Before going to sleep go to the bathroom. Once. Then twice. Then fall asleep there. It's safer.

Allen's eyes opened with a loud snap. He had The Feeling. The one when you feel an icy cold under your butt. The one that makes you sorry you're thirteen, not three. The feeling that makes you gasp and check your bed sheets with the tip of trembling and numb fingers. Yes, that feeling.

Allen blinked a few times and tried to imagine that everything was in his imagination. Yup. EVERYTHING. Imagination. Just imagination. He slowly lifted his butt with the help of shoulders and heels. And hesitated. He slowly glanced at the clock. Three thirty. He plopped softly back on the bed. Somehow, he was afraid to "check".

Kanda was sleeping next to him, not bothered by the boy's acrobatics. Allen gulped and lifted his butt again. He hoped that somehow this all was a bad dream. Slowly he slid a hand under covers and touched his rear.

Warm.

Wet.

CRAP!!!!

He was thirteen. Not three. Definitely not three. He shot up from his position and jumped on the floor. Kanda groaned and turned on the other side. Allen's brain yelled black and white.

"Don't wake up! Please don't!"

And Kanda didn't. He just sighed in his sleep and turned face up. A few moments of panic on Allen's part, and Kanda's breath was regular and soft again. He slept with his mouth closed, inhaling quietly like a woman. Allen sighed relieved. There was no way he would wake Kanda up. The man would tear him apart.

He checked himself again. Yes. The pants and his back were definitely wet and smelled like urine. He groaned feeling the horror of tomorrow at his throat. Kanda's words suddenly popped in his head: DON'T wet the bed. DON'T, not DO. Crap, if Kanda finds out… He'll be terminated.

He shuddered and only now noticed how cold he was.

Now what? His brain still couldn't believe his body. Why, of all times ON THE CHRISTMAS NIGHT!? Why not above a toilet? Why not in HIS OWN bed? Crap! He gripped his own head and muttered something, hoping that the action would call him a time machine. It called Kanda instead.

"Brat? What the he…ell are you doing on the flo…or?" the man drowsily yawned the words. Then he rubbed his eyes and scowled.

"Did you fall off the bed?"

Allen froze in a horse-like smile.

"N-no, I...I just wanted to… to go to the bathroom!" Thank god he could think of that! Now, he had to be extremely careful. He had to preserve Kanda's nose from the obvious smell.

Kanda yawned again and flexed his arms so that they folded under his head. He was staring to the ceiling through half lidded eyes. He was warm and comfortable. His eyelashes slowly combined. He was asleep again.

Allen fidgeted like a hen next to the door. He had no idea of what to do. Plus the stupid fear of hidden arms that will grab his ankles with wet and icy hands popped in his head like a poisonous mushroom. Sooner or later Kanda will feel the unnatural cold and wetness in his bed. And that will signal the start of Allen Hunt.

Wait. Maybe Lavi could help. The man will laugh at him for sure, but at least he will not skin him alive then deep fry him. Ha, that was actually a good idea. So the plan was: Get to Lavi's room and force him to help. If he didn't want, then he'll…what? Gah, it won't work!! Definitely won't! But it doesn't hurt to try!

Too far. Way too far.

Lavi's room was waaaay too far. Until he got there he would be grabbed by the ankles by thousands, no! MILLIONS of claws and hands.

He opened the door and its soft creak made him shudder. Thank god that didn't wake Kanda up. Come to think of it...Kanda didn't ever wake up at such important moments. Was he a heavy sleeper? Oh well, that didn't matter now.

The hallway was black and cold. He uncertainly paced through hugging himself. Something slippery touched his heel. He froze covering his mouth in time to prevent a hoarse cry. Just a banana peel. That Lavi! Why did he eat here?! And hasn't he heard about trashcans? His ear tensed up. He could hear voices from Lavi's room. Probably the TV.

A strange feeling made his back straighten and chest inflate. He wasn't afraid of shadows anymore. Nor the strange squeaks in the kitchen. And Chupacabra and the Lock Ness monster and that alive doll --Chuchi or Chubby-- became stupid superstitions that had NOTHING in common with his sleepless nights. He almost smiled impressed by his own courage.

Lavi's door was half opened, leaving a blue light into the ink-black hallway. Allen crept to the blue spot and craned his neck.

"Lavi? You're not sleeping?"

The figure in the bed tensed. Five and a half covertures were thrown aside and Lavi rose in all his half naked glory. He wore green underwear with red hearts.

"Moyashi-chan? Wha're ya doin' 'ere?"

Allen scratched his ear. He had no idea how to start.

"I ...ugh, I need your he-help." He explained, stumbling at every word, feeling clumsy and too obviously stupid. The cold was now biting his wet butt, reminding him his position. He saw Lavi frown anticipating something horrible.

"Help? Did sumtin' happen?"

Allen coughed in his palm and scratched his leg with the other one. Now or never…No. He couldn't. That was way too embarrassing. And Lavi would just laugh.

"No-nothing. "

"But ya jus' said…" Lavi's smile faltered. "Don'cha trust me?"

Allen blinked.

"Trust? I…I do trust you. It's just…"And he reddened and averted his eyes. His face was burning up.

Lavi hopped on the floor. He paced rapidly to the boy and pinched his cheek. Allen bit his lip.

"Hey…Ya can tell ME. Don' worry, I won' tell Yuu-chan!" His voice was warm and welcoming, and it made Allen's fears melt.

"Besides," Lavi continued, "Yuu-chan kicked ma' sexy butt yesterday. He insulted my cookin' skills! I won't pass a chance of getting back!"

Allen smiled softly. Maybe he could tell everything to this man.

"Promise you won't laugh."

Lavi nodded readily and kneeled down to mach Allen's eye level.

"Well?"

"I… had an accident," the boy whispered. His cheeks got even redder. "I was sleeping next to Kanda and—"

"Say no more, say no more. I, the Hero, will personally save the day…Night, I will save the night!" And he patted Allen's head. Allen watched him full of amazement. He never expected that Lavi'll understand him from half of a phrase. The man caught his gaze and smiled showing thumbs up for no apparent or logical reason.

"No worries, Allen-chan. Actually, when Yuu-chan was small we used to sleep together!" His voice suddenly became secretive. "And sumtimes Yuu-chan forgot to take a leak before he went to sleep."

Allen choked on his own saliva.

"There is no way that's true!"

Lavi smiled weakly.

"Right? I wish it was true. Then 'e would get in trouble, not me. Even when I blamed him they didn' believe ma' poo' soul!"

Allen laughed softly. Then he looked at his toes.

"So… what do I do?"

Lavi threw a bathrobe on.

"Just go lay next to Yuu-chan, as ya always do. Try not ta wake him up. I'll be there in a few seconds." And the man dived into his own bed, trying to get something out. Allen watched his legs jerking up and down. Lavi's leg hair was red and thick. The boy stared at his own legs. They were small and chalky white. No hair, just smooth and creamy white, like a girl's. He felt ashamed of his body for no apparent reason.

His gaze suddenly fell on Lavi's pillow.

"Lavi, why do you have Kanda's picture in your bed?" he suddenly said. At the same time, the meaning of his own words started to sink in his brain. He brusquely lifted his face meeting Lavi's wide eyes and red face. The man laughed clumsily and scratched his head. Somehow that was very false. Allen felt like an immeasurably huge idiot.

"Because he…Well…" Lavi stuttered and turned away. His face slowly paled while the tips of his ears remained beet red. He opened his mouth then sharply closed it. Allen looked at the picture again.

On it, he could see Kanda's face and upper body. The man was sleeping, the hair covering his cheek. One arm was childishly thrown outward. His lips were rosy and parted. He could easily pass as a woman if it wasn't for the open shirt revealing his chest.

"He was in college when I took this picture." Lavi suddenly said. His voice was hoarse. He closed his eyes and continued calmly. "I have never seen Yuu more beautiful. Except now."

Allen eyed him, confused.

"Now?"

"Yeah, now. These past two months. Since he got ya." He darkly spat out the words. Allen shuddered. There was no hatred in his voice. Just bitterness and a sudden sadness.

"When he's with ya…he's luminous. Yeah. He seems happy when ya call his name, or touch'im, or just are next to him. He looks so content, so… I could never do that. An' that time when ya were listenin' to my story…" Lavi covered his face again. "… He was furious. He was furious tha' you choose to be with me, not 'im."

Allen simply listened, afraid to remind the man that he could hear his every word.

"I don' wanna hurt him, but…It's so fucking hard. Sometimes I do wanna hurt him. I wanna see'im screaming, I wanna see'im desperate. An' I make his life hell. But he just pushes me away an', an'…Fuck!" He cursed and hit his knee with a fisted hand. Allen trembled slightly at the sudden outburst.

"Sometimes I wish he never existed. And sometimes I wish I never existed. God, I sometimes even wish YOU never existed. Then it wouldn' hurt as much. But then I wouldn' see him so damn happy, so damn content, and so fucking adorable when he carries ya." He darkly chuckled and looked at Allen.

"Ya didn't know it, didja Allen-chan? Yuu always kisses yer hair every night when ya fall asleep. Even if ya stay late he'll wait. He'll wait and put ya in yer bed an' kiss yer temple an' then he'll smile. Every night. "

He stopped and laughed softly, with desperation. Allen felt an icy hand on his spine. Somehow he imagined maniacs. They would laugh just like that. They would have the same flicker in their eyes and the same gripping damp hands.

"He smiled only two times with me. Once when he broke his leg an' I carried him about five miles on ma' back. He was eight, light like a girl. He even smelled sweet, even when he sweated." Lavi grimly sneered at Allen's shocked face.

"I know; it's unnatural to remember all the details."

Allen shook his head negatively.

"Not that. I just can't imagine Kanda at eight years old. He seems …always mature."

Lavi slowly nodded.

"Exactly." He closed his eyes and nodded again, making sure Allen understood.

"So… how did the story end?"

The man didn't move. He spoke softly; his memory filled images invaded Allen's brain as he heard the words.

"When I was carrying him he told me he wanted to walk himself, 'e said 'e could do it." Lavi chuckled. "There was no way 'e could, of course. I remember 'im cursing through 'is teeth. 'e told me to bring 'im water."

" When I was two feet away 'e started cryin'." Lavi continued. "He jus' sent me yonder so I couldn't see him cryin'. Funny, huh? I came back of course. I came back an' said I'll carry 'im till 'e could walk. And he smiled an' said ok, but then he'll fight me later, like a man. I have no idea why 'e said tha'."

Allen closed his eyes. He had a very clear idea why he said that. Kanda was way too predictable. And crazed with manliness.

"Well, the second time was in college. 'E was eighteen. Eight, eighteen…Funny, ain't it? The girl 'e liked said she'll go with'im on a date. He came running to me then, asking what tie to choose. He really was a fool. And then he smiled an' said he was happy. It was amazin'." Lavi ruffled his hair and stretched his back.

" It wasn' long before she left 'im. No, no, he didn' do anythin'." Lavi laughed catching Allen's worried eyes. "I did. I couldn' stand seein' Yuu with'er. I hated her guts. I made everythin' to make her leave. An' she left. Yeah, I know. I am a fuckin' bastard. That's what Yuu called me when 'e found out. He told me to get out of 'is life."

"How did you make her leave?" Allen brusquely blurted out. Lavi eyed him carefully.

" I slept wit'her. It was easy. She was dumb and naïve. Yuu hated me for that. He beat me up like a dog that time. An' he couldn' believe I did sumthin' like that. An' he wanted me to geddout of his life."

Allen gripped his own knee. He couldn't believe this either. It sounded so fake and inflated. Lavi couldn't be someone like that. He had to be lying. Only Cross was bastardly enough to do something so…so low. It had to be a mistake. And he patiently waited for the words to flow again. They did.

"I didn'. I jus' couldn'. I didn' even try to. He never dated again. He's one of those rare people who love once their entire life. God, how I hated him for that… I wished he'd look at me with those peaceful eyes at least once. He never did."

Allen took the sudden silence as an invitation to pose a question.

"Did you regret doing that…I mean, the girl…"

"Ya mean breakin' them up? No." His response was sure and firm. "If I didn', they'd be married now. An' I'd rather make his life hell then see him with someone else."

"But that's so… petty," Allen finally said the word. He watched Lavi, afraid of his reaction. The man laughed, amused.

"Of course it is petty. Moreover, it's stupid and unhealthy. The worst part is I know that."

"Do you… like him or something?"

Lavi slowly turned his face. He was smiling. He was smiling gently, serenely. Allen had never seen him smile like that before.

"Yuu-chan saved ma' life. An' sanity. An' heart." He covered his face. Allen followed the gesture with his eyes. Ah, he was taking his eye-patch off!

"See this?" Lavi said, lifting his face. Allen inwardly shuddered. His eyelid was flat. "That's Yuu-chan's mark. He took my eye. And gave me life."

"Ho-how did it happen?"

Lavi smiled and put his eye-patch back.

"I can't tell ya. Yuu-chan'd kill me."

"No he wouldn't! He just talks bi—"

"I don't want to hurt Yuu. He's the only person I truly care for." Lavi stressed, getting up. "As for yer question…Yeah, I do. I do like him."

"Like? As in LIKE like?" Allen précised, turning his face sideways. Lavi laughed sadly.

"As in love like."

Allen reddened and looked at the floor. He somehow sensed that he invaded a private territory.

"Sorry…"

Lavi got up and touched his cheek. Allen shuddered at the gesture, pulling his face away. The man smiled regretfully.

"Sorry, Allen cha—"

"Lavi," Allen suddenly gripped him by the shirt. The man stared wide eyed, clumsily falling on his knees. "Lavi, you said you'd rather see Kanda alone than with someone else." Lavi cocked his head.

"Aha. So?"

"Does that include me?"

Lavi simply stared in Allen's eyes. There was no hatred, or pain, of amazement, or even gentleness. The boy's eyes were glassy and absent, somehow too gray to be simply read.

"Does it include me?"

"No. It doesn't. Yuu would not forgive me this time." Lavi simply replied. And it sounded true. He said the truth. The boy let him go and fell on his knees. He pulled the legs under himself and gripped Lavi's shoulder.

"Do you hate me?"

The response came at the right time. Not too hurried to imply a lie and not to slow, implying change of mind.

"I don't."

Allen slowly lifted his face and cringed. He felt his eyes heavy and wet. Lavi lifted his brows.

"Why are ya cryin'?"

"I don't know." He sniffled. "I just cannot imagine how hard it was for you to see Kanda with that girl. And … and I bet you hated yourself when you did that with her. I mean—"

"Allen," Lavi cut his sentences, "Don't. You are too naïve. Just like Yuu. Honestly, you remind me so much of him I can't bring myself to hate you."

Allen sniffed again.

"He curses more than me. And he's beautiful. I'm not. We're nothing alike."

Lavi smiled and put his palm on the boy's head.

"Believe me, he told me the same thing. He told me you are beautiful, and he's like a middle aged woman who just had her wedding night."

Allen burst into laughter. Lavi smiled and patted his head. Then cringed his nose.

"Allen-chan, ya seriously need to change. Oh wait! The plan!!"

He jumped into the bathroom and started rumbling through the closets.

"Go ahead, Allen-chan, jus' go lay down next to Yuu-chan. I'll be there in two seconds."

Allen shrugged. How was that going to help? But anyway, no one could see in Lavi's mind. Not even Lavi himself. And he trotted back into the room, careful to avoid the banana peel. Kanda was sleeping just as he left him. As he lay by the man's side, he suddenly thought that he had a sacred privilege no one ever had.

His place was wet and cold and smelling like avid. Was Lavi really going to come?

Maybe he did hate him after all. Maybe he did want to turn Kanda against him. The boy shuddered. He didn't want to think of it anymore. But the thoughts kept invading his skull like a bunch of furious bees.

How did that girl look? Maybe she was a tall beautiful woman with a soft smile and green eyes? Maybe she was blond and small, talkative and animated, in other words Kanda's opposite… Maybe she was slightly shorter than Kanda, with the same royal face and long black hair…

Did Kanda really kiss him goodnight? The thought made him tremble. He glanced at Kanda's back, mutely throwing the question at him. No one kissed him before. Only one woman did, when he told her that her son was ok. There had been a huge fire that day and twelve people died. Her kiss was desperate, wet; it bruised his cheek with its fierceness. He washed it away after she left.

Kisses. Was there a difference? Why did that woman kiss him? Why did Lavi (hypothetically) kiss that girl? Why did Kanda kiss him? What was the difference? Was there a difference? He sighed and looked at his own hand. It was small and pallid, like the paw of a newborn rat.

Kanda said he was beautiful. Or so Lavi informed him. What exactly was beautiful in this body? Maybe Kanda just amused himself with him; maybe he was just toying with him, playing with him as one would with a puppet. He bit his lip and jerked his legs closer to his butt. The wetness hit him again, cold and merciless, reminding him of his childishness and stupidity.

How could he think about Kanda that way?

The man practically saved him! He gave everything to him! He never used him, like Mana did. Or Cross. He always, always protected him from everything bad, sometimes even from Allen himself. The boy jerked again. Kanda always listened to him, took care of his problems. And what did he do?

He lied. He lied about the bullying in the school, permanently blaming the stairs. He lied about his participation in that contest in May, afraid that he will fail Kanda and make him feel shamed about it. He even lied about simple things, like troubles with fitting in, watching what everyone else was talking about. And he was lying right now, laying next to this man, afraid for his own skin.

How lower could he sink?

He suddenly felt the urge of waking Kanda up and telling him everything. He would tell him even the most embarrassing secrets he had. Even about the Contest. Even about Lenalee, and how cute she was when she skipped in the hallway in her gray dress. And he would tell him about Mikk, the music teacher that always, always touched him in a strange way. Even about Devitto, how he always threatened to kill Allen.

He will tell him everything.

Allen glanced at Kanda again. His back, willowy and wide was soft ad warm. Allen suddenly buried his face in it, inhaling the smell. It was so painfully familiar and close he felt a bitter taste in the mouth. He couldn't wake him up now. He couldn't.

"Kanda-san?"

His lips were clearly acting with no permission.

"Kanda-san?"

He needed to shut up and hide everything.

"Kanda-san!"

The man slowly opened his eyes and moved them, without changing the position of his head or body.

"What?"

Allen just watched him, meeting his eyes. He didn't avert them even when Kanda frowned.

"Did something happen?"

The boy slowly nodded and hung his head. All his courage that he had pumped up was missing for some reason. He just wanted to go die into a hole, away from Kanda's blue eyes. The man sat up and turned on the lamp on the nightstand.

"Did you have a bad dream?"

How he wished it was just that! Then Kanda would just hug him and say something between "stupid bean sprout" and "idiot". Allen slowly shook his head, negating the question.

"Are you thirsty then? Do you want some water?"

No again. Allen could clearly see Kanda was becoming irritated.

"Why did you wake me up then?"

"I…I w-wetted the b-bed."

He just did it. He just said it. He shut his eyes. Kanda will yell. He will inquire god and the sky and the hell how did the idiot (aka Allen) wet the idiotic bed when the idiotic toilet was two paces away.

"Are you serious? Gah…" Kanda grunted and got down from the bed. He started to take the covers off, throwing everything on the floor.

Allen opened his eyes. He faced the huge, HUGE wet stain on the white sheets.

"Get off. And go to your room, there's your clean underwear. You can find a T shirt in my drawers." Kanda stopped in the middle of action and muttered: "Where the hell are the bed sheets?"

Allen eagerly ran in his room. It was cold and dark in there, and he mentally hurried himself to find what he wanted and leave. Aha, there they were. He could hear Kanda from his room moving about, opening and closing the drawers. That fumbling made the boy happy. Somehow, it emptied his head from stupid questions and unrelated statements.

"Brat, are you done? Go to the toilet this time!"

Allen appeared in the doorway, smiling.

"Already did."

Kanda put some covers on the bed and made an urging gesture.

"Well? Get in, brat. I don't want to be stuck up all night!"

Allen readily jumped into the bed. When Kanda lay down he simply hugged his waist and ignored the man's tensed reaction.

"Kanda-san."

The man drowsily responded.

"Mmm?"

"Thank you for not yelling at me."

"Mmm."

Allen smiled. He will tell him everything, bit by bit, every little piece of his problems. Was that called sincerity?

"HEADS UP, YUU-CHAN!!!"

The covertures were harshly pulled away and a bucket, no two buckets of icy water was dumped on the unhappy souls that just got into the bed. Kanda shrieked and jumped up, hitting his head with the lamp. Allen just AH-ed and held his breath, watching how the bed slowly swallowed the cold water, becoming one big puddle.

Only now Lavi's plan made sense to him. He wetted them both, making it impossible to say what happened before this point.

"LAVI!!!" The roar was minotaur-worthy. Kanda's eyes were pure hatred.

"WHAT THE HELL!!!!! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?!?!"

Lavi threw the bucked at him and ran away, laughing. Until he touched the banana peel with his heel. His grunt was pitiful and pathetic. When Kanda started beating him with the lamp he just twitched, calling God to witness this murder.

"There IS NO other mattress I can use, IDIOT!!!! Where do you expect me to sleep now? Outside?! You dog, I will castrate you for all your stupid deeds!"

Lavi covered his face and tried to shield it from the bloodthirsty lamp.

"Ya can –OW!- always sleep in my bed, Yuu-chaOW! STOP HITTING ME!! Allen-chan, you're welcome to come too!"

Kanda stopped hitting him and just tcheed.

"Idiot, now I have to change again!" He cursed and paced to the drawers for the second time.

"Again? Ya mean ya already were wet when I came? What happened?"

Allen opened his mouth to speak, but Kanda's words made him freeze.

"I spilled some water on me, no big deal."

Lavi watched him carefully. Then he looked at Allen. And smiled.

"I'll go bring another two pillows, Yuu-chan. Allen, come with me, I 'ave no clue which pillow is yers."

______

"Yuu-chan, ye're asleep?"

Silence. Allen sneezed.

"Bless yer."

"Thanks!"

"Yup, no prob."

Silence. A hairy leg touched Allen's knee.

"Yuu-chan, ye're asleep yet?"

"Yes, idiot. I'm asleep. Shut up and let me remain asleep."

"Yuu-cha—OW! It hurts, Yuu-chan! Seriously, that really hurt!"

"It's SUPPOSED to hurt, invertebrate! I'm trying to sleep here!"

Silence. Then whimpering. Then a hit.

"OW!!! I didn' do nothing!"

"You're touching my hair! Don't!"

"Kanda-san, let him do it. Maybe that'll make him quiet!"
"Didjea hear him, Kanda-san? Let me. I'll be quiet."

"No way! I'll have wavy hair tomorrow! I SAID, DON'T touch it!!!!

"OW!! My nuts…"

Allen slowly drifted away, leaving the grunts and yelps of pain.

Just once his whole body yelled alert.

He felt Kanda bend over him, touch his brows. Then the pine smell was suddenly very close, and he felt something like the fluttering of a butterfly on his forehead. Then a hand, warm and dry touched his cheeks, brushing his white locks away.

"Yuu, why are you doin' that?"

"Shut up."

"Hey, no need to be so cold! Jist tell me, Yuu-chan!"

"I said shut up."

"Seriously Yuu-chan, you should kiss me good night too. I'd be able to sleep right away."

"No freaking way I'm doing that. If you touch me again I'll electrocute you with the lamp. And put your legs away. I said PUT. THEM. AWAY."

________________

God. This is the longest chapter I have written. It took me ten hours to write. 5,500 words. That's thirteen Word pages. Gah! I love Lavi here. Yup, I love dark Lavi. I sure hope that there is more to him than being a supportive orange guy. I wonder if I should make a story with Kanda/Lavi pairing, something one sided. The triumph of the darkness!!! *laughs*

People, I love you. You have no idea how happy I was receiving those reviews. As a present I will write another Yuulen (or Yuuvi? Yuu-vi…Hahaha!!!) story, as you request.