Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar or the song "What is This Feeling?" from Wicked, music and lyrics by Stephen Schwartz.
Author's Note: EmpressofPudding wanted to see this song, and though she suggested it referring to Mai and Ty Lee, as I considered the lyrics, I thought it would be more fun as an anti-Zutara, which some people seem to be badly in need of right now. I've trimmed the song to fit, only using the core lyrics. It takes place at an unspecified time at the Western Air Temple.
What is This Feeling?
What
is this feeling,
So sudden and new,
I felt the first time
I
laid eyes on you?
Katara hated feeling this way. It was a little like anger, but she'd been angry many times before – with Sokka, Toph, Jet, and even Aang. That was always short-lived, quickly receding into something else. Often, it was remorse for things she'd said and done while in a fit of temper. This feeling, though, was something new, something lasting, and it bothered her that she couldn't identify it.
It had begun as soon as Zuko had presented himself to their group at the Western Air Temple. Katara had submitted to Aang's will in allowing Zuko to join them. She thought it should be Aang's decision, and he did need to learn firebending, but that didn't mean she had to be happy about Zuko being among them. And she definitely wasn't.
My
pulse is rushing,
My head is reeling,
My face is flushing,
What
is this feeling?
Above all, Katara didn't trust the prince. As a result, she found herself divided. On the one hand, she wanted to keep an eye on Zuko to make sure he didn't show any signs of relapsing into prior patterns of behavior. On the other hand, being in his presence for too long made her distinctly uncomfortable. Her blood boiled inside of her, rushing to her head, clouding her vision and making a ringing sound in her ears. In extreme cases, she even got dizzy spells.
This was her circumstance right now. Unable to stand it any longer, she'd removed herself from the rest of the group. This made her worry about Aang, but since that was an almost constant condition for her these days, it didn't bother her unduly. She sat down in a grassy spot and took deep breaths of the fresh air to steady herself, trying to clear her mind. She was starting to think she should try to learn some of Aang's meditation techniques.
Fervid as
a flame,
Does it have a name? Yes…
Loathing! Unadulterated
loathing!
For your face, your voice, your clothing.
Footsteps came up behind her. She knew who it was without looking, since his proximity made her skin crawl even when she didn't see him. She hated everything about him – the way he moved, his voice, even the clothes he wore. She knew that was ridiculous, but it was the way she felt.
"Who sent you?" Katara snapped. There was no way he came out here on his own. Zuko came to stand beside her but did not sit, seeming to realize he had not been invited.
"I don't expect you to forgive me," he said, which didn't address her question. "But don't you think it's time we learned to at least work with each other?"
"Loathing," she announced aloud in a moment of revelation, answering him as well as he'd answered her.
Let's just say
I loathe it all!
Every little trait, however small,
Makes my
very flesh begin to crawl
With simple, utter loathing.
"What?" Zuko sounded surprised, as well he should. Slowly, Katara turned to glare at him.
"That's what I feel towards you. Loathing. I just figured it out."
"Well, congratulations," he offered dryly. "Look, I gave up everything to come here, and we all have a lot of things we're going to have to face together. Can't you even try to trust me?"
"Trust you?" Katara stood suddenly, almost violently. She hated his condescension, as if they all hadn't made sacrifices for Aang. This…interloper was nothing special. "How do you expect me to trust you after what you've done? Your people killed or stole away all of our waterbenders, killed my mother, and forced my father to leave us for years. You personally have captured Aang several times and almost gotten him killed!"
There's a
strange exhilaration
In such total detestation.
It's so pure,
so strong!
By the end of this speech, Katara was shaking with barely-suppressed rage, and she was breathing heavily, but there was also a sense of release. It felt oddly exhilarating to be unloading on him in this way. Zuko just stood there calmly, his head tilted as he regarded her speculatively. Somehow, this sent another wave of anger surging through her.
"Well?" she demanded, hearing her voice rise to almost a shriek. "What do you have to say for yourself?"
"This isn't about you." He spoke with the tone of someone who has just realized something profoundly unexpected. "It's not about your people and my people. It's not even really about me."
"Oh, really?" she challenged snidely. "Then what is it about, oh wise one?"
"Aang," Zuko shrugged. "You blame me for what happened to Aang at Ba Sing Se."
"Shouldn't I?" Katara accused. "If you had helped us, we might have gotten away sooner."
Though I do admit
it came on fast,
Still, I do believe that it can last,
And I
will be loathing, loathing you
My whole life long!
"I didn't strike him down," Zuko reminded her. "I was as stunned as anyone when Azula shot him, but I watched you rush to catch him. You were completely unconcerned about what happened to you; you just had to get to him. You love him."
"I – that's – completely irrelevant!"
"What I don't get is why you haven't told him," he continued, as though she hadn't spoken. Katara stood stunned, meeting his gaze in a silent battle of wills she knew she was going to lose. She wanted to protest, to argue, but she couldn't. He was right – about everything – and she hated him for that, too.
"I still hate you," she said finally. It seemed her only option. The left corner of his mouth twitched, but his face and voice were both solemn when he responded.
"I understand." Then, as if he'd accomplished what he came to do, he left her alone with her thoughts, which were, if possible, even more roiled than they'd been before he'd shown up.
Curse him, anyway.
And I will be
loathing,
For forever loathing,
Truly, deeply loathing you
My
whole life long!
--
Author's Note: See? Don't you all feel better now? I have so many ideas for this collection that I think I'm going to take a break from Magic Kingdom and What You Missed for a few weeks to focus on these, just to let you all know.
Review responses:
Wishing Only Wounds The Heart: Well, I forgive you. It sounds really cool to perform at Disney World! Hope you had fun. Anyway, The Headband made me wonder both how Aang learned the Ba Sing Se dance and how Katara learned gymnastics. I think about these things.
airnaruto45: Ummmm okay.
trekker4life: I know I do some obscure songs, but I try to throw in those familiar ones, too.
Magnumus: Have you changed your screen name? I'm curious because I don't recognize it, but you seem to be indicating that you've reviewed my work before. Anyway, glad you enjoyed it.