Anthony DiNozzo, former senior field agent under one Very Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs, partner to Caitlin Todd until her tragic death by a terrorist sniper's bullet, and then to Mossad liaison officer Ziva David (that's "Ze-vah Dah-veed"), over probationary agent Timothy McGee (loving called "Probie" or "Mc-whatever-the-situation-warrants"), who briefly became the team leader when Gibbs 'retired' and earned his own probie, Agent Michelle Lee, and a covert undercover operative for Director Jennifer Shepard of NCIS, was about to leave everything he knew and had come to love and cherish, including but not limited to all of the above, extending to the counselor/doctor grandfatherly figure found in Medical Examiner Dr. Donald Mallard (called "Ducky"), his confidant, Ducky's assistant, Jimmy Palmer, and the NCIS forensic scientist and ballistics expert who he loved like a sister, one Abigail Scuito (or, "Abby")… and he was absolutely terrified.
As Tony drove home from the Navy Yard, he couldn't begin to fathom what had come over him in that moment. Leave? Leave this—all of this? The people he considered the family he never had? He thought for sure he was ready to turn down the promotion, but when Jenny implied that she knew he was going to do that very thing, his ego stepped in and refused to be passed over. He sighed, a discontented sigh that spoke volumes to the inner conflict he was struggling with. It didn't seem real, but he knew he needed to start packing. He had made his decision, and now, he had to live with it.
As he reached his place, his cell phone rang. He hoped he wouldn't have to turn back around and face the team again before morning—he needed this night to himself and his thoughts, and he just couldn't deal with them or a new case right now. He glanced at his phone and realized that it wasn't his NCIS phone, but his 'personal' cell. "Jeanne" read the caller id. He silenced the call and walked inside, hoping that she wouldn't call back.
He hadn't talked to Jenny about what he would tell her. Jeanne Benoit, daughter of an arms dealer dubbed "The Frog", who Director Shepard had some personal vendetta against and was invested in using every ounce of power her office gave her in tracking him down and taking him out, however it had to happen. He knew that she was too invested in this, but in his position, there was nothing he could do about it. So he did as he was asked, and befriended the young doctor who had no idea what type of business her father dealt in. Before long, they were dating, exclusively. It was the mission that made him hesitate in his decision.
He told Jenny that he didn't want to sacrifice the mission. Told her that if she put someone else undercover, it wouldn't work and would raise attention to what they were up to. In reality, the mission made him hesitate in another way. He liked Jeanne, liked her a lot. He had never done this kind of undercover work before, and he was unaware where the lines were drawn. Should he sleep with her? Is that going to far? So far, he had been able to keep himself from consummating the relationship, but it wasn't easy, especially with the way he usually took his relationships. He found himself at ease with her, enjoyed her company, and looked forward to the next time he would see her. He never missed her calls… not until tonight.
Plopping himself down on the couch, beer in hand, and the rest of the six-pack on the coffee table, Tony reflected on the quite frightening realization that he had been pushing away for quite some time now: if he had meet Jeanne on his own, in some other situation, he'd have liked her just as genuinely. In fact, it wasn't even hard to change his 'playboy' ways because he did want to be with her… and although their relationship was still new it felt different from all the others. With her, he was the man he always wanted to be. With her, he felt different. And despite the fact that Anthony DiNozzo had always been convinced that he could never truly love a woman (not after the way his father acted, certainty!), he felt himself slipping away… with every conversation, every interaction, he slipped further and further into the realm of what he refused to acknowledge had the potential to become love. The kind of love that good marriages are built on; the kind of love that makes you want to grow old together. With Jeanne, Tony wanted that relationship.
Grabbing another beer and putting the empty bottle down, Tony admitted it to himself for the first time. Did he love Jeanne? No, not yet. Was he in love with Jeanne? No, not yet. But he really, really, really liked Jeanne, cared for Jeanne, wanted to be with Jeanne, and if things continued to progress in the way they had been up until this point, he would find himself head over heels in love with her before too long. And it was terrifying.
He knew things couldn't possibly end well. In the end, she'd know that she was an assignment, that he was the reason her father was dead or in prison, that as far as she was concerned, their whole relationship had been a lie, right down to his name and occupation. Anthony DiNardo—a film professor for an online university. Fitting, he supposed, but not true, and that would be all that mattered.
Before he knew it, he was on his last beer. Luckily, she hadn't called back. He still hadn't figured out what to tell her. What reason did he have for leaving? He knew that he had to tell her he was moving; just breaking up with her wouldn't be enough—she'd pursue him in an attempt to win him back over. Jenny probably had an idea. At least, he hoped she did. He wished with all his heart that he could tell her the truth about the whole thing, and maybe convince her to come to Spain with him. It wasn't France, but it would do nicely, he thought.
No, Tony didn't take the promotion for any other reason than this—he was terrified of what was developing between him and his assignment, and he just couldn't bear the thought of hurting her like he would ultimately have to. And he knew that if he did, it would crush him, break him, and destroy him just as much as it would her.