Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar or the song "Me" from Beauty & the Beast, lyrics by Tim Rice.

Author's Note: This song could be subtitled "How Not to Propose to a Girl." I think it's hilarious, though, and while I thought it might work for Jet, Hahn was such an easier target. This takes place some time before The Waterbending Master. Obviously, I had to cut the dialogue in the middle because it would have just been too cumbersome. The words in parentheses are Belle's responses to Gaston in the show.

Me

You've been dreaming just one dream
Nearly all your life.
Hoping, scheming, just one theme –
Will you be a wife?
Will you be some he-man's property?
Good news – that he-man's me!

"Hey, Princess Yue."

The princess looked up at the sound of her name and recognized the young warrior.

"Hello, Hahn," she replied politely, giving a slight nod of acknowledgement.

"Ever think about getting married?"

Yue blinked. This was a very odd way to begin a conversation.

"A little, I guess." What did it matter? She would marry whomever her father chose. It was the way of their people.

"Well, I have good news," he announced self-importantly. When Yue failed to prompt him, he concluded, "I've made you this." He pulled an object out of his tunic and held it up so that it caught the fading twilight. It was a betrothal necklace.

This equation, girl plus man
Doesn't help just you.
On occasion, women can
Have their uses, too.
Mainly to extend the family tree.
Pumpkin, extend with me!

It took all of her upbringing in the proper decorum of a Northern Water Tribe princess for Yue not to allow her jaw to drop. He wanted to marry her?

"I see," she managed to say noncommittally. He seemed to expect something else, so she added, "I'm not of marrying age yet."

"I know that, but it's only a few months until your birthday. I thought I'd beat the rush." He grinned meaningfully at her. Yue supposed this was meant to be a compliment, but it didn't ring quite true to her. After all, with her father's position, men would probably be lining up to marry her no matter what her charms might be. Although it had never occurred to her before, she wondered now what kind of information her father might use to decide who should have the honor of taking Yue as his wife.

"Have you spoken to my father yet?" Yue asked, stalling as she tried to figure out how to respond.

"I was planning on asking him tomorrow. I thought you should know first."

We'll be raising sons galore,
(Inconceivable)
Each built six-foot-four,
(Unbelievable)
Each one stuffed with every Gaston gene!
(I'm not hearing this)

"Thank you." It was all Yue could think of to say. It appeared to be adequate encouragement as far as Hahn was concerned. He brightened and placed an arm rather too familiarly around her shoulders.

"Can't you imagine how good-looking our children will be?" he asked. He punctuated this comment by tossing his hair in a manner so effeminate that Yue really had to make an effort not to giggle. It was only the thought that she might spend the rest of her life with this man that sobered her.

"Actually, I might not be able to have children." This statement was true, and she thought it might discourage him. The healers had told her that the illness she'd suffered in infancy may have rendered her too weak to successfully give birth, and she might even be incapable of conceiving.

"Oh," Hahn frowned. "That's a shame. I'd been looking forward to raising a handsome group of sons."

You'll be keeping house with pride
(Just incredible)
Each day gratified
(So unweddable!)
That you are part of this idyllic scene!

"No girls?" Yue didn't know what type of morbid curiosity possessed her and made her ask this. In a way, she could understand his point of view. The only roles for women in their tribe were to be healers or sit around and look pretty. Being part of the second group, she knew it was deadly dull.

"They're okay, too, but I'd like to have mostly boys." Hahn paused. "So, who takes over the tribe if you don't have any kids?"

"I'm not sure. My husband's family, perhaps." This seemed to be what he wanted to hear, as his eyes lit up.

"Well, look at the bright side!" he exclaimed extravagantly. "Without children to clutter up our lives, we can enjoy each other's company. Just you and me, forever."

Although Yue didn't have much experience with this sort of situation, she was relatively certain that such a declaration wasn't supposed to strike terror into your heart.

I can see that we will share
All that love implies.
We shall be the perfect pair,
Rather like my thighs!

"Yes, it sounds wonderful," agreed Yue unconvincingly. Hahn didn't seem to notice.

"Yeah, we'll be the perfect couple," he assured her, withdrawing his arm from her at last. "You'll see."

"Well, I'd better get home now," Yue suggested, trying to come up with a way to extricate herself from this awkward conversation.

"Let me walk you."

"No!" At the look of surprise on Hahn's face, Yue strove to cover her impulsive response. "I mean, it wouldn't be appropriate…until everything's arranged."

"Right you are. Well, when you're sixteen, I'll be there." With a cocky grin, he swaggered off.

"I can't wait," Yue muttered sardonically under her breath. Shaking her head, she sighed and crossed one of the ice bridges spanning the main canal.

You are face to face with destiny.
All roads lead to,
The best things in life are,

All's well that ends with me.

Yue paused in the center of the bridge, looking out at the moon, which was just rising into view. Hahn's suit would probably be accepted, so she might as well resign herself to being his wife. She had always known that her life's path would be decided by others, which probably explained why she'd never given the future much thought.

Now that it faced her, though, she couldn't ignore the strong feeling that her destiny would lie in a different direction entirely. Yue often felt strange in the moonlight, but tonight, the sensation seemed to be intensified. As the moon rose full, she felt a faint tingling all over, just underneath her skin.

Yue turned her face to the south. Something important was coming from that direction, something unexpected. Suddenly, she smiled, certain that whatever it was would bring profound change. Let Hahn make his plans. Fate made fools of everyone, sooner or later, and he might as well be next in line.

Little did she know that her turn would come first.

Escape me, there's no way,
Certain as do, re,
Belle, when you marry…
So, Belle, what'll it be?
Is it "Yes," or is it "Oh, yes?"
(Gaston, I just don't deserve you.)
Who does? Me!

--

Author's Note: I have to admit that I cracked up several times while writing this. It probably wouldn't have taken so long if I could have kept a straight face. It ended a little more seriously because I wasn't sure how else to conclude it.

Review responses:

Aqua Princess of Avalone: I have a site that's pretty good with Broadway lyrics, except for the really obscure stuff, so I should be able to find it. Thanks for the background, though.

AStormIsBrewing: Yeah, I love Anything Goes. Just about every song is great! The character who sang the song was Reno Sweeney, and the guy she was talking about was Sir Evelyn Oakleigh.

Wishing Only Wounds the Heart: Well, yes, I suppose that's true. Technically, my husband and I were in a community production, not Broadway, but it was still unique. He'd been hoping everyone would clear out (it was right after the curtain came down), but some crew members knew what he was going to do and encouraged the cast to stay.

intricate designs: Really? I thought it was better than the Ty Lee one, though I turned out to be essentially right about Ty Lee's pursuit of attention from the opposite sex.

Taromaru: I've heard about the Nick mag but haven't seen it. If it were important to the story, though, they should have included something of the Maiko background in the show itself. I mean, they can't expect everyone who watches the show to buy the magazine. I have to admit that they were acting more like a real couple in The Beach.