Day 17
I'm watching the galaxy fall into darkness. Sometimes the grief simply overwhelms me, and I just want to give up. But then I look at the sleeping child I've decided to call Keira, in memory of the best friend I ever had, the wisest person I've ever met. If anyone would have made it in the world, she would have. She should have had a chance.
Keira turns in her sleep and I see her innocent face. I don't regret saving her. Innocence doesn't deserve to die for having an inherent ability she can't control. But what if I could have done more? Could I have saved the mother? No. I can't wonder about that. If I start thinking like that, I'll go mad. I need to concentrate on Keira. I need to train her in our ways. They must not fade to darkness.
The window of the deserted hut stares back at me as I gaze at it. It's night here on Chandrila. I like it here, as much as I like anything. Very democratic, and friendly to the Rebellion, as fledgling as it is so far. They don't mind us been here, and we can live near technology.
Not everyone knows I'm a Jedi. Only the Senator, Mon Mothma, knows that. I'm just hiding from the Empire as far as they know, and a lot of people do that. But something in my walk, in my eyes, seems to give it away. It's the walk of every surviving Jedi, who has lost everything they held dear to them.
I've not lost everything. I have a purpose, and that purpose is to make sure Keira survives. That she knows to hide, and pass the knowledge on. Maybe we can rebuild someday. Maybe someone else made it out too.
Now that I look back on my beloved Order, I see flaws, cracks. We were arrogant… all of us. 20 000 years of superiority left its mark. And as much as it hurts to look back on the painful past, they were some of the best times of my life. The only thing I ever knew. Now I'll never go back to it, and I'm almost glad. We were too far removed from the universe, compassionate as we were. Or was that false?
I need to buy more food soon. I've run out of credits, but some people are compassionate and let me have it free. I think some of them know. Others I can do odd jobs for, for coin or supplies. They all see and wonder about the pain in my eyes, but I'm not going to tell them. There are still rats about, even here.
Well, morning is coming. Keira will wake up soon. I need to eat, bathe, meditate, generally get ready for the day, as pointless as it may feel. I still have to live for Keira. That' all I can manage now.