Zeno was looking bored, reading the many letters on his desk.
"Hm... What's this? I dare Naruto to look into the datasphere... from Owl Eye... Damn, I'm sure that'd be interesting to see, if I knew what the datasphere was..."
He looked up, finding the audience staring at him.
"Oh, we're on? Welcome, everyone, to the fourth episode!"
"Episode!" Minato, sitting by the band, exclaimed, happily oblivious to the world around him.
"Well, I haven't decided on any dares yet, since I'm still going through them." Zeno said and held up a letter. "So, we're gonna let Minato dance a li..." he trailed off, staring at the letter. "Wait, what the hell is this?! Kingkakashi, are you out of your mind?!
So for my next request, I ask that you bring back Hinata and Sakura and make Naruto fight Rock Lee for bringing back to life of one of them. The winner obviously getting a night of passion with their girl(N/H) The other getting to watch the girl they love(sakura) get swallowed up by a Shinigami. And dress Hinata up like Kurenai or Anko and she would be smoking hot too."
Zeno stared at the letter from Kingkakashi for a while, before growling and reaching under his desk, pulling out a huge drum filled to the brim with oil and gas. He carried it over to the 'Guest spot,' after pushing the button on his desk, making the trapdoor open.
"O-Oh, thank Kami! Help me! I'm still alive!" came Hinata's pained voice from the bottom of the pit. Zeno growled and started pouring the oil mixed with gasoline into the pit.
"U-Um, Zeno? What are you doing?" Kevin asked, while Zeno glared at him.
"I'm ending this pointless Hinata crap!" Zeno exclaimed as he threw the drum away, lighting a match. "Say goodbye to Hinata!" he roared, tossing the match into the pit. Soon enough, the even more pained cries of Hinata was heard as the trapdoor closed. "There! And Sakura is already suffering in the stomach of the Shinigami! I gave him her soul in return for Minato."
Genma suddenly came rushing in, carrying a package, which he set down on Zeno's desk.
"What's that?" Zeno asked as Genma read the note on the box.
"It's from a guy called slicerness. It says that it's urgent."
"Is it a bomb?" Zeno asked, walking up to his desk, checking the box.
Genma rolled his eyes.
"You don't have that many enemies, sir..."
"You never know, not after I dropped Hinata into the spike pit." Zeno said, opening the box and taking out a note. He put on his reading glasses. "Let's see here...
Get rid of the shotgun... Kinda cliché. Get a Desert Eagle instead! Or maybe a hand cannon (its a revolver the size of my forearm). Anywho... um, I can't think of anything... Maybe if you change it to a dare/ask fic, then ya, but nothing comes to mind.
Oh, wait(!) I got one. I dare you to use this shiny new desert eagle (golden of coarse), and try to shoot Naruto and see how long it takes for the women to kill you for attempting to take their snuggle fox away."
Zeno looked into the box, and found that, indeed, a shiny, golden, Desert Eagle was in the box.
"Oh, wicked!" he exclaimed, picking up the Deagle. "I've always wanted one of these! However, slicerness, this is a show where you can dare the characters to do anything, or you can ask them anything. And I don't wanna shoot Naruto. That'd be... well, suicide. So, to make it up to you for not going through with the dare, I'll do this."
Zeno snapped his fingers, and in a poof of smoke, Orochimaru appeared, looking around wildly.
"W-What?! What am I doing here?!"
Zeno grinned and pointed the gun at Orochimaru.
"You're here for target practice." he said simply and fired, hitting Orochimaru in the balls. Orochimaru fell to the ground with a squeal. Zeno sighed, holstering the Deagle in the back of his pants. "I may not like Sasuke, but I'd do anything to keep him safe from you... You may go."
With another snap of Zeno's fingers, Orochimaru disappeared, and Zeno went to sit behind his desk, clearing his throat.
"Orochimaru, ladies and gentlemen!"
The crowd applauded, while Kevin played a tune on his guitar.
"I'm still keeping the shotgun, though. It's been with me forever, but I'll use the Deagle." Zeno said, picking up another letter. "Let's see here... from LITTLE ALEXANDER UZUMAKI. He writes:
Could you do one about Sasuke being raped by all his fanpeople?"
Zeno looked up at the camera, glaring into it.
"You people are sick! You're sick, twisted and, and, and... just sick!" he exclaimed, before breaking into a grin. "I love it!"
He pushed a button on his desk, and that lovely Jay Leno screen popped up.
"Sasuke, can you hear me?"
The screen flickered to life, showing an orange clad, bald Sasuke.
"What do you want? And why am I here?" Sasuke asked, gesturing for the door-less room he'd suddenly appeared in.
"Well, we got a request involving you."
Sasuke sighed.
"What was the request? It couldn't possibly be anything that can make my life worse than it already is..."
Zeno grinned evilly and snapped his fingers. In a poof of smoke, the Uchiha Sasuke Yaoi Fan-Club, also called the USYFC, appeared in the room with Sasuke, who got wide eyed.
"What?! No, NO!!!"
"Have at him, boys." Zeno said, grinning as the fanboys rushed Sasuke, tearing his orange suit off. Zeno shuddered and turned of the screen, turning to the camera again. "I refuse to give him to his female fangirls, since that would most likely be pleasurable for him."
Zeno clicked his tongue and picked up another letter.
"From ranma hibiki:
I dare Zabuza to get some eyebrows..." he read as his face scrunched up in slight disgust. "What the hell is this?!"
He removed a piece of tape from the letter, with two thick pairs of eyebrows attached to it.
"Where the hell did these come from?" he asked as he looked down at the letter. "Oh... P.S., don't go near Gai for a while... he looks creepy without eyebrows."
Zeno looked up at the camera.
"How the hell did you manage to steal his eyebrows?"
Suddenly, a giant sword was placed at his throat.
"God of this world or not, if you put those eyebrows on me, I'll cut you to pieces." Zabuza growled, glaring at Zeno, who smiled.
"Relax, Zabuza, I would never put these eyebrows on anyone. I'm not that cruel."
Zabuza scoffed and removed the sword, placing it on his back and walking away.
"Wait, Zabuza!" Zeno exclaimed, stopping Zabuza, who turned around.
"What?"
"You have another dare." Zeno said and snapped his fingers, making Zabuza disappear. The screen flickered to life, showing Zabuza, Deidara and Sasori in the same room, a similar room to the one Sasuke was in. Zabuza looked like he was in a trance as he grabbed his sword, holding it into the air.
"Swords are an art!" he exclaimed, making Sasori's and Deidara's eyes widen.
"What?!" they both roared at the same time as they jumped him.
"Ouch!" Zeno exclaimed, staring at the screen as Zabuza did something horrible to Deidara. "I don't think a sword should fit in there..."
Zeno shuddered, before turning the screen off.
"Alright, last dare:
I dare Kabuto to... Oh, this is a good one!" Zeno exclaimed, grinning as he read the dare. He picked up a walkie talkie. "Kabuto! Come in, Kabuto!"
"Yes, sir?" came Kabuto's voice, sounding bored.
"We have finally gotten an opportunity to do a Code 666!"
"What?!" came Kabuto's now excited voice. "Who's the lucky guy?"
"Naruto. And you're the one to do it. Bring him up. I'll raise the cage."
"Yes, sir!"
Zeno put away the walkie talkie, shaking his head.
"I never thought we'd get to use Code 666." he said as he pushed one of the many buttons on his desk. The floor split as a cage rose into view, holding an agitated looking Yugito.
"I demand that you release me at once!" Yugito shouted as she hissed at Zeno, who just waved her off.
"Don't be like that, Yugito-chan. I heard you were about to go into heat, correct?"
"Yes! That's why you have to release me!" Yugito shouted, getting a grin from Zeno.
"Well, we have a present for you!" Zeno announced as Kabuto appeared from backstage, carrying a tied up and gagged Naruto, covered in catnip.
Yugito froze as she smelled it, staring at Naruto intently. Kabuto headed up a ladder, which appeared out of nowhere, and stood on top of the cage, opening up a hatch.
"Well, have fun, Naruto-kun!" he said, smiling brightly as he dropped Naruto into the cage.
With a loud meowing sound, Yugito pounced on Naruto, tearing off the ropes, along with his clothes.
Zeno chuckled, picking up his video camera again, filming the frustrated feline and her helpless fox.
"I want chicken, I want liver, Meow-mix, Meow-mix, please deliver..." he sang as he giggled pervertedly. "By the way, the first one to guess what movie I'm thinking of when singing this will get to make a guest appearance here next episode!"
As a blanket, with the text 'Makin' kittens' on it, covered the cage, Zeno put away his video camera and picked up another letter.
"From BURNING FLAMES OF YOUTH... He writes:
Hm, I dare Kakashi to wear the wonderful green spandex and start talking about the burning flames of youth!!!!
Then, I want Kakashi, Iruka and Asuma to watch Kurenai make out with Gai!
I want Gai and Lee to shave their heads bald!!!!!"
Zeno stared at the letter, before looking up at a pitiful looking Kakashi in the audience, next to Kurenai, who looked like she was starting to gag.
"No." Zeno said as he ripped the letter apart. "Just... no..." he muttered, shoving the pieces of paper into his mouth. "Thish ish the kind of shtuff that makesh me shad. I mean, don't you shink that two inshane, green clad idiotsh shouting about yoush ish enough?"
He swallowed and picked up another letter.
"Oh, another one from EDE. However, we'll have to do most of this next episode, since every single dare, except one, involves Naruto, and as you know-"
A loud scream of pleasure interrupted him, and he pointed to the cage.
"-he's kinda busy right now. However, the one I can do is this." he continued and snapped his fingers. In a poof of smoke, Kiba appeared, looking clueless.
"Um... What am I doing in the Studio from Hell?" he asked, getting a grin from Zeno.
"Sit down, Kiba." Zeno said, smiling sweetly. With some hesitation, Kiba sat down, while the screen flickered to life. "I want you to see what your mom and sister did with Naruto last episode."
Zeno played the what he'd recorded during the last episode, showing Hana and Tsume in a passionate make out session with Naruto. Kiba paled, staring at the screen.
"W-What the hell?! Naruto!" he roared, trowing himself at the screen. "GET OFF MY FAMILY!"
With a snap of Zeno's fingers, Kiba froze, falling to the ground, stiff as a statue.
"Killing my kickass screen isn't gonna help." Zeno said, kicking the downed Inuzuka.
The screen flickered, showing a guy behind a news desk.
"This just in! XxSaKuSaSuXx99 reviews: Love it!!
Just a few minutes ago, XxSaKuSaSuXx99, the person who inspired Zeno to start the ZnK's Fantabulistic Ask-and-Dare fic, reviewed the show, and sent in dares."
"Holy shit!" Zeno exclaimed and brought out a pen and paper.
"She writes as follows:
Love it!! Indeed, what the HELL is Haku anyways?! :D
And I'm honored to be the person who inspired you to write this :)
Dares: (mwahahhaa)
Ino: Make out with Chouji (awz)
Naruto: tell Kiba what you did with his sister and mother (they were his mother and sister, right?)
Anko: Do whatever you want to do to whoever you want to '
Kurenai: *grins* What are your future plans with Kakashi/Naruto?
Continue, continue, continue :D First chapters were totally awesome!"
"First chapters were totally awesome! Got it!" Zeno repeated as he wrote it down. "Hehe! XxSaKuSaSuXx99-sama reviewed!"
Kiba groaned.
"Oh, there wouldn't really be any point for Naruto to tell you what he did, would there?" Zeno asked, looking down at Kiba.
A triumphant looking Naruto poked his head out from under the 'Makin' kittens' blanket.
"I fucked your sister! And your mother!"
Kiba paled.
"Oh yeah." Zeno said, scratching his head. "The tape just showed that he made out with them. It didn't show specifically what happened when Naruto was in the SEP... Well, there you had it, Kiba. He fucked you sister. And your mother."
Kiba grunted, before disappearing in a poof of smoke.
"Now, Ino!" Zeno exclaimed, and with a poof of smoke, Ino and Chouji appeared in the couch next to the chair. "I have a dare for you, Ino, from XxSaKuSaSuXx99-sama."
"Oh?" Ino asked, blinking. "What does she want me to do?"
Zeno grinned.
"She wants you... to make out with Chouji."
Ino screeched.
"N-No way!"
Zeno clicked his tongue, somewhat of a habit of his.
"Well, either that, or you could join Hinata in the Fiery Spike-Pit of Doom! Also called FSPD."
Ino let out an "Eep!" and jumped into Chouji's lap, smashing her lips against his. Luckily, he wasn't eating at the time, otherwise, Ino might have lost her tongue when she rammed it into Chouji's mouth.
"Oh, that's good, Ino. You can stop now." Zeno said, smiling. However, Ino didn't stop. She let out a light moan as Chouji wrapped his arms around her. Zeno sweatdropped. "Alright... Continue then..." he muttered and snapped his fingers, making the two disappear, while someone else appeared in the chair next to his desk.
Anko looked puzzled, a dango stick hanging from her mouth.
"What the hell?"
"You're lucky, Anko-chan." Zeno said, grinning. "XxSaKuSaSuXx99-sama wrote this: Anko: Do whatever you want to do to whoever you want."
Anko's eyes widened.
"What?! Really?!"
"Yes." Zeno said with a nod as he raised his hand. "I'm pretty sure you'd like to kill Orochimaru right now, so I'll just..." he trailed off, finding that Anko was no longer in her seat.
"Kitsune-kun!"
He looked towards the cage to find Anko crawling in under the 'Makin' kittens' blanket and crawling up on the cage to get in.
"Lucky son of a..." Zeno muttered, growling. "Now, Kurenai!" he shouted, looking up into the audience. "Come down here at once!"
Kurenai jumped slightly and rushed onto the stage, sitting down in the chair.
"Yes?"
"XxSaKuSaSuXx99-sama asks: What are your future plans with Kakashi/Naruto?" Zeno read off his paper. Kurenai blushed lightly.
"Um... Kakashi is a good friend, but I don't really have any plans with him..." she mumbled, poking her fingers together in a Hinata-like way. Then, she remembered what happened to Hinata, and stopped, though still blushing. "I mean, that was just a dare. However, with Kitsune-kun..."
Here, she turned a red that could rival her eyes. Zeno sighed and pointed at the cage.
"You can join them..."
Kurenai shot out of her chair, rushing to join the 'Makin' kittens' crew.
Zeno sighed again, rubbing his temples.
"What I wouldn't give to be Naruto right now... Well, that's all we had time for right now! I'll see you all next time! Review!" he ordered as he got out of his chair. With a snap of his fingers, a girl with blue eyes, dark brown, almost black hair and glasses appeared.
"W-Wha...?"
"Hyvää iltaa. I think my Finnish may be a bit rusty, but this is the right way to say it, no?" Zeno asked as he slung his arm around her shoulders. "How about joining me for a drink, XxSaKuSaSuXx99-sama?"
With that, he lead the dazed looking XxSaKuSaSuXx99 backstage.