Monday
March 15, 2004
0900 Hrs
9:00 EST
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
AJ pulled into the parking lot and observed that Mac's car was not there. They were usually the first ones to arrive, but today he was running behind schedule. Walking into his office with a hot cup of coffee, the first thing he spotted was the huge envelope on his desk. An ominous feeling of dread crept up over his scalp. Setting his briefcase and coffee down he sat down at his desk and reached for the envelope. Opening it and spilling out the contents he saw envelopes addressed to several people here at JAG as well as to himself, there were also a few sheets of paper too.
He picked those up and read them thinking, 'Dam it! I should have seen this coming after everything she has been through. I'm partially to blame! I should have let Harm go after Mac and ignored the SecNav, but I let politics get in the way.'
Opening the letter addressed to him he began reading.
Dear AJ,
I can call you that now that I have resigned my commission. I wanted to let you know why I'm leaving. It is not any one thing, but a combination of things. This past year, starting with Paraguay and then killing Sadik, has made me feel empty, lost and alone. I haven't felt that way since I was a teenage and relied on alcoholic to ease the pain. I do not want to be there again, which, at times these past few months, I have come close to.
I did go to Doctor McCool and talked with her, but I was doing that because you ordered me to. As an alcoholic, you learn that doing things like that for others and not for yourself, does not last long. I need to want to help myself and I do, but right now I just need time away from everything that reminds me of JAG.
Doctor McCool had suggested that I take an extended leave of absence, but I figured that once she finished my sessions, she would have to put down that I'm suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder and that would ruin any chance for advancement. This way I leave with my head held high and not the feeling of dishonor.
I hope one day you will forgive me for how I went about doing this. Coming to you was not an option only because you seemed to have your plate full with your own problems and I didn't want to add to that. It had nothing to do with not trusting you or being angry over the whole CIA mess. I know that at the time you had the SecNav breathing down your back and that played a part in not allowing Harm back to JAG.
I know about the rescue plan you had in the works! Clay found out and told me this past Tuesday, thank you for that. I also know that you went over the SecNav's head in bringing Harm back without him losing anytime from JAG. I have not said anything to him yet, but will if you do not. I hope that the two of you will sit down and talk it out.
Once I have settled somewhere, I will e-mail you and the rest to let you all know how I'm doing. I will miss everyone there, especially you. You have always been like a father to us not just a CO; one that I wish I had growing up.
Sincerely,
Sarah
P. S.
I have not left without someone knowing where I have gone. Clay knows! Please do not threaten to break his nose in trying to find me. He will not tell you, but if anything should happen and I need to be reached, he will get in touch with me.
Sighing as he put the letter down he dragged his hand over his scalp, "Oh, Mac, I wish you had come to me for support." Grabbing the phone he called her apartment, but received a disconnect message. He then tried her cell phone only to receive the same message. He then dialed directory assistance to speak to her landlord only to find out that Mac had moved out on Wednesday.
Stabbing down the intercom button, AJ bellowed in frustration, "Coates! Get Roberts, Simms, Turner and Rabb in here, ASAP!" Then taking a drink of his now luke-warm coffee, he thought, 'This is going to be a very long and frustrating day.'
*******************
Monday
March 15, 2004
0925 Hrs
9:25 EST
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
Knocking briskly on the door, Harm opened it slightly. "You wanted to see us, Sir?" he asked.
"Come in," AJ responded as he rose from his desk. "Stand at-ease! Coates, please stay as well."
Once they were assembled before him, AJ began, "Yes, Commander, I did want to see you all. As I am sure you are aware the Colonel is not here today nor will she be returning." He paused as he heard several gasps and continued when it grew quiet, "As I was saying, the Colon… Mac has handed in her resignation. She also left letters to all of you. There is no use in trying to reach her, I've already tried. I called both her cell and apartment numbers. Both are disconnected. I also called her landlord and was informed she moved out on Wednesday. It appears as if she has been planning this for awhile."
Harm made a small grunting noise and when he looked around they were staring at him. "Sorry, Sir, I just realized what Mac was really saying to me when we met for dinner. She was saying goodbye," he told them.
"That's why she wanted to spend time with little AJ and Jimmy on Saturday," Bud said looking at Harriet, who was upset and wondering what they could do to find her. "The Colonel said she wanted to give us the afternoon to ourselves to spend time alone without the kids. Now I understand the look in her eyes and why she gave us such enormous hugs. She came to say goodbye." Looking towards Harm, Bud explained, "It was such a wonderful day. We had a barbecue, but when she was watching AJ play outside, she looked so lost. I even took a picture of that look and other pictures." Bud looked to the Admiral for guidance, "What are we going to do, Sir?"
Handing out the letters, AJ instructed them, "I think it's best to read what she wrote to you and then go from there. I have read mine. Needless to say, I take part of the blame for this whole debacle. It all began with the whole Ted Lindsey crap… sorry, ladies." They smiled to let him know they understood.
"I, for one, need to apologize to all of you, but mostly to you, Harm. I should have never listened to the SecNav when he ordered me not to let you come back after Paraguay, but as Mac said in her letter, I allowed politics to influence me."
Walking over to Harm with his hand out to shake, AJ continued, "So, Commander Rabb, in front of everyone here, I am very sorry. You should also beware of, and I'm only telling you this because Mac said she eventually would, that you have not lost any time from the Navy. I went over the SecNav's head and had you reinstated as if you had never left."
Harm could not believe it. "Thank you, Sir, and I believe that I also need to apologize. I should have come to you for help getting them out. Webb found out that you had some 'friends' ready to go in to help them. I should have never doubted that you would leave her down there."
Smiling for the first time in a long time, AJ said, "No, you shouldn't have, but that is all water under the bridge, time to get over it and carry on." Going back behind his desk, he commanded, "Coates, get the SecNav on the horn and the rest of you, go to your offices and read the letters then get back to work. Dismissed!"
After they left and AJ finished his telephone call to the SecNav, he really started to think very hard about retiring. "God, I'm getting too old for this shit."
****