A/N I know it's been a long time since I updated this...truth be told, I'd forgotten about it! But the good news is that I've finally finished the story. There are nine parts in all, and I'll be posting one part a day. Thanks to anyone still reading this (all two of you, I'm sure!)

Part Five

For some reason, he kept feeling like he had to shake his head to rid it of imaginary cobwebs. Luke couldn't figure out why that was. Maybe it had something to do with the way Han and Leia had turned on him. Those traitors! he thought to himself once again, and decided that he should probably do something about their treachery. Maybe report them to the NRI or something…or maybe he should just put glue in all their socks. Either way, it should be something really, really bad for trying to keep Luke from completing his mission.

The mission! Damn, I keep forgetting about the mission. Why is that again? Oh, yeah, Han and Leia are spies! I should do something about that…after the mission. Focus, Skywalker! The mission comes first, then the revenge…

Shaking his head for the cobwebs, Luke added grinding the heels of his hands into his eyes to try and clear his thoughts. Now, what was that mission again?

He cursed Han and Leia and pulled his Jedi cloak tighter around his face. It was imperative that no one recognize him or the mission was certain to be compromised. If only he could remember exactly what the mission was, this would be so much easier. He skulked – heh, skulked…that's a neat word…skulked skulked skulked – a little further down the street, not noticing the odd looks he was getting. Even if he had noticed, he was determined not to let it interfere with the mission.

Blast! What was that damned mission anyway?! He paused to lean up against a wall, frowning fiercely as he tried to focus his thoughts again. When he looked up, he blinked at the sight of the bright flashing lights of a club across the vivid representations of scantily dressed dancing girls sparked a memory in his addled brain. There was something about a dancer…

Luke scowled as he concentrated hard to try and bring the thought into clearer focus. A dancer, with dark hair – although that seemed wrong, somehow – and the place she was in was dark, as well. Lots of strange creatures, and he was there, too, looking for something…someone? For some strange reason, the dancer had a weapon in her hand? Pointed at…him?

Luke gasped in astonishment as he pushed himself away from the wall. That was it! The dancer was an assassin, and she was trying to kill him! That was the mission, he had to take the dancer out before she took him out. He paused again as he tried to focus on the dancer's face, but it wouldn't quite come to him. Shrugging, he decided to go into the club anyway. Surely, in there he'd be able to find something to lead him in the right direction.

With a new purpose, Luke strode forcefully – ha, Forcefully, I made a joke, he giggled inwardly – towards the club.

There weren't too many patrons in the small club, but the few that were lounging inside turned to look as the doors slammed open, hit the walls, and then quickly swung back to nearly incapacitate the cloaked figure who'd paused to pose in the opening. There was a long spate of muffled cursing as the man attempted to unsnag the cloak from around his feet where it had tangled when he'd leapt forward to avoid the doors.

When the stranger finally got himself situated, he attempted to walk casually and inconspicuously over to the bar, which was pretty much impossible at this point as every eye in the place was on him. However, when he sat down and didn't do anything else interesting right away, most of the patrons turned their attention back to what they were doing before he'd entered.

The bartender had even turned back to the conversation he'd been having with one of the beings sitting at the bar, when his attention was called back to the stranger by a loud psssst! Giving the stranger a dubious look, the bartender didn't move. The noise came again, a little more insistently this time.

Psssssst!!

With a sigh of resignation, the bartender made his way over to the still-cloaked figure and grunted, "Yeah?"

A hand emerged from the depths of the cloak and beckoned the bartender closer. Warily, the bartender shook his head and said, "Whatever you wanna say, just say it, buddy. This is as close as I get."

A childish harrumph of irritation sounded from the man before he finally flipped the cloak back off his head and glared at the bartender. All he got back in return was a bored glance.

"I am a Super Secret Jedi Master Spy and I am on a super secret mission that requires your assistance, my good man."

"Yeah, right!" the bartender scoffed and let out a barking laugh. "Super secret Jedi spy, he says," he called to the patrons at the other end of the bar and all of them burst out laughing.

The cloaked one was extremely incensed. "What, you don't believe me?!" he demanded.

"Nope."

"But why not?" the Jedi spy whined petulantly.

"Well, for one thing, if you were a Jedi spy, why would you go around telling everyone about it?"

"But I didn't tell everyone. You told everyone!"

"So why'd you tell me?" the bartender asked logically.

He had to think about that one for a few moments before he remembered. The mission! And he needed this kind gentleman's help with his mission.

"I need your help. I'm looking for a woman."

"If that's your super secret mission, then sign me up to be a Jedi, too!" the bartender laughed crudely.

"No, no, no, not for that! She's an assassin and she's trying to kill me. Now are you going to help me or not?" Luke asked, very annoyed at this interruption to his plans.

"Nope."

"But why not?!" Luke said, his voice even whinier than before. He thought the bartender actually winced.

"Cuz you ain't no Jedi. You're a nutcase!"

Luke gasped in outrage at the man's lack of faith. "I am too a Jedi!"

"Oh, yeah? Prove it," the bartender sneered.

"I will! I'll show you my lightsaver, I mean my lightsaber," Luke said, choosing to ignore the ribald laughter that erupted at his slip of the tongue. He reached down to his side to triumphantly display the shimmering blade of light that he'd constructed himself all those years ago…

…only it wasn't there!

That she-witch assassin! She must've stolen his weapon! When he said as much to the man he was trying to prove his identity to, Luke was dismayed to hear more laughter and derision. He would prove himself to this jerk if it was the last thing he ever did.

The Jedi Mind Trick! That was the ticket. That one never failed to impress.

With a cocky grin, Luke stretched his arms out in front of him, interlacing his fingers and cracking his knuckles. He hid his brief grimace – stupid bionic hand that he kept forgetting about, dammit – and prepared to dazzle these deluded idiots.

He cleared his throat, and settled his gaze on the bartender, intending to intimidate him with the strength of his glare. Unfortunately, Luke had no idea it merely made him look as though he were extremely constipated. At least, he was unaware of this until one of the bar patrons helpfully pointed it out to him.

Momentarily distracted, Luke turned his Jedi glare on the man and said, "You're next, buddy!"

This only caused another round of laughter, which only frustrated Luke further.

"Look, you guys have to shut up so I can concentrate, okay!?" he whined.

There didn't seem to be any inclination of the part of the group to stop laughing until the bartender hushed them by saying that he wanted to hear what exactly Luke was going to do. Luke was thrilled that he had at least one supporter in the place. He almost felt bad that he was going to have to make the man's brainwaves into mush with his awesome Jedi Mind Trick. To the Jedi's dismay, however, the bartender continued by saying that he hadn't had this many laughs all week.

Luke decided that he just had to ignore all that junk and concentrate on the Force. It had never let him down before, and he was certain that it wouldn't let him down now. Or at least, he really hoped it didn't. That would suck. Big time.

He went back to his intimidating glare and ignored the giggles this time. Raising his hand, he made a smooth motion with his two fingers and said, "You will admit that I'm a Jedi Master."

"Nope, still don't see it," the bartender said with a smirk.

Luke's mouth gaped open in astonishment. That had never failed him before! Maybe he didn't get the hand motion right. Sometimes that could be a little tricky.

Raising up straighter in his seat, Luke motioned with his hand again and intoned, "You will tell me where I can find the spy."

"I ain't telling you a damn thing, you weirdo," the bartender sneered.

Luke let out a shout of frustration that only started the bar patrons laughing again. He imagined for a few moments some really inventive revenge schemes against every single one of them, before deciding that he needed to focus on getting the bartender's help so that he could continue his mission to look for the dangerous dancing assassin.

Taking a deep breath, he resolved to try one more time to show these idiots with his Jedi Mind Trick what a fantastic Super Secret Jedi Spy he was…and if that didn't work, well, he'd always had a guilty wish to see if he could make Force Lightning. Bet they wouldn't be laughing at that. Drawing on all of his inner energy, Luke focused and gestured once again with his hand as he practically growled, "You will give me a free drink."

"The hell I will!" the bartender burst into guffaws along with the rest of the crowd and Luke helplessly banged his hand on the counter. That stupid bionic hand had to be malfunctioning. It was the only explanation! Then, he was so frustrated, that he began to bang his head on the counter. The others' howls of laughter only became more pronounced. He stopped the headbanging after only a couple of times, though, because that counter was hard! And…well, it made his head hurt.

At a loss to explain why his Force powers were giving him such trouble, and very embarrassed at the continuing amusement of the people he was trying to impress, Luke turned his back on them with a huff of irritation. He perked up immediately at the sight that met his eyes. All thoughts of the dancer/assassin and proving his Jedi status flew right out of his head with his delight at his new discovery.

"You didn't tell me you had a karaoke machine!"