CHAPTER FOUR AN ATTEMPT AT NORMALCY

He didn't even see her before leaving the next morning. He had spent the entire night cursing himself in the dark, and the last thing he wanted to do this morning was step outside. The early morning sun warmed his cheeks as he walked the crowded streets, and he closed his eyes as he brushed a hand over them, knowing that Ginny's would feel much the same. He had never raised his voice to her, let alone a hand. It was something he would never forgive himself for even if she did. She had seemed almost happy at his outburst, as if it had been her goal from the start. He almost pleasured as a new feeling swept hard over his body. Guilt. She did truly love him. He had known that from the start. For a fraction of a second, Harry felt an almost forgotten sensation. Hope. Hope that if she had awoken such a violent feeling of anger, maybe she could be the one to unlock his heart. But as quickly as it came, it had gone again. 'To love, honor, and to cherish, til death do you part'. He only had a month before saying "I do" and he was afraid that he really wouldn't. It might have been better for death to come soon before seeing that look in her eyes again.

His thoughts were preoccupied with her so deeply that he didn't realize where he was until he was looking at the door of Madam Pomfrey's office. Even as his hand knocked on the office door, he felt suddenly ashamed to be seen by anyone. He felt as if every pair of eyes that set upon him knew what he had done and was judge, jury, and executioner for his offense. His breath caught in his nose and didn't make it to his lungs. He reached into his pocket and fingered a small piece of toffee at the bottom. Pulling it out, he recognized it as Fred and Georges' greatest slackers invention ever. Without thinking, he popped it into his mouth. The door slowly opened of its own free will and a voice within beckoned him inside. Harry hadn't taken one step into the office when he heard Madam Pomfrey gasp in shock.

Harry had both hands up against his face to keep the blood from his nose from flowing freely onto the floor. Madam Pomfrey smirked knowingly and stood up, her wand at the ready. "It's been ages since I've seen a nose-bleed nougat. Those two." She laughed as she waved her wand in front of Harry's face, but nothing changed. Even though the blood kept flowing, Madam Pomfrey's smile widened. "So it's a first edition is it? They've certainly improved now-a-days. They must be doing really well for themselves." She was conjuring up a dark purple potion and handed it to Harry. "Took me ages to find the counter to that, but I'm not complaining, they do give me a lot of good business." His nose had dried up instantly and he vanished the phial into his palm.

"Harry, what's wrong? It's not that bad working here to risk bodily harm to get out of it? Didn't you get any sleep last night? You look like the living dead, dear. It doesn't help that you're covered in blood, now does it?" Her voice was dripping with concern as she drew up a cup of hot tea from mid- air. "My goodness Harry, I haven't seen a face that long in ages. Is everyone alright? There's not been trouble at home, has there?"

The last words stung deep into Harry's heart and made him feel nauseated. He couldn't tell her what he had done, she would probably fire him on the spot for abuse. Yet he knew that every second that passed in silence made him look more and more suspicious. His mind raced for an explanation for his tired look, but before he could think of anything, Madam Pomfrey was lifting him up out of his chair and hurrying him towards the door, the forgotten tea still pouring itself in mid-air.

"I can't have my aides so down when they work. Sloppy aides lead to deaths, Harry, and I just can't have you killing my patients on your first day. Now you get yourself home and don't come back here until you've had a decent night's sleep." She said loudly into the hall so that many of the people walking by craned their necks around to see who was getting chewed out. She leaned in close to Harry so that she could whisper into his ears. " Take care of yourself, dear, and let me know if there is anything I can do to help you two out." Harry whipped around to look her straight in the eyes, praying that he wouldn't see a look that told him she knew what he had done, but it was not there. "Weddings tend to take a toll on people, especially right before. Pace yourselves or you'll be a patient in the closed ward instead of a worker. Send me an owl if you feel up to coming on Monday. Take the weekend off and rest." She winked at him before shutting the door, leaving him dumbfounded in the hallway. He walked forward to knock on the door again to beg to be let to work today, but something kept his hand from making contact. He needed the money, and badly, but he couldn't stand to have everyone looking at him right now. It was even worse now that everyone thought he was in trouble with the boss on the first day of work and the feeling of panic began to freeze him up again. He couldn't be here. Not now. He bent his head low as he ran for the nearest exit. He felt the heat of all the eyes burrowing into the back of his head.

As he reached the streets, the embarrassment of what just happened hit him and he knew he couldn't return home this early. He had now failed Ginny for the second time in less then a day. He couldn't give her the love that she so desperately needed, and now he couldn't provide for her, either. He had never felt less like a man. He loved the fact that Ginny was such an intelligent woman and that she was so keen to support herself, but something in him still wanted to be the provider and protector. He needed to tell someone what he had done, someone that would see how horrible he felt and know what to do. He looked around the streets as if hoping that the one he was seeking would appear before him, but all of the faces he saw remained unfamiliar. His thoughts returned to the night before, and he knew exactly where he wanted to be right now. The two people whose advice he had wanted so desperately his entire life. He had to go talk to his parents.

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Chapter 5 Teaser

She looked up the hallway to the door at the end. Her hand slipped casually to her jean pocket and fingered the key that weighed so heavily next to her leg. She really had promised Harry that she would stay out of the room at the end of the hall, but hadn't he also promised to never hurt her? Well, one good turn really did deserve another, right? Besides, what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him.