AN: OMG, I'm sooooooooo sorry this took so long. My dad had a major knee injury a while ago and so the only computer he can use is the only laptop, which also happens to be MINE, and has all my fanfictions on it. My dad's still on crutches, but I've managed to get my computer for a little while. I'll try to post one tomorrow or Tuesday too, 'cause I feel really bad, making you guys wait. I just have to write it first. :P Also, just so you know, bangers and mash is the english dish of sausages and mashed potatoes, often served with onion gravy.

Chapter 25: Explaining To Mum

James' POV:

Mum made bangers and mash that night and piled high my and Padfoot's plates, exclaiming, "You two seem skinnier every time I see you!"

I actually ate a normal sized portion of my dinner, which was more than I had eaten at one time since the incident. Padfoot did the same. When we both asked for more gravy at the same time, we burst out laughing at how our appetites had changed.

"What's so funny?" asked Mum.

"Nothing, Mrs. Potter, it's just-" Padfoot stopped. Both of us heard the unsaid words in our minds, felt them settle like a dark cloud over our heads.

It's just that we haven't eaten this much since Lily was tortured and went into a coma.

Tortured. I hadn't really thought about that before. I guess it would have been the Cruciatus, but for how long?

How long had Lily been in pain, in unimaginable suffering?

And what if we hadn't come in time? What if Lily had died?

It was this thought that made me turn down the toffee Mum offered me. I couldn't stomach anything else.

After dinner, Mum grabbed me and Padfoot and told us to help her wash the dishes.

"Mum," I groaned, "We just got back!"

She glared at me fiercely, and I shut up. We had only been washing for a minute when she asked us, "So, why is it that you two will start saying something, and then stop as if someone had died and you just found out?"

"Because someone has almost died, and we found out a while ago," I mumbled.

Mum frowned. "Almost died? What on earth do you mean?"

Padfoot cleared his throat. "What Prongs means," he started, but began again when Mum stared at him quizzically, "What James means is that one of our best friends is a muggleborn, and-"

"-they were in the massacre?" Mum finished, almost at a whisper.

At the word "massacre," I felt like crying. It really HAD been a massacre. I just didn't want to think about it that way.

"Who was it?" Mum asked.

Padfoot glanced at me, but seeming to decide that he was the only one of us who could be intelligible, continued, "Lily Evans, she has bright red hair and green eyes..."

"Yes, of course, I remember Lily," said Mum hurriedly, "She isn't dead, is she? You did say almost dead, didn't you?"

"No, she's in a coma," replied Padfoot, "She's at St. Mungo's."

I excused myself from the room. I needed to be alone.

Slipping out the door, I jogged to a park that I used to play at. With all the snow there were no kids romping around, so I went to sit on one of the swings. Seconds after sitting down, I began to cry. For Lily, for all the other muggleborns, for that first year in Ravenclaw who lost his friend, for Padfoot, for myself. For all the pain, the unjust pain, in this world.

When I came home late that night, I went right up to the room Padfoot and I were sharing. I got into bed as quietly as I could, unsure if Padfoot was asleep or not. When he spoke a moment later, I jumped a little.

"Prongs?"

I turned over so I was facing his bed, and whispered back, "Yeah?"

"Your mum offered to take us to St. Mungo's tomorrow to see Lily, I thought that sounded nice. You want to come?"

I contemplated this for a moment. Did I really want Mum to see me break down in front of Lily? Then again, I could try to hold it in, and I the only time I had seen Lily since the incident was that night in the hospital wing, and there was barely any light there.

"Yeah, that would be nice," I said.

Neither of us said anything more, only shifted around a couple times before falling asleep.

That night, I dreamed the same dream I had been having since the incident - a dream in which we were too late, that Lily had died.

When I woke up the next morning, my pillow was wet with tears.