SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY UPDATES WILL ONCE AGAIN BE MONTHLY!
A/N: I know you are all probably wondering how many more plot twists I can stick into this without making it into one big untidy knot, and I can tell you (with an evil laugh) that the title says it all.
I know our Harry/Severus relationship has suffered due to plot and explanations, the Dursley's have been kept waiting for so long while I've ranted and raved, and the Dark Lord hasn't had any fun for a while, but do not worry faithful readers, it will hopefully all move on a little faster from now on.
Disclaimer + Warnings: See first few chapters.
Short Version:
THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING AND PATIENCE!
Long Verions:
I want to thank Echo of the Insane, mis-HD and Enemywithin7 who understand the suckiness of RL and have experienced my plight of no technology.
Thanks bewittching! (and I hope you made it in time) And many thanks to my faithful Dark-Lady-Devinity, Dea Puella (yes godd is now the new good. Bwahahahahaa!), DestinyEntwinements (Oo o.O 0), cdkobasiuk, and Iago96, who have yet to abandon me.
And to new and old readers who reviewed the last few chapters. um…, AnnF (thank you for the spelling help, I always get stuck on those two words ), Terrysfkungfu, and if I missed you I probably didn't get to the net after you reviewed. Sorry! But thank you loads anyway!
I want to thank all those who have also read and haven't bothered to review don't worry, I totally understand, it doesn't matter, as long as you enjoy the fic.
wipes forehead No time for anything else. Any further rants can wait for the next chapter.
Let us continue forth!
A treasure trove of explanations, revelations, relations and smut awaits!
(you saw only the smut part didn't you)
HP
Harry didn't notice the way the corridors disappeared under his feet, the way the students skirted around him. Only when his bedroom door closed behind him did he notice how exhausted he felt. The past few days came crashing down on him, the potions accident, the strenuous acting he had forced himself through, all he had found out about himself, Severus and his friends, especially Draco, their differences, their similarities.
He'd been forced to confront much of what he'd hidden from himself, had been forced to watch while his secrets had revealed themselves to the potions master. Had been forced to watch the man go through some of the most painful experiences Harry wouldn't wish on anyone, but had accidentally roped the man into.
Unbuttoning the clothes he had dressed the man up in, the white shirt he hadn't had time to change, the black pants and clinging boots, he wandered into the bathroom. The potions professor stared back at him and Harry watched the man frown at him. His eyes held weariness, his body didn't hold itself up in the intimidating and towering way it usually did.
Hands hung lifelessly at his sides.
The fiery presence was diminished.
"Are you going to stand there all night love?" Harry jumped back, only to realise it had been the mirror that spoke to him. He had practically dozed off staring at the stranger in the reflection.
"Sorry."
"Don't apologise love, that's why I'm here after all, but you do look tired. I suggest some sleep to get that rosy complexion back on your cheeks." The mirror joked and Harry smiled, he'd need more than sleep to get a rosy complexion on Snapes cheeks. The thought of getting the man flushed took a turn as his mind sunk into the gutter, and he knelt to turn the bath taps on. The sweet smell of rose, and multicoloured bubbles spread out across the water that was slowly rising in the tub.
The water lapped lazily at his finger tips, the steam rose in clouds around him and Harry breathed in the scent. The cold tiles bit into his knees but he remained kneeling on the floor, leaning against the side of the tub for support.
He watched long fingers play in the water, the paleness reflecting with the porcelain tub, made rosey by the pink tinged water. Harry couldn't help the images that filled his mind, like the water slowly rising in the tub. He glanced over his shoulder at the reflection in the mirror, the man playing lazily with the bathwater sent a look over his pale, but strong shoulder back at him.
Harry swallowed, feeling guilty, looking quickly away from the mirror and rising, with his back to the reflection. Twisting the taps off, he stepped in to the tub, letting the water rise as he sunk into it, the warmth envelop him. The scent of rose clung to the air and he breathed it in as he sunk deeper.
Exhaustion played across his mind as his thoughts strayed, the taut pale skin of the mans stomach disappeared under his wandering fingers.
SS
Severus stared at the wall of the small room he was in, all that had been revealed flooded through his mind. Potter had control of raw magic, of wandless magic, there was an organization that could have been linked with the dark lord, manipulating and controlling students, Draco knew of what he went through but still cared, the blonde and Granger had obviously grown closer together in such a short time, relying on each other during this trying period, worrying about those they cared for, waiting for a war to start. And Potter… his mind skimmed over the last few days. Potter held so many secrets, so many puzzle pieces that didn't fit together.
The stone wall stood coldly, giving away nothing that could help him clear his mind. Turning over he let his eyes run over the chair that Potter had sat in, the presence that he didn't want to admit he had taken comfort from. No one had ever sat beside him, waiting for him to wake, no one had fallen asleep, uncomfortable as they watched over him. Only the headmaster had ever been there on occasion, but usually only to extract the information he needed, before he too returned to his busy schedule. Severus didn't blame him, didn't hold it against him, the man was busy and he didn't want to waste what little time the older man could spare.
But it still felt nice to have someone there.
The voice in his mind agreed with him before it fell silent as his eyes drifted shut on their own accord.
HP
Drops slid from the long raven hair, landing in uneven beats on the bathroom tiles. Harry let his head rest on the rim of the tub, his damp hair draped unceremoniously over the edge. His body relaxed in the warm water, one knee breaking the surface as the steam rose around it.
Water moved around his straying hand, helping the slide of skin on skin as he traced a strong thigh with stained finger tips, his other hand hanging over the edge, water gathering on the end of his fingertips to hang steadily before falling, to accompany the rhythm from his hair.
His mind was wonderfully blank, eyes half shut as he counted the pace of his breath, of the steady drip. A thrill shot through his body and his eyes shot open, his mind catching onto the feeling. The mirror like surface of the fragrant water was broken as he sat up quickly, his hands breaking the surface to grip the edges of the bathtub.
He could feel the heat in his face, the embarrassed flush and the dryness of his mouth. He hadn't been thinking properly.
He caught movement to his left and turned to stare at himself in the mirror, his reflection looked as horrified as he felt. He didn't want to look down, to his full lap, to his thoughtlessness. His reflection looked guilty, the man staring at him was definitely not Snape, but the tilt of the jaw, the damp dark hair so much longer than his own, caught under his chin, a strand almost touching his lips, the smooth skin highlighted by the water droplets running down the pale expanse made the breath catch in his throat.
Severus was defiantly unlike anyone he had ever seen, so different from himself, but so similar. Both were lithe, well muscled, well defined, both scarred. Their differences lay in height, and the golden tan he held from working summers in the garden, while the potions masters alabaster skin was protected by stone walls in damp dungeons. The presence that inhabited each body so different.
Harry tore his eyes away from the reflection, sinking back into the tub. His thoughts weren't helping his problem, and the fact that he couldn't stop his hands from wandering. The rise of the strong pale thighs from the rosey water made swallowing difficult and Harry watched pale fingers glide over escaping water drops, catching them from their descent.
"I shouldn't." Harry almost keened at the way the voice broke from his throat, shattering the silence that held the moment in it's surreal hold. The way the silky voice had dropped, husky tone, the gravel that grated the very base of his nerves.
God's he lusted after the man.
He bit hard into his hand at the admission and the way his other hand had slid beneath the surface at the sound of the voice.
He was very much awake now, aware of everything that was happening, the way his breath hitched in the warm rosey scented steam as he traced the man's inner thigh, the sensitive join of the crotch. The pain where his teeth bit into his palm pulsed in time with the rest of his body, as he gasped between short breaths.
His hand slid from the joint to his crotch, fingers sliding ghost like up the man's erect shaft. Teasing, torturing himself, as his teeth bit harder into his skin, his eyes closing, squeezed shut against the sensation.
He was still fighting himself, he could feel it in the way his chest constricted, the way his fingertips wouldn't commit themselves to more than feather like torturous touches. Skimming up and down the long shaft, behind, up and around, swirling over the tip as he gasped, letting his hips create waves as he tried to push himself into his unwilling hands.
His locked jaw released his abuse hand and he clutched at the rim of the bathtub, wet from the more violent waves as he squirmed.
"Gods I want him." He growled needily. Admitting to himself, letting the world hear his admission. Fingers strong on deprived flesh, and he let out the groan he had kept from spilling from his throat.
"I want him." Water lapped at his chest. His hands worked steadily on his abused flesh.
"Gods do I want him." He let the man's voice, the one he had lusted after for so long talk him into submitting to himself, giving him what he wanted.
"I need him." His voice changed pitch and he felt the admission sear through him. The need he felt was frightening, the feelings rushing through him caught hold of him and he tried to pull away from the confession, tried to pull away from the sensation, opening his eyes he half sat up. Catching the reflection in the mirror, the flushed cheeks, the clouded half closed eyes, the rising chest, panting.
Harry whimpered, letting gravity pull him back into the tub, hand gripping the flesh he had just tried to deny. Squeezing his eyes shut, the reflection playing across his eyelids, his teeth biting into his lip, he came hard into potion stained hands.
He couldn't stop the tears that spilled from his cheeks as he hung over the edge of the tub his breath slowly catching up with him.
He would never be allowed what he wanted, the man whose body he resided in, would never know the utter craving he had for him, the need that he had tried to hide from himself. He didn't deserve anything but the potion master's disgust and hate.
He'd betrayed Severus again.
SS
Severus woke the next morning feeling better than he had in years, the young body he was in was in the flush of full recovery, the lingering pain he had felt from the dark lords dreams had been wiped clean by the excess magic he had been forced through and now, his body having recovered, he could feel the energy literally racing through him. Harry Potter, was a powerful boy.
Severus frowned, what he felt was wasted potential, untrained surges. Flicking his wrist muttering a quick Tempus he was satisfied by the glowing red time he had called upon without his wand. A few quick simple charms without a wand and he had felt surprise as well as satisfaction worm it's way through his mind. The boy had mastered quite a few spells without a wand, and they came easily to Severus. Those the boy hadn't practiced held an untrained difficulty, as if the magic hadn't been shaped properly, as the potion's master tried a few spells he had been capable of in his own body.
So the boy had grasped this opportunity to learn, maybe he wasn't such a lost cause after all. Severus ignored the voice in the back of his mind that held a small amount of pride in it.
Shaking his head he tried one last spell.
"Expecto Potranous." A low command, not a shout of a frightened child, like he had first been when he had called upon the light being. He had perfected this spell, being able to call it into existance with his ability for limited wandless magic, it had taken months of draining practice, but he had forced himself to learn it.
It was his favourite spell.
People believed he had no happy memories, but the moments in his childhood, his memories of his brother were held firmly, tighter due to the darkness that surrounded them. His Potranous often glowed brighter, stronger than those around him, and it was something he always prided himself with.
The light spluttered, turning in on itself and Severus frowned, forcing shape into the light, it swirled into the unclear shape of a stag before twisting and withering to form the shape of another being. Potter's Potranus held the shape of his father, someone he associated strength with, from the stories he had always been told, the glow that had surrounded the deceased man. It had come forth from Severus's command, called by the familiar magic, but hadn't formed its true shape due to the wrong presence of mind. It had changed to form Severus's Potranous, the shape he always associated with his brother, a golden Lion, a true Gryffindor, strength, courage, love.
The lion shook it's mane, seeing it's master was in no danger, disappearing in a dust of gold. Severus smiled, it was only in those moments did he allow himself to remember his brother, he never let himself remember the pain, the betrayal, the last few days of waiting. It was better this way, to hold onto someone he knew, not the stranger the man had become.
"Practicing again?" Severus looked up at the man he treated as a father.
"Perfection can't be gained." The phrase was comfortingly familiar after the past few days, they had traded it back and forth between them for years. The headmaster sat on the edge of his bed, the mask of the eccentric man falling as the bed dipped.
"I'm sorry you have to go through this my boy." Here was the caring man who had almost adopted him when he had arrived at the school. A promise between the man and Severus's great aunt had gained him a position into the prestigious school where halfbloods were still a minority in the schools numbers, and where a bastard son like him, abandoned by his father, had no hope in gaining a place.
"I've been through worse situations." He shrugged. He felt the older man's frown on the top of his head as he picked at the blankets, not looking up. He knew there was something in the air between them that made him nervous, he didn't like surprises coming from this man, father-figure or not.
"You should stop putting yourself into positions where you get caught up in circumstances like this." The older man sighed and Severus smirked.
"Are you sure you aren't confused, you're not talking to Potter here, no matter how much I may look like him."
Albus Dumbledore snorted, raising a sardonic eyebrow.
"I'm not senile yet my boy. And you should know there are many similarities between you and our boy wonder."
Severus smiled. Nobody knew where he had inherited the quick wit and sarcastic demeanour, but he cherished the fractions he saw in the man everyone held on a pedestal, everyone turned to. To him this was the true Dumbledore, an uncanny mix of the senile old man he played, sharp eyes, quick wit, lashing tongue and a look that could send cold fever down your spine, a look Severus could only ever cheaply imitate.
"But there's many other differences."
The quick look sent his way at his words confused him.
"A lot less than you could ever guess. I made too many mistakes on his part as well." A hooded look and Severus could only wonder what was meant. "I came here to ask you about how your potion's going."
The sudden change in subject didn't allow Severus to dwell on what had been said.
"You know I haven't even been able to start looking at the mess the boy created." Severus didn't catch the tired sigh that escaped, and he brushed off the look from the headmaster, finally able to rant about his predicament, after the few hectic days he had been through. "Don't give me that look, you know the situation requires full research, how am I suppose to even get time to catalogue the different effects, the ingredients and their reactants while I'm running after Potter pretending to play the golden Gryffindor?"
"Now boy, calm down."
"Calm down?" Severus could feel the words start to build within him. "How am I suppose to calm down? Not only am I stuck in the boys body, but I have to be forced to play the part, do you know how closely everyone watches this boys movements, if Potter hadn't been there on the few occasions that he was I'd still be stuck in the toad's detention." He could feel everything that he had been through coming to the surface. This man was someone he could always talk to, who he had always unloaded his problems to, asked advice, asked for help. An ear to rant and rave to, and now he was definitely going to use it.
"You don't understand what this boy has to go through. If he didn't have Miss Granger I'm not sure he would be in any shape to even comprehend the meaning of light. Even with all of us looking out for him he somehow manages to slip into dangers hands. That toad was taking blood from him!"
He didn't even pause in his rant at the shocked look the headmaster gave at the news. The man had it coming to him, he expected the boy to be able to work his way out of every small problem, given him the title of the boy-who-lived, yet hadn't seen it fit to set safe guards around such expectations.
Sometimes Severus wondered, no matter how quick and sharp the old man was, no matter how powerful, how he sometimes didn't see the most obvious things, overestimated and made mistakes. But he couldn't hold it against the man, hadn't he made the same mistakes? Overlooked the simple elements in favour of pouring over details. They were human after all.
"He suffers at school, we've all seen how his grades have dropped dramatically. The toad's detentions involve the use of a modified blood quill, not only does it take blood but it carves the words into the writers hand consisting of ludicrous lines, they last half the night until he has completed the ridiculous amount she orders. And his visions are a far cry from the dreams he tells us about."
A lift of the eyebrows, but the older man remained silent.
"You've suspected that he hasn't been telling the truth, but it's worse than that. With the help of Granger, they've kept the severity of his visions secret, it's not only possession by the dark lord but he has also been forced to learn how to produce a potion for the after effects of the Crucio. The boy undergoes almost half a dozen Crucio's during a night of visions, I'm not sure if he is forced to endure more if he doesn't wake, but he feels everything that the Dark Lord puts his victims through."
The man sitting at the end of his bed had paled. Exhaustion, defeat, crept across the old mans visage. Severus knew that look when he saw it, he hadn't witnessed it often but it made him cringe inside. Albus Dumbledore felt he had failed, had betrayed those he cared about. Even Severus felt it when he thought about all the boy had been forced to endure with the rise of the Dark Lord, with no one to help him. They had failed their saviour.
"Why hadn't he come to us for help?" It was a rhetorical question, both knew the answer, having experienced similar situations. Severus had his dark mark to prove it. The headmaster the deep lines around his eyes.
"The boy is strong." Severus found himself saying in order to comfort the man, but he felt the words as well. Potter was stronger than anyone, besides the dark lord, gave him credit for. It was ironic that only the man who wanted to exterminate the boy truly knew his potential.
"Severus," There was a request in the way the tired voice said his name and he knew he couldn't refuse it. "Look after him." Blue eyes pierced through him with the clearness only matched by emerald green. The same request, the promise he still tried to keep to this day.
"I'm trying." He felt exhausted, the conversation had dragged down the mood he had been in this morning. A comforting hand ran through his hair, like it had when he had landed himself in hospital more often than not as a child, and then later on, when the man had had time during the war to visit him after death eater meetings, or failed death eater attacks.
"Lilly would be proud of you."
Severus snorted. Feeling the air lighten as he joked.
"Of the mess I've managed to land myself in?"
The old man chuckled.
"I'm sure she wouldn't be surprised by it Severus. You do have many similarities with her son. You too keep too much to yourself. But now I want to talk to you about your holiday arrangements." The tired man had changed into the jovial personality familiar to most, halfway through his sentences.
"You know of course that you'll be going to spend the holidays with the Dursley's but Harry has brought up an excellent point, about the lack of amenities with which you can conduct your research. Harry also must have a place to stay while you work on the potion as it is impossible for him to stay here during the summer, and your grounds are another problem area. There is a small flat which I have acquired in London, it's muggle in every aspect, minimal magic is to be practiced with in it's walls, and it is 'decked out' in all the latest 'gear'." The old man smiled at the muggle terms, practically glowing with his ability to use them in their proper context.
"And you believe Potter will be safe there?" Severus felt a little apprehensive, especially with the choice of words the headmaster had used. 'Acquired' indeed.
"All wards and protections have been placed to safe guard it, there is no floo system or any means of contact besides muggle mail which is also warded and charmed. There are anti-tracing and anti-detection charms in place. It should be visible only to muggles and those programmed into the wards."
"Muggles?" Severus didn't feel the apprehension abate.
"Of course my dear boy." The man grinned, "It is as muggle as it can get, virtually untraceable their wonderful gadgets and lifestyle."
Severus felt the very idea grate against his being. Hadn't he worked his whole life to lift him from the rut his half blood had sunk him into?
"And what of my potions?" Severus felt his voice hold a trace of annoyance and frustration. He had never enjoyed the summer holidays, but he suspected this would be one of the worse yet.
"Once inside the house, there is a lower level, a basement where the wards of the house protect the wards that protect the magical signature, in doing so shielding magic with magic through muggle ingenious."
Severus let the sentence tangle together in his mind. He knew the man loved playing with words, and he didn't feel up to interpreting them this morning.
The man chuckled as he sensed defeat.
"Don't worry, I'll organise that you are to spend the first few weeks with the Durlsey's in order to create an illusion of your stay there, and then you will have the rest of the holidays free to work on this small problem."
"And of ingredients, library, research material?"
"As long as you take Mr Potter with you and are mindful of wandering eyes and wagging tongues you are free to go where you please. Just be careful." There was a serious edge to the mans voice to which Severus payed heed. These were no times to be liberal with freedoms.
"And what of Potter?" Severus found himself asking.
"The apartment provides most muggle facilities, the boy is quite familiar with them, and I'll check in on him every now and the-"
A burst of flame erupted above their heads to which neither man jumped, having grown used to the sudden comings and goings of the Phoenix. The bird trilled urgently and Severus watched the old man's face run through a number of changes in a matter of split moments.
"I've been called my boy, an urgent request, I'll be gone a few days, inform Harry of the arrangements, tell him that transport to the apartment is all arranged. I shall see you during the holidays." Distracted the man slid from the bed, disappearing without a good bye. Severus stared at the spot where the bird and the man had been.
It must have been serious if the headmaster wouldn't appear at the end of year feast in the next few days. It would be a critical moment to ease the rising fear of the Dark Lord's return, and if he didn't appear Severus didn't want to know of the repercussions.
It would be a dark start to the summer holidays.