Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar or the song "Stepsisters' Lament" from Cinderella by Oscar Hammerstein II.

Author's Note: This was another suggestion of my husband's. He's into comedy, in case you couldn't tell. This takes place some time after the finale of Season 2.

Stepsisters' Lament

Why should a fellow want a girl like her,
A frail and fluffy beauty?
Why can't a fellow ever once prefer a solid girl like me?

Mai stealthily followed Zuko and the slender Earth Kingdom girl he'd gone walking with. Mai didn't have any idea who the girl was, but they seemed to know each other. Eavesdropping on their conversation, it seemed the girl (Hong? Song? Something like that) had helped Zuko and Iroh when they'd been desperately in need.

From her concealment, Mai studied their interaction. Zuko looked more relaxed than he had since joining them, and Mai felt something inside her crumble at the knowledge that she hadn't been the one to make him look that way.

She's a frothy little bubble,
With a flimsy kind of charm,
And with very little trouble,
I could break her little arm!

It was pathetic to be standing here spying on the young couple, but Mai couldn't seem to help herself. She peered around a shrub, gauging the distance and idly fingering one of the knives concealed on her person. She had a clear shot; it would be so easy.

However, though it would remove her rival, such an action was unlikely to endear Mai to Zuko. Mai sighed resignedly. Maybe she could find a way to do something a little less drastic, like break the dainty thing's arm? That wouldn't leave any marks, and the effects wouldn't be permanent. Of course, she still had the little problem that it wouldn't really accomplish anything.

Oh, why would a fellow want a girl like her,
So obviously unusual?
Why can't a fellow ever once prefer
A usual girl like me?

Meanwhile, Ty Lee sat in her room, pondering a single word: Suki. Who was she? Sokka had evidently expected Ty Lee to recognize the name when he'd said it, which suggested that she must have been one of the warriors Ty Lee and the others had beaten in the forest.

What did that girl have that Ty Lee didn't? Surely, Ty Lee was prettier. If this Suki were good-looking, why would she wear so much makeup to cover her face?

Her cheeks are a pretty shade of pink,

But not any pinker than roses.
Her skin may be delicate and soft,
But not any softer than a doe's is.

The pretty girl blushed at something Zuko said, and Mai decided it was time to withdraw. There was no point in torturing herself any more than necessary. She returned to the palace, trying to convince herself that this girl was nothing special, after all.

If Mai were honest with herself, though, she recognized that the girl was very pretty, vivacious, and gentle. In other words, she was everything that Mai was not. Mai had always valued her skills, but maybe they were not enough. Or maybe they were simply too much.

Her neck is no whiter than a swan's.
She's only as dainty as a daisy.
She's only as graceful as a bird,
So why is the fellow going crazy?

Ty Lee sat considering which one of the girls it might have been. She grudgingly had to admit that the group had possessed a certain grace, and they were decent fighters. Still, she, Azula, and Mai had overcome them pretty easily. For that matter, Ty Lee alone had taken out an entire squad of earthbenders virtually alone. She was better all around.

These conclusions, then, left the obvious question: why did the Avatar's friend like this Suki instead of her? The only explanation that made sense was that Suki had simply met him first, but Ty Lee thought she could overcome that, given the time. Time, unfortunately, that she wasn't likely to get.

Oh, why would a fellow want a girl like her,
A girl who's merely lovely?
Why can't a fellow ever once prefer
A girl who's merely me?

Mai knocked at Ty Lee's door, uncharacteristically desiring some company, or at least someone she could vent to. The gymnast opened and allowed her in, where Mai immediately took a seat and made herself comfortable.

"What does he see in her?" she started without any introduction. "She's just, well, pretty. What good is that?"

"I'm pretty and talented, and it doesn't seem to be enough," Ty Lee pouted. "What's wrong with us? Why can't we win a guy?"

She's a frothy little bubble
With a frilly sort of air,
And with very little trouble,
I could pull out all her hair!

"Nothing's wrong with us," Mai asserted decisively.

"I wish I'd known about Suki when we fought those girls," Ty Lee mused. "I would have had a reason to fight harder." As it was, she had simply been doing what Azula had told her to do, just as it felt like she'd been doing all their lives. If she'd known Sokka's girlfriend was among them, she could have found out which one it was.

"Why?" asked Mai curiously. "We won anyway, so what difference would it have made?" Ty Lee didn't honestly know what she would have done differently, but it might at least have provided her the opportunity to exact some petty kind of revenge. She could have pulled out chunks of hair, maybe, or scratched the girl's face, or managed to hit her in a place where part of her body wouldn't recover completely.

Oh, why would a fellow want a girl like her,
A girl who's merely lovely?
Why can't a fellow ever once prefer
A girl who's merely me?
What's the matter with the man,
What's the matter with the man,
What's the matter with the man?!!

Of course, Ty Lee was conveniently forgetting the fact that she and Sokka were on opposite sides every time they met, making it highly unlikely that he would look at her as anything other than an enemy. Among other things, she'd been involved with capturing his sister. Mai, however, elected not to point this out, just as Ty Lee was polite enough not to mention that Mai had had years of opportunities to tell Zuko how she felt about him, all of which had flown by.

Instead, the girls sat there commiserating for some time, finding a rare thing they had in common. Finally, they concluded that the issue lay not with them, but with the men in question. Clearly, they just didn't know what was best for them. The problem identified, if not anywhere near being solved, the girls retired for the evening. Unfortunately, neither of them was tired, and they both spent the night in yet another contemplation of hopeless romance.

--

Member of the Boomeraang Squad: charleegirl, Jesus.Lives, Liselle129, Strix Moonwing, Avatarwolf, MormonMaiden, libowiekitty, Snows of Yester-Year, La Vixen de Amor, chocolatecoveredbananacheese, Aangy, and honorary member SnakeEyes16

Author's Note: Of course, I realize that the Season 3 trailer makes the Soko/Maiko portion of this fairly unlikely, but I've had the idea floating around for quite a long time. I'd thought of having it be from Toph's point of view instead, but I wasn't sure I could come up with enough narrative.

Review responses:

TTAvatarfan: Thanks. I thought the concept was funny, but I wasn't really sure how it would read.

Firreflye2: I tend to hear dialogue between characters in my head all the time, so it's not much of a challenge for me. Thanks for the fluency comment, though; I sometimes worry that things get too chopped up when I'm doing sonfics.

LadyBastet92: I like your idea, and I'll see if I can come up with a good story to go along with it. I listen to Broadway music a lot, and I found that a lot of the songs seemed to relate to situations or characters in the Avatar universe, so an idea was born!

Justcallmewolfy: That's exactly the way I saw it, that Aang would be a lot more understanding and accepting of girls as they are, and I thought the contrast between him and Sokka would make for a very amusing conversation.

SnakeEyes16: Well, yes, it was unfair to women, but like I Hate Men, that was sort of the point. Both songs are full of hypocrisy and short-sightedness, so that they reflect more on the person expressing the views than about the respective gender in question.

Aangs fangirl1214: Great! Making people crack up was my goal. I sort of hope this chapter had similar effects.