Chapter Twenty. No Useless Titles!

"A Christmas story, huh? I sure can tell one!" And Lavi wiggled on his seat, as if his butt was possessed by some extremely active larvae. He was sucking grape juice and banging his legs like a five year old. Just when they had finally managed to decorate the tree he fell on it, breaking it exactly in two.

Allen had proposed to fix it with staples. Kanda had proposed to take it down because "The stupid needles get stuck in the carpet. Tch." Lavi, somehow feeling that it wasn't his fault, just the cable's, had brought some duck-tape. And got taped to the chair by Kanda and tickled by Allen. And now, as peacemaking session, he wanted to tell a Christmas story.

Allen's ears perked up and he readily sat straighter. He was ready to listen. It was his first "official" Christmas Eve, and he wanted it to be perfect. What was more Christmas-ish than a Christmas story?

Apparently Kanda didn't think so, because he immediately rose and paced to the door. Ignoring Allen's troubled gaze and Lavi's devilish grin he stopped, clutched the doorknob and started to speak with a quiet voice. Lavi smirked as if he slept with a hanger in his mouth.

"Oi brat, you better not listen to that bastard. He'll scare the shit out of you." Lavi's smirk became almost inhumanely large. Kanda shuddered and opened the door. Allen curiously watched obviously (frightened? shuddering? cowering?) disturbed man. Then he glanced at Lavi, but the redhead just sucked busily on his juice, almost whistling in his obvious innocence.

"Don't come crying to me in the middle of the night, brat! I warned you!" Kanda shook a finger with all his might. His words and the tone of the voice were almost desperate. Allen shrugged.

"I…don't think I will. It's just a story, Kanda-san. I don't think—"

"Don't come to ME crying! Got IT?!?" Kanda yelled, cutting the boy's speech about courage. Allen blinked and –again, maybe he'll get some horrifying clues—glanced at Lavi. He just saw a little devil snickering, in other words an absolutely normal, common, boring Lavi.

"I won't, Kanda-san. I really don't think I will. Good night." And he turned to the snickering man who sipped his juice and pretended to be innocent. Kanda moaned warningly like a ghost and left the place. The remained could still hear his feet stomping and things falling and then a blissful and extremely fat silence fell on them, crushing their nerves and ears. Allen turned to the only adult in whose care he was left and killed the silence:

"So Lavi, the Christmas story—"

"Ah, ah, I'm starting right now!" And the man coughed in his fist attracting attention that was already there. Allen fidgeted in his seat and put a blanket around the shoulders. The fire was licking the logs adoringly and Allen felt the heat on his butt. He was ready to listen.

Lavi closed his eye and seemed to fall into a deep trance. Then his eyes shot open and he suddenly raised a finger and started whispering.

"I knew a man once…" he suddenly stopped, remembering the man. "He was a courageous man, almost fearless." Allen nodded and imagined a huge gorilla in an undersized pair of pants. He even had braided hair.

"The man was so fearless that he was asked by a village from the South to exterminate the most horrible and bloody monster there was, the Lilipampilla." Allen frowned. This didn't sound like a Christmas story. More like a horror story. And he hated horror stories even more than he hated lettuce and Kanda's sweets. He made a move with his hand, trying to stop the narration but Lavi pretended not to see it.

"The man accepted the request, because he was fearless. And he loved money, but that's beside the point." Lavi looked at the fire and sipped his juice. Allen fidgeted in his seat. He started to panic.

"When the fearless man came in the forest he was amazed by the thickness and darkness of it, but he just whistled and paced ahead, because he was a fearless man." And Lavi stopped again, making sure to glare at Allen, just like the forest. The boy started sweating.

"The fearless man was going deeper and deeper, ignoring the signs and warnings, and even the old, old hags that warned him with trembling voices that he is too young to risk his life by going into that forest." Allen mentally cursed the fearless man for ignoring the hags. It was a common rule to listen to the hags! That's why hags exist!

"When he was so deep in the forest, so deep that even the air there was suspicious—" Allen jumped up and yelled, triggered by a small touch of fire on his rear.

"LAVI! I want a Christmas story! Not a horror story! Why are you telling me a story where warning hags exist?! I want a story about a baby! And angels! And a Christmas tree! And there has to be a lamb there! A lamb, not Chupacabra monster! And there has to be a chorus! They sing Halleluiah!"

Lavi blinked and pouted. He looked hit by sadness and hopelessness.

"Are ya sayin' that ya don' like my story? I even changed my accent fer yer sake!" He looked so genuinely hurt that Allen felt like a pretentious piece of fish-crap. The boy plopped back on his sit and nodded, accepting the continuation of the story. Lavi grinned, happy that he (won!) has been approved.

"So, the man, no, the fearless man went so deep in the forest he could feel the strange aura in the air. He slowwwwwed dowwwn." Lavi dragged the sounds, making Allen shrink.

"And suddenly," the boy nervously jumped up at the loudness of the voice, "he suddenly saw a baby lying in the grass!" Allen slightly giggled, relieved. This story was finally getting not so scary. Hehe, maybe he really could handle it.

"The baby was moaning of hunger so innocently and so heartbreakingly that the fearless man took him in his arms and smiled. It was a good, beautiful baby, innocent like a lamb." Yay, the lamb. Lavi was a good guy. He didn't want to scare him, really. And Allen almost felt like a sinner for suspecting the narrator of atrocious acts.

"The man put the baby on his back and went on, searching for Lilipampilla. He walked slowly, making sure that the baby was alright. The baby's arms were around his neck and he was giggling at every pace he took. And the fearless man felt like a better person, because he wa—"

"JUST GO ON WITH THE STORY!" Allen cried out, suspecting that the baby… Please, please don'—

"And SUDDENLY!" Allen closed his ears with the palms. No use. Those things seemed to be made sound-transparent.

"The man wasted to remove the baby from his back but couldn't! He COULDN'T!!! The baby grew INTO his BACK!!!!"Lavi yelled like an Irishman whose potatoes were stolen.

"The baby was GROWING now from his BACK! And he still had a head! And that head was biting the fearless' man's EAR!! And the baby was singing HALELUIAH!!! IN HIS EAR!!!" Allen stared wordlessly at Lavi who was illuminated by the flames, giving his face a hellish hue. He felt like his guts were suddenly alive and were trying to escape from his body.

"And the man started running, and running and RUNNING!!!! His ears were bitten off by the singing baby and he still ran away from the forest!!! And suddenly he saw an angel…" Allen covered his face. He couldn't bear it anymore. He was close to relieving his bladder.

"And the angel told the fearless man: 'Oh, fearless man! Why do you run away? You are a fearless man, are you not?' and the fearless man started weeping: 'Please, Archangel! Please save me from the Singing Baby! I will give you everything you want!'"

"And the angel smiled lovely and sat on a fir tree. 'You know, fearless man,' the angel said, 'you are not welcoming! I put my child on your back and you want me to take the gift I gave you away?! BE PUNISHED, MORTAL!!!' the angel said and flew toward the fearless man."

Lavi stopped to emphasize the importance of silence. Allen peeked between the fingers. No babies were present. No angels either.

"And the angel ATTATCHED itself to the fearless' man's CHEST!!!!!Then the chorus of angels –" Allen jumped up. He really, really couldn't bear it anymore. He started running as though the baby was after him. The ten steps of the only stairs in this house were jumped up by four, and he did it in one breath. The corridor had some lights, so he passed that too in approximately 2.8 seconds. Then the horror started.

There was another corridor between his room and Allen. And there were no lights. No lights whatsoever. Not even light bulbs. Not even a candle.

Allen calculated the distance. Ten meters. Ten measly meters, but they looked like sea miles. And the worst part was his room. It was farther, much farther than Kanda's. Oh well, no choice. He'll just do it. He had to do it. All he had to do was take the first pace. Just the first, the second will come as a reflex.

Three, twoo, oneeee. No pace. He wasn't pacing. His feet were in the same place as one hour ago. Why wasn't he pacing? Twooooooo, ONE!!!! Still no pace! Stupid pace! Where the heck was it?! ONE!!!! And nothing! Still no pace! ZERO! Kaput!!!

"HALLELUIAH!!!!" Allen suddenly felt Kanda's door against his face. He could hear Lavi dying in laughter, rolling on the floor of the corridor he just flew from, and it sounded like the laughter of the baby in his ears. He even felt a heavy air brushing past his back and that made him cry out in terror. Without thinking he started banging in Kanda's door with feet and fists, making the paint fall off.

Kanda didn't respond. Why wasn't he responding?! He could just open the door!!! And Allen banged the door twice as heavily and fiercely, not caring that his toes were almost purple. He had to get in. The laughter was still behind him, not planning to die anytime soon. And he hit the door like a crazed maniac, still not making one sound.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE Y—" Open! It was open!! Allen felt a strong hand taking his by the collar and pulling him up. He saw Kanda's comforting and slightly annoyed—just slightly!—face. He heard the low, that low and warm voice that was yelling and cursing and was so innocent and welcome! Oh, be blessed Thou, Kanda-san!

"Get out, idiot! I told you before!" The yell hit the boy's ears painfully like a wasp on the tongue. Kanda was yelling at him. He said to get out. Allen stiffened and gaped at the man. What was he saying? Couldn't he see the Baby behind him? Couldn't he? Or was he just pretending, caught in some grim joke? And the boy looked up hopefully, trying to discern a hidden smile that curled his lips up.

No lips. Just a yelling mouth full of venomous words. The man was irate. His bloodshot eyes were black in the night. And he was gripping a pillow and dressed in flannel pants only and his hair was an ominous cloud on his head, but that didn't matter. All it mattered was that he was furious for no apparent reason.

"I SAID, GET OUT!!" He hollered again. The boy let his head send a telepathic message to the toes. He wasn't getting it. He couldn't understand why Kanda was—

"Listen brat, I have no intention letting you in! I warned you! And you didn't listen! Now, don't interrupt my sleep and get your skinny ass into your own room!" And the man pointed angrily away. Allen felt his muscles give out. This wasn't right. Kanda always, always protected him. From everything! And now…

"W-why?" he croaked, his voice alien and broken. Kanda frowned. The idiot still wasn't getting it?! Tch!

"Because you made your choice, dumbass. STAND BY IT!!! You're a man, for God's sake!" Somewhere in the corridor the laugher died and Lavi was got up, listening to the angry words. Well, Kanda did beat him up for the Ramen thing. Maybe he shouldn't have brought Allen into this… Maybe he did go overboard…

He could hear the angry shouting too well, to transparent and suddenly realized that the boy must be terrified right now. That brat ran to Kanda because he thought the man was safer than him. And "Safer than Lavi" was now scaring all the body's fluids out of the boy, not even knowing it. Lavi got up and listened to the hollering again.

"I don't want to deal with a weakling! Nor with a half assed attitude toward responsibility!" Ah, that Kanda was overdoing it. Lavi could see the hunched back of the kid that was curled at the rampaging man's legs. His shoulders were shaking in an invisible weep. He really did a mistake by bringing Allen into this.
"Go to your room! Stop clinging to me!"

"Kanda, stop it. " Oops, now Kanda was glaring at him with a powerful, smothering hatred. And the boy glanced at him too, but with an openly expressed hope in his eyes. Oh, he really did cry… And Lavi leaned on the door watching Kanda with a grave face. He crossed his arms and half opened the lips, but didn't smile. He articulated every word, as if Kanda was extremely dumb or deaf:

"Don't yell at him. And don't push your ideals on him. I don't see a man, I see a kid. Just a fucking kid." Allen shuddered inwardly. He heard those words and tone before.

"A kid scared shitless," Lavi continued with an indifferent tone, "That's all I see." And he pointed at Allen's head, making the boy shrink even more under Kanda's angry glare.

"Lavi, what the hell do you th—" Kanda started angrily, letting a low growl escape his throat, but Lavi cut him off.

"An' it's my fault anyway!" he laughed and changed his speech. He put that lopsided smile again, making Kanda blink, confused. "I promised 'im a Christmas story, but ma' tongue got stupid stuff goin' again." He slid on to the ground ruffling the boy's head. Kanda groaned, irritated with the idiocy of this Holly night.

"Sorry, little buddy! I got carried away!"

Allen nodded stupidly, feeling huge scalding tears invade his eyes. They slid on the very top of his nose and fell on the wooden floor with a soft 'plop.' The hand stopped ruffling his head.

"Hey, what's wrong? Ya ain't cryin' are ya?" Allen shook his head negatively, pulling in a long drop of snot. Kanda was right.

"I'b bot! I'b a bab!" He blubbered, and Lavi burst into laughter. Kanda covered his eyes. Tch. That freaking idiot.

"Lavi, get your ass in bed. It's one in the morning and you're cleaning tomorrow." Lavi grinned, patting Kanda's shoulder. Then he skipped through the dark corridor, and the echo imitated him perfectly. Or maybe he was imitating the echo? Who knows…

"Don'cha worry, mother~ I am still alive~" Lavi sang, jumping down the stairs. Allen got up and rapidly applied the useful instrument called sleeve on the pretty un-useful stuff called snot and tears. Then he was pushed hurryingly into the bedroom and the door was closed, leaving the corridor by itself in the dark. Allen felt like an intruder, and a cowardly one over that. Kanda sighed and started rumbling in the closet, pulling out a gray t-shirt. The boy stupidly stared at his efforts, ashamed of his own cowardice and incompetence. Kanda threw the T-shirt on his head.

"Here. Put this on. And don't you dare wet the bed!" Allen's face shot up to protest as he always did, but meeting Kanda's eyes he just nodded, accepting the tiredness and tenderness in that blue gaze.

They couldn't hear Lavi's laugher anymore, just the fall of the snow and a sleep deprived ideas invaded their ears and minds. Kanda's bed was always big and warm, fitting the man perfectly. Allen's toes didn't hurt anymore; they fell into a blissful painless slumber. The boy felt so small in this huge warm bed full of dreams and sincerity. Why sincerity he had no idea, but he felt that sincerity was there.

"Thank you, Kanda-san," he said after a while gluing his face to the man's warm back. Kanda shivered.

"You're icy, kid. Moreover, your nose is wet, so don't touch my back, it's disgusting." Allen giggled drowsily and ran his cold hands on that broad back, making Kanda jump up and turn his face toward him, half irritated and half smiling.

"Quit it, brat. I'll kick you out if you do that again." The brat smiled like a fool and showed his tongue. Tch. Brat. And Kanda pinched his cheek. The boy faked whining, and clasped the man's fingers. Kanda let the palm down, stroking his Allen's hair with another one.

"You sure are easy going. Lavi must be a bad influence on you. Tch, such a good excuse to kill that ass." Allen laughed softly and buried his face in Kanda's open palm. He felt a quiet happiness in these intimate movements. He knew that it was something only he could see and experience, and that made him feel special. Just several weeks ago he hated his life yet struggled to be alive, like a rat. Sometimes he felt guilty for just living. Now, he had Kanda. This man made his life feel worthy, almost noble. Cross could never do that. Nor Mana.

And Lavi…

"You have such a good friend, Kanda-san. I wish I had a friend like that." Allen whispered in the man's palm. Kanda's half lidded eyes looked at the snow-head. He pulled the boy closer, burying his own face in that white, coconut smelling hair. He could feel the boy smile against his neck.

"Friend, huh? That is one annoying rabbit. I'll kill him someday."

_________

I hope the end isn't too bubbly or one that gives the wrong impression. And Lavi... Hehe, so mean!

I have a special request to make of you guys! Since this is the twentiest shapter... And I still cannot believe it... Please make the reviews hit 200! It's a round number! I feel like celebrating!

And! The second part of the chapter was Chimera-Ally's idea. Thank you! And good luck with your exams! PM me when you will be able to Beta me again!!! Yay!