Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar or the song "I Wonder What the King is Doing Tonight" from Camelot, lyrics by Alan Jay Lerner.

Author's Note: This is another idea that's been brewing for a long time. I went to see Camelot last year and thought this would be a funny song to apply to Zuko.

I Wonder What the King is Doing Tonight

I know what my people are thinking tonight,
As home through the shadows they wander.
Everyone smiling in secret delight,
They stare at the castle and ponder.

Firelord Zuko stood at his window, looking out over the capital of his realm. The sun was setting behind the rim of the dormant volcano that formed the foundation for the city, and people were roaming to and fro. Even from above them, Zuko could sense the atmosphere of excitement that permeated everything. Periodically, one of the tradesmen or housewives would stop and face the palace for a moment, as though looking for him. The young Firelord stayed in the shadows of the room, where they couldn't see him.

Sometimes, small groups would get together and converse with animation. Zuko was pretty sure he knew what they were talking about. Of course, it wasn't too difficult to figure out. There hadn't been a royal wedding in the Fire Nation for many years. It was natural for the people to be curious.

Whenever the wind blows this way,
You can almost hear everyone say:
I wonder what the king is doing tonight.
What merriment is the king pursuing tonight?

Perhaps, Zuko thought, the common folk were wondering how their monarch might be occupying himself as he awaited his turn to sacrifice himself to the continuity of the royal family. They would undoubtedly be surprised to find him alone and pensive on this most festive occasion, and it was probably best all around that they didn't know.

The traffic going to the palace itself was minimal by this point. The food and flowers had arrived hours ago, and Mai had already been carried through the streets on a curtained palanquin while the people gathered on either side to watch. She'd since been secluded somewhere near the great chamber where the ceremony would be held. Maidservants who had been assigned to serve the new Firelady would be even now fussing over her hair, makeup, and clothing. Zuko smiled tightly to himself. It was some consolation to know that she wasn't enjoying this interval any more than he was.

The candles at the court,
They never burned as bright.
I wonder what the king is up to tonight.

They were breaking with tradition somewhat by having the ceremony in the evening because firebender weddings usually took place at midday. He had several reasons for this. For one thing, he preferred to present himself to a crowd when firebenders were not likely to be as strong. After all, he couldn't be completely sure there weren't still some crazy people out there who'd like to assassinate him and put his father back on the throne, or even his sister.

Even more pressing in his mind, though, was that he wouldn't be expected to entertain the guests for very long if they started after sundown. The usual royal bride and bridegroom had to endure tedious hours of speeches between noon and dark. This way, they would have the ceremony, followed by a banquet, and then they could send everyone home. This would also allow Zuko and Mai to be alone sooner, and he had to admit that he was currently of two minds about that.

How goes the final hour,
As he sees his bridal bower
Being regally and legally prepared?
Well, I'll tell you what the king is doing tonight:
He's scared! He's scared!

"So, how is his highness enjoying his last hour as a bachelor?" drawled a sardonic voice from behind him. Zuko turned to see Sokka there, leaning indolently against the doorframe. While he'd been convinced that Water Tribe clothing wouldn't be appropriate, he'd flatly refusing to don anything in Fire Nation colors. Therefore, the warrior was wearing a compromise formal Earth Kingdom outfit made for him in Ba Sing Se. Zuko was actually a little envious of the loose robes in pale green and cream, feeling terribly confined in his layers of red and black, trimmed with gold.

"I'm terrified, actually," Zuko confessed. "All of the preparations, and the papers we had to sign, and the fuss everybody is making. It just feels so…final."

"Well, it is, but don't worry, you'll survive it," Sokka assured him. "I did."

You mean that a king who fought a dragon,
Hacked him in two and fixed his wagon,
Goes to be wed in terror and distress?
Yes!

"I suppose so," Zuko sighed.

"You are pretty slow about this, you know," Sokka continued. "Even Aang got married before you, and he's four years younger!"

"I know that! Are you ever going to tell me something I don't know?"

"How about this: I think it's very funny that someone who faced two dragons, fought the Avatar several times, and dueled his psychotic sister is afraid of getting married."

"Remind me again why I asked you to be my best man?" Zuko snapped, glaring.

"Because Aang's performing the ceremony, and you don't have any other friends," Sokka shrugged. Inviting the Avatar to preside was another twist on tradition, but Zuko thought it would help to give the message of unity he'd been trying to convey throughout his rule.

A warrior who's so calm in battle,
Even his armor doesn't rattle,
Faces a woman petrified with fright?
Right!

"Thanks. That was really helpful," Zuko told him dryly.

"I do my best." Sokka grinned unrepentantly. Zuko knew by now that the only way Sokka would ease up on him was if Zuko stopped rising to the bait. For some reason, that just seemed impossible to do.

"Is this how you were with Aang?" he asked, knowing that Sokka had performed this same service for the Avatar.

"Of course not. He was marrying my sister. That required a different speech altogether."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I wanted to make sure he knew what he was doing. It's more fun to give you doubts."

Zuko shook his head disgustedly and leaned over a side table, wondering how embarrassing it would be to throw up right now. Of course, he probably couldn't throw up because he hadn't eaten anything all day. Maybe he would just pass out instead. It actually sounded like something of a relief at the moment.

You mean that appalling clamoring
That sounds like a blacksmith hammering
Is merely the banging of his royal knees?
Please!

"I did put it off for a while," Zuko admitted. "Maybe too long. I got used to the way things were."

"Something must have changed," Sokka prompted, when Zuko didn't offer anything more. "It was Mai, wasn't it?" The firebender nodded.

"She threatened to make me unable to produce any heirs with anyone, ever, if I didn't get on with the wedding," he said. Sokka threw back his head and laughed while Zuko ground his teeth in mortification. He'd never planned on telling that to anyone.

"Oh man, I'm sorry," Sokka gasped, brushing a tear out of his eye. "But that's about the funniest thing I've ever heard! I thought this seemed to be put together awfully fast for a royal wedding." Zuko straightened and moved to a mirror on the wall, checking to see if he looked as panic-stricken as he felt.

"Seriously, Sokka," the Firelord pleaded. "Is it normal to be this nervous?"

You wonder what the king is wishing tonight?
He's wishing he were in Scotland fishing tonight!,
What occupies his time while waiting for the bride?
He's searching high and low for someplace to hide.

"I think we all get it a little," Sokka replied, finally showing some sympathy. Then he cocked his head thoughtfully. "Well, except for Aang. He was so happy, he was almost giddy. It was disgusting."

"Really?" Zuko swallowed, his throat dry. It seemed inconceivable that anyone could be that sure about taking such a big step in their lives.

"Yeah, but he's always been weird. I've said so from the day I met him."

Zuko was considering the likelihood of disappearing somewhere when there was a soft knock at the door. He cleared his throat and said, "Come in."

The person who entered was none other than the young wife of the last airbender – although he wouldn't be the last for long, if the curve of stomach just visible beneath Katara's gown was any indication.

And oh, the expectation, the sublime anticipation
He must feel about the wedding night to come.

"Your bride is ready," Katara informed Zuko, a teasing smile playing at her lips. Then, she turned to her brother. "Mai and Ty Lee are waiting for the signal, and Aang's in place. As soon as you two are in position, we can start." With a final smile at both of them, she left to take her seat. This was it, and Zuko felt sweat breaking out all over him. Something of what he was feeling must have shown on his face.

"I don't know about this," Zuko breathed, even as he recognized that it was too late for doubts. Suddenly, the true reason for his nervousness burst upon him. "I don't know how to be a husband and – and father. What if I'm horrible at it? I haven't exactly had the best role models." Sokka smiled at him encouragingly, and cast a glance over Zuko's shoulder.

"Sure you have. You just need to know where to look," the warrior said. The Firelord turned to follow Sokka's gaze and saw a familiar face.

Well, I'll tell you what the king is feeling tonight:
He's numb! He shakes! He quails! He quakes!

"Uncle!" Zuko rushed to hug Iroh as Sokka unobtrusively withdrew. "I was afraid you weren't going to make it."

"I wouldn't miss my nephew's wedding!" Iroh asserted. "It just took some time to take in my old court clothes." He gestured at his body, allowing Zuko to verify that he had kept most of the weight off.

"Uncle, I'm scared."

"I know. You are afraid you won't be good enough for her." He motioned for Zuko to lean closer. "I am going to tell you a great secret: you won't be. But she will love you anyway."

"Really?" Although it wasn't encouraging to think that he'd never measure up the way he wanted to, he wanted to believe that Mai would accept that, maybe better than he could.

"It is the wonderful thing about women," Iroh assured him. "Now, let's go out there and show them a wedding!" Zuko nodded, gave his uncle one more hug, and went to meet Sokka. He was ready.

And that's what the king is doing tonight.

--

Author's Note: This is probably the cutest Maiko I've done, and Mai wasn't even in it. I was surprised that I only had one review for the last chapter. Usually the Kataang gets people to respond. Was it too close to Through Your Eyes?

Review responses:

airnaruto45: I don't even know that show. Besides, I told you my special conditions for you.