Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar or the song "Send in the Clowns" from A Little Night Music by Stephen Sondheim.

Author's Note: Since the series is taking their sweet time about this, how might Mai feel when she reads Zuko's letter? Incidentally, I was kind of confused about this. Did he actually go over to her house, drop the note off, and then go back to the bunker, or was the bed he left it on in the bunker? For the purposes of the story, I'm assuming it was the latter.

Send in the Clowns

Isn't it rich?
Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground,
You in mid-air.
Send in the clowns.

For a long moment, Mai simply stared at the rolled parchment, neatly tied with a ribbon. Her heart sank into her stomach as she guessed who it must be from. She sat on the bed and slowly untied and unrolled the message.

Her fears were confirmed as she read Zuko's explanation of why he had to leave. When she was finished, she lay the letter down. The first thing she felt was surprise. Azula had seemed so sure that she'd killed the Avatar, but it not only turned out that he was alive but that Zuko was going to join him. Mai didn't really know how to feel about any of it.

This seemed to be Mai's lot in life. Just when it seemed everything she'd ever wanted was in reach, it was snatched away. She'd finally started to accept the roles of duty and responsibility that had been thrust upon her from childhood. It could even be argued that she was reaping some of the benefits of her family's station. Then Zuko had to throw all of it away for a fool's errand. Hadn't he thought about her at all? Well, the message proved that he had, but not enough to include her.

Isn't it bliss?
Don't you approve?
One who keeps tearing around,
One who can't move.
Where are the clowns?
Send in the clowns.

In a way, Mai envied Zuko. He'd been able to see the world while she was stuck in positions dictated to her by others. Even in exile, he'd had the ability to live on his own terms, at least to some degree. Now, he had turned his back on everything he'd claimed to want. Still, he was free, and she remained bound – though by what, exactly, she couldn't say. Theoretically, she could go anywhere and do anything. Her obligations to Azula, assuming that she'd ever recognized any, had been fulfilled.

Certainly, no one would expect her to return to Omashu. As long as she was supposed to be in the service of the princess, her parents wouldn't look for her. This fact could gain her some time if she chose to leave. But go where to do what? Unlike Zuko, she didn't have a goal.

Mai knew that he had not felt like himself these past few weeks. What she didn't completely understand was why it bothered him so much. She had become so used to not being herself that she was no longer sure who she was. It wasn't so bad being what you were supposed to be.

Or maybe it was. She didn't feel sure of anything anymore, and it didn't even seem to matter. The end result was that Zuko was once again running around in pursuit of some intangible virtue while she remained anchored, unmoved and immovable.

Just when I'd stopped opening doors,
Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours,
Making my entrance again with my usual flair,
Sure of my lines,
No one is there.

Three years. For three long years, she had waited for him, enduring the excruciating boredom of her daily life and her father's dull career. She had helped Azula to chase the Avatar, all the while wondering when they would catch up with Zuko.

Once he'd joined them, Mai had thought that was it. Once they'd re-entered one another's lives, it had all seemed so simple and obvious that they would remain together. Little did she know that she had a rival in the form of the Avatar. Who could ever have expected that?

Anger now came to the surface. Who did Zuko think he was, stringing her along only to leave her again? She'd never blamed him before – he hadn't intended to be exiled, and at 14, neither of their families would have permitted her to join him. This situation was different. He'd chosen to go without her.

Not given to emotional outbursts, the only outward expression of her seething rage was that her fingers began to methodically shred the document she held. Mai wished that she were a firebender so that she could have incinerated the parchment in a truly satisfying manner. Failing that, however, she settled for throwing the remnants into the magma that flowed deep within the volcano. As she watched them burn into ash and meld with the molten rock, she felt that her hopes were flowing away with them.

Don't you love farce?
My fault, I fear.
I thought that you'd want what I want;
Sorry, my dear.
But where are the clowns?
Quick, send in the clowns.
Don't bother; they're here.

Ty Lee tried to engage Mai in conversation as they made their way back to the city, but Mai made monosyllabic responses. This didn't bother Ty Lee, who kept prattling on without encouragement. Mai was beginning to regret destroying the letter. It might be the last thing she would get from Zuko for a long time, maybe forever.

Princess Azula and Firelord Ozai were riding in their palanquins, of course. The waves of displeasure emanating from the Firelord was causing most people to give his conveyance a wide berth. Even the servants bearing him and his personal guards looked like they wanted to bolt. Mai couldn't help but wonder what Zuko must have said to make his father so angry. Wistfully, she thought she would like to have been there.

Azula, as usual, showed nothing but her customary, self-satisfied smirk. This led Mai to believe that the princess had a plan. She always had plan, but Mai wasn't sure she wanted to be part of it this time.

Returning to contemplations of the absent prince, she realized that there were a lot of little things she had missed, perhaps intentionally. She liked knowing where she stood and what was expected of her and thought that would be enough for Zuko, too. It wasn't, though. She wasn't enough, and that was the part that really chafed. She hadn't seen – hadn't wanted to see – who he truly was, which probably just proved that she didn't deserve him.

Isn't it rich?
Isn't it queer?
Losing my timing this late in my career?

"Ty Lee, did you ever miss an entrance?" Mai spoke at last, interrupting the acrobat's stream of chatter.

"What?"

"Well, you were in show business, right? Did you ever miss a cue?"

"Um, I don't think so." Ty Lee was clearly caught off-balance by Mai's unexpected question.

"Of course not. Why would you?" Mai sighed. "I just feel like I missed an entrance, an exit – something."

"So Zuko's gone," Ty Lee shrugged, miraculously picking up on the drift of what Mai was saying. "So what? He's just a boy, like any other boy. You'll find another."

"No, I won't." With that, Mai strode ahead, knowing that Ty Lee would never understand. For the past few weeks, Mai had actually been almost…happy. She needed to get home, where she could be alone to think about her past and her future.

And where are the clowns?
There ought to be clowns.
Well, maybe next year.

--

Author's Note: Some of you may be aware that I'm currently helping out backstage for Grease. Well, I got some of Ty Lee's attitude from Rizzo. When Sandy explains that she went to the beach all summer for "sort of a special boy," Rizzo looks at her incredulously and shoots back, "Are you kiddin'? There ain't no such thing."

Review responses:

joehalo15: Well, I was originally going to make it a little more one-sided Zutara-ish, but I then decided to just have him be jealous of their relationship. You're right – who wouldn't be?

Wishing Only Wounds the Heart: Did you have a particular couple in mind for that song? I'm not really familiar with Rent.

Aangs fangirl1214: Well, thank you. I was a little worried about it at first, but it ending up working out okay.