A/N So I spent my boxing day watching Grey's Anatomy Season 4 and writing this, which was freaking awesome. I seriously need a life but anyway :) The characterisation that bothered me this chapter was Mark. I think I might just be overly paranoid but eh. This one was slightly longer than the other chapters but I had so many seperate dramas between so many different people that I couldn't really help it, lol. I applaud Shonda Rhimes for being able to keep up with it all. Thanks to all the awesome reviewers! And I say again: Ball. Rolling. Chapter four or five. I still feel like I'm establishing setting and... Whatever. Tell me your thoughts on it anyway. Enjoy :)
Note (27th of December) - Thanks to lizzie-tish who picked up my misuse of the word 'virtuosity.' I would thank her personally but for some weird reason I can't find a PM link so I'll just do it here. I did actually have the virtue v.s virtuosity debate with myself but for some insane reason I went with the second. Thanks anyway! :)
Chapter Three - Talk Like That
"How… How did this happen?" Meredith asked flopping onto the bed, her face taut in confusion.
Lexie dropped down next to her; "It was a one night thing. It was stupid. I didn't think it was then but… Well, obviously it seems stupid now."
Meredith nodded. She didn't know why her awkward half sister had come to her for help, but in an effort to be sisterly and supportive she decided not to ask. Instead she merely stood and closed the door.
"I didn't know who else to tell." She said quietly, answering Meredith's inward question; "I have no one to tell. Molly – she wouldn't understand. I don't really have that many friends here. I thought George…" She shook her head; "So I came here. I know… It's weird. And I know you probably don't want to deal with my problems but I have literally… No idea, what I'm going to do."
"Well… I don't know either, you know that right? I'm not the best advice giver here." Meredith replied, falling back onto the bed.
"I know. And I know, you don't have to deal with my problems or solve them but… Meredith what do I do?"
She contemplated for a moment. What would she do if she was in this situation? Certainly not go to Lexie for help. She'd be the last person she'd confide in. But, as fate would have it, Lexie trusted her enough to tell her before anybody else so she couldn't very well turn her away no matter how much that trust scared her.
"I'm not the best person for this." She reiterated, "Molly would have more idea than me…"
"Molly isn't a surgeon." Lexie interrupted. "Molly is… Different from us."
Meredith didn't like the sound of that. She and Lexie were eons apart when it came to decision making and personality traits and… Pretty much everything. The only thing the two did have in common was their profession. And maybe their father. But at times they didn't even have that much.
"Have you told the Father?" She asked, "Do I know the father?"
"The Father is definitely out of the picture." Lexie said with an unamused, nervous laugh.
"So you're not going to tell him? Do I know him?"
Lexie felt hopeless. She didn't want to lie to Meredith. Lying defied the whole purpose of her opening up and confiding in her sister. To make an informed decision, for Meredith to give her any helpful advice whatsoever she needed to put all the information on the table. But telling her that she'd slept with Mark Sloan and was now carrying his illegitimate love child… Well that was terrifying and impossible to consider.
"Lexie?" Meredith's concerned voice cut through her worrying; "Do I know the father? Is he from the hospital? It's not Alex is it?"
"No… NO!" Lexie exclaimed in horror; "God no. Alex… God…"
Meredith inspected her closely, her eyes sharp and intense. Lexie hadn't realised before how powerful Meredith's Grey's gaze was but she was beginning to realise now. She felt like her skin was invisible; like everything that covered up the truth dancing merrily at the very forefront of her thoughts 'MARK SLOAN IS THE FATHER!' was on blatant display. The truth was being steadily undressed without her permission and it was that in the end that made her admit in a nervous stammer; "It's Mark Sloan."
Meredith's pupils dilated dramatically and her mouth dropped open in shock; "Mark Sloan? Mark Sloan?! Lexie!"
"It was stupid." She said quickly jumping up so she could defend herself properly, "I… I… He's just... I…"
"Mark Sloan???" Meredith exclaimed. She stood angrily now, her hands on her hips; "When did this happen???"
"A couple of months ago." Lexie admitted; "I was lonely. I'm always lonely but he made this woman speak and he was being… Nice. He was listening to me, and talking to me and we were kind of friends and then he made this woman speak and now almost three months later I'm knocked up… Okay?" She fell back on the bed with a huff, giving up on the idea of defending herself. She really did deserve a lecture. She was going to be the good little kid sitting on the stool being told off for hitting her sister. That was fine with her; it implied everything was out of her hands and if she needed anything it was for someone to take control.
"I told Derek to tell him not to touch you!" Meredith cried; "I knew he would do something like this! I knew it! Mark Sloan?!"
"I know!" She cried in reply.
"You have to tell him. He's Mark Sloan but you are going to tell him."
Lexie gasped. "How can I tell him? He's Mark Sloan! He'll just… He won't…"
"Stop stammering." Meredith demanded; "There will be no stammering. You have sex with Mark Sloan, you get pregnant with Mark Sloan's baby, you have to tell Mark Sloan about said baby."
Lexie wrung her hands in anxiety. "What if he wants me to abort it?"
Meredith frowned; "Aren't you going to anyway?
"I don't know." She replied with an honest shrug; "It's nuts, trying to be a surgical resident and trying to have a baby at the same time but I've never really believed in abortion. That's naïve isn't it?"
Meredith sunk into the bed once more; "Yeah. Kind of. In a morale kind of way."
"Do you think I could be a surgeon and a Mother at the same time?"
"I don't know. People do it. My Mother did it. I mean, technically she was my Mother but she wasn't the kind of Mother who made my pageant costumes and who made sure I had lunch money." Meredith shook her head. She wouldn't usually disclose such information. She really was in some kind of sisterly-drama related shock.
"I never though I'd raise a kid like that." Lexie confessed, "I always thought I'd marry someone outside the hospital and that he'd look after the baby. Or babies. Or whatever."
"That's naïve."
"I know. I'm… Naïve."
The two sisters sighed in unison.
"You should still tell him." Meredith advised, "I'm not saying you should base your decision on what he says but… I don't know. Maybe he'll be supportive or… Whatever."
"You think?"
"No."
Lexie sighed again; "I know I shouldn't have gotten involved with him. Everyone says it. The nurses, you, Derek, everybody. But he was… He was just nice to me. And I was lonely and… I've got to tell him?"
"You've got to tell him."
They both sighed again.
"Shit."
Despite evidence and talk to the contrary, Mark Sloan was an intelligent man. More intelligent than most. He thought it was given, being a Doctor and all. Intellect related doubt in his opinion, really should have gone out the window once he'd got his medical degree. So after so many years of unsatisfied sexual partners he'd had enough sense to detect a pattern. Women didn't like him. They liked his performance in the bedroom, but they didn't like that the house with the white picket fence didn't come with it. He'd also had enough sense to realise that some women, like Lexie Grey, were more suited to the white picket fence path, as opposed to the 'friends with benefits' path. And he definitely had enough sense to realise that when women like Lexie Grey ventured down the 'friends with benefits' path, they usually ended up crying and miserable at the end of it. And in conclusion, intelligently, he had deduced that being the kind of person that was only interested in being a friend with many, many benefits, he had no place in the life of Lexie Grey. At all. He was bad, she was good; it was a simple equation that could only end with some kind of mushroom shaped cloud.
So why, being intelligent, fairly logical and eerily good at predicting the reactions of women, was he allowing himself to be dragged off to an on call room by the symbol of virtue?
And more importantly, why on Earth was she suddenly going back on the conversation they'd last had in the elevator? Being an intelligent man he could usually tell when a woman was well shot of him. Occasionally he decided to ignore the warning signs but with Lexie he'd done everything in his power to make her happy. Sans the hotel incident. That had been a momentary lapse in judgement. But this made no sense. He'd made it very clear no kind of relationship could form between them and she'd made it very clear that in that case, she didn't want to talk or be professionally friendly to him either.
"Lexie, this can't…"
"Shut up." She said, her voice shaking slightly. It was just as shocking now as it had been when she'd first said it to him and it was the shock more than anything that forced him through the door and into the dark abandoned on call room.
When she closed the door he regained some sense and turned to her; "We can't do this. I'm not good for you."
She didn't seem to be listening. She motioned for him to sit on the bed which he did more out of curiosity than compliance. She took a deep breath once she had ascertained that he wasn't going anywhere and began pacing.
"Is there something…?" He began.
"Just…" She held a hand up to stop him. "I'm not going back on what I said. I said we're not friends. I meant it. I'm not… Confiding in you. That said… I have dragged you in here to tell you something. It doesn't mean… I want to talk or…" She fiddled nervously with her hands.
He looked at her concernedly. She made it incredibly hard for him not to care about her. She made it exceedingly difficult to remember why he couldn't go near her. All nervous and flustered – like she was frequently in his presence – she presented as fragile, and Mark was nothing if not a sucker for Lexie Grey's fragility.
Mushroom cloud. Fucking mushroom cloud Mark.
"I'm just going to say it." She said in a breath, looking him in the eye; "And you should realise, no matter what you say, that it's going to be my decision what I do. Not yours. So it doesn't matter what you say." She seemed to be reassuring herself rather than him; "Okay. I'm, pregnant."
He blinked. It wasn't possible. Not freaking possible. Panic shot through his veins like ice. He was accustomed to the feelings – being a surgeon he was famous friends with panic. But this wasn't something he could fix with a scalpel. Or a defibrillator. Or any other medical instrument.
The symbol of virtue. The freaking symbol of virtue, and he'd gone and ruined it. Torn it down. He was a wrecking ball. He was Lexie Grey's wrecking ball. The last thing in the world he wanted to be. The reason he'd avoided her since the hotel incident. The reason he'd denied himself something he usually wouldn't even consider denying. She was some kind of beautiful statue he really hadn't wanted to ruin.
"What?" He managed to get the word out. Some part of his brain was functioning normally enough to hope that she didn't repeat herself. He wasn't sure he could handle hearing the words for a second time.
She shook a little, a tear running down her cheek; "I haven't figured out what to do yet. I'm not ruling out anything."
"You haven't decided?" That was oddly comforting. He didn't know why. This was the last thing he wanted to make decisions about.
"No." She shook her head wildly, "I thought I should tell you first. Not that this isn't my decision. I'm going to be the one who decides but… I thought you should know."
"Why?" He spluttered.
"Because… You should know. It was a mistake what happened between you and me." She said the last part bitterly; "So when consequences ensue you have to deal with them responsibly. You have the right to know."
"But… We… We used protection. Are you sure it's me?"
He knew how it sounded. He would have been pissed if he had been on the receiving end of it. But it wasn't his attempt at passing off responsibility, not for the baby. It was him trying to savour any chance that he wasn't the culprit. He couldn't be the one who had ruined her. Not when he'd tried so hard not to.
At first she looked hurt but then her face set in a scowl; "Yes. I hadn't… I hadn't been near anyone in months."
She stopped and then said indignantly; "This took a lot for me. To tell you. It was a big step. I wasn't going to tell you. I wasn't going to acknowledge this, but here I am, acknowledging it and telling you and here you are pawning off the responsibility. What… Were you… All along, when you were being nice to me, was it just some kind of ploy to get me to into bed? Was the listening and friendly behaviour and the concern really all just a deceptive tool to sleep with me?"
"Of course it wasn't!" He exclaimed.
"Really? And what about the nurses? What about every other woman you've slept with? Did you tell them the same thing? That the charm was really genuine? That it wasn't just the means to an end?"
"I just want to know how this happened. Is that wrong? That I want answers?"
"You want to know how it happened?" She asked her tone dripping in irony; "Let me refresh your memory. You noticed I was mildly attractive, you listened to my sob story and showed some bullshit concern, and I was stupid enough and naïve enough to think I had found the inner softie of yet another jerk. Am I a jerk magnet Mark? What is it about me that makes you… Jerks think you can just walk all over me? Please tell me so I can change whatever the hell it is."
"It's not…"
"Forget it." She snapped, "Just forget it. Now you know. That's good enough for me."
And with that she flounced out of the on call room, slamming the door on her way out.
He wasn't sure what was comforting about the attending lounge but he confined himself to it for the rest of the day. He found some kind of twisted solace in a wad of paper work the consistency of a book on the history of the world pre 150 AD, and five different cups of coffee. He was well overdue for it anyway – he had sacrificed documentation for surgeries for weeks.
When Derek found him however, he found himself wishing he'd confined himself to somewhere like the clinic instead. Somewhere his best friend would never ever venture.
"What are you doing?" Derek asked incredulously, observing the mountain of paper.
"Paper work." Mark replied indignantly; "Is that such a shock?"
Derek smirked; "Bad day?"
"You could say that."
"What's with all the coffee?"
Mark sighed in exasperation; "Can't a man do his paper work without a cross examination?"
"Not when the man in question only does his paper work when something momentous is bothering him."
"Nothing bothering me."
"Ahuh. You just brood then."
"I will. It's good for the complexion."
He smirked again in reply, his hand on the door to leave. Mark didn't know what compelled him to say what he said next but he found the words tumbling out anyway against his will; "Did you know Addison was pregnant?"
Derek's smirking expression slid from his face and was replaced with a frown; "What?"
"Addison." Mark sighed; "After you left. When we were together, she got pregnant."
Derek stared at him, open mouthed.
"She had an abortion."
"Why are you telling me this?" Derek responded softly.
"Because I didn't want her to. I wanted her to have the baby. But she thought I'd make a terrible father."
"Why are you telling me this?" Derek repeated, his expression becoming more livid by the moment.
"Because I need you to tell me she was wrong."
The two of them stared at each other silently for a long time. Mark infuriatingly calm and Derek open mouthed and angry at him.
"You want me to tell you you'd make a good father?"
"Yeah."
He let his hand fall from the door slowly before he fell into the couch lining the wall. "Why?"
"Do I need a reason?"
"I would think so."
Silence enveloped them again. Mark picked up one of his empty coffee cups and fiddled with the lid absently. Would Derek forgive him for breaking his promise? What kind of damage had he done already reopening the well shut Addison drawer?
He sighed and plunged into oblivion; "Lexie's pregnant."
He didn't turn to gauge Derek's reaction.
"Lexie?" He was confused, "Lexie's pregnant but what…?"
There was a pause and Mark waited for the inevitable.
"You slept with her."
He didn't bother giving any word of confirmation.
"After I asked you not to? After Meredith, asked you not to?" His voice was rising in amplitude and Mark sensed that he was now standing behind him; "The one girl I ask you not to get involved with…."
"You're not the boss of me." He said petulantly, turning to defend himself. He knew Derek was justified in everything he said. He didn't deserve Lexie and he was wrong. But he didn't want to be told as much. He wanted assurance. He wanted advice, not a lecture.
"Right. So you did it just to spite me? Just to spite Meredith?"
"That's a bit self absorbed don't you think?"
"Self absorbed?!" Derek spluttered. "Lexie is a sweet girl who's been through a lot. We asked you not to mess with her because of that. It's you, who's self absorbed here. I'm not going to comfort you because Addison aborted your baby. I'm not going to comfort you because my wife aborted your baby. I'm not going to pretend that you have the faintest hope of being a good father just because you did the wrong thing by Lexie."
"I know I did wrong, alright? If that's what you want to hear; I did wrong." He didn't know if he was shouting at Derek or himself; "But I can't change it now."
"You're unbelievable."
"I did the same thing you did! An intern named Grey."
"No one told me not to get involved with Meredith."
"You were still married."
"Oh, so it's my fault now?"
"No! But who are you to tell me not to get involved with Lexie?! She was lonely. She… She…" Had looked hurt. Rejected. Unworthy of him. She'd been fragile and desperate and for some insane, illogical reason she had talked to him about it. She'd trusted him with her secrets.
And he, for some insane, illogical reason, had found that trust completely and utterly intoxicating.
"Don't pretend you care." Derek muttered venomously.
"I do care." He growled in reply; "And you didn't care that I cared. You only cared about making sure Meredith was convinced that her little sister wasn't being corrupted by the big bad wolf."
The both huffed in silence for a moment, glaring petulantly at each other. Mark had the urge to do something violent and unnecessary. Perhaps push his paperwork off the desk in fury or throw a punch at Derek's furious face. But he realised suddenly that Derek wasn't the one he was angry at. He was angry at himself for being the big bad wolf who had corrupted Little Grey riding hood. He was angry that every relationship he'd had with a woman had ended in tears and miserable situations like this one. He was angry that he'd given Lexie a reason not to trust him.
"If you want to be angry at me, then fine, be angry at me." Mark said finally, turning back to his paper work, "But if it's any consolation, I'm more angry at myself than you'll ever be."
"You? Angry at yourself?"
"Yes it's hard to believe that beneath this smug, charming, plastic surgeon exterior there's actually a conscience." He said sarcastically.
And for some insane, illogical reason, Derek Shepherd actually cracked a smile.
"Smug and charming? Shall I remind you of the 'you look just like her Dad' experience or the 'Hahn' experience or the-"
"Yeah, yeah." He said gruffly.
"So what are you going to do?"
He sighed, dropping his pen on the desk and turning again; "what would you do?'
"We're different."
"I know that." He said with a roll of his eyes; "That's why I'm asking."
"This is a new you."
"There is no new me. Just a pissed off me that wants some decent advice from the guy who's supposed to be my best friend."
"Despite the fact you slept with the guy's wife and the guy's girlfriend's sister and…"
"Apart from all of that." He interrupted.
"Take responsibility." Derek said simply; "Take responsibility and support her, whatever decision she makes."
"And don't offer an opinion?"
"What's your opinion?"
"No fucking clue."
"Then no. Just responsibility. And support. Start with that."
Derek closed the door with more firmness than necessary telling Mark that he wasn't completely forgiven but there was discussion of it.
No opinion? Well that wasn't completely true. He did have an opinion on what Lexie should do. On what he wanted her to do, but he'd been too much of a wuss to say it out loud.
"Some big bad wolf." He muttered to himself.
Could he voice this opinion? Could he tell Lexie what he wanted her to do even if it was her decision? Would she take it on board anyway?
With a groan he leaned back in his chair.
No. He'd done enough already. He didn't deserve an opinion on this.
Responsibility. He thought sternly. Support.
He was going to find her and establish responsibility and support.
After work.
So a bribe in the form of angry!Mark is in order. Every reviewer gets the opportunity to make him happy in their own way. Maybe you could get him more coffee or something nice like that? ;)