Ch2 Tales of the Roadkill
"WHAT? Three thousand nine hundred ninety nine bucks? Are you NUTS?! I stayed here for three days! Only three sorry days! I'll sue you! Bastard! This is extortion! You don't even serve soba here! Just Damn Porridge! Porridge! What, do you think I a damn KID?!?" Kanda held the bill as if that thing was used to wipe … Let's leave it at that.
"S-sir, I believe there is no mistake…Three people were staying here for three days… One of them said that you will pay for all of all of them…
"Three? THREE?! Is this a freakin' joke? Is it? IS IT? I was the only one who got hurt!" He was barking directly in the face of a small woman that apparently was the receptionist. She made a severe mistake trying to argue with an irate Kanda.
"But sir! It is said right here! Kanda Yuu-"
"Don't call me by my first name!" He was hissing like one of the seven most venomous snakes that inhabit Australia.
"Kanda *BEEP*, Allen Walker, and Lavi Bookman! Three people! See?!?" In despair, the receptionist raised the bill up to his eye level and started poking the words, as if the whole world turned blind.
"Lavi? Lavi? That bastard was perfectly fine when we got here! And who the hell is Aron? What kind of bastard has this name?!?" He looked around, creating panic in a hoard of kids and their mother. Behind him, Lavi was sitting quietly in a wheel chair with cast over his entire body. Next to him, in a similar wheel chair was an Albino, without the cast, just bandages over his entire body.
"Lavi?! What the hell…"
"But, Yuu-chan~" He fidgeted trying Kanda's patience and the endurance of the cast. "I really wanted to see how it feels to be sick. I mean, I even called my boss and told 'im I was in an accident!!! Y-yuu-chan?! Pleas-"
Five minutes later, Lavi was urged to ER with severe blood loss and mutilated manberries.
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Gulp.
Kanda was radiating hatred and a deep, unfathomable rage. He looked at the white kid as if the boy was the last piece of meat during the French Revolution.
"YOU! Why the hell do I have to pay for your useless life? Just give me a damn good reason or…" He pointed at the ER door, where a half castrated rabbit laid.
"I…Sir! I believe you are the cause of my wrecked state!" The British accent controlled his speech. He was polite. Strange. A polite tramp. Huh. Wait, this doesn't matter. He still had to respond. And he did.
"I don't think so, idiot. YOU were the one laying in the road like a piece of garbage. I won't-"
"Sir, you hit me with your car. You destroyed the nerves in my right hand. You left a scar on my face. I believe you should take responsibility for this or…" Allen pointed at the ER room."I will use Lavi as my witness in the court." The brat's eyes were defying, steely and hard, like an iron pipe that Kanda used to hit Lavi's head.
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*Three days later*
The TV was grinning a stupid Bachelor show, full of stupid women and an equally debile man. Tch, this tea was too hot. Kanda put the mug on the empty table, waiting for it to cool down. He twiched, hearing a well known voice that apparently was born by Annoyance who had a illegitimate relationship with Stupidity.
"Kanda-san. Please cover me with a blanket! You see, the other day you hit me with that bulldozer of yours and now the nerves of my han-"
"Liar! It was a Toyota, a damn Toyota! How can you confuse a Toyota with a bulldozer??"
"You are right, Kanda-san," The boy's eyes glinted mischievously. "It was a a cross between a tank and a Transformer."
Kanda cursed ferociously under his breath. The gray eyes were watching him, amused. "Aaron you bast—"
"I am not Aaron, Allen Walker is my name. And stop poking my head, it really hurts. After all, it is your fault that I cannot move my right hand and my legs are useless. Ow, stop it!"
Kanda smacked him hard, with delight. Oh, how he wanted to kill him, now, fast, painful. The idiotic freeloader was sitting on his sofa, watching his TV, and munching his baby carrots. Ah, yes, the court made him keep the damn kid until he will be at that awaited moment when his hand healed. Until then, Kanda had the pathetic fate of being his babysitter.
That sly dolt took advantage of his position with a shameless audacity. Once, he woke up Kanda in the middle of the damn night and started complaining that he, you see, wanted a shower. A shower at three in the morning! How more cruel can one get?!? Apparently he could, because the next moment Kanda found himself on the street, buying mitarashi dango. If he complained or killed the damn kid he would have problems in court, because those damn geezers waited a report from Aaron once a week. Agh! Why do bad things happen to good people?!
As a soothing response, the phone rang. Kanda jumped toward it like a desperate drowned who just spotted a dolphin. A voice that could belong only to a frantic soul lost in the jungle of bureaucracy cried in his ear, pleading for help. Kanda thanked the gods for the good timing. If the phone rang any minute later, he would've been lost without any hope of salvation doing the laundry of the damned road kill.
That bastard surely was smirking every time he saw Kanda for the sole purpose of pissing him off. Tch. The elevator was crawling up with the speed of a pregnant caterpillar with no sense of direction. Six… Seven… Eight…Tch. So slow. Too damn slow. The man cursed out loud, insulting the mother, father, and the siblings of the innocent machine. He swore deliciously, cleaning his soul of smog, sin and other unrecyclable products of humanity. The elevator sulked between two floors, snubbed by Kanda's mentioning of his cousins and the immediate family. The arrow above the elevator's mouth was stubbornly pointing at the eleventh floor, as if it has found the road to heaven. Kanda kicked the door out of spite, yet somewhat hopeful that a miracle would happen and the stupid elevator will come to swallow him. To his surprise and delight, the elevator came back, weeping and opening its doors, welcoming the lawyer. Wah, finally. He entered the small and clean cubicle, pressing the tempting nr. One. The doors closed, the pulley cackled and Kanda was successfully stuck between the seventh and eighth floor.
Crap. Holly levitating crap. He could not believe this. The elevator could not either, it hung there silent, as if its metallic body had a conscience. Kanda looked around the small chamber, trying to find anything that could help him get out of this stupid and humiliating situation. As expected of the person who lived on the thirteenth floor, there were no options: He could either press a small suspicious button that yelled "Do not press!" or pick up a phone that was stuck in the wall, evidently for emergencies like this.
"Hello? Hello! This damn elevator stopped and doesn't want to go down ! Oi, can you hear me?" The person on the other end mumbled something suspiciously unimportant to a girl in the background. "Oi, old fart! Can you hear ME? I AM STUCK HERE!!!!"
"Who the hell picked up the phone? Put it back, stupid kid, that thing is for emergencies only!"
"But I am in an emergency! I'm stuck in the elevator! Can't you do something about this? And I am not a kid, old fart! This is Kanda, Kanda from the thirteenth floor!"
"Kanda? Who the hell is Kanda? There is no Kanda on the thirtieth floor!"
"Oi, are you kidding me? Are you doing it on purpose? THIRTEENTH FLOOR, 13, ONE AND THREE! JUST PUT ONE AND THREE TOGETHER!"
"But there are no people on the fourth floor! Just parking space! And a pretty expensive one too! Tell you what, I will give you an discount-"
"Shut up old loon! How come you hear only my lastest words? And I do not care about parkin- When will I get the disco- WAIT, THIS IS NOT RIGHT!!!!"
"Now I am convinced you are a kid! EVERYBODY knows such word as "lastest" doesn't exist! Now be a good brat and put the phone dow-"
The phone was already down, crushed in a million pieces, separated by category and stuffed into the holes Kanda had created with by kicking the elevator door. Finally, the doors gave up, spitting Kanda outside. He fell hard on his face, smooching the floor.
"Kanda –san, you have to be careful with elevators! I could hear you from my room! Besides, if the elevator is broken, why did you not take the stairs? It's healthy!"
Kanda stared up, not believing his ears, eyes and the sixth sense people speculated he had. The brat that was supposed to be on the thir-he meant fourteenth floor, was sitting in front of him in the wheel chair. Allen smiled at the stupefied expression on the lawyer's face. He was twirling a bunch of suspicious metallic objects around his finger, the kind one would find in the possession of a thief or a burglar.
"H-how did you get down here?!" Kanda was still on his four, resembling a big, slightly demented dog.
Allen smirked and pointed to the second elevator that was humming now, transporting who knows what kind of people.
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I have to tell you this... I really am afraid of elevators. My biggest fear: Get stuck in the elevator in the middle of the night, or an abandoned building...*shudders*
If you find mistakes or just something lame, feel free to kick me.