John didn't know what to feel, or rather, he knew exactly what he felt but wasn't sure how to handle it.
First of all, he felt fear. More specifically...he was terrified. Covering behind a boulder atop a small hill he shook so much he almost dropped the N99 in his hand, hands so sweaty and cold he barely felt them. The jumpsuit was clinging to his skin at his back and thighs as cold sweat kept pouring out of him...it felt disgusting, as if he was already dying.
The second was anger.
He was angry with the wasteland for being so dry and dusty. With that Moriarty prick for taking every cap he had scrounged up. With that beggar he had been stupid enough to give one of his two bottles of water to, water he now sorely missed. He was angry with the pip-boy for losing the connection to the informative GNR...
Most of all he was angry with himself. Not only had he given that poor beggar half his water supply, a supply that was stupidly low he now realised. He had also gone out with merely a weak idea of where he was going, not to mention declined to ask that experienced trader if he could tag along... To top it all of he hadn't even entertained the idea that the three heavily armed persons over by that dumpster might take an interest in him!
"Hey boy! Come out and play!" The woman in the group called out in a shrill voice, making him cringe. The green mohawk and clothes fashioned from strings of leather and metal plates had made her look comical from a distance, the humour in it had disappeared the moment she had produced an old revolver though. "I promise I won't gouge your eyes out before killing you!"
"Yeah right!" Another voice called out, this one belonging to a man who seemed to have shouted himself hoarse a long time ago. "You promised that to the last guy too!" The staccato sound of his assault rifle opening up followed, making John push himself further into the dirt, wishing he could dig himself down to safety.
Fear! No wonder his forefathers had created the vaults...John now more then anything understood their reasons. He was too frightened to even care about the growing spot between his legs from where his bladder had given up...he was going to die! They were going to kill him! Kill him for...for the mere reason he was around! It wasn't fair!
"Hahaha! Just save his heart! I love the taste of newcomers!" The second man shouted, the madness in his voice sending a chill down John's spine.
BOOM!
The boulder seemed to shake as the worn shotgun spoke, sending pebbles raining over John. "You hear that kid!? I'm going to eat you! I bet you'll squeal when I tear the heart out of you! I can smell it already! Squeal for me little rat! Squeal!"
BOOM!
John covered his head as more dust fell over him. He barely felt the pebbles hit him though...the thumping of his heart had begun to reach epic proportions, the sound of rushing blood deafening...the way it pumped through his body almost painful...yet wonderful. It might be the last thing he felt...oh god why...?
Was it Karma? Divine judgement? He hadn't meant to kill that man outside the vault... He had been blinded by the light, confused by the frightening way he had been forced to leave the vault...overwhelmed by the magnitude that all had changed. He hadn't even seen the man before he had been right on top of John...
The way he had screamed at John...so full of rage, bloodshot eyes staring at him with a hunger for death. His hands and feet had been but a blur as he had struck at the prone and still shocked vault dweller...then he had pulled that knife...and John had begun to bleed.
"Oh does the little boy want his mommy?" The woman puncturing her taunt with a shot, hitting the ground next to John, making him cringe. "You pussies stay here while I take care of this punk!"
John hadn't meant to fight back the way he did...he had struck back on instinct. He had punched the man in self-defence, he had pulled all his fear and shock into a ball and flung it at the evil man, letting his flailing fists draw the fear out of him like a wound. He hadn't really seen the way they got covered in blood, nor how the man had begun to twitch...nor how he had stopped moving as his skull begun to break...
John hadn't meant to kill him!
And now he was going to get killed by these...monsters. For killing in self-defence, for killing when he hadn't known what he was doing. For being in the wrong place in the wrong place...for not understanding that people in the wasteland loved nothing but killing you for their own sick pleasures...
It wasn't fair!
"AAAAH!" Suddenly flying to his feet John clutched his pistol in both hands and close to his chest in a way he knew would make even the officer Wilkins cringe...and spasmodically pressed the trigger for all he was worth.
In front of him the two men had taken cover, the one with the assault rifle to the right behind a broken wall of what had once been a house, the other one's black hair poking up from the cover of a worn blue mailbox to the left. The woman was in the open though, her bloodshot eyes wide with glee, gun casually lowered to her side.
The first bullet struck the boulder John had taken cover behind, sending a spray of pebbles all around, enough to draw blood from his exposed hands. The sting was nothing compared to the kick of the weapon though as it slammed back into his chest, knocking his breath away with each consecutive shot.
The next two bullets struck the ground between them, sending little puffs of dust into the air. The only thing correcting John's aim was the recoil. The jerking of the weapon sending the fourth bullet whizzing past the woman's head, she just laughed at it, as if enjoying the danger.
The laugh was caught dead in her throat when the fifth bullet caught her in the shoulder though. Pushing the gun away from his chest John's vision blurred with tears as he continued to fire, willing the horror before him to disappear. "DIE!" The next three bullets stitched their way up her right leg, making her stumble forward...the drugged look on her face suddenly disappearing.
The next four shots struck her square in her chest, making her twitch and drop her gun even as blossoms of red exploded behind her when the bullets got through. John's mouth felt dry...her face was twisted in a grimace of ...blank shock? Slowly she sunk to her knees, blankly staring forward while her hands blindly grasped after her gun.
Click. Click. Click...click.
His gun was out of bullets.
The woman fell forward, not moving...
John dropped to the ground, body numb and cold. He had just...killed...and he had meant to do it. There was no forgiveness for that...no... she hadn't left a choice, he had to do it or she would have...he was getting a headache. Dizzy...all was just so strange here...wrong...diseased and disgusting.
"You fucker!" The staccato of the assault rifle brought him out of the reverie, quickly pulling a leg he'd accidentally pushed out of cover back in. He had completely forgotten about the other two raiders... "That was the nicest piece of ass this end of the wastes!" John gritted his teeth, bastards, they didn't even care about what had happened, there was no respect for life in them...not even their own...
Animals.
John's hands shook as he moved to reload his pistol. This time they shook with rage, or at least he liked to believe so... Fumbling he gritted his teeth, tasting blood as his hands begun to sting from the wounds over the fingers, it was a good pain though, it meant he was still alive.
"Damn you! Damn you both to hell!" With a metallic clap the magazine was slammed into place. John caught himself grinning, the rushing blood within him screaming for action, to use the divine power in his hands.
The shooting stopped as the hoarse one laughed and yelled: "Where do you think you are kid!?" A scrambling sound, metal against metal...he was reloading.
This time he didn't shoot his own cover. Coming up John stretched out the N99 with one hand, practically hugging the boulder with his arm as he with one eye closed took aim...and fired off three shots at the smug face of the raider sticking up from behind the wall. The first bullet caught the man in the left eye, sending him tumbling to the dust, his body still while the two extra shots flew past him.
John blinked...that felt surprisingly...easy.
BOOM!
With a curse John pulled his arm back, the limb stinging from the bloody rip across it. Then he realised he had dropped his gun...on the other side of the boulder.
Shit!
"You fucking little prick! I hate it when I lose my gang! I'm going to wear your skull like a hat! Your balls are mine!" The raider didn't sound the least afraid...nor sad. One would think he would after loosing his friends and becoming alone. Instead there was nothing hatred and madness... "I'm not going to eat your heart anymore! I'm going to leave you out here with no balls or eyes and see how long you survive! You hear that you little bastard!? It will be sooo fun!"
John's face twisted into a grimace of defiance. An odd feeling overcoming him. It was just so...overwhelming, all that was happening...who was to judge what was madness or not? Normally he would view what he was about to do as suicidal, but now...
Heedlessly diving over the rock John grabbed at the pistol, the grip of it slipping into an outstretched hand as the world tumbled around him. The grip was worn with age, smooth...calming.
BOOM!
The rock behind him seemed to explode by the sheer force of the shot, brown dirt and rocks striking John's back even as he rolled unto one knee. Squinting through the dust he took aim...and fired at the irregular shape sticking up from behind the post box.
The stock of the short shotgun exploded into a cloud of splinters as the bullet found its mark. John barely noticed the second round of the weapon going off into the air though as he rose from his crouching position and fired again, this time catching the raider in the left leg, just above the knee. The man stumbled...a growl escaping him.
"I'll kill you!" The cry was full of defiance despite the weapon being unloaded and broken, raising the gun like an improvised club the raider somehow summoned the strength to charge at John, his eyes full with nothing but senseless rage.
John felt cold and uncaring as he squeezed the trigger again...again....and again.
The man stumbled when blood blossomed from his right shoulder, nerveless fingers dropping the shotgun.
He screamed when his right knee exploded, dropping him on all four.
He whimpered when his left shoulder was pulled back in a crimson explosion, forcing him over unto his back.
John's face was a mask of contempt as he strode up to the already paling pile of flesh bathing in a pool of its own blood. The bloodshot eyes looking up at him didn't seem to see anything at all, lost in a world of madness and hatred. Yellow teeth were biting at at the air, as if still trying to kill... John snorted at it as he took aim. "Filthy animal..."
Two more shots echoed across the plains.