She wasn't sure how he did it, but one minute he was in the mirror, and the next…the next he was standing next to her.
Neat.
Bo looked him up and down. He was averaged sized (though she couldn't exactly judge; she was tall, it couldn't be denied), with a very relaxed posture. She couldn't explain it, but something told her he was trying especially hard to look cool for her. She didn't know why. She hadn't met him before.
But in the same strange way, she got the feeling that he was safe. Not bad, not necessarily good, but…safe.
Which, Bo reasoned to herself, was a very good reason why she hadn't already screamed blue fucking murder. The thought struck her funny and she laughed again.
"What's so hilarious, kid?" Beetlejuice asked.
"You're shorter in person." Bo never missed beats.
But suddenly, she realized she would have to eat her words. Beetlejuice was suddenly growing, over her head, touching the ceiling.
"This tall enough for you?" he called down from eight feet. He leered down at her triumphantly, obviously hoping to freak her out, expecting any moment for her to scream her head off.
She laughed and clapped her hands.
Christ on a sandwich. Beetlejuice scratched his head. She's hard to scare.
He came back down to his normal height, feeling somewhat deflated by the strange girl and her lack of a fight-or-flight response.
Lydia didn't scare easily either. A little voice bantered back and forth in Beetlejuice's head. He whacked it away. This chick wasn't Lydia. She didn't look like her, she didn't smell like her, didn't even retain some her basic habits. Lydia's room was a fucking pigsty. This girl kept everything orderly and clean. The bed was made, the floor was clear, and the room smelled light and flowery, like clean laundry.
Fucking disgusting.
He growled a bit and said, "You don't get worked up that much, do ya, kid?"
She looked thoughtful. "I guess not." Bo furrowed her brow even deeper. "It just doesn't make sense, if you think about it, being afraid. I mean, it doesn't help anything. You can't get things done when you're about to shit your pants. There are times when you just…don't have the time to be afraid."
Beetlejuice scoffed. "Jesus, who are you, Plato?"
Bo smiled. "Why, do you know him?"
"Fucker owes me twenty bucks."
Bo laughed again.
And something in Beetlejuice's heart warmed every time she did that. Must've been the burritos. Because he really didn't like the thought of getting attached to this broad. He really, really didn't.
But crap, she was cute when she laughed.
"Hey, babes." He suddenly remembered she was standing in front of him. "What've you got planned tonight?"
She was already turning away from him, absent-mindedly rearranging some titles in the bookshelf. "I figured I'd just read again."
"You like to read?"
"Love it." Bo laughed. "My family moves around a lot, so there's always that period of time where I'm not settled, and I don't know anybody. So, when that's going on"-- here she held out a book—"I read."
"Babes, that's the most depressing shit I've ever heard."
Bo looked contemplative. "You think? I think so, too."
Beetlejuice stared. "You're too young for this. You should be out doing jello shots in some dumbass kid's garage."
"Well, I like the green kind, if that helps."
Beetlejuice shook his head. "Alright, I wasn't going to do this, but since you're beginning to bum me out beyond mortal comprehension—which, heh heh, I happen to have surpassed about 600 years ago—I'm taking you to the Neitherworld."
Now it was Bo's turn to stare. "You don't even know my name."
"So?"
"Well, if you're going to hold me for ransom, it would probably be in your best interest to ask my name. You know, to make things smoother."
"If I was going to kidnap you and hold you for ransom, why would you want to make things smoother for me? Dumbass?"
He had her there.
"My name's Bo." Bo smiled.
"Bo."
"Yeah, Bo. You know, like…BAAAAAHHH." She bleated like a sheep. "It's short for Beatrice. So how do we get to the Neitherworld?" She suddenly looked excited.
"Say the magic B-word, babes."
"Three times?"
"Three."
Bo took a deep breath. "Bo! Bo! Bo!"
Beetlejuice shut his eyes. "Wrong B-word, kid."
"Oh. Heh." She blushed. "I just thought…you know….because we were talking about my name--"
"Just say it!"
"—Okay. Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!"
And then the lights flashed.
It looked dismal. The sky was a dark, eerie orange color, and they were standing on a narrow road with no railing whatsoever…Bo really didn't want to look over the side. Falling would be unpleasant. And picturing it wasn't much better. There was also a rank smell, like a mixture of earth and bodies and death and bugs all rolled into one.
She loved it.
She turned to BJ. "So this is the Neitherworld. It's not…"
"It's not what, babes?"
Bo looked around more. "It's not as horrifying as I expected. Somehow, I was expecting some terror torn from the underside of the night, or something like that."
Beetlejuice smirked. "What, like, THIS?" And he turned into Freddy Kreuger, complete with claws and all.
Bo laughed and tilted her head to the side. "I was thinking more Takako Fuji's character from The Grudge. Or maybe Courtney Love. But that's pretty good, too. It shows you're old-school." She patted him on the shoulder and walked a little down the road, leaving Beetlejuice muttering to himself.
He caught up with her, floating. "Alright, alright, so classic horror movie monsters don't scare you. But believe me, babes, the Neitherworld ain't for the squeamish. There are things here that a breather like you shouldn't see." His eyes grew dark. "I've encountered some shit where I thanked God I was already dead, cause the fright would've done me in otherwise."
Bo leaned into him interestedly. "Ooh, like what?'
"Like…like…OW!" Beetlejuice looked down to see a cat biting his ankles.
Bo was trying not to smile with great, great difficulty. "Like something of the feline persuasion?"
"Goddammit, this little shit's been following me for a week!" He kicked the cat off the side of the road, where it fell through the black abyss.
"Beetlejuice! You probably killed him!"
BJ turned to look at her. Narrowed his eyes.
"Well, I mean…didn't that hurt?" Bo asked timidly.
"It'll put hair on his chest. Come on, I'm gonna show you the roadhouse."
Bo wasn't even going to ask.
They walked through the roadhouse door, and BJ hoped to hell that Ginger would be off bugging someone else. The girl may take well to giants and Freddy Kreuger, but a life-size spider would be enough to freak anyone out. He didn't relish the thought of having to calm her the hell down—unless the calming process involved some clothing removal and a good old-fashioned roll in the hay. And Beetlejuice had the nagging suspicion that Bo wouldn't recognize a pass if he whipped out a pigskin and told her to go long. So the good old "comfort then screw" strategy would probably just turn into "comfort"…and who the hell wants to deal with a hysterical chick when there's no compensation afterwards?
She wouldn't get scared, anyway. You know that. You spent enough time with Lydia to know that. The voice wouldn't go away, no matter how many times Beetlejuice kept telling himself that the bumbling chick walking in front of him was NOT LYDIA.
They walked into what was probably once the living room. Time changes that, Beetlejuice thought with a smirk, then a hint of sadness. It hadn't been the same without Lyds. The roadhouse used to always be in the state of either accommodating Lydia, or waiting to accommodate her. It used to be filled with her smell, with her photos, and just a hint of her laughter echoing around the rooms…and now…
Now… emptiness. It really wasn't a living room at all.
Trying to bring himself out of his cosmic funk, BJ turned to Bo and said, "Wanna see something cool?"
"I'd love to see something cool!"
"Alright, kid, I'll show ya."
He led her to the garage, where he kept Doomie. He flipped on the light, illuminating the bright green car.
As the light hit the vehicle, its own lights turned on, the engine revved, and the car…opened its eyes.
And saw Bo.
"BEEP BEEEEEEP!" Doomie honked triumphantly, zooming over to Bo, trying to get her into what looked like a hug.
"Jesus Christ!" BJ looked thrown. "Forget to check the oil and the car goes into fucking withdrawal!"
Bo said, still laughing, "I guess the car is a bit starved for attention, then?"
Or it remembers her. Slap, slap.
"Yeah, probably."