Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, have any relation to Gundam Wing, have no permission from those who created Gundam Wing to write this. This is purely for fun, to waste time, and to make other people happy reading and to spread the joy of slashy literature to all those poor unenlightened Fellow Man out there. I am making no profit from this.
Pairings: 2x1x2, side pairing 3x4
Summary: Heero was perfectly happy as a workaholic recluse, but then Quatre declared War on him and suddenly there's a sugar-high American at his door, messing up the house and showing him that maybe, he hadn't been that happy after all...
Roommate: Unwanted
Chapter Four: The First Attack
Smoke. It was smoke, there was no mistaking that smell -- which meant something had gone wrong. Odin always said smokescreens were unreliable, amateurish, and only to be used as a last resort, and even then never on its own. But here it was now, and it was everywhere, encompassing, opaque, and he couldn't breathe, couldn't see.
There was someone in front of him, shaking him. He was choking to death, about to be killed, and he couldn't even see his attacker, only the unforgiving smoke.
And then he was drenched with ice-cold water.
Heero shot up with an inarticulate yell, sputtering, goosebumps exploding over his skin. Water had gotten up his nasal passages and into his eyes and it hurt, his bed sheets and clothes were soaking, and it felt like Antarctica in his bedroom.
His bedroom?
Ah. Then it was a dream. Or rather, a warped memory…
Then why was he wet? With freezing water, to boot… and why did he still smell smoke?
The door was open, and wide purple eyes were peeking over the doorframe. Heero pushed his dripping bangs out of his face and glared for all he was worth.
"Maxwell! Why is my door open, why are you looking in, why am I wet and what the hell is that smell?" he demanded furiously.
Let it be known that Heero Yuy was not a morning person.
Also let it be known that he could be very eloquent when he was pissed.
"Er." A hand appeared in the doorway, a bucket dangling from it. Drops of water sauntered their way down the plastic side and dripped mockingly at him onto the floor. "You weren't waking up… and you were thrashing in your sleep. I tried to shake you awake, but you got this really scary look on your face so I decided to try something else…"
"A bucket of ice water?"
"Uh, isn't that what everyone does when they want to wake an unwakeable person up?"
Heero stared. His teeth chattered.
"Is that a no?"
Something else caught his attention then. That bucket… looked familiar. Dread and the beginnings of nausea crept over him. "Where did you get that?" he demanded, pointing.
Duo looked down. "Oh, this? It was in the kitchen, under the sink – Heero?"
The Japanese man had turned pale. In an instant he dove out of bed and bolted into the bathroom. The shower was turned on full-blast a second later. Duo hesitantly meandered over to the open bathroom door and peered in. Heero stood under the shower, clothes and all, shivering as he waited for the heater to kick in. He was taking gulps of water as well, rinsing his mouth and spitting it out.
The water must have warmed up then, because Heero started pulling off his clothes, oblivious or just ignoring Duo's presence. Duo watched as the shirt came off, revealing nicely toned arms and shoulders and a firm six-pack -- Heero wasn't overly muscled, but nice and lean… then his brain caught up and he let out an undignified squeak as he spun around, so that he was facing the bedroom.
"Er – Heero? You might want to keep your clothes on --"
"With them dripping wet, so that I can get a chill, fall ill, and die, and you can take over my apartment? No."
"Well, it's just --"
"Do you have any idea what I use that bucket for? I once stored a decomposing rat inside to observe its decay. Now -- if I recall correctly, there should have been a liquid --"
"Yeah, there was some water-like stuff in it. Is it acid? It kinda exploded."
"No, it's not acid, it was -- wait. What?"
Duo winced. "I thought it was water! You know -- to collect drops from a leaking pipe or something. You shouldn't have kept it under the sink."
Heero's voice was murderously quiet behind him. "Would you please get back to the 'it kinda exploded' part?"
"Uh -- that would be the fire in the kitchen. This would be where the bucket comes in, since I was trying to put it out. Well -- I hope I put it out, anyway --"
"You hope?"
"I was, um, afraid of getting my hair burnt so I ran after tossing the water somewhere into the smoke in the general direction of the stove. My aim's pretty good though, so I think the water made it --"
A blur hurtling past him and through the open bedroom door cut him off mid-sentence. Duo blinked, then peeked into the bathroom to look. No Heero. Then that blur just now must have been his new roommate… wow. He sure did move fast.
"Maxwell!" came a horrified yell.
Shit. Duo hesitantly made his way to the kitchen he had just recently vacated and halted in the doorframe. Heero was standing just a little further in front, back to Duo. Water droplets dripped off his hair and onto the smooth skin of his back, where they glimmered in the hazy light. He really did have a very nice body. Toned and leanly muscled. He'd noticed it just now, and he was noticing it now again. Nice.
Duo was very glad that the only thing Heero was wearing was a towel low around his waist -- pity he had the time to even grab one…
All this was from a purely objective view, of course, as a connoisseur of such things. He wasn't interested in a relationship, physical or otherwise, just the view.
And what a view…
He firmly told the lecherous bunny in his head to shut up, and stop licking its lips. There were more important matters to deal with, and they required a delicate touch.
The fire on the stove was burning out already, flickering pathetically on top of the charred remains of quite a large percentage of the cookable foodstuffs that used to be in Heero's kitchen. Well -- Duo had taken them out and seen them in their original glory, so he knew what the mess was made of, but he really didn't think Heero could tell from looking. The other counters and table were covered in the rest of the cookable foodstuffs in Heero's kitchen, and most other non-cookable foodstuffs, too. All in the vicinity of the stove was black, and smoke was still eddying around in the kitchen.
Good thing he hasn't finished his bath, because he's going to need another one to get rid of the smoke smell and grit… Duo mused, idly watching an intrepid droplet freefall from a dark clump of hair to Heero's right shoulder blade, and from there bravely venture its way to the small of Heero's back, collecting comrades along the way, and the whole party continued down… into the shadowed beyond. He swallowed, and reluctantly tore his eyes away.
No, bunny-boy. No jumping the nice man.
Aww. Why not?
Mostly because the nice man might just murder me on the spot if I did.
Then Heero turned around, and with one look at his face Duo altered that previous thought.
…Actually he might just murder me regardless.
"Let me get this straight," Heero said in an eerily calm voice. "You tried to cook something, and it caught fire. You dumped an explosive chemical on it, and the fire grew. Then you filled a bucket with water, threw it in the general direction of the stove because the smoke was too thick, but then still had time to fill it again with ice water and throw it on me."
Duo laughed nervously and tried not to let the Heero is damn sexy when he's mad thought show on his face. "Always knew you were the kind to take in the whole situation at a glance, eh, Heero?"
"I will rend you from limb to limb."
Duo resisted the urge to take a step back at the scary smile on Heero's face.
"Your eye is twitching, man, that's not good."
"I will enjoy hearing you scream."
Ooh. Now that's kinky.
Duo mentally threw the bunny into the wall. NO he doesn't mean it in that way! He madly scrambled for something else to say.
"Er, ever thought of running the 100-metre dash in the Olympics?"
How is that line any better than mine? the bunny demanded agitatedly. You're an idiot, and you're going to get us both killed. Run you sucker.
I can't! He's faster than I am!
Now it was Heero's hands that were twitching, as if they were itching to wrap around something. Preferably something soft, warm, and connected to both Duo's head and body. The braided man made one last, brave attempt at survival.
"Hey, at least the fire alarm's not gone off, or we'd have firemen to deal with on top of it all, yeah?"
And of course, at that moment…
The alarm went off.
"Uh. Oops?"
"I am going to kill you, Maxwell!"
When the firemen arrived, neighbours assured them that no, the screaming and yelling was not from trapped victims, yes, they were sure, and why yes, it was a fairly common occurrence. They had better wait for the noise to stop before venturing upstairs. It might take some time, though; would they like some tea?
"Ooh, what's that?"
Music began blasting from the speakers.
"Shut that off, Maxwell."
"Ooh, what's that?"
The windshield wipers moved into action.
"Shut that off, Maxwell."
"Ooh, what's that?"
The headlights flared into life.
"Shut that off, Maxwell."
"Ooh – "
"Touchjust one more thing in my car and I will rip that finger off, Maxwell"
Duo raised an innocent eyebrow at him. "But Heero, I was just going to point out that that restaurant to the right, there, makes very good breakfast."
Heero glowered, and made the turn.
The restaurant was done in a futuristic style, with glass walls that allowed the passer-bys and the diners to peer at each other. Duo picked a booth next to the wall, and happily sat down. He beamed and waved at a little kid walking past with her parents. The child stared wide-eyed back at him, then ventured a little smile before the family walked out of sight.
"Little kids are so trusting, aren't they?" Duo grinned at Heero.
He glared back.
"Aw, c'mon, Heero… I promised I'd clean the place up later, and pay for any damages. I'm even paying for this meal! Enjoy your morning out, will ya?"
"I still think I could have made something out of the remaining food --"
"No, you couldn't, unless you want to kill your taste buds and get food poisoning," Duo interrupted. I should know; I made sure of that.
"I could have gone without breakfast."
"And wither away to nothing?" Duo put a hand on his chest and looked properly dramatically horrified. "I promised Quatre to take care of you, milord, and take care of you I shall – my honour demands it!"
Heero's scathing retort about damsels was interrupted by the waiter, who gave them menus. Duo didn't even look at his menu before rattling off a list of food, while Heero flipped through his. When Duo finished his long order, he looked at his new roommate, still browsing through the choices, and sighed. "Make that two sets, please," he told the waiter.
That head of dark brown hair came up sharply and he met those glaring eyes without flinching. Time for the logical, reasonable approach. "I'd like to have breakfast sometime in the next hour," he said calmly. "And as I've eaten here before, I know what's good and what isn't, so you can trust my taste."
The Japanese man eyed him with an unreadable look before settling back in his seat and turning to look outside. Duo beamed and followed suit.
"Hey, Heero, that guy there? Guess what he's doing."
"Standing," Heero said blandly.
Duo made a face at him that Heero caught in the glass, a flicker of illusionary movement. "No, no, that's not what I meant and you know it. Let's see… I say he's waiting for a girlfriend."
"…No. For friends. His actions are more impatient than nervous. Nervous movements are sharper. Jerkier."
"But look at his expression, he's biting his lip, and he's fidgety. That says nervous."
"No, that could mean worry. It could be because he and his friends are going to do something important together and they are going to be late."
"His dressing is casual, and he's not checking over himself like he'd be doing if he were going on a date. I still think…" He trailed off as a car pulled up to the curb, and the guy's face broke into a wide smile as he opened the door. From their position in the restaurant, Heero and Duo could just make out three figures in the car -- two girls and a guy. The teen they were watching greeted the girl in the backseat with a kiss to the cheek.
Duo turned to grin at Heero then. "So we were both right and wrong."
"Hn."
"Now, see that family --- want to take a shot at them? I say the parents are usually great together, but today their nerves seem to be a little stressed, you can tell by the way they're exchanging these little looks…"
Heero, ostensibly watching the family Duo was analysing, was actually watching Duo in the glass. The American was… much more than he seemed, that was for certain. What he really was like, though, was a mystery.
People-watching was a hobby for Heero. It helped in his job, and he rather liked knowing things about people. He was good at it, too; he had a degree in psychology after all. That he couldn't really figure out his new roommate… it rankled.
Very well then.
His new target was Duo Maxwell, and he would find out exactly what the American had to hide.
Duo looked around the kitchen, and had to grin. He had done a pretty good job of wrecking the place, if he did say so himself. The not-acid was a brilliant move -- it had used up most of the food for the fire in one explosion that made the damage look worse than it actually was.
You didn't know it would do that, idiot.
So? It was still a good move.
He poked his head out of the kitchen and checked that Heero's workroom door was closed (just to be safe, because he'd already seen Heero go in the moment they arrived back at the apartment and he'd been told in no uncertain terms to stay out) before he took out his mobile phone. Clearing a space on the kitchen table, he hoisted himself up into the wood surface and dialed.
Three rings, and then Quatre picked up.
"So how did it go?" was the first thing the blond asked.
"What, not even a 'hello'?" Duo said in mock offense into the phone.
Quatre was unrepentant. "Tell, Duo!"
"It went perfectly -- you should see the kitchen now. Half of it's black with soot and I burnt almost every edible thing I could find… actually, I say edible, but god, the stuff he stocks is almost military rations! My taste buds would starve to death."
There was a snicker on the other end of the line. "I know. I've seen his kitchen."
"Well, nobody's going to be doing much cooking or eating around here for a while!"
"So where did you go for breakfast?"
"Well, I dragged him to this nice restaurant I know, great food; we people-watched and had a generally not unpleasant time. Wasn't too bad, for his first meal outside in…"
"Two years," Quatre supplied helpfully.
"Right. So anyway, the first attack can be counted as a success, my good friend!" Then he remembered the earlier events and grinned widely to himself. And I even got to see him half-naked and wet, he thought, but didn't say it out loud. He wouldn't jeopardize his new mission with relationships, physical or not; besides, Quatre was paying him extra for doing all this and he wasn't about to lose the income by admitting to such an overprotective friend like Quatre that he wanted to jump Heero. Instead, he said, "Oh, and I dumped ice water on him in bed."
"You're kidding!"
He let the satisfaction he felt surface in his tone. "Nope."
"I want to know the details now, Maxwell!"
"Okay, okay… sheesh, you billionaire types are all the same, so demanding. Right then. See, I woke up way early, and went to start work on the kitchen…"
Outside, Heero silently turned and made his way back to his workroom. He'd come to offer his help to clean up the kitchen -- after all, the breakfast had been quite good, he had to admit, and the people-watching had been actually quite fun with someone else to share and argue observations with. Helping Maxwell would give him an opportunity to see how he worked, as well. What he'd found instead, though, was much better than a mere opportunity to observe his roommate.
He'd found war.
The next attack… would be his.
Rawr.
Hello again! Hope the wait wasn't too long… I tried my best, I really did. I wrote this chapter in utmost secrecy, actually… not supposed to be doing personal fic stuff.
And the humour's not as pronounced in this chapter as well -- I'm sorry! But just to warn you guys, the humour's most likely going to decrease as the chapters add on. I'm not too good at it, so it'll get serious soon enough.
Can't do individual relies to reviews -- stupid FFnet policies -- but rest assured I love you all to bits for reviewing.
Hope you liked. :)
Ashen Skies
"Ooh, what's that?"