AN: Alright, I'm skipping to their sixth year now. I'd write more about fifth/fourth year, except I want the final bit to happen either at the end of sixth or seventh year, and I don't think I have enough ideas to write about their fifth year, too. This chapter's going to be about what's happened to people since fourth year, mostly James as he's undergone the largest change.

Chapter 6: Depressed

James' POV:

It's been a couple years since Lily and Sirius got together.

Sirius and I are back on speaking terms, and the ache in my chest has lessened.

Still, whenever I see them holding hands, or snogging, my stomach gives an awful lurch, and my ache surfaces. It also tends to surface if I see Lily or hear her name. I've started eating less so I don't throw up.

I don't think Sirius has really noticed a change in me. He mostly spends time with Moony, Wormtail, and Lily. I try to avoid him. Even though we're back on speaking terms, I don't particularly want to talk to him, as the few times I've tried he's brought up the topic of Lily in the first ten seconds. On those occasions I felt like shouting, "Look, Sirius, that really doesn't help!" Not that he'd care.

Moony and Wormtail have noticed, though. Moony's always trying to feed me more at meals, which I grudgingly accept, and Wormtail has tried to get me to perform various pranks with him. But I'm more subdued than I used to be, so I don't help with the pranks.

The teachers have noticed my improved schoolwork and quietness. They know something's up, but I evade their questions.

Other classmates wondered what had happened for a few days until Sirius started joking around again. At first, they figured we had merely had a row; later, I think they just accepted the fact that I'm not the James I used to be. I don't think they even remember the old James anymore.

I'm not sure if Lily has noticed. I try to avoid her, in the hope that if I see less of her, I'll feel better.

It helps until I see her again, and then I feel worse.

Lily's POV:

I love Sirius.

I've been so happy since that first kiss. Sirius is wonderful.

Still, I can't help noticing what I've done to James. I think I might have broken his spirit when I… well… yeah.

James doesn't get asked out anymore. That's one of the weirdest parts. I don't think anyone even notices he exists. Well, Remus and Peter do, but he doesn't strive to be the center of attention anymore.

He's gotten skinnier, if that could be possible. He's not starving himself, but I think he might have almost lost the will to live; he's probably only not starving himself because Remus is always forcing food on him.

He's not a git anymore, but surprisingly I miss the old James. This one just sits and stares, or studies. He doesn't talk. I'd rather have a James that's a git than a James that's a zombie.

It doesn't help that he isn't sleeping well either. Remus tells me that James often stays down in the common room working for hours, and then when he finally comes up to the dormitories, it takes him ages to fall asleep. From lack of food, sleep, and smiles, he's developed a haunted look, that shouldn't be seen on a 50 year old, let alone an almost 17 year old. He doesn't even mess up his hair anymore.

I'd do anything to get the old James back.

Sirius' POV:

I am the luckiest person at Hogwarts.

I have a beautiful, smart, caring, wonderful girlfriend, two best mates, and am the most popular person in the school.

Sometimes I feel sorry that James is feeling so miserable, but I don't remember him, or see him, most of the time. I think he tries to avoid me.

Remus' POV:

I hate Lily Evans.

No, I take that back. I don't hate Lily. We're friends, but I try to stay away from the subject of James when I'm talking to her. Of course, she brings it up sometimes, and I answer as quickly as possible and then turn the subject away from him. Because that's the aspect of her that I dislike.

She's driven James into a depression that there is almost certainly no cure for. I keep him alive by forcing food on him and interesting him in his schoolwork, which seems to help until he sees Lily again, which happens frequently. I don't think he's smiled in months.

It feels like he's digging himself into a deep pit of despair, and I keep having to pour dirt back in to bring him back to normal. But despite my efforts, it keeps getting deeper and deeper.

Wormtail tries to help too, but I don't think he really understands what Lily meant to James. He's tried telling James to "get over it," but of course, love doesn't work that way, and I think Wormtail's comments have only deepened the pit.

So, Lily, if you can hear my thoughts, know that you've done something horrible to James, and I despise you for it. And depending on what you do, I may always despise you.

AN: Poor James! This part was easiest to write so far – I know what it's liked to be turned down by the person you love. Of course, I didn't get depressed, but it helps that I was only at the same school for a year and that afterwards, I moved across the country. Still, my stomach does lurch when I think of him, so I can identify with James a little bit. (And Maia, you have one guess as to which school he was from). And yes, I know, Sirius isn't being very nice. My point was to have him turn into James a bit, and I think I achieved that.

Thoughts?