Confusion
A/N: Eheheheheheee over one hundred reviews! I couldn't figure out which of you was the one hundredth, but I want to thank ALL of you! This story would probably have been much shorter, and not updated as often if it wasn't for you persistence and support.
Chapter 12! A chapter brimming with magic, confusion and torment for our favourite characters. We learn a little about our beloved boys and I throw in a few teasers which will have me running for my life as I won't be able to update for a few weeks, and I know you'll be out for my blood.
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Warning/Disclaimer: See first chapter.
SS
Severus could feel anger, frustration and annoyance burn through him with the instinctive magic that flowed, searing in his veins. He let it flow, it gave him warmth, strength and he could feel the apathy it wove into his mind but he couldn't bring himself to care.
Instead he concentrated on the boy before him and the pain he could so easily draw out of him with a simple answer. Severus glared at the mirror reflected in the boys wide eyes.
He knew the mirror that leant oh-so-casually in the corner, beckoning with it's glinting silver curves, was the Mirror of Erised.
He knew that flat pane of glass could trap many mortals with its clear reflection, promising sweet, cold lies.
Knew he would never be able to grasp the world that lay just beyond the silver frame.
He had asked Potter what he had seen in it, wanted to see if the boy really felt the pain that had been woven so craftily into his voice when he denied mocking his bruised relationship with Draco. Instead he received an answer that confirmed his suspicions, the boy had a prefect life, content with the fame thrown at him, the screaming fans and obsessed press.
Only the man with no desires could use the mirror as any other reflective surface.
The boy was even confused by the question, not understanding the true purpose of the mirror, not comprehending that the reflection he saw was of a perfect being.
Perfect.
Severus's eyes narrowed, trained on the boys face. Humanity was not capable of producing such a paradox. To be human was anything but perfection, it was greed, pain, suffering. Desire.
Hadn't Potter faced the mirror before? Severus blinked, remembering suddenly. One could never forget such an object that gave a tangent quality to the deepest hearts desire.
"Tell me Potter." Severus could feel the magic pulsing around him, flowing through his voice, dripping with venom. "If you see nothing but your reflection now. What have you gained since you last saw the mirror?"
Severus couldn't help the smirk that slipped onto his lips as the boy tensed. He could see it in the way he held himself, the back had straightened a little, and the boy had instinctively let his hand fall to his belt where his wand was. The onyx eyes that once were his had widened considerably and he could see the fight in them as they tried to avoid looking at the mirror.
The tense silence sent shivers down Severus spine as he drank the tautness and the anxiety the boy seemed to produce. This was his revenge, he could feel the magic pulsing around him, driving him on. He wanted to lash out, let the magic do as it wanted, injure and hurt the boy, damage those that wounded him.
He could feel the slow slip of humanity but took comfort in the raw power that built in its place. He needed this, wanted this power, control.
"Or maybe I was right about you Potter, that the words you so butcher with your abysmal use of language, are just lies waiting to bolster your god-like image."
He saw the boy flinch, and couldn't help the small hitch in his power, yet a small voice in the back of his mind berated him before it was wiped away by a fresh wave of magic.
"Do you believe I would be fooled into thinking you have no desires? That you are immune to the follies of humanity? Why don't you look into the mirror again, tell me what you see." The last was almost a hiss as Severus let his lip curl, his eyes flashing as the boy made to move away from him, away from the mirror. Severus could see the fear in his eyes and it drew him. "Why Mr Potter, don't let me stand in your way, gaze to your hearts content." He stepped back with a dramatic wave of his arm.
"Please don't..." He could hear the pleading in the boys voice and the pain in his eyes as the silver frame, caught the dark gaze and the boy was drawn into gaze at the reflection as Severus stepped out of the way.
"What do you see Potter." Severus could feel his magic flickering angrily at him as he was drawn away from it and towards his curiosity.
Silence.
He had asked the boy what he could see in the mirror.
What was the-boy-who-lived's Hearts Desire?
"What do you see?"
The shadows grew as he let his magic simmer, the flaming torches outside the room dying a little as the magic drained from them. He could feel his control come back to him, and the self disgust of losing himself to the power, the emotions that coursed through him.
He had been possessed by power, but that didn't make him powerful nor did it make him in control.
"Boy."
The young man flinched from the name, wrenching his eyes from the mirror. Severus noticed he had sunk to his knees, a helpless look on his face.
"What do you see?" The question was reversed back at him, voice quiet, almost drowning in emotion.
"It is of none of your concern." Severus had to fight to keep his eyes from the tantalising reflection, instead training his sneer on the boy. He couldn't let the memory of his brother seep to the front of his mind, if he thought about it he'd be lost.
The boy seemed to snap back from the harsh voice as he looked up at him. Severus could see the pain, the loss of the boy-who-lived. He watched as boy let the emotions he had locked away spread so easily across his face. Severus had always avoided looking into mirrors, knowing unlike others that his eyes, though dark and hard onyx, held all his secrets, secrets he didn't want to know about, and now… now the boy was letting them all out.
Secrets he wanted to keep locked away.
Pain that he had tried to forget.
Severus could feel something slipping with in him.
HP
He had never seen such simple happiness.
But Harry knew he couldn't tell the truth, couldn't put into words what he saw in the mirror. How could he explain to the man that the dark figure in the mirror was what he desired, his deepest, darkest, most private desire. The one he hadn't known he had until it was reflected back at him so blatantly, mocking him in it's knowledge.
He had never seen Severus Snape smile.
And he had never seen himself look so happy.
Now he would have to lie. Again. Maybe he could cling to the first desire he ever saw in the mirror, when his innocence didn't trail behind him in tatters, when magic had been a gift and love and hope a possibility just within his grasp.
"I saw Sirius."
He had wanted a family.
Something so simple, yet so essential. Yet he had never found it, the Weasley's who had offered with open arms and kind smiles could never truly be substitutes for a family of his own, and now it was even more difficult with Ron creating a cold rift between them.
Blood was thicker than water after all.
The two remaining members of his family were strangers from before the war, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. He had tried to grasp on to them as they had grasped on to him, trying to live in the past, in borrowed memories and faded photographs. He loved them, but knew both were still caught in the pain of the past, a past he wasn't truly apart of.
He many not have been a part of it yet he stood as a symbol of the days when darkness had waited on the edges, while laughter still remained, now in their weariness they tried to project him onto their memories. Tried to hold him on the same pedestal his dead father had received in their minds. His father who he had never known, yet still dreamed about. His mother, her powerful eyes so like his own when he smiled.
But only Sirius remained, his God father.
"I saw Sirius." He repeated, trying to place conviction into his voice, as he stared at the floor, fighting the urge to raise his head once more to the glass, drown in the reflection, clear and cool like spring water, waiting for him to plunge, let go of the world he was holding so hard onto as it spun beneath his feet.
Maybe he could.
Just let go.
Pain burst from his scalp as his head was pulled back roughly, a hand tangled in his hair, fire racing down his spine.
Harry could feel the change in the other man, could feel the anger, the dangerous surge of power.
"You saw that despicable mutt!" The voice was so close Harry could feel the hiss against his neck, the rage hot against his skin. He could see the shadows cowering as the torches once more burst into a violent and sickly shade of green, flames crawling up the walls.
"I'll tell you what I saw." Harry could feel the man looming over him, and for the first time could sense why others feared the potions master, why others could fear the-boy-who-lived. Harry Potter, possessed an incredible amount of magic and it seemed to grown the less control Snape held over it. Harry could only concentrate on breathing and the voice against his ear as he tried to shrink back from the enraged magic.
He should've known not to bring up Sirius, but he had been so caught up in the reflection, had needed to avoid the actual topic. He should've been thinking, Snape was dangerous like this, hadn't he come down here with the intention of calming the man down?
Harry chocked on a hysterical laugh as he felt the magic crackle against his skin. He had definitely failed that objective. He just hoped now that Snape would burn out before he could cause too much destruction.
"I saw an untainted child." Harry flinched and almost whimpered when his head was pulled back even further, the burning in his scalp intensified by the contrasting cool fingers that now stroked his cheek. He was as confused as all hell and the hissing voice in his ear wasn't helping.
"A child with a loving brother." His mind was jumping from one thought to the next, trying to escape the pain, the ensnaring magic. Fingers ran along his cheek bone and Harry had to fight the urge to lean into the comforting gesture, the other hand still caught in his hair.
He didn't want to die like this and the scream building in his stomach kept him tense in the others grasp.
"A brother who loved the child, kept him safe, kept him pure, untainted by the shadows that lurked just out of sight."
Harry had wanted so much to see Severus smile like that, just once.
He tried to lessen the pressure on his scalp, but he received only a stilling of the hand on his cheek. He could feel tears starting to prick his eyes and he forced himself to concentrate on the words instead. He owed it to Snape, he had been foolish enough to get them into this situation. He hoped the other man would forgive him in the next life.
"The child loved the brother, he was a friend, a confident, brother, parent, a realm where he could be safe and loved. He trusted the older with his life, his secrets, lies, promises, dreams.." Harry could only squeeze his eyes shut as the reflection mirrored the mans words, the smile on the onyx eyed mans face was so pure, even in the flickering green light. He wanted it so much his chest ached and he couldn't breath.
The stroking had resumed and the pressure had eased a little. Harry tried to breath steadily. He tried to order his thoughts, he could drown in his needs, desires later, now he had to calm down the potions master. Maybe, just maybe the story would calm the other man.
"The man was the child's existence."
Maybe he had a chance…
"The man your Dog father murdered."
The words uttered triggered the final collapse of all barriers. Harry could see them fall in the emerald eyes.
The chance was lost.
"Sirius." The name mocking what Harry had claimed to be his greatest desire. A curse more deadly than any unforgivable. And Harry knew that was the end.
Dread fell on him like a thick silence.
He felt the panic in his throat catch the scream before he could release it. He could feel the change in the air, could feel the difference in Snape. Knew that if he didn't let the scream escape he would die with terror in his throat.
He swallowed hard and tried not to let the fear dance wildly in his eyes as he faced Snape.
He almost cried out when he was pulled up suddenly by the hair, his larger body which he wasn't used to was caught off balance and he was slammed into the stone wall awkwardly. Magic whipped around the smaller man and Harry cried out when it slammed into the walls surrounding him. He could feel the castle howling in protest as the wall of the crypt collapsed under the strain of so much magic.
He had never seen anything like it and it terrified him. He could feel the panic and fear running through him. He cursed his bad timing and stupidity. How could he be brainless enough to bring up Sirius? He knew Snape hated the other man, but he hadn't realised to what extent. And who was this brother? What had his godfather done! But this wasn't the time to be asking such questions. His mind flew through the dangers he was facing, he needed to get Snape back.
The boy in front of him smirked unseeingly, eyes glowing a dark green, so deep and fathomless they were almost black. Harry felt ill as he tried quickly to think of a solution. This wasn't Snape.
This wasn't human.
"Professor!" Harry screamed trying to be heard over the roaring magic. The man had let down all barriers and now the magic moved freely through him, beyond him, consuming, being consumed. He had to be brought back to his senses before he destroyed himself.
Harry knew what had happened, he had felt it himself, had felt the power he had unleashed only once in Dumbledore's office. This was raw power, instinctive magic, levels below the subconscious it connected all magical and sentient beings, it was what they all drew their lesser magicks from. He had learned through the Dark Lord that he was connected to it only because the other man possessed such a connection after a lifetime of research and rituals, the connection had been passed onto him so many years ago.
He had only touched it once, drawing back as soon as he had brushed with it, The Darkness that terrified him. He had felt the power, the need to consume all other magic, the need to let it consume him.
He had felt his humanity draining away from him.
But he had never embraced it like the potions master had. He had always had something stopping him, hadn't wanted to let himself go before he had finished what everyone had defined as his destiny, he owed it to everyone, all those he had killed, had hurt.
He knew the addictive presence of it, remembered what it felt like to have the magic flow through his veins, how it had urged him, pushed him to let go and let the magic escape through him. He needed to save his professor before he was lost.
He had to somehow call the other man back. Back from the tantalising torrent that had swept him up and refused to release him.
"Professor!" He was desperate as he backed away from the other man. "Snape!" His voice cracked in the thick air, and he felt his back hit something cold and hard.
"Professor Snape!" His eyes were tearing as the magic in the air stung them, it tasted coppery, almost like blood on his tongue and he screamed the other man's name one more time.
"Professor Snape!" The man turned to him and Harry had to bite down a scream as magic waves caught at him. He felt his knees buckle and he fell, his hands stinging more than they should and he remembered he had burnt them earlier on his way down the corridor.
He felt the air pause as if waiting for something and he looked up to see Snape standing there staring at a spot above his head, face expressionless, yet the magic around him had died a little.
Harry swallowed and looked over his shoulder. He had backed up against the Mirror of Erised, wrenching his eyes away he tried one more time.
"Professor. Professor Snape, you have to come back." He could hear the desperation choking its way past his parched throat. He felt as if the magic had leached the cool dampness from the dungeons and had instead replaced it with thick, dry dessert air.
"Professor?" The man wasn't moving and Harry decided to creep forward a little. "Please you have to listen to me." He inched closer to the man. "You have to come back, let the magic go, let it fall back." His hand touched the edge of the mans robe. A piercing keening behind him screeched through his body before he turned in time to see the mirror writhing with figures. Ghostly faces screamed, enraged, as a slow spider web of cracks crawled out from the centre spreading to the outer corners of the silver frame before it splintered, falling like a sheet of silver tears.
Harry choked on his own breath.
He didn't have time to react as he was pulled up roughly and pushed casually against a wall that had escaped much of the damage the others received. The magic seemed eager to constrict him, as if sensing he was the one who had tried to pull their vessel from their grasp.
"Professor." He managed to choke as he felt the magic around him compress what little air he could choke down, following the unspoken command of the shorter boy. It felt hot and humid and he could hardly breath as the thick magic worked its way around him, trapping him, holding him against his will as he tried to struggle.
So much magic needed somewhere to go, and he could feel it running along his skin, sinking into his flesh.
His head ached, throbbing where it had connected with the harsh stone, when he had been thrown back, his back arched against the stone wall and he could taste the magic on his tongue.
Panic wrapped itself around his mind, and all he could do was stare into the emerald eyes that danced with a green light that wasn't human. It was getting harder to breath as the hand, cool almost calming, pressed lightly against his chest, contrasting with the choking magic hot and burning as it wrapped around him, forced itself with in him.
White seared across the back of his eyes as Harry tried to blink, his mouth dry and open trying to gasp in air, thick and intense with magic.
He could feel everything within him constricting as if trying to collapse like the stone statues along the corridor had, too much magic. Trying to hide from the force being pushed upon it, like two similar charges, he had nowhere to go. Bile rose in his throat, tears in his eyes.
His whole body ached, he could feel his magic rebel within him, trying to pull everything into a central core, as small as it could go. His head felt full as if it would burst and the dull pounding had spread a thousand fold through out his entire skull, throbbing in one with his body.
Pain as his bones protested.
His skin felt on fire.
He couldn't even struggle.
And the magic.
The magic sang through his veins.
Tearing into him.
"Severus." A quiet hiss, desperate. Anything to make the pain stop.
Numbness.
Harry blinked, breathed and almost collapsed as the cool hand to his chest was removed and the shorter boy holding him up took a step back, eyes narrowed suspiciously.
"Answer me Potter. What are you doing here?"
Harry tried to think, order and straighten out his mind after being so suddenly released from its ordeal, what was happening? What was the question?
Thoughts and answers slipped through his fingers as he tried desperately to grasp one that would be able to be spluttered out from between numb lips and constricted throat.
"You…" The word was like liquid pain spilling from his tortured self and he slid to the ground, the stones cold against his sweat drenched robes. Fingertips resting on the rough rock, glad to be able to feel anything apart from what had been broiling within him.
"Answer me Potter." The voice was a command and Harry looked up to see the man standing there as if nothing had happened.
Human.
He watched the emerald eyes cloud.
And he lunged forward just in time to catch the other as he fell.
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