Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar or the song "A Well Known Fact" from I Do, I Do, lyrics by Tom Jones.

Author's Note: Zuko and Iroh talk about relationships and the differences between men and women on their way into Ba Sing Se. I admit that I had to infer Iroh's success with women beyond what we've seen to make this work. I apologize to my young, male readers for one particular verse; I didn't write the lyrics.

A Well Known Fact

It's a well-known fact
That a man is more attractive the older that he grows.
He's like a late October rose;
He's noticed everywhere he goes.
It's the strangest thing,
But a man is more distinguished
As time starts sliding by,
Although I really don't know why.
I couldn't change it if I try.

Zuko had said he was going to forget he saw it, but as he and Iroh traveled on the train that would take them inside the inner wall of Ba Sing Se, he couldn't help but marvel at his uncle's ability to manage people. Iroh always seemed so comfortable in just about any situation. Even his complimenting the next couple on their baby displayed an easy familiarity with total strangers that Zuko had never figured out. Actually, ever since his mother had left, Zuko hadn't been terribly good at conversing with anyone he knew, either.

The strangest thing was that it wasn't just women past their prime, like the lady who'd stamped their passports after they got off the ferry. Zuko even saw women much closer to his own age responding to Iroh's charm, smiling at him from across the train compartment or as they walked by. If Iroh addressed them, they always stayed to chat a few moments.

"How do you do that?" Zuko blurted out after witnessing about the third such occasion, no longer able to keep silent.

"Do what?" Iroh returned blithely. Zuko lowered his voice to a whisper.

"All those women keep looking at you, and they respond when you talk to them. I don't get it. I mean, you're…"

"Old?" supplied Iroh helpfully. Zuko shrugged. "You see, Zuko, women are different from men."

"I knew that!" Zuko exclaimed defensively. Iroh chuckled.

"I don't mean just externally. They think differently, too. To a woman, aging men are often very attractive."

"Why?"

"I don't really know."

Unfortunate, maybe,
But changeable it's not.
Men of 40 go to town;
Women go to pot!
It's a well-known fact
That a man is more attractive,
With each passing year,
He gets more and more attractive,
And the girls react!
It's a well-known fact.

"You don't know?" Zuko challenged. It was very rare for Iroh to say that he didn't know something, especially as it related to human nature.

"All I can really tell you is that women do not measure a man the same way we would measure a woman."

What way is that? Zuko wondered internally. He'd never given much thought to attracting the opposite sex or what he found attractive about them.

"I know that my tastes in women have not really changed since I was young," Iroh resumed. "I still find younger women far more appealing than those my own age. I have noticed, though, that older women prefer maturity over youth and strength. The oddest thing is that this does not seem to be exclusive to older women."

"So, young women like older men, too?"

"Not always, of course, but often, it does appear that way."

Both of them were silent for a while. At last, Zuko spoke again.

"I still don't get it," he admitted. Honestly, he didn't know why he was so interested in this topic.

"Well, maybe now we can both take some time to understand this phenomenon," Iroh offered. "Let's go through the stages of a man's life."

"Okay."

When a man is under 21,
He is not worth a damn.
He thinks that he's a tiger,
But he's really just a lamb.
He growls, he roars, he wears his trousers tight,
But he's like that no-good hound of ours:
All bark, no bite!

"Ignoring childhood, the first stage would be youth, the one in which you currently find yourself," Iroh said. "Men your age believe they are invincible, that anything is possible."

"Is there a problem with that?"

"Generally speaking, no. Many great things would never have been done if it were not for this fact of life, especially when combined with the tremendous reserves of energy you have. There is much to be commended in it, actually. However, these same endeavors tend to make a man restless. All you have at this stage is drive and ambition; what could you offer a woman? I don't mean you, personally," Iroh amended hastily, possibly noting Zuko's darkened expression. "It's just that most men before age 21 have usually not yet inherited lands or titles, and their careers may just be getting started. There are ideas and energy but little achievement or follow-through."

"So, women look for some stability?" Zuko tried to sum it up.

"Exactly," Iroh confirmed. "We then move on to the 20s and 30s."

When a man is under 31,
He's like domestic beer:
He has a certain body,
But he doesn't have it here.
He wheels, he deals, he doesn't spare expense,
But he's like the national budget:
All bills, no sense.

"That covers an awfully long time," Zuko remarked. He could scarcely imagine being 30.

"Indeed it does. This is sort of an in-between stage, where the vitality of youth is beginning to give way to the lessons of experience. However, the attitude here is still often very short-sighted, looking for rapid gains."

"Like what?"

"The career and monetary ambitions of this stage are at their peak. Much money and stature can be both lost and gained."

Zuko thought this over.

"So there's a lot of risk-taking?" he determined.

"Yes. Unlike the risks of youth, which tend to be physical, the risks of the slightly older man are financial or social in nature."

"But a woman could still see that as a lack of security," Zuko offered.

"You're catching on," Iroh complimented. "Of course, most women are already married to men by the time they reach this point, perhaps having been convinced that they will make good providers. I have noted that these women often suffer from the lack of attention of their husbands. Their men are often far more invested in their business dealings than their wives and families, although they may convince themselves it is for the family's good in the long run."

Suddenly, Zuko had a simply horrific thought.

"Uncle, you didn't…" he trailed off, unable to finish the distasteful question.

"No, no," Iroh hastened to assure Zuko, holding up his hands in a placating gesture. "I have always limited my pursuits strictly to the unattached. However, I have known others who were…not so scrupulous."

But when a man is 41,
He's entering his prime -
Delightfully witty, still he's wise,
For he's stood the test of time!

Frankly, Zuko didn't really want to think about any aspect of Iroh's last remark. However, he sensed that the conversation was nearly at an end.

"Are we to the last stage now?" he asked.

"Well, the last one I can speak about, anyway," Iroh replied with a twinkle in his eye. "Somewhere around 41, men really seem to hit their prime. We are able to gain a woman's attention whether we are looking for it or not. Unfortunately, this sometimes leads to infidelity among married men at this time of life."

"Okay, but why do women…?"

"Find us attractive?" Iroh again filled in the blanks.

"Well, yes."

"We've proven we're survivors."

"Survivors of what?"

"Everything." Iroh paused. "We've made it through the various risks of youth and young adulthood and picked up wit and wisdom along the way."

"I guess I see that," Zuko acknowledged grudgingly. "I'm just not sure I understand why it's important."

"Well, look at it this way. At some level, women are looking for someone who will give them strong and healthy children. When they see someone like me, who has clearly come through a great many trials, they naturally assume that my children would be likely to survive as well."

It's a well-known fact
That a man is more attractive,
With each passing year,
He gets more and more attractive,
And the girls react!
It's a well-known fact.

Zuko did not comment on the fact that Iroh's son had, in fact, not survived the war. Besides, it had been a battle, and these things could happen to anyone.

"So what do men look for?" Zuko asked, shifting the subject back around to nearly the beginning. Iroh blinked at him in surprise and sighed.

"Where have I failed you?" he murmured rhetorically. "Men are generally most influenced by things they see. Therefore, I'm sad to say, we tend to look primarily at physical appearances."

"That's it?" This seemed entirely too simple. "We're not interested in producing the best children?"

"Not by nature, no, though societal conventions may certainly be formed to encourage that. A young woman is something like the flower using its beauty to attract the bee. The bee must assume that the loveliest flowers have the sweetest nectar as well. Similarly, men respond to loveliness in women. Do you understand?"

"I think so." Zuko wasn't sure why, but this revelation bothered him. The thought that, if left to his own devices, he might choose a woman just because she was the prettiest he'd seen, seemed to upset the notions he held of an ordered world. Sure, she might have good-looking children, but that was of little use in practice. At least, given his marred appearance, Zuko chose to believe that other things were more important.

"Of course, that's where the analogy ends," Iroh continued thoughtfully. "After all, the flower cannot move around. She has to just sit there and be pretty, hoping that a bee will find her. Women don't have that limitation."

"Obviously," Zuko responded dryly.

"They also have other ways of getting us to notice them, often without us realizing that they're doing it."

"What? How?"

"I could tell you," Iroh drawled. "But what would be the fun of that?" The train stopped, and the two travelers filed out along with everyone else. As they stepped into the city and whatever it might hold for them, Zuko couldn't help but wonder which of them this was supposed to be fun for.

--

Author's Note: Yeah, most people wouldn't choose to go back to their teen years, which is sort of what I was trying to capture here. I guess this song must explain why I married a 41-year-old man.;) I think this sounded better in my head than it came out in print, but I hope it at least gave you a chuckle. I found it particularly funny since the bit with Jin was coming up fairly soon.

Review responses:

libowiekitty: Wow, really? Thanks. Why is it my sadder stories always seem to come across as the most beautiful?

airnaruto45: Unfortunately, both of your suggestions are from movies, and this collection is for stage productions. I may eventually do a set of songfics from Disney films, though, and I have long thought that A Whole New World would be perfect for Aang and Katara.

Kumori Doragon: Emotion is kind of my thing. I wouldn't really want that to happen, and I don't think it actually will, but since I'd seen a lot of authors writing Kataangst along those lines, I just had to put my own twist on it.

Aangs fangirl1214: Me neither, and I don't think Aang will change that much. There will necessarily be some differences, but from the few clips I've seen of the first episode or two of the new season, it looks like there will be some light moments along with the serious.

Justcallmewolfy: I don't, really, but I wanted to show how I thought Katara would feel if Aang started to act like she didn't matter to him anymore. Of all the versions I'd seen, I didn't think anyone had really captured it.

Wishing Only Wounds the Heart: Well, yeah. I'd been thinking about it for quite some time. 50 reviews and alerts? Yikes! How long had it been?