A/N: Yep next update sometime next month (not inculding ch 18)
Enjoy this little chapter.
SS
Severus slammed the door open, and he noticed with small satisfaction that he had startled the boy who had been reading a textbook, some parchment sprawled beside him.
"Are you as dim-witted and brain dead as I first thought you were! What were you thinking boy! And in my body!"
The confusion on the boys face was almost comical, before it sunk into panic as he jumped up. Severus felt pleased that he could still garner such a reaction in this body. Although the horrified look he was receiving was a little over dramatic even for Potter.
"I can explain!" Severus noticed the quiver in the voice, which only helped to lift the sharp eyebrow further up, into one of his famous glares.
"This had better be good Potter, if anyone finds out…" He trailed of menacingly, now a little uncertain of the utter alarm that played on the pale features.
"They wont! I didn't mean too. I just… it just happened, you weren't meant to find out."
"I wasn't meant to find out? What gives you the right to place both our lives in danger like that."
"I don't have any right but I-" The boy stopped mid sentence, confusion and wary relief replacing the panic in his eyes. "danger?"
"You think revealing such information about this mess to Draco and Ms Granger wouldn't place us in any danger? I overheard them, what makes you think others haven't heard them? The more the information spreads, the more likely the Dark Lord will find out." There was a dawning on the boys face and Severus frowned.
"I didn't tell Hermione or Malfoy anything. The only times I've spoken with them have been when you've been in the room with me."
Severus paused.
"The girl said you had told her about this." He indicated at himself and Harry.
"I haven't said anything." The renewed confusion in the boys voice trailed off. "Did she say exactly that?"
"She… no." Severus felt the prick of embarrassment, maybe he had misheard, and now he had dragged Potter into it. "She mentioned that we've been acting a little different, mainly you, and that we had picked up each other's mannerisms, that there was evidence for something…"
"Did she mention anything particular?"
"She's told Draco about your change in character in these last few weeks. The way we looked at each other."
"Oh." The confusion had disappeared to be replaced by apprehension. "She's probably told Draco that I'm… attracted to the same sex, probably thinks that because we've been acting similar that you're… the same" The boy waved his hand as a way of explanation, not willing to say the words out loud.
"gay?" Severus smirked at the way the boy squirmed as he said the word in a slow drawl. "And for what purpose would she wish to find out if I too held an attraction for the same sex? Besides, Draco is well aware of my sexuality."
The words were purposefully vague, and he could see the way the boy had caught the vagueness. He smirked at his questioning look, and the obsidian eyes shifted from his emerald green, a flush painted on the pale cheeks, before the younger cleared his throat.
"We could always ask them."
"And here I always questioned your intelligence Potter." The sarcasm was clear. "What was your plan? Walk up and ask the girl why she's interested in her potion professors sexuality?"
"Well… why not? You could do it." Severus barely resisted rolling his eyes at the suggestion, instead he lifted an unimpressed eyebrow, drilling the boy with his stare.
"Think Potter, what else might she have been talking about?"
"I don't know." The boy wouldn't look at him, shifting agitatedly under his gaze. He wouldn't meet his eyes and Severus filed that under something to be regarded later, hadn't the boy always glare back just to spite him?
"I haven't exactly been myself these past few days."
Severus blinked. Had he revealed something to the know-it-all? Skimming quickly over the few times he had been with the girl, something sprung into his mind. That afternoon, folded in the roots of the tree, warmed by the sun reflecting off the lake.
"She thinks I like you." He mused out loud. "I mean, you are interested in me." He frowned. "Potter fancies Snape." The words jarred in the silence, and the horror that flashed across obsidian eyes pitched Severus's stomach into the bowels of the earth. He hadn't thought about the boys reaction when he had said the words out loud, hadn't recognised the small flicker of hope at the possibility, that was crushed with that single look. Wincing he let the sneer he was so famous for lift his lips.
"She has quite the imagination, an absurd notion." He couldn't believe he had even considered the outrageous idea that the boy may hold anything but disregard for him. The small voice protested but he strangled it harshly with his next words. "Perhaps she should look a little closer at the facts she is so fond of. Golden Gryffindor's don't fancy big bad death eaters." He mocked. "And what would I do with a small minded, narcissistic, little boy?" He saw pain flicker in the eyes of the other. It hurt to be belittled didn't it? Severus smirked, trying to feel the glow of victory, instead the crushed voice reminded him of the small hope that had been trampled.
He did not feel anything for Lilly Evan's son.
So why was he trying to hurt the boy?
What was he afraid of?
HP
Harry reeled at the words.
His head felt full, his body numb and he tried to breath without gasping. Grinding his jaw together, trying hard not to let the stinging in his eyes show the man just how much those words had hurt.
All the small flickers of hope he had somehow allowed himself to kindle, the small fantasies that the mind had supplied, the thought that maybe they had grown at least a little closer together during this time, that maybe the man could feel anything but dislike for him were crushed.
In its place sat a cold numbness at the pit of his stomach, self-disgust that he had even let the small voice in the back of his mind fool himself, that there could be anything but that edginess and tenseness that there had always been between them.
He swallowed his pain.
"She's always been a romantic, probably thinks that being stuck with you these last few days has made me fall head over heels in love with you." Harry let out a sharp barking laugh. "As if anyone could think of anything else apart of how to avoid you and your miserly being, while forced to endure your presence." Harry felt the words like poison on his tongue as he spat them out. Not only did he see the pain flicker in the green eyes, before it was quickly pushed away, but he felt the words sting him as well, adding to the pain the other had caused.
But he couldn't take back what he had said, he hurt too much, wanted to see the other hurt as well, all the while wanting to apologise and beg for forgiveness. Stumbling from the room before the man could see the bitter tears that had escaped the corners of his eyes, he locked himself in his room, managing to gasp out a silencing charm on the door before his bed caught him, and the sobs that broke from his chest.
SS
Severus sat silent, holding his breath. The boys words echoed in the room around him, he had heard the pain behind the attack, had felt their stinging effect, but what dug into him more was his own conscience. He had really hurt the boy, he didn't see how the words could really have effected him that much, he had insulted the boy worse before, ranging from insolent Gryffindor to references to his father, getting him worked up during Occlumency lessons. His brow furrowed. The boys was suppose to be stronger than that.
But..
But, maybe there was some truth to the idea, maybe the boy did feel something for him, whispered the small voice in the back of his head.
He snorted, swatting it away. This needed to be looked at objectively, impartially, needed to be quelled before it grew into the drama it was becoming. If Potter felt anything for him it was nothing more than a school yard crush.
The boy had revealed his sexuality to him, maybe he felt safe in the knowledge that Severus would never react to the crushing teen, that he was allowed his first crush to be conducted in safety. Not only that, they had been spending more time together, they even lived together, they had conversed, exchanged quick wit that he hadn't had the chance to with others except the headmaster. If he was forced to admit it he would even say that he had enjoyed the boy's company.
And that's where it had become a problem. He had managed to hurt someone else by letting them get close. It was a lesson he was doomed to keep repeating, one he had thought he had learned.
Frowning Severus rubbed his eyes, it would be easier for everyone if the boy didn't have a crush on him. It would complicate things to the extreme. He didn't let the small voice talk him into rebuilding the crushed hope, the small flicker of satisfaction that at least someone found him attractive. Whether or not the boy had a crush on him, Severus could not respond to it.
And that was his final decision.
Harry Potter was a fifteen year old teenager, and no matter how world weary, no matter how much he had seen, knowledge could not be compared to wisdom and experience. And the two only came with age. Severus let the voice of reason sooth over him. Besides, hormone driven boys were easily swayed from one crush to the next, he was only the flavour of the moment as he was paying the most attention to the boy. Hadn't he seen how emotionally driven the boy had just been?
The boy was confused that was all, and in his confusion he had clung to Severus.
Simple reasoning had cleared so much out of his mind, and it made him see that in his own desperation, his own denial he had hurt the boy. It hadn't been the boys fault he had reacted like that, although there was something about Potter that always tended to bring out the worst in him.
But what if Potter didn't have any sort of infatuation with him? How could he combat something if he wasn't sure of it's authenticity?
Slowly rising, pausing beside the boys bedroom, listening to the magic silence behind the wooden door, he moved on.
He would have to find out the truth.
Moving through the cleaning routine without thinking, crawling into bed, and sinking beneath the covers. It was a long time before sleep came to him, and he could image only soft sobs creeping from under his bathroom door.
The truth…
Maybe that's what he was afraid of.
HP
"Mister Harry Potter must wake! He has slept for much of the day, the Leaving Feast will soon begin. He must not be late for that." A voice squeaked desperately in his ear and Harry woke, his eyes aching from last night, his nose red and the clinging exhaustion of someone who has cried themselves to sleep hanging heavy over his head.
"Evening already?" He blinked at the unclear shape of the house elf that always accompanied the voice.
"Yes yes, Dobby tried to wake you earlier, but Mister Snape said let Mister Harry sleep. So Dobby did."
"Thank you Dobby." Harry frowned at the mention of Snape, but brushed it aside.
"It is a pleasure Mister Harry." The house elf disappeared with one last hug of the boy-who-lived.
Pulling himself slowly out of bed, Harry padded toward the bathroom, hearing sighing from behind the door.
Sudden panic ran through him as he realised he hadn't placed a silencing charm on the bathroom door, only on the other door. If Severus had been listening he would have heard him crying early into the morning. He hoped the man had been too caught up in his own world to have heard anything. The noises behind the door fell silent and Harry cautiously tried the handle.
It moved, and he let himself into the empty bathroom, there was no fog on the mirror, nothing looked like it had been used recently. So what had been making sounds?
"Good morning love." Harry jumped, but realised, a little annoyed, that it was only the mirror. "Why don't you give your face a quick cold wash, it'll make you feel a lot better, and it's good for the skin too. Did you know-" The mirror continued to talk as he ignored it, splashing cold water onto his face, running a comb through the silky hair.
"-pores. It's been medically approved and only-"
He closed the door on the still chattering mirror.
Stepping out into the living room, he realised he had tensed for a confrontation with the older man, but let his muscles relax as the room revealed no one there. Only the parchment he had left yesterday and the textbook which lay open at the page he had abandoned it at, showed any sign that the room was lived in.
Letting himself down into the chair he glanced at the parchment, it had been his potions essay that he had worked so hard on with Hermione, and now that he had had the limited experience and the knowledge he had gained from marking all those other essays, he had gone to work on it. Hermione had almost perfected it with him, but there had been a few sections he had wanted to change.
He hadn't reread it because he wanted to impress Snape, it had been because it was something familiar, something simple he could loose himself in as he waited for the last few days to drag by. Looking closer he realised there was red scribbling, different from his own handwriting, but still recognizable.
Blinking he unrolled the rest of the parchment, feeling bewilderment at the A- scrawled in red, the comment, By far your best essay yet Potter, maybe you are not such a lost cause after all at the end.
Giddiness spiralled through him so suddenly he had to sit back.
He stared at the sentence, re-reading it hurriedly.
This was an apology!
Grinning Harry rolled up the parchment, the Snape he had known before this accident, would never have apologised to the Gryffindor brat. The man may have said those things, but he hadn't really meant them, or even if he had, he had apologised!
Harry couldn't help the smile that tried to stretch his thin lips, while his chest constricted and he had to fight the urge to hug himself.
Maybe there was hope.
Maybe this wasn't such a lost cause, he grinned mirroring the words written in red ink.
Pulling back the dark hair and tightening it with the ribbon Hermione had given him, he let himself believe in small miracles. And headed to the Great Hall for the last meal he would have at the head table, before the first summer holidays without the Dursley's.
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Yes, after everything, things were looking up.
A/N: Thought I'd leave it here, on a happy note full of expectations.