Chapter Twelve

Joey and Charlie arrived back in Joey's room. Joey eased Charlie down onto the bed. She dug around for a spare t-shirt that Charlie could use as pyjamas. Locating what she wanted, she presented it to Charlie. They had hardly spoken since they'd left the hospital. Charlie felt a little shy but it was too painful to turn around. Trying not to wonder whether Joey had really been about to kiss her at the hospital or not, she began unbuttoning her shirt while Joey bent to remove her shoes and socks. She looked up to see Charlie wincing in pain as she tried to remove her bra.

"Do you want me to?" she offered awkwardly.

Charlie nodded, feeling terribly shy.

Joey tried not to look at the large bandage across Charlie's middle. She reached behind her and unhooked the bra. As Joey got close to her, Charlie couldn't resist breathing in her scent. Joey moved away and Charlie eased her straps down. Realising that Charlie would probably struggle with putting the t-shirt on, she helped her into it without asking if she needed help. When Charlie's head popped through the top, she saw that she was smiling gratefully.

"We need to get you to your feet," Joey said.

Charlie placed her hands on the edge of the bed and let herself be guided up by Joey. Joey looked awkwardly at Charlie's jeans. It felt so strange to be undressing her again.

"I can't bend," Charlie admitted.

Joey unbuttoned and then unzipped her, guiding the clothing down her legs. Charlie sat back down on the bed and Joey eased the jeans off. She then guided Charlie back to her feet again so that she could lift the blankets. She helped her climb into the bed and tucked her in before pouring her a glass of water and placing it by her bed. They had operated mostly in silence. Joey gazed into Charlie's face, unsure of what to do. It was a double bed. She would happily creep in beside her but after everything they had been through, she worried that Charlie wouldn't want her to. She kissed Charlie's forehead. The doctor had ruined the moment before and now Joey didn't have the confidence to pursue things. Guilt weight heavily on her heart. Charlie was so battered and Joey couldn't help but take full responsibility and claim it as her fault.

"Goodnight," she said softly.

She switched off the light and in the darkness curled up on the floor with her coat over the top of her. It was uncomfortable but if they couldn't share the bed, there was no way she was going to let Charlie suffer.

"Where are you sleeping?" the injured woman called through the dark.

"On the floor," Joey replied.

"There's room for two in here, you know."

"I just didn't…"

"Want to sleep with me," Charlie concluded sadly.

"I didn't know if you'd want to sleep with me."

"Joey, I just got stabbed for you. I don't think you should start worrying about whether I care about you or not."

Joey felt foolish.

"Any moment I get to be close to you makes me happy," Charlie said, not caring how pathetic she sounded.

Joey got to her feet and felt her way to the bed. She slipped in beside Charlie and lay next to her, not touching. They listened to their breathing in the silent darkness of the room. Finally unable to cope with the tension, Joey rolled onto her side. She felt around for Charlie's hand and began playing with her fingers. Charlie felt her heart begin to race. She worried about her hormones hurting her injuries. She was startled when Joey moved closer and pressed her lips against Charlie's. They kissed for several glorious seconds before Charlie forced herself to pull away. Joey's heart broke. Charlie had come to see her. She had tried so hard to get back with her and now, when it came to it, she was rejecting her. Joey realised that she had hurt Charlie too much by running out on her the previous night.

"Sorry," she mumbled, turning away.

Charlie felt her breath come too sharply. It hurt her abdomen but she couldn't stop it.

"I called Ruby for you, by the way," Joey said, trying to ignore what had just happened.

"Thank you," Charlie said.

"I didn't want her to worry about you. I played things down until you can see her in the morning. She said she'd come over first thing."

"Thanks."

Joey removed her hands from Charlie's. Tears spilled from her eyes and into her hair because of her horizontal position.

"Why did you kiss me?" Charlie asked.

"Because I love you," Joey replied.

"Enough to kiss me but not be with me?"

"What?" Joey asked, utterly confused.

"Because I can't do that," Charlie said tearfully. "I can't cope with being picked up and put back down. It's too hard, Joey. I don't know what I'm doing or how I'm meant to be feeling."

"I want to be with you," Joey told her.

She felt Charlie jolt in surprise and the whimper from pain. Joey rolled back over, placing her head on the pillow as close to Charlie as she could. Charlie turned her face to her. They could feel each other's breath on their faces.

"You want to be with me?" Charlie asked. "Honestly? You're not going to change your mind?"

"I won't change my mind," Joey confirmed.

Charlie sought out Joey's mouth. Their tears mingled as they kissed. Joey placed a careful hand on Charlie's body, between her chest and her arm, wanting to hold her close but feeling afraid of breaking her. Charlie relaxed into her touch.

"I should have got stabbed before," she murmured, sounding amused.

Joey laughed lightly.

"You're not doing this out of pity are you?" Charlie checked.

"I don't pity you."

"You really love me?"

"I do. You mean everything to me. I just wish it hadn't taken this to make me realise that I can't live without you. I'm sorry for messing you around."

"I don't think I can really complain about it," Charlie pointed out.

"You know, let's just draw a line under all of it," Joey suggested. "I know we've hurt each other, I know we've both made mistakes but let's let today be the first day of the rest of our lives. We've lost so much time. There's no need to waste more of it by dredging up the past."

"You really think we can move on that easily?" Charlie asked. "I mean, after everything I've done…"

"I just want to forget about it," Joey said. "Can you forgive me?"

"There's nothing to forgive," Charlie said.

She leant closer for another kiss, deciding that having Joey's lips pressed against hers, having her hands on her body and her tongue teasing her mouth, was the best feeling in the world. To know she was loved by Joey meant everything to her.