Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its awesomeness does not belong to me…I however own many dirty thoughts about a very sparkly vampire! Lol!

"Really Bells, I don't know why you look at him like that. He's never going to want to go out with you."

He registered the hurt look in my eyes with that statement. He quickly stammered and tried to amend the statement by saying my bream man and myself would never go out because he, as my best friend wouldn't LET me.

I knew he was trying to gain brownie points with me by trying to be over protective, but the fact of the matter is that it was really mean of him to point out the obvious. I knew I was nothing special, but was I so hideous that I could never get Edward Cullen.

I had admired Edward from afar all freshman year. Sophomore year was the year that Jake decided he needed to crush me and tell me the painful truth, I would never have Edward Cullen.

I wanted him…I wanted him bad, there was just something about him that had me so drawn to him. Like we would be absolutely perfect together. Unfortunately for me every girl a Forks High that was not related to him had the same thoughts.

I knew Jake liked me, but there was something about him that I could not just get over, like he was bad news. I guess he picked up on it because he used the situation we were to his advantage. He took every opportunity sophomore and junior year to crush me and remind me that Bella Swan and Edward Cullen would never be. I was still under some impression that I could have Edward Cullen and we could have our perfect ending.

I have no idea where I gathered the courage to decide that I need to tell Edward how I felt, but I did. It was really hard to summons that courage with Jake around always telling me how lucky I was to have him in my life and this was as good as it was going to get for me.

Lunch time on the first day of senior year I was going to declare my like for Edward Cullen…yes like…I could not tell him I love him. That would be too soon and scare him away…I was desperate, not crazy.

All day I was nervous as hell, I knew I had to do this, just to get it out of my system. This could go one of two ways. He could say he liked me too and we would ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after or he would laugh in my face and ask who I was and why I was talking to him. Even I knew the last of the two was more likely, but I could not stop myself from wanting the first scenario to play out.

It was finally lunch. When I walked into the cafeteria, I looked all around for him, but I couldn't find him. I finally caught sight of his family at their usual table minus Edward.

I was heartbroken he wasn't in school today, but maybe he was home sick and would be back the next day.

I caught sight of Jake waving at me like a maniac signaling me to go sit with him. Having no real other choice I went and sat with him. All through lunch I was completely depressed, I waited 3 years to tell Edward how I felt and he didn't even bother to show up.

He was so lucky I loved him or I would have been really pissed off at him.

When lunch ended I had gym. Edwards's sister and his brother's girlfriend Rosalie had gym as well.

While we were standing around waiting for class to start I heard the conversation that broken my heart and forced me into Jake's waiting arms.

"Alice stop mopping around. He made it to Dartmouth just fine. He said he was fine so just relax already and stop trying to turn this into something it's not."

"You just don't understand Rose, there's more to why he left I know there is, I just wish I knew what drove him out of town so quickly."

"He's fine Alice let the boy do what he wants to do. He wanted to graduate high school early to get the hell out of here and go to college and he did just that. Stop being an overprotective little sister and just be proud of all the greatness he will accomplish."

"Your right Rose," she sighed. "I just really miss my big brother."

"I know sweetie…we all do"

They both noticed me and said hi with friendly smiles, but I was too heartbroken to do the same. Something or someone drove him away.

I was angry that he left because I had so much I wanted to tell him, but at the same time I was extremely proud of him. I was like a proud girlfriend, but I knew I had no right to be. We didn't even know each other.

That was the same day Jake asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes.

I couldn't have Edward and now he was off living his life far away from me with a ton of pretty college woman around. With Edward gone Jake finally able to break me and have me. I didn't have anything or anyone around to help keep my hopes up. The only who could was gone.

I woke up in a in a light sheen of sweat.

It was a nightmare of sorts. The reminder of what never was and never could be.

There will never be a Bella and Edward…what a thought to wake up to.

I had to get up and get ready Angela needs me to take her to the doctor's office for an important check up.

I knew she would be happy that Jake and I were no longer an us. Angela never liked Jake. She called him an abuser.

She always said verbal and emotional abuse was just as bad as physical.

I never thought what he said could be taken as abuse, but once I thought about it he was actually really mean with everything he ever said to me.

He would never straight out call me ugly or stupid or worthless, but it was always implied in any conversation we had.

I would have moments of clarity once in a while and question Jake on what he was saying, but he would always say things like I should be lucky that I have him, and if it weren't for him I would just turn into a cat lady. He slowly but surely broke my spirit and the moments of clarity came further apart, until there were no more.

Edward took a piece of me when he left, so it just made Jake's job all that much easier.

I was already on my way to Angela's after showering and dressing. I really wanted to stop thinking about all my problems so I could be good company for Angela, but I couldn't stop thinking about what my life turned into.

Our biggest fight was one night about 2 years ago, after 8 years I still wouldn't sleep with Jake, I wanted to wait until marriage.

He killed me that night and that was also the same night I noticed my moments of clarity stopped coming.

Jake told me that Edward was never coming for me and I could never and would never have Edward.

I always tried to keep in the back of my mind that maybe he felt the same and would come and be with me. It didn't happen.

He told me again how lucky I was to have him, and I wouldn't get anyone better than him.

Then he asked, more like told me I should marry him. And I said sure, not even yes. I said sure.

Our biggest fight about no sex and Edward never coming resulted in me agreeing to marry him.

WOW…my life kind of sucks

Last night when he said he cheated on me I wasn't all that surprised, he wasn't getting any from me, even after I agreed to marry him so he went out and got some from someone else. But in that moment, the clarity returned. After 10 years, I figured out I was better than this life I settled for, I was better than Jake and settling for him.

My moments of clarity were my thoughts telling me that I could have my perfect ending, that I could have Edward, or some one close to Edward, but I really wanted Edward.

All my thoughts started coming to me at once; everything started to mush together.

I don't think I made any sense. Even in my own head.

He cheated so I kicked him out. He cheated because I wouldn't sleep with him. I wouldn't sleep with him because he wasn't the one. Edward was, but I would never have him and could never have.

And I knew this. This revelation was not the information Jake had continued to ram into my brain, this was an actual realization. It was a sad reality. When would I even see Edward again…if ever?

I don't even know Edward. We never actually had a conversation. I knew him from a far. I knew what I hears and saw, but I wanted and I loved him.

I still want and love him.

After I kicked Jake out it all came crashing down on me. I never knew a possible greatness because of Jake; I recognized my love for Edward, but never got to feel it.

I should hate Jake for all the mean things he said and how he slowly killed my spirit or at least tried to, but I don't.

I hate him for keeping me from my perfect ending. Jake was selfish in wanting to keep me for himself. If he truly loved me like he always said he did, he would have let me go so I could have what I truly wanted and needed in my life.

As I picked Angela up, she instructed we would be going to the hospital for her doctor's appointment. When we got to the hospital we went up to the 5th floor where the OB/GYN

was located.

"Angela, is there something you want to tell me?"

"I took an at home test, I just want to confirm it before I tell Ben. I want to surprise him with this." She said shyly.

"Oh my god Angela, I'm so happy for the two of you, both of you deserve this so much.'

"Thanks Bella. I'm really glad you're here with me. I'm really nervous."

"There's no reason to be, if it's meant to be it will be. And I know it's meant to be."

"So…Bella…while we wait…is there anything you want to tell me?"

What the hell how does she know?

"Why would there be anything for me tell?"

"Come on Bella, I'm your best friend, you've been out of it all morning long. I know something happened, so just tell me already!"

I relented I was going to tell her one way or another might as well do it now.

"Jake and I broke up last night."

"Oh Bella I'm so sorry!"

"Angela, I know your not sorry so don't pretend to be."

"Oh thank good, that man was horrible to you! So what happened?" She asked. "You know what it really doesn't matter what happened, as long as he is gone."

Long pause…just wait for it. It's coming

"So are you going to tell me what happened or not?" She asked impatiently.

"Ang, you just said it didn't matter, 'as long as he is gone'" I quoted back to her.

"So you're not going to tell me?"

"I'll tell you some other time, okay. Today is about you."

"Fine, Fine. Deny the possibly pregnant woman, but I so want the details later."

"And you will get them, just relax."

All of a sudden the front office door busted open and the last person I ever expected to see was standing right there…talking to the other woman.

"Leah, I'm so sorry, my alarm wouldn't go off. Did I miss it?"

"No Jake I'm still waiting to be called."

"Good."

Before I could stop her Angela started talking.

"Congratulations you two. So how far along are you."

The woman Leah answered, "Oh I'm for 4 almost 5 months, about half way through."

Jake looked like he had seen a ghost…or the woman that just broke up with him.

"WOW, that's great. So Jake, you've known for almost five months that she is pregnant and you decided to tell me last night you cheated on me."

I really don't know what came over me, but the verbal filter just shut off and I started talking.

"Bella please…" I cut him off. I did not want excuses from him.

"Angela Cheney." The nurse called.

"Come on Bella, let's go before I kick him so hard he will never be able to use his dick again. And don't bother about worrying when your going to tell me what happened between you and your ex-fiancé, I'm a smart girl, I can figure it out."

Wow…possible pregnancy sure has mad her feisty.

As we walked to the room and in between all the medical history questions they were asking, Angela was tearing Jake apart. If I didn't hate him so much I would kind of feel bad for him.

"You know what Bella?"

"What Ang?"

"We need to go on a vacation. We should so go to Vegas for the weekend!"

"Angela, you might be pregnant. We can not go to Vegas for the weekend."

"Yes we can, and it's not like I'm going to drink or have a random hook up. That's what you're going to do silly." She said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Is there any point in me fighting this?"

"Nope!" she said while popping the 'p.'

"Fine…we're going to Vegas"

I tried to sound excited, but I really didn't have to try too hard. She covered all the excitement for the both of us.

"Oh goody, this is so exciting! We are going to have so much fun."

When we left the doctors office we were able to avoid Jake and Leah, which I was thankful for. I so did not need to run into them again.

It was also confirmed that Angela was indeed pregnant only about a month, apparently Ang and Ben are freaks and she couldn't pin point a date for conception.

It's always the quiet ones.

It was also confirmed we were going to Vegas.

Angela didn't tell Ben she was pregnant yet, so of course he was okay with her going.

She was going to wait until she got home to tell him, and then use sex to keep him from getting too angry with her.

I never knew Angela could be so, so devious. It's a little scary. She's normally so sweet.

She also said there was no getting out of the Vegas trip.

Over the next few days I tried, I really tried to get out of going to Vegas. What was I thinking, agreeing to go with my pregnant best friend to Sin City.

Yet here I am, on the plane listening to Angela go on and on about all the bad things she has planned for me to do.

We arrived with no problems and checked into our hotel without a hassle. After we relaxed for about an hour, we decided to walk around on the strip and do some sight seeing.

We headed back to the hotel, Angela seemed like she was in a hurry, maybe she was just tired. I hear that happens a lot with pregnant woman.

As we stepped into the lobby Angela enlighten me as to what the hurry was.

We were going out…tonight.

"Bella hurry up we have to get to our room and then start getting ready!"

"Okay Angela I'm coming, relax it's only 3 we don't have to start getting ready to go out now."

I was not looking forward to going out. It just isn't my thing, going out and drinking.

"Just hurry up already!"

"Hey Edward, man hurry up, I want to put or stuff away so we can go to the bar." An extremely tall muscular man said.

"Edward, what are you looking at?" a tall blond asked.

My head turned so quickly I thought I would suffer from whiplash.

My first thought was

Oh my God, it's him.

I want to thank everyone who has reviewed so far. I love it! You all rock! And I really wish I had the time to respond, but unfortunately I don't, but I appreciate and love that you all take the time out to give me your thoughts and opinions. Keep 'em coming!

Okay, so now I want to apologize for the long delay on this chapter, but life has gotten in the way. My grandfather, who has been great to me my whole life, is waiting to join everyone up above. The doctors have told us it's only a matter of time now. I have been writing and I will continue to post as often as possible, but as you all know family comes first.

Thank you all for being so patient with me!

See you all next Chapter!