A/N: Thanks so much everyone for the wonderful reviews! They've really helped me get my butt into gear and writing… it's the guilt trip you all send me on ;P
But good news!
I'll update again next weekend, so no huge long waits for you guys! Yay!
Warning: Dark times lie ahead, I mean very dark, lights off dark. If you're scared or offended by the dark, please turn back. (This includes non-con, death, torture etc).
Warning: Short Chapter . :ducks moreflying objects:
SS
Severus had left the rooms he shared with the brat as soon as possible, having vowed that he would be extremely careful as to not run into the toad woman. He was already behind on researching the antidote for this mess. He cursed under his breath, and the fact he had just run into Hermione, would probably slow things down even more.
"Harry, you actually got away from the toad before midnight?" Severus blinked, Harry had been stuck with the woman for how long and how often! He felt the anger boil back up in his stomach.
"Yeah, have detention with Snape though." He pulled a face like he was suppose to.
"Out of the frying pan and into the fire." She smiled, before it slipped. "Ronald."
Severus turned to see the red head walking up towards them.
"Hermione, Harry." He nodded at them, before narrowing his eyes at the brown haired girl. Severus wasn't quite sure what was going on. He'd picked up that they weren't all obviously on the wonderful terms everyone, mainly the teachers, thought the golden trio were on.
"Ron." Severus intoned neutrally. The boy gave him a glance before turning back to the girl.
"I heard you've been getting friendly with that death eater." A few people stopped to listen in.
"He is not a death eater, and it's none of your business. So why don't you go off and find yourself another hussy to screw, clearly that's the only thing you're good for, as your brain cells have all obviously been obliterated by the lack of blood circulation to your head."
"Big words for a stuck up snob."
"Evidently they're too large for you to understand as you're still hanging around here. To simplify," there was a pause as students shifted out of the way. "please go away." The change in her tact didn't warn the red head, and Severus only smirked, not caring who saw the look on the Boy-who-lived's face.
"You think you're too good for me? That I'm stupid you bitch?"
"We can only draw conclusion from the evidence you provide us with Mr Weasley. 25 points from Gryffindor for language, loitering and repeat offences. I see you haven't learnt your lesson," The tall pale potions master who had walked up moments ago smirked. "perhaps a talk to the Headmaster about revoking your Quidditch privileges next year in exchange for other extra curricular activities of my suggestion would help you understand."
The red head had gone pale and Severus wondered if Potter was enjoying this role play a little too much.
"Filch is waiting for you in the trophy room, Go." The boy didn't need to be told twice. "And you Mr Potter, detention with me now." Severus hung his head and trailed after the taller man with a backwards wave to the girl. They reached an empty class room and Harry ushered him in.
"I… I need to talk to you sir."
Severus frowned, wondering what the boy was worried about. He knew however that he would have to confront the boy about everything he had been hiding, but for now he would let it slide.
"What is it Potter?" The boy looked worried.
"I'm meeting with Draco again."
Severus frowned.
"Again?"
"Yeah I was talking with him earlier this morning. He" The boy swallowed. "He wanted to become a Deatheater and spy for the order."
Severus frowned, he'd been waiting for the boy to build up enough courage to go against his mother and himself. He cursed the blondes timing.
"And what did you tell him?" The dark eyes didn't meet him as the boy in the mans body looked away guiltily.
"He won't become a deatheater, but he still wishes to join the Order." Severus felt the blood drain from his face, no one could change Draco's mind that easily.
"What did you tell him?" The boy flinched at his hiss.
"Nothing… umm, just a few personal things, I er, sort of based on what I've seen, kind of." The boy was mumbling in that confusing way of his.
"Potter." The snap lifted the raven black haired head.
"A vague reference to last month." He blurted out and Severus felt his stomach lurch. He ripped his eyes away from the boys and tried to calm his breathing.
"How vague?" A croak and Severus tried to clear his throat. Merlin, if Draco had found out… How had Potter known?
"Nothing detailed, just kind of generalised it. I'd never do that to you, but I had to get him to realise it isn't a game." The boy was pleading with him and Severus swallowed.
"How do you know Potter?"
The boys mouth shut with a snap.
"I… I saw it." Severus could feel the embarrassment, the horror and self disgust slip past the barriers and spread out across his face, easy to read. He looked away, glaring at the stone floor. "I'm s…" The boys whisper was cut through with Severus' growl.
"I don't need your pity boy." He had already spun on his heel intent on getting away from here as soon as possible.
"But you don't understand!" The boy cried out after him, receiving only a slammed door in his face as a reply.
HP
Harry stared at the door trying to fight the tears burning the back of his eyes, the guilt rising like bile in his throat.
"It was my fault."
Everyone thought Harry was a virgin, and technically he was.
Harry knew he wasn't a virgin, and the technicalities meant shit all.
Especially when you counted the times he had raped, killed and tortured people through the eyes of another man, felt their pain, their horror, self-loathing as they felt his hands on them, on himself, tearing them open, ripping through himself.
No, he wasn't a virgin, nor was he pure and light. And the disgust, the hatred of himself and of the other man who played with his mind made him weak at the knees as he stared at the closed door where the potions master had stormed through. He had hurt that man, perversely enjoyed his pleasure as the man in his mind pulled apart memories, drove him deeper, and played with the sliver of attraction he felt for the potions master.
Harry leant against the cool bricks in the corner and lost the fight to keep the memories and his stomach down. All he could remember was the blood, the smell of the other man, but worst of all the lack of fight he had put up against the man invading his mind.
The night had started normally, a few followers had received Crucio's, a muggle dragged in and killed. Harry knew the Dark Lord was paying extra attention to him, he could feel the man coaxing him further into his mind. He hadn't realised what was happening until the man had dismissed all but one of the death eaters. He remembered that this had happened a few times before and shivered, trying to pull away from the man's grasp on his mind.
"Severus." The hiss had shot right through Harry and he had cried out when the death eater removed his mask. The snake faced bastard had only laughed when he had felt Harry struggling trying to escape and warn the raven haired man at the same time.
"It has been so long." Harry was on the edge of hysteria and felt the man he was trapped within smirk in triumph. He stroked the head of the snake that had wrapped itself around his throne and Harry felt the cool scales under his fingers. He hissed in parsel tongue.
"I'm doing you a favour tonight Potter." The fingers ran along the snakes eye ridge and Harry listened to the content hiss of the mans pet, tyring to ignore the fact the man was addressing him. "It seems you've been in denial for quiet a while. I thought I would help you accept and consummate the attraction you have for our beloved Potion's master."
Harry had felt the panic burst behind his eyes as he had renewed his struggle. Merlin he hoped and prayed that this wasn't heading where he thought it was.
"Undress Severus." Harry froze and felt the amusement of the other man slide over him as he continued his hissing. "I no longer bother with Severus, but as I found that you have certain attractions to him I thought I would help you a long. I'm doing this for you." Harry felt the silken strands run through his fingers before he roughly pulled back the head to reveal a long pale throat. The skin was warm, throbbing under his fingertips. The potion masters eyes closed, waiting, offering, submitting.
He had kissed it.
Not the Dark Lord, not under the force of the man in his mind. He, Harry Potter, had not been able to fight it, had needed to taste the skin.
And that was where he had lost.
"You are doing this for you." Was the whispered hiss as Harry had cried out silently in disgust, anger, self-loathing and need, only Tom heard him.
The next morning he had woken in a sticky mess, and had thrown up over the edge of the bed as soon as he sat. He had spent the rest of the day curled in bed, sticky with cum, tears, sweat and a flush of guilt and pain. He was sick a few more times, but the house elves had cleaned that up, but had not dared to touch the mass of blankets pile over Harry as he wallowed in his own filth, in his defeat and disgust.
He had hurt someone else he had cared about.
And this time it was all his fault.
The potion's master was wrong.
It wasn't pity.
It was guilt.