Rosalie And Emmett's Wedding
Intro : Ooh from now on my intro's or little mid comments will be in bold. Ok this story is set in the 1900's before Bella and all the trouble she caused. Everything is VERY chaotic. Rosalie wants everything perfect and its being held in the forest. There a few parts. And I will explain all of them like this.
Part.1. DRESSING ROSALIE CULLEN.
Intro : yes yet another intro. How many can you get but any who. Alice and Rosalie are in the big dressing room. Alice is still making up Rosalie's dress 2 hours before the wedding and this is how it went.
Rosalie : Hurry Up !!!! Aw
"Alice sticks pin in rosalies leg"
Rosalie : AWWWWWWWWWWW
Alice : your made of stone. The pin itself is blunt WHY ARE YOU AWWIN.
Rosalie : I thought you were meant to be fast ???
Alice : I MAY BE SMALL BUT I AM POWERFULL
Rosalie : FOR THE LOVE OF BLOOD JUST DRESS ME YOU LITTLE MIDGET THING
Alice : I'm not small. I'm just not tall
Rosalie : Awwwwwwwww
Alice : I didn't even touch you !
Rosalie : JUST HURRY UP ! You still have my hair and all to do
Alice : WELL IF I HAD MORE NOTICE MAYBE EVERYTHING WOULD BE IN ORDER
Rosalie : What ? 27 hours not enough for you ?
Alice : Well not when your working with a BLONDIE BRAT !
Rosalie : You know what ?
Alice : What ?
Rosalie : with that hair do. You look like an electrocuted kitten.
"Alice jabs full needle into Rosalie's ankle"
Rosalie : OWWWWWWWWWW OWWWW OMG
Alice : Frozen kitten that !. Crap
Rosalie : What's crap ?
Alice : the needles lost in your frozen ankle .
Rosalie : OOOH hurry up for the love of --
Alice : THERE IM DONE YOU…. FREAK !
"Rosalie turns to look in the long mirror at a long strapless, diamond lovely gown"
Alice : well…….
Rosalie : I -
Alice : yes
Rosalie : well I -
Alice : SAY IT !
Rosalie : I hate it so much I want to hit it so hard with my frozen guts and feed it to Jacob.
Alice : well. I feel like I could dress you in a black plastic bag, tie your stupid flawless hands and push you down that aisle and have me looking the prettiest
Rosalie : Alice, no matter how hard you try you are always going to look your kitten mad self
"Alice goes down stairs. Gets a plastic bag. Takes the dress of Rosalie dresses her a black plastc bag and ties her to a chair."
Rosalie : let me go !!
Alice : WEAR MY DRESS
Rosalie : ID RATHER WEAR KNITTED VOMIT !
Alice : take can be arranged. NOW I WILL DO YOUR HAIR
Rosalie : KEEP THE FLICK MACHINE TO YOURSELF NOW
" Alice starts curling rose's hair"
Alice : ever feel sad you have a fanny spilt hair
Rosalie : WHAT !
Alice : your hair . Is fanny spilt and waxed.
Rosalie : EVER FEEL SAD PEOPLE LOOK FOR OPEN WIRES WHEN THEY SEE YOUR HAIR
" Alice finishes Rosalie's hair at super speed"
Alice : Dumb blonde they even froze your brain
Rosalie : I AM NOT DUMB
Alice : Ok so what's the capital of Washington ?
Rosalie : Emmm "W"
Alice : Ooh yea
Alice : I don't know what Emmett see's in you I really, really don't.
Rosalie : well I don't know how Jasper even see's you with all his curly bob's
Alice : WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY… ABOUT MY LOVERS CURLY BOBS
Rosalie : Hmmm nothing.
Alice : Yeah.. Ok your done
"Rosalie looks in mirror at her in the plastic bag with her own set of curly bob's"
Rosalie : FINE. Ill wear the dress
Alice : YEY !
Rosalie : don't get over exited you might fart a spark
"Alice puts rose in dress and add's her shoes"
Alice : Ok ill just get the flowers and were good to go
Rosalie : you ordered red and blue roses right
Alice : yes
Rosalie : roses
Alice : yes
Rosalie : Red
Alice : yes
Rosalie : And blue
Alice : if I have to make it anymore clearer YES !
" A flower man knocks on the door"
Alice : Come in
Flower Man : I have some white tulips for Alice Cullen
Alice : Tulips
Rosalie : Tulips
Rosalie : white
Alice : White tulips
Rosalie : Tulips
Flower Man : NO IM ONLY MESSIN .. Bluebells YES TULIPS !
Rosalie : OOH god
Alice : I ORDERED ROSES
Flower Man : And………….
Alice : I think your being very rude. So if you don't mind you bitch. GET ME MY ROSES
Rosalie : THIS IS NOT HAPPING
Flower Man : Look Kitten Girl I ----
" Jasper storms into room with evil eyes against Flower Man"
Jasper : seems you have a problem Mr………..em… FLOWER MAN!
Flower Man : not t'all I was just… em… I… … and… I
Jasper : YOU WANNA RUN… NOW. APOLOGIZE TO KITTEN GIRL AND BRING ME BACK 200 RED ROSES & 200 BLUE ROSES FREE OF CHARGE.. BITCH !
Flower : Actually I have roses in the van. Ill get them now
Jasper : RUN !
Jasper : Rosalie you look…… great love the curly bobs
Rosalie : as do I
Alice : Rosalie will you call out that list for me so I can see if every things checked.
Rosalie : Sure
Rosalie : ok. Frozen Rosalie ice sculpture ?
Alice : Check
Jasper : I thought that was a waste of money. Like you could have just stood there.
Rosalie : White diamond gazebo and flower arrange ?
Alice : Check
Rosalie : A "blondes are the best" banner
Alice : check
Rosalie : A " Rose is the shit" banner
Alice : check
Rosalie : cow, deer, elk and mountain lion blood serving ?
Alice : check
Rosalie : hair/dress/make-up done ?
Alice : Check
Rosalie : and last but not least ---
" Edward storms into room"
Rosalie : excuse me bronzey I'm in the middle of a list
Rosalie : anyway. Last but not least.. Emmett ?
Alice : OOH no.
Rosalie : WHERE'S MY EMMETT ???
Edward : that's why I have come I'm afraid that something has happened
Rosalie: WHAT ! IS ! IT !
Edward : well.. Kermit the frog out of the muppets he and Aro came to Emmett and Emmett decided to leap after Kermit to America and we don't know where he is now.
Rosalie : EMMETT !
Alice : ARO !
Jasper : wait . Kermit the frog.
Rosalie : IF THAT BUFF HUNKY GOLDEN EYED IMBOSILE DOESN'T GET HIS FROZEN BEHIND BACK NOW THIS MINUTE OOH I SWEAR THERE WILL BE SEROIUS CONSIQUENCES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Alice : Edward, what happened ?
Part.2. WHAT HAPPENED TO EMMETT WHEN KERMIT THE FROG AND ARO CAME
Yes people yet another intro. This is what happened to Emmett whist Rosalie was getting dressed in black plastic bags.
this is set in Edwards room with Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper & Edward. Edward like Alice is jabbing pins into Emmett's legs. Yes Edward is quite the designer.
Emmett : jeez Edward 12 hours and still no criss cross pattern. Im ashamed
Edward : DAMN YOU. YOU TROUSERS YOU WILL DO CRISSY CROSSYS
Carlisle : so people what songs do you want playing today ?
Edward : Tina Turner
Jasper : of course
Emmett : Tom Jones ?
Carlisle : Queen ?
Emmett :do you HAVE to do cross stitch ??
Edward : IF YOU WANT TO BE PRETTIFULL
Emmett : fine.
Jasper : So Carlisle, who's coming to this wedding then
Carlisle : well everyone. The Irish girls-
Emmett : ooh were so drunk
Carlisle : rain forest people, Tanya
Edward : OOH NO
Carlisle : Kate.. And you know the rest. Ooh we have 2 new guests. Aro and he said he's bringing a special friend
Edward : who ?
Carlisle : god only knows
Emmett : can I just say. That you's REALLY know how to throw a stag night
Edward : OOH EDWARD GET OVER IT. So what a glass of wine, mountain lion blood and titanic isn't a good stag night ?
Emmett : NOT WHEN YOUR FATHER AND TWO BROTHERS CRY TEARLESS SOBS
Edward : how can you not cry. You must have a heart of stone
Emmett : ACTUALLY…. YA
Carlisle : Is that KERMIT THE FROG !
Edward : KERMIE THE FROGGEY !
Emmett : ELMO !!
Carlisle : what ??
Emmett : HA Aro is married to Kermit the frog !
Edward : Lucky B*****d
" Aro and Kermit fly into the bedroom"
Aro : my brothers. How are you
Kermit : wow. They sparkle
Aro : yes. We do
Carlisle : ARO WHY DOES KERMIT KNOW WERE VAMIPIRES
Aro : he's a part of the Volturi
Edward : how come ??
Aro : He's my……………….. Lover
Carlisle : That's…………. great
Edward : yes great… congrats
Kermit : were getting married next November
Emmett : HAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA OOH FROZEN LAUGHS FROZEN LAUGHS OOH HA HE HA. WHOS WEARING THE DRESS !
Edward : EMMETT !….. don't be so rude of course Aro's wearing it. Kermit's not that gay
Aro : OOH OFFENISE TAKIN !!OMG CHEEK OF SOME PEOPLE. EMMETT YOUR OFFICALY ON MY DEATH LIST !
" Aro pulls out sribelly list"
Aro's Death List :
Mrs. Piggy - because shes in love with my man
Marylin Monroe- hate her mole
Jane-bullies me
Forrest Gump-I HATE THE WAY HE SAYS MOMMA
Dracula-scares me
EMMETT !!!-made fun of me
Emmett : Oh im soooo scared your going to send sesame street after me
Kermit : MUPPETTS actually
Aro : WE'RE GONNA KILL YOU.. And your big impressive biceps
Emmett : DON'T TELL ME YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON MEE
Aro : No
Edward : NOT what your thinking
Kermit, Emmett : What is he thinking ??
Edward : he wants to strap him down and kiss his biceps one by one and whisper sweet nothings in your ear.
" Emmett runs to Aro. Hits him a slap and throws him out the window"
Kermit : Emmett you do reliase what ypu hav just on.
Emmett : what ?
Kermit : well Aro is jane's bitch so that means that jane is his pimp. Which means when you mess with a bitch the pim comes after you. Which means Janes gonna burn the brain off you.
Emmett : SHIT. WELL NOT IF NO ONE TELLS HER
Kermit : well seems as your biceps ruined my relationship I will
" kermit fly's out the window to tell jane"
Emmett : OOH HE IS SO DEAD !
" emmett flys out window to kill Kermit the Frog"
Jasper : I smell rude flower man
Carlisle : Ask him for daisy's lol
Edward : doe's no one reliaze like Emmett is gone.
Jasper : And…………..
Part 3 What Happened When Emmett Went To kill Kermit The Frog
Intro
Omg yes another intro. Thanks your comments/reviews I am now still continuing Rosalie's Wedding. Thank you to those who kept me going.
Ok this is set in the forest outside the Cullens house in Forks ( lol spoons) and Kermit the frog is running away from Emmett to try to get to Italy to tell Jane. Now everything is not always that simple. ( well not in my stories) well Emmetts half done trousers are slowly ripping and he forgot to wear undie's and Kermit the frog I singing the show tune together again by the muppetts. Now lets begin.
Emmett : AHH my slowly ripping trousers revialing my SEXY buttock SOMEONE GET A NEEDLE !!!!!!!!!
Kermit : will you just go home.
Emmett : what and let you get my brains burned ??
Emmett swings from tree
Trousers : rip !
Kermit : You stole my lover from me !
Emmett : YOUR STEALING MY WEDDING FROM ME
Kermit : your marring a bitch
Emmett : A SEXY ONE.
Kermit : are you saying my Aro is not sexy ??
Emmett : Ooh let me think.. Elvis style blonde hair. Dresses in knitted rugs or should I say cloaks and carries lip balm in his rug pocket and uses mascara.. Hmmm.. If gay = sexy well he would be the SEX !
Kermit runs raster through the forest
Kermit : OOH NO YOU DIDN'T !
Emmett : yes bitch I …. why I think I did !
Kermit : DON'T EVEN GO THERE !!!!!!!!!
Emmett : Don't go there ??…. I've been there. Took some pictures and came back already
Kermit : Well you're a…a…..
Emmett : A ???????
Kermit : a big buff bastard.
Emmett : OOH stop !! Your insults are killing me
9 hours of chasing passed and then they reliased that they were at Volltura were the volturi. Jane is spotted watering her plants in the garden when a half naked Emmett and a green Kermit fly down.
Jane : DAMN YOU TULLIP YOU WILL WATER !! GRRRR GROW BITCH
"jane burns the plant and it blows up into a little spark"
Jane: You will respect me !
Jane : What the
Kermit : JANE !
Emmett : NOOOOOOO
Kermit : JANE !
Emmett : NOOOOOOO
Kermit : JANE !
Emmett : NOOOOOOO
Kermit: I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jane : What
Kermit : Emmett's -
Jane : Yes
Emmett : NO
Kermit : Emmett's -
Emmett : I'm-
Kermit : HE'S ---
Emmett: I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU !
Jane : WHAT !
Kermit : WHAT
Emmett : WAIT WHAT !
Jane : Emmett I don't -
Kermit : HE'S LYING I
Jane : shut up !
Kermit : But !!
" Kermit blows up into a million different sparks" "RIP Kermit"
Jane : Why I…..
Emmett : Look I was only --
Jane : I LOVE YOU TO
Emmett : what
Jane : I was did. Just I thought you were taking
Emmett : I am I really------
Jane : Well its ok we can be together we can get married and live happy every after for eternity
Emmett : NOOOOOOOOOOO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
Jane : Im sorry did you just……. REJECT ME ??
Emmett : I don't love you
Jane : OOH YOUR SOO DEAD
Rosalie steps into the garden glaring terribly at Jane.
Jane : Rosalie I well
Rosalie : YOU SHUT UP AND SIT YOUR FROZEN ASS ON THE GRASS YOU LITTLE FOOL !
Emmett : Rose -
Rosalie : YOU TOO..
Emmett : OK !
Rosalie : emm. Jane correct me if I'm wrong but the last little few word you said to MY emmett. Did they invole his death ?
Jane : Well
Rosalie : DID THEY ????????????????????
Part 4 THE BIG BIG BITCH FIGHT ROSALIE VS JANE ! FOR EMMETT.
Intro : OK THIS IS THE ROCKY MATCH THE WORL CHAMPION THIS IS ROSALIE VS JANE IN A BITCH FIGHT OMG I CANT EVEN RIGHT AN INTRO. When people found out that there was a bitch fight on everyone came. ALL the volturi and there wives. And all the cullens.
Felix : KICK HER ASS JANE !
Jasper : Ohh you wanna ear flick you little wimp
Felix : Ooh yeah your curly bobs IM SOO SCARED OF !
Jasper : OOH YEAH WELL YOU HAVE A NAME OF A CAT
Felix : you have the face of a SPA
Alice : IM SORRY WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY…. PUSSY WUSSY CAT
Carlisle : Alice, Jasper. Lets not waste our time
Demetri: YEAH YOU BETTER NOT BECAUSE WE WILL BOOT YOU AROUND
Carlisle : Ooh please.. Ooh im soo scared.
Edward : THEY SHOULD BE ! Rosalie's going to kick Jane up down and around.
Markus : Ooh please. Jane bullies us. Rosalie is like an insect to her. Not movements all buzz buzz buzz.
Edward : YOU SHUT UP YOU MIDGET ! WITH BLACK HAIR
Markus : You shut up… tall and bronzey.
Some Man : OK EVERYONE GOT THERE SEATS IN THE GARDEN
Everyone : YES
Some Man : Well Let the bitching begin
Esme : You can do it Rose !
" Emmett takes a seat and Jane stands up to face Rosalie"
Rosalie : So.. Tell me why your not a full vampire ?
Jane : I am a full vampire
Rosalie : Well full vampires are meant to be some sort of pretty. Your just.. Odd
Jane : Ooh I'm odd. Your such a dumb blonde
Rosalie : PROVE IT
Jane : WHATS THE CAPITAL OF WASHINGTON
Rosalie : W !
Jane : WELL DONE !
Carlisle : what ?
Rosalie : Look Emmett's my husband, my sex bomb, my EVERYTHING and I'm marring him in 3 hours time. And you will go back to watering your plants and I will go back to my wedding.
Jane : Emmett. He doesn't love you he loves ME !!!!!!
Rosalie : DO NOT SAY THAT YOU LITTLE WEIRDO FREAK
Jane : Emmett ?
Emmett : sorry I don't love you
Jane : BUT YOU SAID
Rosalie : wait he SAID !
Edward : you said ?
Carlisle : HE SAID !
Esme : what Emmett ! YOU SAID
Alice : wait. What he say ?
Jasper : something about sweeping brushes
Alice : of course
Emmett : I, well what I said I --
Rosalie : YOU SAID IT
Edward : SAID IT
Carlisle : HE SAID IT
Esme : EMMETT ! SAID ! IT!
Alice : Jeez people nowadays are very protective of sweeping brushes
Jasper : seems to be.
Rosalie : OOH YOU ARE SO DEAD YOU BIG STUPID DOPE OF A JACKASSING PIG OF A ASSHOLE ! WEDDING OFF
Emmett : But rose I -
Rosalie : SHUT THE HELL UP !
Emmett : ok
Rosalie : AND AS FOR YOU !!!!!!!!!!
"Rosalie points (scaringly) at Jane"
Edward : Ooh its soooo on
Carlisle : hehe
Alice : what's this about
Jasper : mops…
Esme : KICK HER ASS ROSE
Rosalie : you. You stupid little midget you deserve to be pulled apart toe by toe , finger by finger using a pliers !
Rosalie : I DON'T CARE WHO SAID WHAT YOU LITTLE MIDGET ! YOUR GINGER ! STUPID ! MOP OF A SWEEPING BRUSH!
Jane : But I-
" Rosalie leaps and starts killing Jane. Fiercely. Aro then tells Jane telepathically what to do… Jane hears and this is what happens"
Jane : Owwww my foo- OWWWWW
Rosalie : STUID LITTLE -- LITE A FIRE EMMETT !
Emmett : will do
Jane : you know Rosalie. You are the most beautiful vampire I have ever known
Rosalie : you mean. pretty
Jane : HAHA its working.
Rosalie : what ?
Jane : SO SO SO PRETTY and blonde
Rosalie stops fighting
Rosalie : And. And . Blonde
Jane : THE BLONDEST
Rosalie : what are you doing in 1.30 hours ?
Jane : Nothing. Well the usual. Burning weeds, watering flowers, hoping, waiting on my true love, watching Dr. Phil and -
Rosalie : TODAY . Not life story.
Jane : Ooh. Nothing
Rosalie : how about being my maid of honor ?
Edward : WHAT SHE SAY ?
Emmett : WHAT SHE JUST ! WHAT
Carlisle : JANE ! WHAT !
Esme : WHAT !
Alice : did I miss something ? I was admiring my spikes
Jasper : Ooh.. Emm. Sponges
Alice : Of course
PART 5 . Wait what ? NO BITCH FIGHT ! MAID OF HONOUR. Well that's what Rosalie thinks hehe ( evil laugh )
Intro : well there are so many intro's to this thing like I may aswell call the call thing intro. Ok the big moment. What happens when Jane goes to the wedding ? Will kermit return ? Will Emmett stay naked ? This takes places in the wedding venue/forest thing.
Alice : I WAS REPLACED !
Rosalie : I'm sorry. But Jane. Well Jane fits my style
Alice : Rosalie your dressed in a curtain
Rosalie : a pretty curtain !
Jane : Not as pretty as you
Rosalie : yes. I might just marry you.
waiting.
Rosalie : Ok Carlisle
" Rosalie takes Carlisle's arm and they stroll down the aisle"
Choir : Dum, dum, dum dum dum. Dum dum dum dum. Dum dum da dum dum da dum dum dum.
Rosalie whispers to Carlisle : I didn't ask for that song
Carlisle : ooh yes.
Carlisle : Sorry. Choir track two please.
Choir : the moment I wake up, before I put on my make up. I say a little prayer for you. While combing my hair now, wondering what dress to were now I say a little prayer for you.
The cullens and guests and choir : FOREVER AND EVER YOU'LL STAY IN MY HEART AND I WILL LOVE YOU FORVER AND EVER WE WILL NEVER OF PART BECAUSE I LOVE TOGETER FOREVER WE NEVER WILL LEAVE. It will only be heart break for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !!
Carlisle : love that song
Rosalie : As do I.
"Carlisle and Rosalie walk the long walk to the top of the aisle to find that EMMETT, ALICE AND JANE ARE MISSING"
PART 6 OMG WHAT HAS HAPPENED EMMETT AND ALICE KIDNAPPED BY JANE ! WILL ROSALIE GET MARRIED WILL THE CHOIR FINSH THE SONG WILL ALICE DIE ! WILL - EM WAIT the length of this title this should be an intro. NO WAIT NO INTRO'S ! that's it people I am removing intro's. Ok wait I cant.
Intro : danm intros. this is set back in Edwards bedroom. Jane is talking to Emmett when Alice comes in. ooh thiis is what was happening when Rosalie was getting ready to walk down the aisle.
Jane : Ok so you really do love Rosalie
Emmett : Don't f*****g start again.
Jane : just give me three reasons not me
Emmett : ok you're a ginge, your very evil, and you burn plants.
Jane : Ooh your soo lucky I don't burn you right now
Emmett : yeah yeah.. Ooh help me put on my socks and lets get this done
Jane : Fine.. Leg up
" Alice barges in"
Alice : OMG
Jane, Emmett : What ?
Alice : I FORSAW
Emmett : Alice we can only "what" so many times
Alice : true. I just like to make an entrance
Jane : clearly
Alice : ok I foresaw us been kidnapped.
Jane ; HA by who ?
Alice : little small puppets. I cant see their face's though
Emmett : why ??
Alice : because they are wearing Santa Clause masks!
Emmett : THAT'S INSANE
Alice : I KNOW
Emmett : WHY ! WHY SANTA CLAUSE MASKS ITS JULY
Alice : THAT'S MY POINT !!
Alice : no. wait its not.
Jane : OMFG !
" just at that moment little puppets with santa clause mask run in and gas them. HOW DO THEY GAS THEM ! I hear you ask. Put this isn't normal gas. ITS FREEZER GAS. FOR FROZEN THINGS HENCE VAMPIRES !. WHERE CAN YOU GET THIS FREEZER GAS ?? I hear you scream. Well you cant I just made it up there. I'm very sorry"
Alice : AHHHHH FROZEN GAS
Emmett : OMG I NO THAT DUDE
Jane : SANTA ISNT REAL YOU FOOL
Emmett : no I know them skinny green legs ! I no them skinny green hands. ITS KERMIT THE FROG ! AND THE MUPPETTS !!!!!!
" now if everyone can imagine BIG ! BOMBING ! LOUD ! EVIL MUSIC! That goes.. DIN DIN DIN !!!"
What will happen when Kermit kidnaps them. Will Rosalie save the day. Will kermit tell Jane about the pimp/bitch situation !!! WILL EMMETT DIE ! WILL SOMEONE SHUT ME UP ! DIN ! DIN ! DIN !
TO BE CONTINUED…..
And Contining
Part 7 ! What Happened With Kermit The Frog And The Muppets !!
Intro : Yes people I too am hating Kermit The Frog . FOR THE LOVE OF HOLY ! WILL THESE TWO JUST MARRY LIKE REALLY ! .. I was prepared to go on a rant but shall resist.. Ok so yeah getting back to the point of Intro's.
Intro : THE REAL ONE ! ! Ok this is set in the forest in forks and Kermit and friends are trying to kidnap the Emmett, Alice and Jane and this is very hard considering they weigh a lot.
Alice : OWWWW easy my frikin spikes YOU MUPPET OF A STICK !!!!!
Kermit : SHUT UP AND GET COMFY
Emmett : how the .F. can we get comfy IN A FRIKIN PLASTIC BAG
Alice : ANNNNNNND IM IN THE PLASTIC BAG WITH EMMETT
Alice : why don't I get my own plastic bag ??? Hmmm
Kermit : well sorry we didn't really have enough time to prepare hang on I'll check
Kermit : PIGGY BITCH !!
Mrs. Piggy : WHAT !
Kermit : have we any spare bags
Mrs. Piggy : yes
Kermit : Ok Alice hop out and get in this.
" Kermit takes Alice's hand and lifts her from inside the bag with Emmett to another one. They have now 1 bag each and Mrs. Piggy is holding Emmett's and Kermit Alice's".
Alice : Why thank you.
Kermit : no problem
Emmett : May I ask a question
Kermit : you may
Emmett : WHERE THE F**K ARE YOU F*****G TAKING US ON MY F******G WEDDING DAY YOU LITTLE PRUNE
Kermit : prune ?? But I'm green
Emmett : True enough. May I start over
Kermit : you may
Emmett : thanks. Anyway. WHERE THE F**K ARE YOU F*****G TAKING US ON MY F******G WEDDING DAY YOU LITTLE GRAPE !
Kermit : Grape. Better but I would have went with --
Alice : wait wheres Jane ?? How come she's not in a plastic bag. Was she upgraded to a paper one ??????
Jane : MUHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH
Jane : NOW YOU SEE MUHAHAHAH
Alice & Emmett : were actually blind like were squashed into a small little black bag and like . Why the evil laugh ???
Jane : I WAS IN ON IT THE WHOLE TIME !! HAHAHA YOU WERE JUST TOO BLIND TO SEE IT.. Litrally
Alice : Ooh you are soooooo dead. When I get out of this super strong plastic bag.. Ooh I see DEATH
Jane : you won't be getting out. Kermit told me Emmett what you did to my bitch. Tut tut tut.
Emmett : DAMN YOU KERMY !
Jane : so yes I shall bring you to a surprise place and burn you one by one
Alice : there's only two of us
Jane : that's what you think
Alice : so who else is here ?
Jane : emmmmmmmmmm……….. Bob
Alice : bob ?
Jane : yes bob now zip it.
Emmett : but. But. Rosalie I have to marry her in 11 minutes I cant stand her up AGAIN!
Jane : tough titties Emmett
Emmett : YOU KEEP YOUR TITTIES TO YOURSELF !
Jane : and if I don't ?
Emmett : ehh well --
"Alice for see's"
Alice : AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Jane, Emmett and Kermit : JEEZE WHAT WOMAN !
Alice : I, I, I FORSAW AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Emmett : what did you see.
Alice : JA JA JASPER.. RA RA RAZOR .. CURL BOBS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Jane : ooh like that made sense.
Emmett : Alice. Tell me.
Alice : I, I SAW JASPER. And--
" Alice cry's tearless sobs"
Alice : I saw Jasper. In the house with his curler and his back and frount curl woundnt curl it stayed straight
Emmett : NO WAY !
Alice : and he lost. He lost control
Kermit : WHAT DID HE DO
Kermit : KILL A HUMAN
Emmett : ATTACK A HUMAN
Mrs. Piggy : BITE SOMEONE
Alice : worse . He shaved his curly bob's
Emmett : NO NO !! WHATS WRONG WITH THE WORLD
Jane : I. I cant stand up
Kermit : NO CURLY BOBS
Alice : HE HAS A MOHOCK INSTEAD
Mrs. Piggy : NOOOOO NOOO NOO NO
Alice : No. curls. Jane you burn me I. cant live forever without his curls
Emmett : NO. Alice stay with me. Please don't do this. Think of Edward, Esme and Carlisle think of how they love and welcomed you and how--
Alice : OK EMMETT SHUT UP GIVING ME HEADACHES HERE
Emmett : jeez
Mrs. Piggy : Kermit were here
Alice : were are we
Kermit : a happy GREAT PLACE FILLED WITH happiness. Casltes. And children
Emmett : YOUR REALLY TRYING TO KILL US
Jane : as I said. SLOW AND PAINFULL. Then I burn you.
Emmett : you didn't say that .
Jane : WELL I WAS THINKING IT !!!!!!!!!
Alice : omg I just for saw were we are !
Emmett : is it bad ?
Alice : yes.
" Alice starts to whisper."
Alice : but we can escape.
Emmett : REALLY !
Kermit, Jane, Mrs. Piggy : really what ??
Alice : OOH well done Emmett you big buff b*****d.
Kermit : REALLY WHAT ??
Emmett : well em. I . I . emm. ELMO IS COOLER THAN YOU
Kermit : YOUR DEAD YOU LITTLE *************************************************
"Kermit lites a fire an go's to throw Emmett in it"
Jane : NOOOOOOOOO
Jane : It will all be worth it in the end when there slowly burning brains are melting
" Emmett whispers really low for once"
Emmett : Alice. Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst
Alice : whattttttttttttttttttt ??
Emmett : so how are we going to get out of this
Alice : well we have to go to Mickey Mouse's house 1st and then we wait. Carlisle is bringing his em friends.
Emmett : ok…………. Wait Mickey Mouse ??? Where the f**k are we???
Alice : DISNEY LAND OF COURSE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Emmett : of course.. This day could not get weirder if a giraffe came over and asked me the time
Alice : true true.
Kermit : OK WERE HERE SPILL THEM OUT
"Emmett and Alice's hands feet and legs are wrapped in metal chains so they cant run.."
Emmett : WOW DISNEY LAND SCARY
Kermit : you should be scared don't you reliase why you're here
Emmett : MICKEY MOUSE… hopefully
Kermit : no. your being put in a baby creche and you have to swim in MULTI COLOURED PLASTIC BALLS
Alice : NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO……. EVIL !!!!!!!!!!
Emmett : NO NO NO NO NO THIS ISNT HAPPENING !!!!!!!
"Emmett and Alice are dragged helplessly to the balls and are thrown in"
Kid No.1 : HAHA LOOK GWON UPZ IN THE BAWLS LETS KILL DEM
Alice : PLEASE .. DON'T.. I HAVE FANGS …HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Kid No.2 : ill get the spike you get the muscle
Emmett :NOT THE MUSCLE NOOOHOOOO
Alice : IM DROWNING IN BALLS OF RED, BLUE, GREEN AND WHITE HELP ME !
Emmett : PINK ANYTHING BUT PINK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP ME
Emmett : and we get saved ???
Alice : come up with an excuse to go to Mickey Mouse's house that's the only way we'll get saved
Emmett : JANE !!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH PINK !! STOP THE VILONCE !
Jane : what ??? Emmett ?? What
Emmett : I have to vist Micke Mouse ..
Jane : why ????
Emmett : eh. He's my uncle and emm yeah one day em. I need to tell him something about Minnie ?
Jane : what ?
Emmett : we had… an AFFAIR
Kermit : WHAT !
Alice : What ?
Mrs Piggy : wait. I wasent listening what ?
Jane : WHAAAAAA… MINNIE YOU PICK MINNIE OVER ME !!!!
" alice whispers"
Alice : Emmett I forsaw you have to pretend to love Jane to get saved
Emmett : NO OMG NO THAT BRAIN BOILING 2 IMING GAY LITTLE WEDDIN---
Alice : She's listening "cough"
Jane : well Emmett ???? Minnie ????
Emmett : I don't love her and I don't love Rosalie. I, I, I, love you
"Emmett cringes into the balls"
Jane : whaa ????
Emmett : take me n Alice out and ill tell you all about it
Kermit : Jane. don't fall for it it's a ----
Jane : SHUT UP KERMIT MY LOVERS TALKING TO ME
Emmett : no. no. no.
Jane : So you love me ??
Emmett : YES BITCH…… I mean hun
Jane : with all your frozen heart
Emmett : YES YES JUST TAKE THEINK AWAY !!!!!!!!
Jane : Well if you love me so much you should be able to accept my condition
Emmett : OK I WILL.. WHAT IS IT
Jane : Marry me ??
Emmett : WHAT N-----
Alice : Emmett !
Emmett : awww man.. FINE ILL MARRY YOU !
PART 8 : OMFG I CANNOT BELIVE WHAT IS HAPPENING JANE AND EMMETT ?? WHAT WILL ROSE DO ?? WHO ARE CARLISLE'S FRIENDS ??
Intro : ok people this Is set in ( omg I'm still in shock) JANE AND EMMETT. What will ROSALIE DO ! Ok so this is set on the grounds of Disney Land. Ooh the reason there not sparkling is because for once its raining and there is hardly anyone there. Ok lets begin
"Emmett whispers"
Emmett : ALICE ! DO I HAVE TO MARRY THIS TWATIC GINGER DWARF !!
Alice : I don't know. Just get us to Mickey's house.
Emmett : Ooh god !
Alice : just act like you love the hell out of her
Emmett : EASIER SAID THEN DONE
Alice : WELL SAY IT THEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
" Jane, Emmett and Alice sit down at a table. Kermit sits across pretending not to be listening. Each Muppet has eye holes in news paper"
Jane : I KNEW YOU LOVED ME ! I always loved and wanted you with all my frozen heaar you have--
Emmett : Yeah, yeah.. Roses. Red. Violets. Green. Wait blue and yeah wonder full. Now lets go to emm Minnie and Mickeys house hmm, ok I'll show you the way if you untie my you little midget….
" Alice kicks Emmett under the table"
Emmett : Midget…… full of good ??
Jane : I'll untie you when you marry me
Emmett : sure, sure WHATEVER ! Just Mickey Mouse. Bring me and Alice to his house like now ?? And then I'll marry you.
Jane : really ?
Emmett : I'll marry the crap out of you
Jane : OK
Emmett : Oh yes. Oh yes, were freeeeee and yes we areeee and you cantt reallllly marry meeeeee .
"Emmett breaks into a jig.. Then the can-can and somewhere along the way even though he's still in chains they started jiggling along too.. Then he made an Emmett cheer"
Emmett : OK. Give me an E !!!!!
Alice : shut up Emmett
Emmett : E
Alice, Jane : E
Emmett : Give me an M
Alice, Jane : M
Emmett : give me an M
Alice : M
Emmett : GIVE ME AN E
Jane : E
Emmett : AND A TT !!
Alice : hahahahaha TT .. Titie hahaha
Jane : TT
Emmett : AND WHAT DO YOU GET ??
Alice : A pile of muscle's ???
Emmett : EMMETT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
white he went…… SEE THROUGH"
Emmett : what you mean finish ??? Jane : you didn't let me finish
" Emmett suddenly went pale"
Jane : I'll go to Mickey's House to marry you if you let me do something to you Emmett
Emmett : NOOOOOOOOO IVE HAD ENOUGH NO NO PISS OFF NOW NO FUKIN SEX I WILL NOT HAVE IT YOU LITTLE -----
Alice : hear her out Emmett
Emmett : I HAVE HAD ENOUGH ALICE NOOHOOOO
Alice : EMMETT ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK LISTEN TO HER !!!!!!!!
Emmett : I AM HAVING NO RELATIONS ! AND IN NO WAY AM I DOING WHAT IS IN HER MIND BURN ME BITCH I WILL NO WAY IMAGINE WHAT ROSA--
Alice : Emmett !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shut the frick up !!!!
Jane : Emmett I don't want that. I want to sqeeze your --
Emmett : NOW THAT'S JUST DIRTY NOW THAT IS AND I THINK THAT --
Jane : I want to sqeeze your biceps Emmett my love. Now pull up your sleeves and let me do it.
" Kermit runs over"
Kermit : WELL IF SHE CAN SO CAN I
Emmett : sqeeze me and then we can go right ?
Jane : right. Now u the sleeves
Kermit : I havent been this ecicted since Marylin Monroe was born
Jane : I haven't been this exicted since they created FROZEN CHEESE ….. That babies like me little orange sister !
Alice : Emmett ?
Emmett : DON'T TELL ME IVE TO MARRY SPONGE BOB !
Alice : no. may I sqeeze too.
Emmett : ALICE !! You may.
" OK after two long hours of sqeezing and ewwwwwwww's and ahhhhhh's. they all stopped"
Alice : Jane ???
Jane : what ? !
Alice : may I ask that I do not get burned like seen as I'm Emmett's favorite sister -
Emmett : your not my favoite sister. Edward is hehe
Alice : SHUT UP Edward is not gay -
Kermit : wait Edward is gay ??? Is he on the market ?? Whats his favoirite colour is it green ?? PLEASE SAY GREEN !!
Alice : no red any-
Kermit : I SHALL DYE MY FLUFF RED
Alice : yeah you go do that now and yes please save my life
Jane : well that's up to my one and only
" silence fell and Alice whispered to Emmett"
Alice : THAT'S YOU DUMB ASS !
Emmett : Ooh yeah.. Em I dunno all the same like if you kill her I surrpose jasper will -
Alice : I can see your future and its not very bright !
Emmett : Save her !
Jane : Really ?
Emmett : SAVE THE HELL OUT OF HER !
Jane : ok . Emmett darling Mrs. Piggy has arranged a wedding in Mickey Mouses House and we shall be going there in 0.9 mins
Emmett : have you not to like. Get all white and all ?
Jane : no. ill marry you the way I am
" Emmett whispers to Alice"
Emmett : Alice ! If this doesn't work jesus help us.
Alice : it will I saw it Rosalie comes in with Carlisle and his emm friends and we obbesly gets saved like duhh .
Emmett : well don't get me on a roll just to break away the hill
Alice : now I wouldn't roll you to kill you now would I ?
Jane : ok lets go baby Mickey Mouse awaits
Emmett : Yess. Ok.
Alice : they will arrive in 12 mins Carlisle and everyone is only 12 mins away so just act in love till then ok ?
Emmett : Sure, sure
Jane: ready baby ?
Emmett : SHUT UP YOU FOOL AND JUST PUT ME AND ALICE ON YOUR BACK AND LETS ROLL !
Alice : EMMETT !
Emmett : Ooh I em. Love you.
" Jane puts a still chained alice and Emmett on her back and sets off at full speed in Mickey Mouses House"
Part 9 : THE 2ND WEDDING.
Intro : Ok people I am really counting the Intros 10 F*****G intros this is terrible ok as you might want to know this is the 2nd last chapter so where near the end folks. This is set in Mickey Mouse's House down the back were no one is since it's a bad day there is hardly any kids so just the Muppets, Kermit, Jane and a gay priest are down the back of the house.
Priest : why hello there. As scared as I am to be taking out of my home by a green frog and threatened my gay ass to stay or die. Hello and welcome to the wedding. My name is Phil
Jane : hello Phil now hurry up ..
Emmett : NO SLOW DOWN !!
Emmett : Alice how long till our em friends are coming ??
Alice : 9 mins
Phil : So Girls, boys and puppets I welcome you --
Jane : GET ON WITH IT !!
Phil : Ok hmm so anyone have a reason for these not to be married
" Emmett's lip quiverd"
Alice : " cough" Emmett No. "cough" 8 mintues "cough"
Phil : Ok well dearly beloved
Jane : PHIL IF YOU DON'T SKIP TO THE I DO BITS I SHALL BURN YOU TO SPARKES BITCH !
Phil : JEEZ PUSHY PUSHY. Jane emm Volturi do you take Emmett Cullen To be your husband
Jane : yes.
Phil : In sickness and in health
Jane : Yep
Phil : you swear
Jane : yes
Phil : double swear
Jane : yes yes
Phil : Triple sw-
Jane : SPARKES PHIL SPARKES !
Phil : ok . Emmett Cullen do you take Jane Volturi to be your lawfully wedded wife
Emmett : Emmmmmmmmmm.. IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII…… you see that's a trick question I look upon this as a em commitment factor and I don't think that --
Phil : DO OR DON'T EMMETT DO OR DON'T ??
Emmett : Emmm errrrrrrr.. May I use the bathroom
Jane : your bladder is frozen you dweep now I do me before I blow everyone up
Emmett : I, I DO !!!!
Phil : well I now pronounce you Man and wife. You may kiss the bride
Emmett : well we can wait for that
" Jane suddenly leaps at Emmett wraps her legs around him and kisses a cringing Emmett. AND AT THAT MOMMENT ROSALIE CARLISLE AND SESAME STREET WALK IN AND ROSASLIE SEE'S JANE AND EMMETT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AGAIN PEOPLE SCARY MUSIC DIN DIN DIN DIN DIN DIN DIN DIN DIN DIN DIN"
So what will happen now ?? Will Rosalie kill jane ?? Will Jane kill Rosalie ?? Will Elmo kill Kermit ?? And now Emmett cant marry Rosalie because it would be bigamy.. And not big of you big of me !!..
To be continued. See what happens in the 10th and final part of Rosalie Cullens Wedding. What really Happened !!