Edward's Point of View

Time passes. Even when it slips by so slowly that you can count every second, every millisecond. Even when every moment, every minuet hurts- it passes.

Even for me.

I have lived for almost one hundred and fifteen years as an immortal Vampire- and done many things that I have regretted, in my mortal life and immortal life- but I never did anything so terrible, so unforgivably stupid as to leave Bella.

I knew that from the second that I forced myself to turn away from her beautiful, heart broken face and walk away from her.

To walk away and to never return.

I couldn't look back- I couldn't. She had been- still was- the only thing in my life more important that what I wanted. For me, I wanted to stay near her, with her. Had to. She was everything to me. But for her- I wanted so much more. I wanted her to have a baby, a life. I wanted her to grow old with somebody that could grow with her, but being stuck in the unmoving, un-growing stupid body of a seventeen year old teenage boy- how could I ever be enough? How could that ever be good enough for Bella Swan? Bella- the only person who had ever managed to touch my still, un-beating heart in eighty lonely years.

So with Bella in my every thought, every movement- I had managed to stay away for three years.

While I was away, every second, every millisecond dragged by, seeming to take hours as I willed it to pass. I was nothing without her. I wouldn't do anything. Couldn't be bothered to get up in the morning- because who would I be getting up for? Without Bella, there was no one that meant anything anymore.

I couldn't bear to be around my family. All in couples, all paired up- all perfect reminders of the love that I would still be sharing if I had stayed with Bella.

Bella, Bella, Bella.

I had tried to concentrate on other things. That was one of the things that I had told her as I had left her- that I had distractions. But that was just a lie. Another lie. There was no distraction, no escape from the pain that came with loosing Bella.

So, after three years in agony- I decided to go back. I had wanted her to be happy- and if that was what I saw, then I would leave again.... Leave, and never come back.

So I had run all the way back to Forks. The first place I had unthinkingly checked for her was Charlie's house. I had run silently up the wall, pushed open the window and climbed inside- but of course it wasn't still her bedroom. She was twenty-five now. She would have moved out of her fathers house by long ago.

But the house was still full of her scent, strong and mouth wateringly delicious- proof that Bella still walked the roads of Forks.

I had followed her scent around. It was most strong down at the local recording radio station. I felt a swell of pride for my Bella as I realised that she must have got a good job on the radio.

That night, I had tuned into it and just sat and listened to her beautiful voice weaving patterns in the night air around me. Her voice was so soft, so wonderful that it ripped the hole in my chest that she had left wide open, a roaring hole.

I needed to find her.

I found her scent later, coming so strong that I knew that she had to be near it. The strong scent was coming off a cheap looking apartment block. My eyes flashed distastefully over it for a moment. It was cheap and ugly. Bella Swan should have been living in a Palace- it would have been no more than she deserved- instead of in a dump like this…

But then my eyes moved from the apartment to zero in on two figures stood at the bottom of the steps to the apartment.

The first was a girl- no, a women. A women of twenty- five with long brown hair and, though I couldn't see them from here, big chocolate brown eyes. I knew from the shiver that went through me, from the sudden yearning desire to run over there and wrap her in my arms and never let go, that it was Bella.

Bella. Bella Swan. My Bella.

No. His Bella.

For my eyes had finally torn their way away from Bella's face to look at the young man stood at the foot of the stairs. His face was dark. Short and scruffy. As I watched, he raised a hand and raked it through his face, as if he was self conscious of it.

I couldn't help but to hate him. I couldn't help but want to run over there was tear that stupid little thing apart piece by piece, limb by limb-

"Bye, Jake." Bella spoke suddenly, and I was snapped out of my furious state so fast it was disorientating. What was I doing? If he made Bella happy then-

My teeth snapped together as he reached forward and took Bella's hand, pulling her back down the steps.

Couldn't he see she wanted to go inside? I thought viciously, but it seemed not as he leant forward and touched his lips lightly to hers.

My fists clenched, and there was a roaring in my ears. Jealously raised it's ugly head inside my chest, and was battling to get out, so show itself.

"Bye Jake." Bella said again, but there was a smile on her lips now as she pulled away from him.

He grinned and let go of her hand. "Bye Bells. See you tomorrow?"

"Yep. What time will you pick me up?"

"Depends- do you want a lie in?"

"Yeah, alight then. Pick me up at twelve?" Bella said, already pulling out her house key. The conversation was so like one that we had had so many years ago that it tore the hole in my chest open again. The words were nearly exactly the same, so nearly identical- apart from one thing. When I had asked Bella whether she wanted a lie in, she had refused, when with this boy, she wanted one.

I frowned. Why? My advanced mind immediately thought of a hundred different reasons; She had a busier life now, so therefore needed more of a lie in. She was going to have a late night tonight. She…she wasn't that keen to meet up with him?

I shook my head sharply at the last option, but my eyes trailed back to her face, and I was once again struck by annoyance that hers was the one mind that I couldn't read.

Jake, as she had called him, turned and finally walked away. Finally.

But I didn't watch him leave. My eyes were on Bella. As soon as this Jake had turned away, her smile had disappeared, and the light had gone from her eyes.

She had stood in the dark for a moment, turning over her key in her hands, before glancing up again, seeming startled to find herself alone as she stuffed the key in the lock and let herself in.

Every cell in my body itched to follow her, to hug her, to hold her- but I curled my hands into fists and forced myself to just think.

I had promised myself that I would leave again if I found her happy- but was she really happy? At first glance, maybe- but I knew her face better than any other person in this world. I had spent so many hours examining her facial expressions that it wasn't even hard for me to detect that underlying sadness in her eyes.

Why was it there? Had somebody hurt her? If they had, whoever it was, wherever he was- I would track him down and kill him.

My teeth snapping together, I turned back to look up at her apartment windows. The curtains had been closed, the lights turned off.

Inside my head, I made a silent promise to her, whispering her name in the darkness. Bella- I will not leave you until I know you are happy. I will never leave your side again. I love you.

And then I turned and walked away.

And so became my nightly exercise. Every night, every single night, I would leave my warm, safe home, and run all the way down to Forks to find her.

I watched as she got engaged. I watched as she got married. I even waited while she gave birth, standing outside the hospital walls, my hands in fists as I waited to hear she was okay.

And then she had a baby. That was when I knew that I should have stopped, should have made myself walk away from the reason for my existence for the second time…but I couldn't. I loved her far too much to ever walk away again.

So I stayed.

I reached Forks on the ninth of July at ten o'clock exactly. I went straight to the little house that she shared with Jacob, just outside the boundaries of La Push.

I settled down in my usual spot and tried to get myself ready to have my heart ripped out. Maybe tonight would be the night that I would be able to leave her…

Maybe.

I stole silently up the side of her house, my need to see her growing stronger and stronger, until- there she was. She was holding her baby, Lyra, and holding her too tightly. I felt s shock run through me as I realised that she was crying. What was wrong with her? Could the same pain that had been twisting her apart seven years ago still be there?

"E…Edward…" She whispered, her voice choked up with emotion. I couldn't breathe. My hands froze on the window sill, my eyes wide and unblinking as my normally quick mind stumbled as it tried to recapture those last few moments.

She had said my name! My name! Surely that meant she was still thinking of me?

After another half second that seemed to take years to pass, I finally unstuck my hands, and got ready to climb in through the window. She had said my name, after all. And I loved her too much to let common sense take over again.

But then…

"Jacob!" She gasped.

She had spun around to face the door, her eyes wide, her eyelashes still wet with tears. I felt a flicker of irritation at the innocent human man stood in the doorway, his hands clenched into fists as he looked at his wife.

"Yes, Bella?" He said, his voice perfectly even.

My hands relaxed again, and I felt that horrible feeling of loss rush through me- I felt like a child that had just been given a packet of sweets only to have it snatched away again. Except Bella was so, so, so much better.

So much better that I had to do what was right by her. Emotion tore at my insides. I loved her so much. It tore me apart every time I left her. Whenever I wasn't near her, it was half of me was missing, like I had left the better part of me behind somewhere. I had lost me somewhere in the long eighty years I had been a vampire- and Bella had been the one to find me. She had picked up the pieces and slowly pieced me back together- she had made me whole again, and now I would do the same by her. If this human- this weak, vulnerable human really loved her, and she truly loved him- then I would not do anything to cease her happiness.

But she had said my name!

I watched as she stuttered incoherently to herself, and let myself wonder for a moment what she would have said if she had known that I, her teenage vampire lover, was stood feet away from her, and smiled at my imagined reaction.

Then my eyes wandered back to her beautiful, heart stopping face. Inside my head, I made a silent promise to my one true love.

Bella. I promise to love you for forever and a day. I promise to always be waiting on the sidelines, ready to pick you up and piece you back together just like you did for me.

I'll always be waiting.

"And, Bella," I whispered. "I love you."

And then I turned and ran away into the darkness, too late to see her turn in my direction, catching my voice as the wind drifted it towards her. Too late to see her run to the window and break down into tears again, too late to see Jacob watch her silently for a moment, then turn and stride away.

Too late.

Just a little too late.