"Greeting, everyone, to the third episode of ZnK's Fantabulistic Ask-and-Dare fic!" Zeno exclaimed, sitting alone in the studio, leaning back in his chair. "We still have plenty of dares for you all, but I have a favorite reviewer, who sent in another set of dares for us. The Elemental Dragon Emperor!"
A giant neon sign started blinking above Naruto, with the words 'The Elemental Dragon Emperor' spelled out on it.
"He sent in some juicy dares, which didn't involve Hinata, that much... It seems that Hinata is very popular, doesn't it?"
The audience gave a synchronized nod.
"Well, we'll need to remedy that, and bring the other, hotter, older women into the spotlight, won't we?"
The audience nodded again. Zeno smiled and looked towards the direction of the guest entrance.
"Oh, Hinata! Can you come out here, please?"
Hinata timidly came walking into the studio, poking her fingers together cutely. The crowd let out another synchronized "Awww..."
"Cute..." Zeno muttered, clicking his tongue. "Hinata?"
Hinata looked towards Zeno, blushing slightly.
"Y-Yes?"
"Stand there, please." Zeno said and pointed at a square in front of his desk with the text 'Guest spot' on it. Hinata timidly moved over to the square, looking towards the crowd. "Look at me, Hinata."
Hinata let out an "Eep" and turned to Zeno.
"S-Sorry!"
Zeno clicked his tongue again, narrowing his eyes at Hinata.
"You're so sweet, I wanna puke..." he muttered, before straightening up. "Now, Hinata. Being cute was good and all, but nowadays, most people wanna see the older, hotter women, who don't aim for being cute, but instead aim for being smoking hot. Therefore, you're out."
Hinata's eyes widened.
"O-Out? W-What do y-you mean?"
Zeno smiled as his finger hovered over a button on his desk.
"I mean out, as in, you, like Sakura, will now be out of the show, and you will die a horrible, gruesome death to leave room for the older women."
"W-Wha-"
Hinata got no further, as Zeno pushed the button, and the square she was on revealed itself to be a trapdoor. It opened, and she helplessly plummeted towards the bottom.
"Now, it's a 80 foot drop with spikes at the bottom. Let's see how she reacts..." Zeno said, leaning forward, hearing Hinata scream, before a squishing sound was heard, followed be a scream of pain.
"H-Help me! Help me, please!" came Hinata's pained voice from the pit as the trapdoor closed. Zeno sighed, looking up at the crowd.
"Boy, our viewers are gonna chew us out for that, aren't they?"
Cue synchronized nod.
"Well, we can comfort them with hot ladies like Kurenai, Anko, Hana and Tsume, among others!"
The audience roared with joy.
"Now, we can't do everything The Elemental Dragon Emperor wanted our cast to do, but I've picked out some dares, revolving around our very own Naruto!"
The audience applauded, while Kevin and the band played a tune as Naruto came out, waving happily. As he headed over to sit down in the chair next to Zeno's desk, he made sure not to step on the 'Guest spot.'
Zeno was about to talk to Naruto, when he realized something.
"Hey! Where's our comic relief, the Almost Naked, Dancing Minato?" he asked, getting a synchronized shrug from the audience. Zeno sighed and picked up a walkie-talkie. "Oi, Genma!"
"Yes, sir?"
"Where's Minato?"
"He said he doesn't wanna dance anymore, sir." came Genma's voice, making Zeno's eyes widen.
"What?! Where is he?! I'm gonna shoot him in the ass!"
"He's right here, sir." came Genma's voice through the walkie-talkie, followed by a buzzing sound and a pained scream. "We're giving him some, uh... shock therapy to make him change his mind."
Zeno was quiet for a few second, before nodding.
"Good man. You deserve a raise."
"Thank you, sir."
Zeno put away the walkie-talkie and smiled at Naruto.
"Well, Naruto! You're a very lucky guy!"
Naruto smiled.
"Yeah, I am!" he exclaimed, before blinking. "Wait, how so?"
"Well, all five of the dares I picked out from the ones The Elemental Dragon Emperor, who I will call EDE from now on, because of the dangerously long name, involve you, having sexy time with several of my favorite women."
"W-What?" Naruto asked, going wide eyed. "What do you mean, 'sexy time?'"
Zeno grinned and picked up a note on his desk.
"First dare I picked out from the many EDE sent me: I dare Naruto to have a hot Threeway Makeout with Hana and Tsume." he read, before smirking at Naruto. "You lucky, lucky bastard."
"W-Wha-"
Naruto didn't have time to finish, as Zeno snapped his fingers, and a pair of lust-filled Inuzuka women appeared in front of his chair, staring at him with lustful smiles.
"Naruto, meet Inuzuka Tsume," Zeno said, pointing at the woman with spiky, brown hair, before pointing at the brown haired woman with a ponytail. "and Inuzuka Hana, your new, as they say in Britain, snog-buddies!"
"Snog?" Naruto asked, blinking again. He got his answer when Tsume pounced on him, smashing her lips against his and invading his mouth with her tongue, growling lowly. Before he could even begin to fathom that an incredibly hot woman was kissing him, the other hot woman joined in on the makeout session. However, the force of her pounce tipped the chair, causing all three of them to fall out of view from everyone, save for Zeno, who'd taken out a video camera, and was filming the whole thing.
"Oh, yeah, that's right. Work those tongues..." he murmured, smiling lecherously. "Oh, Naruto, are you just gonna let Tsume play with Hana-chan's tongu- oh, never mind. Hehehe, this is going on Ebay!"
The male portion of the audience let out disappointed groans when they couldn't see what the three were doing.
Zeno, while still pointing the camera at Naruto and his girls, turned away and picked up another note.
"Next dare! I dare Naruto to have a hot makeout with Konan!"
An enthusiastic "YES!" came from the crowd as a black clad, blue haired woman with an origami flower in her hair came rushing over, pouncing on the three making out on the floor.
"Alright..." Zeno mumbled, staring at the four people on the floor, not really able to tell who's tongue was in who's mouth. He picked up another note, a little drool coming out of the corner of his mouth. "Next dare, lucky bastard... I dare Naruto to makeout with all of the Female Cast in Naruto (Friends and Enemies)."
Zeno looked up at the cameras.
"You really love to see me suffer, don't you, EDE?" he asked as the many women of Naruto, save for Hinata and Sakura, swarmed into the studio, pouncing on Naruto, forming a huge pile of horny women, on top of a very lucky Naruto. Zeno sighed. Well, I had two other dares here; I dare Kurenai to give a hot kiss to Naruto, and I dare Naruto to squeeze Tsunade's boobs, but judging from what I'm seeing right now, he's already doing that... Both of those things..."
Zeno sighed, and saw that Genma and Raidou were bringing in Minato, who was looking dazed.
"Oh, how was it?"
"It was a success, sir." Genma said with a smile. "He doesn't have much left up here." he said, poking Minato in the head.
"How are you feeling, Minato?" Naruto asked, and Minato got a dreamy smile on his face as he looked up at the ceiling. He gasped, still smiling.
"A unicorn... So pretty, so sweet..."
Zeno sweatdropped.
"Um... Okay... Can you still dance?"
Minato's eyes widened.
"Did someone say dance?" he asked as he broke down into a chicken dance.
"Good. He can still do it." Zeno said, nodding with approval as he gave Genma and Raidou a thumbs up. Zeno turned to the camera again. "Okay! The next dare is from Ranma Hakubi! I dare Haku to prove his/her/its? Gender! Oh, interesting, indeed! Come on in, Haku!"
Haku came walking in, while Kevin and the band played the Chicken dance song.
"Well, Haku!" Zeno exclaimed. "Since you're here, and not in the SEP, you-"
"SEP?" Haku asked politely, getting a smile from Zeno.
"Sorry, the Spit-Exchange-Pile." he explained, jutting his thumb in the direction of Mt. Woman next to him.
"Ah." Haku said, blinking.
"Now, since you're not in the SEP-" Zeno started, but was once more interrupted as an orange pair of pants went flying by him. He quickly turned to the SEP, and his eyes widened. "Hey! This was just supposed to be a makeout party, not... oh..." he trailed of, tilting his head to the side. "Yugito-chan, I see you're as agile as a cat, too."
Haku cleared his... erm... her... its throat, catching Zeno's attention.
"Oh! Well, since you're not in the SEP, for the third time, you're obviously not a woman. So, you're a man, right?"
Haku scratched its head.
"Well, no."
Everyone, except the SEP, froze, staring at Haku.
"What?"
Haku smiled and dropped its pants, revealing... nothing. There was nothing down there, just smooth skin! He looked like a doll!
"What the hell?!" Zeno exclaimed, shooting back in the chair. "You- Who- What?! What the hell are you?!"
Haku shrugged.
"Kishimoto couldn't decided on a gender for me, so he went with nothing. Personally, I would've gone with making me a herm, but I guess he didn't want to."
"So... You're a Ken doll?" Zeno asked, blinking, getting a nod from Haku.
"Pretty much."
"How's that working out for you?"
"I have trouble peeing." Haku admitted, making Zeno raise an eyebrow.
"How do you pee?"
Haku smiled.
"You don't wanna know."
"Strangely enough, I do..." Zeno muttered, holding his stomach. "But the many possibilities are making me queasy... Yet... I still wanna know..."
"Then... You want me to tell you?"
"No!" Zeno exclaimed, taking out his shotgun, aiming it at Haku's face. "You do that, and you'll take everyone's attention away from the SEP, right there." he said, pointing at the pile of now naked women. "And I will not allow you to take away the lust of my viewers. If you do, you'll join Hinata!"
"Puppy!" Minato exclaimed happily, sitting in front of Kevin, pointing at him.
"Kevin, start playing! We're cutting here!" Zeno shouted, pointing his shotgun at Kevin, who immediately nodded and started playing.
"Review, dare, or ask your favorite Naruto characters whatever you want!" Zeno said, back to videotaping the SEP. Then, he remembered something, and turned back to the camera. "Oh yeah, in case you hadn't noticed, this show is now rated M for Mature."