocked. I looked around. Nothing had changed, but I guess it was a crime scene, after all. I had this weird feeling in my stomach. I dunno what it was. I walked upstairs, walking towards my bedroom. I opened the door.

My clothes were scattered all over the floor, my bedsheets were torn and my pillows completely split open. I almost cried again. My room, my house. She came in and destroyed everything. How could she? I turned away, rushing back down the stairs. Lise's picture still hung on the wall, untouched. My fingers brushed against it, before I pulled it off the wall and to my chest. The Fuzz didn't need this. I walked back up the stairs, to my room again. I walked over to the bed, running a hand over the destroyed blankets. I sat on the bed, laying down and holding Lise's picture close to my chest.

"Oh, Lise, I love you so much. If you were here with me, you would tell me about how much Soda loved me. You would insist on it. But I wouldn't believe you, then we'd argue and you'd somehow convince me. I would be so much more confident if you were still here, with me. Why did this have to happen? Why? Why does this happen to me?" I cried softly, not making a sound incase anybody came by the house. I heard footsteps from downstairs, but I didn't want to move.

I turned over in my bed, closing my eyes and staring out the window. The moon was sure beautiful tonight. I just stared at it, listening to the footsteps get closer. The moon was shinig brightly tonight. It was so pretty, hypnotizing, even. The door to my room opened. I wanted to lay like this forever, staring at the moon for all eternity. A hand was on my shoulder. The darkened sky relied on the moon to give it light, to show it where all the stars were. To help it light the world below. Someone got into bed beside me, laying next to me, but saying nothing.

"Why do things have to be so hard?" I sobbed, pulling the picture close to my chest.

"They don't have to be." Soda pulled me around to face him, and for a second I just stared. His face was just perfect in the moonlight. His deep blue eyes stared into my dark brown. He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not...

"Soda, do you still love her?"

"Not as much as I love you." So he finally says it. He says he loves me. He thinks he loves me. I'm just a replacement for Sandy. I wasn't anything to him anymore. I wasn't. Why was this so hard to accept?

i'He talks about you all time... he loves you more than he loves Sandy...I love you...'/i

"I love you, too, Sodapop." I snuggled closer to his chest. I would never be Sandy. I would never be like Sandy, or look like Sandy. I would always be me. But maybe there was a small chance something was missing from Soda's relationship with Sandy. I hoped I would be everything he needed. I wanted to be everything he needed. No matter what though, I wasn't going to change. I would be me, no matter what.

Soda held me close to him, never letting his grip on my waist weaken. We fell asleep on my bed, still holding each other. We were both smiling though...

bHe loves me.../b