Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, have any relation to Gundam Wing, have no permission from those who created Gundam Wing to write this. This is purely for fun, to waste time, and to make other people happy reading and to spread the joy of slashy literature to all those poor unenlightened Fellow Man out there. I am making no profit from this.

Pairings: 2x1x2, side pairing 3x4

Summary: Heero was perfectly happy as a workaholic recluse, but then Quatre declared War on him and suddenly there's a sugar-high American at his door, messing up the house and showing him that maybe, he hadn't been that happy after all...

Roommate: Unwanted

Chapter Nine: Heero's Day Out

1. Sally Po

2. Dorothy Catalonia

3. Catherine Barton

Staring at the document on the screen, fingers hovering over the keyboard, Heero Yuy was the picture of calm, contemplative scholarship. No one watching would have been able to tell that he was waging an internal war with himself.

Listing the names themselves had been easy – his female acquaintances were few, after all. Listing them in order of visitation was harder, for there were advantages and disadvantages to weigh for talking to each of them: Dorothy would pry, but she would not tell any of his friends, where Sally would pry and might tell his friends, depending on how important she thought the matter was. Catherine would not pry, but she would definitely tell her brother, and Trowa would be able to make his own conclusions.

Of course, Catherine was the most normal of the three, and Dorothy the least normal, so if he wanted advice on a thing such as friendship, Dorothy might not be the best person to ask. So he had put Sally first on the list; he could always appeal to her doctor persona, and try to invoke patient confidentiality. He did not want his friends to find out that he was actively trying to be social (and trying to make even one friend was, to Heero, considered 'social'), if possible.

So that was harder than listing the names themselves, but still not a problem. Now, though, came the most painful decision of all. Heero could feel every atom of his body rebelling against the very idea of putting that last name down, but if he was going to compile a list of possible female consultants, it would be unprofessional to not complete the list with the last female he knew.

So it was with a heavy dread that Heero's fingers moved, and typed:

4. Relena Peacecraft.

There. Done. Of course, there was very little chance that all of the three women above combined would not be able to give him satisfactory answers, and so there was very little chance that he would have to fall back on that fourth and last resort, but even the thought of having to willingly approach her was appalling.

It wasn't that she was a bad person. She was, in fact, a good person. She did lots of charity work, she was active in the political scene and campaigned for noble if idealistic causes, she did not shy from making her opinions heard even if they were unpopular – and they were worthwhile, if idealistic, opinions. Heero would not have minded making friends with the capable woman she was when dealing with the world. It was just… all her good sense seemed to flee when it came to him.

When dealing with Heero Yuy, Relena Peacecraft was like a teenage girl. And Heero really, really did not like teenage girls. Or teenage anything, for that matter.

He closed the document, not bothering to save it. The document had only been to aid his thought processes; he could remember the list itself once it had been decided. He checked the clock – eight in the morning. Perfect. He would reach Sally's at nine, spend half an hour there, and then at nine-thirty head for Dorothy's. He would spend an hour there from ten to eleven, possibly more – it was always interesting, talking to Dorothy, and they often discussed a wide range of issues – and then have lunch.

Hopefully there would be no need to visit Catherine, but if there was, he would have the afternoon for that and, shudder, shudder, if absolutely, completely, no-other-recourse-but-death necessary, Relena. If Sally and Dorothy gave him the answers he needed, then he would use the afternoon to visit Quatre and Trowa – they were on the way back, unlike Wufei, who lived in the opposite direction.

It took him three minutes to dress and generally be ready to go out – a rare process for him, but efficiently done as anything else that he did. He checked his pockets one more time, and then headed for the door.

Halfway there, a head stuck itself out of the kitchen. Duo's mouth opened, and then shut again as he eyed Heero in his shoes and jeans and polo shirt. Heero stared imperturbably back.

"Did you see Wilbur?"

"…what?"

"Wilbur," said Duo patiently. "You know, the pig."

Heero's expression remained blank. "What pig?"

"Wilbur the pig from Charlotte's Web, it's a classic book. You're a writer, you should know."

"I know the book. What I do not understand is what the book has to do with anything."

"Not the book, the pig." Duo's straight face suddenly split into a huge grin. "I could swear I saw Wilbur fly past."

Heero stared some more. Then he got it, and his eye twitched. "Do you have to speak in circles all the time, Maxwell?"

"It wasn't a circle! It was a perfectly good book reference! Any person would have seen it coming a mile away!"

Heero snorted. "Somehow I doubt that." He turned to continue on his way –

"Oh, hey, wait!"

He turned back. "Yes?" he said with exaggerated patience.

There was an unreadable light in violet eyes, though the grin was lecherous. "Out for a date with a hot chick?"

"I am not into bestiality."

Duo sighed. "Don't even try to pretend you don't know what I meant."

"You encouraged me to make jokes."

"That wasn't a joke!" Duo paused. "Wait – you're serious, aren't you? That was your idea of a joke? No, wait, it can't be. I've seen your sense of humour, it's not at such a low standard. Or was it that by saying you were making a joke, you were actually making the joke then – hey! I'm not done talking to you yet!"

Stopping in his tracks again, Heero glared at Duo. "I have a schedule to keep to, Maxwell."

"Duo ."

"…Duo," Heero acknowledged. It was… odd to hear himself calling a relative stranger by his first name, and he often forgot, but Duo seemed to understand, and always reminded him without any teasing or exasperation – just in a simple, matter-of-fact way.

The American in question grinned. "Yeah, so, I was just going to ask if you were going to be back for lunch. Or dinner. Or, actually, if you were going to buy dinner back or have me make something really bad or order takeaway –"

"I will bring dinner back. Lunch will be your problem."

"Sure thing!" Duo beamed at him.

Heero nodded curtly at him, and turned –

"Wait, wait!"

He cut a glare over his shoulder. "Yes?"

"Whoa, scary, scary." Duo gave him a sheepish grin. "I was just… where are you going? Really going? If you can tell me, that is."

Heero considered the other man – that odd light was back in his eyes, when it had faded away during their exchange. Finally he said, "I have some business to take care of."

The light eased. "Oh, okay then." Duo smiled at him. "I'll see you for dinner?"

"Yes."

"Right then. Uh… have fun outside! Try not to melt from the sun! And those brown and green things are called trees, don't worry, they're harmless."

Heero rolled his eyes and exited the apartment without any further mishaps, though he could hear Duo grinning at his back. Inwardly, though, some part of him was oddly warmed.

Of course, he had a sneaking suspicion that he would come back to absolute disaster in the apartment, but there was no help for it. One problem at a time.

He was only a mortal superhuman, after all.

The smile faded from Duo's face as the door closed behind Heero. Suddenly the apartment seemed empty, silent – alright, yes, when Heero was in it the apartment was still silent, but it was… an alive silence. It was Heero silence.

Now it was just lonely.

And in the lonely silence, unwanted thoughts kept popping up. Thoughts like: why would Heero the anti-social hermit bastard be going out? He said it was business, but is it really? Who could Heero the anti-social hermit bastard be meeting? Why do I even care what Heero the anti-social hermit bastard is doing anyway? It's not like I'm jealous. I don't even want to be jealous anyway. It's not my place. I don't even want it to be my place.

Quit while you're ahead, the bunny advised him.

Good point. Duo looked around him thoughtfully. Come to think of it, this was the first time he'd been left alone in the apartment. Heero hardly ever went out – almost never, in fact, and to Duo's knowledge all the times he did go out were when he was pulled along for meals by Duo.

The silence rang.

The silence… beckoned.

Duo slowly started to grin again. He pushed all thoughts of Heero out of his head, and focused on all the possibilities that an empty apartment contained.

He'd need help, though. He needed manpower to pull off at least a couple of things he wanted to do. Ah, so much to plan, so little time… Best to get started right away. He pulled out his phone and dialled what was fast becoming a very familiar number.

"Hey, Quatre? You free today? I have something really good planned…"

"Now this is unusual. Did you break an arm or something equally severe? I can't imagine why you would come willingly to visit me otherwise."

Heero raised an eyebrow at the doctor smiling at him. "Can I not visit a dearly beloved friend and doctor for purely social reasons?" he said.

Sally stared, and then started laughing as Heero waited patiently. "Oh, my, so it is true!" she said when she caught her breath. "I thought Wufei was imagining things, I owe him lunch for laughing at him."

Wufei had talked to Sally about him? Heero frowned. "What things?"

"Well, for one, I was always the one visiting you for check-ups, or you were dragged here by your friends. Your being here willingly is new. Then, even if you had come by yourself, you would have answered me with some stony glare or another, not… tease back." Sally's smile was genuinely pleased. "I'm happy for you. That roommate seems to be a miracle worker; I didn't think someone like that could exist."

Ah. Wufei had talked to Sally about Duo. Everything involved Duo nowadays, really… the thought of which, in the past, would have made him wary, but now it was a rather pleasing thought. Hmm. Was this another form or level of friendship? Heero made a mental note, and then addressed Sally. "I have some matters in which I wish to consult you. Are you free now?"

"Of course. You know there's always an abundance of doctors in this place, I'll get the counter staff to redirect my patients to the others. Wait here." Sally got up from her desk and opened the door, flagging down one of the employees in the large clinic she worked in. Heero heard a brief murmured exchange, and then Sally closed the door again and returned. "So, fire away."

Heero collected his thoughts. It was strangely hard to find somewhere to start. Frowning, he finally settled on asking: "What is the optimum reciprocation towards someone who has offered you friendship?"

Sally stared.

"Should I rephrase it? In other words, how –"

"No, no, I get it," Sally interrupted. "It's just… unexpected."

"In which way?"

"Hmm? Well, unexpected of you, certainly. But also a very… odd question." Sally looked troubled. "Heero… I know I promised not to ask, but your childhood…"

"Is not a topic I will expound on," Heero said stiffly.

"You know you can trust my discretion," Sally said.

"I know," was all Heero said in reply. He stared mildly back at her as she tried to give him her best concerned and completely discrete doctor look.

After a while she gave up with a sigh and a faint smile. "Very well, then. Anytime you want to talk, though…"

"I understand." As if. If I ever want to talk about it, Duo would be the first person I'd tell.

Wait, what?

Heero was sure his expression underwent a few really odd changes as his mind screeched to a halt and floundered around in the lake of confusion and the puddles of shock, judging by the odd look that Sally gave him.

"Are you alright, Heero?"

"…Yes. I will be." Heero forcibly set aside that jumbled train of thought for dissection later, and focused back on the reason he had come. "Do you have an answer for my question?"

"Well…" Sally looked thoughtful. "It's hard to say. Relationship matters are always arbitrary. I could give you general examples – very general, you understand."

"That would be fine."

"Alright then. Here goes…"

"Hey, Quatre! Whoa, that's a lot of people – and man, are they all big."

"Duo, you should have realized that your plan needs this many people to be completed in the amount of time we have. Don't you think about the details?"

"Nope, I leave that all to you, future CEO. Well, come on in, don't just stand there! Mind your heads, guys – or even your foreheads. Your noses? Collarbones?"

"We are not that tall, Master Duo."

"Master who?"

"Oh, that's just Rashid's way of addressing good friends of mine."

"Huh. They like your private army or something?"

"For our purposes now? Yes."

"You know, I quite like the sound of that."

"Master Quatre, should we begin? From what you have told us, this will take a while."

"Oh yes, of course. Well, Duo? It's your show."

"Indeed it is. Gentlemen! Let the party begin!"

"Heero? A surprise visit, how nice."

"Dorothy. Do you have time now? I would like to consult you on an issue."

Dorothy smirked; a forked eyebrow was raised. "A voluntary visit from Heero Yuy always merits my time. It isn't everyday that I participate in miracles, after all." She turned smartly and moved away from the door into the house. "Come in, and don't bother closing the door behind you."

"Don't bother closing the door…?" Heero followed her into the house, casting a dubious look back at the door behind his shoulder.

"Yes, because this gentleman is leaving now. He can shut the door."

The gentleman in question – young, pretty and rich, from the looks of him – stood abruptly from his seat on Dorothy's couch, frowning. "Miss Catalonia, I would like to –"

"I have a friend over now and I need to entertain him." Dorothy made a shooing motion with her fingers. "Go on, shoo. If you really want to talk more to me, arrange things with Relena."

The man looked furious. "And am I not worthy of being entertained as your guest?" he demanded. "Is this ­friend of yours above me in statues?" The look he gave Heero was not a nice one; it was obvious he thought of Heero as some kind of rival, and an unworthy one at that.

Dorothy smiled a razor-sharp smile. "The difference is, when I entertain Heero, he is equally entertaining in return. I can't say the same of you."

The poor man sputtered, too angry for words. He snatched up his jacket and stormed out of the room. Seconds later, the sound of the front door slamming shut resounded through the apartment and made Heero wince.

"I can be blunt and insensitive with my words, but it's not on purpose," Heero commented, taking a seat on the recently vacated couch. "You wield your words with the intention to cut."

"Not always," Dorothy protested mildly. "I only do it to sops and idiots like him. Anything to drink?"

"No, thank you."

"Water it is." Dorothy swept out of the room as Heero sighed to himself in resignation. Dorothy hadn't changed one bit. He heard her call from the kitchen, "Relena's trying to match-make me with what she thinks are highly eligible bachelors. Problem is, they're all from her social circle, and you know what kinds of people float around there."

"I see. No wonder you had no patience with this one. Why did you invite him over to your apartment in the first place then?"

"I didn't. Here." Dorothy handed Heero a glass of water. He murmured his thanks while she dropped onto the couch opposite him and took a sip of her own glass. "He just showed up when I was about to go out to meet with Relena – that's why I'm all dressed up. She must have planned the whole thing. I swear, that girl – I'm going to tell her off once we're done here. She can be so dense and stubborn about some things, I can't understand why someone as intelligent as she is would – but then, you probably know exactly what I'm talking about. Anyway, enough about me." She looked curiously at him. "Why are you here?"

"I am here to consult you on matters of friendship."

Dorothy blinked, and then grinned widely. "This has to do with that new kid who's living with you, right?"

Wonderful. Did everyone know? "He's my roommate," Heero corrected. "Or rather, apartment-mate. How did you –"

"Quatre's been going on about it whenever I meet him for business." Dorothy rolled her eyes. "Won't shut up, like some mother proud of her kid's first steps."

Heero scowled. "I need to tell the lot of them to shut up."

"Whoa, getting touchy here, are we?" Dorothy tilted her head. "Not only Quatre's been talking, hmm? And you found out just recently, because you're still upset about it. That means you've visited others before coming to find me, probably with the very same question… that means you've seen Sally, and you found out that Wufei told her."

"I visited her earlier this morning," Heero admitted, with a faint rueful smile. "You're as sharp as ever."

"Yes, well, deduction is easy when it comes to you, because you have a limited social circle and I know everyone in it." Dorothy settled more comfortably into her couch. "So – I assume Sally's advice wasn't what you wanted?"

"It was… somewhat helpful," Heero said carefully, "but not completely what I was looking for."

"Do you know what you're looking for?"

"I assume I will know it when it is before me."

Dorothy snorted. "That's not like you. I guess you really are completely lost in this area."

Heero shrugged silently.

"Don't worry; it's so rare that you want to talk about personal matters that I won't tease." Dorothy gave him a reassuring smile. "What did you ask Sally?"

"I asked about the optimum reciprocation towards someone who has offered you friendship."

"Was her answer not enough?"

"No, it was useful," Heero was quick to answer. "It was simply… not what I am looking for." He frowned. "I have to admit that I myself am not quite sure what I am looking for."

Dorothy looked at him for a long moment. Then she said, "Why now?"

Heero was confused. "Now…?"

Dorothy sat forward, placing her glass down on the table. She looked intently at Heero. "You're friends with the three guys, right? Good friends?"

"Yes…?"

"And you're comfortable enough with me and Sally. We're not as close to you as the guys are, but still close. Right?"

"Yes."

"And you've had no problems being a friend in return. You haven't agonized over this whole friendship thing before. So… why now?"

"Ah. I see what you mean." Heero's brows furrowed. "This is something that has not occurred to me. You are asking what makes this friendship special?"

"That's a part of it…" Dorothy was still watching him. "But I'm also curious as to what makes this boy special. Feel free to answer either question, though."

"Well – he lives in close quarters with me, I am forced to interact –"

"It's obvious not as forced an interaction as you think, since you're here willingly trying to improve that interaction."

"His character is very interesting, I find myself intrigued as to his past –"

"But all the guys you are currently friends with are some of the most interesting, the most unique people I know."

"He can – hold on." Heero eyed Dorothy. "If you have a point to make, please stop wasting time and just make it."

"If you insist." Dorothy's smile was sweet and innocent and as Heero knew full well, not to be trusted. "I think this boy is special not just because he is who he is, but because he's special to you, and I think the reason why this boy is special to you is because –"

"Dorothy! How could you do that to Richard, he – Heero!"

Oh, please no, Heero thought.

"What a pleasant surprise, I haven't seen you in such a long time, how have you been? What are you doing here? Oh! Don't tell me that upstart scruffy thug that Richard talked about was you? Oh, Heero, I keep reminding you to watch your words around people, not everyone can understand that you don't really mean it that way!"

"I didn't even talk, how could I have been upstart?" Heero closed his eyes briefly in a bid for patience and strength, and then turned to nod at Relena. "Hello, Relena."

She smiled at him, a little flushed. "Hello, Heero." Then something occurred to her, and she looked confused. "Hold on… if Dorothy invited you over, why did she say she was free to go out with me?"

"Uh –"

"I forgot I invited him," Dorothy lied blandly. "And it turned out for the best, didn't it?"

Relena only looked slightly abashed. "Well, if you'd only agree to meet with the men I chose for you, I wouldn't have to resort to such methods!"

"I am fine with my current life, Relena," Dorothy said impatiently. "I've told you time and again –"

"Everyone needs someone at their side as a partner, Dorothy," Relena said earnestly. "You'll never really be happy until you find that one person!"

The look she sneaked at Heero did not go by unnoticed. It was time to leave. "It was good talking to you, Dorothy," Heero said as he stood. "I'll see myself out."

"Oh – you're leaving? Then I –"

"Relena, about the Tessa Project, there's some problem on Jack's side to do with the funds," Dorothy interrupted. "We need to go over that."

Relena looked torn. "But shouldn't we at least see Heero to his car –"

"There is really no need," Heero said quickly. "Your problem probably needs immediate attention."

"We should get back to Jack as soon as possible," Dorothy agreed.

"In that case…" Relena looked disappointed. "I'll see you soon, Heero? We should go out for lunch sometime."

"Sometime," Heero said solemnly, and made his escape as Dorothy started talking about reluctant sponsors, forcing Relena to listen. The two of them had an agreement – since both of them respected Relena and her capabilities, they would try to keep her away from Heero so that she would not make a fool of herself. It had worked well, so far, since Dorothy's company worked closely with Relena's political group and so there were always real problems to distract Relena with.

Once safely in his car and driving away, Heero let himself think about Dorothy's words. It was true, he realized, that Duo was special – both the friendship he had given so freely, and he himself, the man that was Duo Maxwell. Why, though? Even he didn't know himself. It made Heero wonder what Dorothy had been about to say. Really, Relena had the worst timing.

At least now he knew from Sally how he should as a friend act towards Duo, and from Dorothy he knew that he considered Duo worthy of such efforts. He still hadn't found what he was looking for yet though, and he still had no idea what it was that he was looking for. Very well, it was time to visit Catherine.

And if that didn't work out… there was really only one option left, no matter how unappealing it was. Never let it be said that Heero Yuy ever backed down from a task.

"The smell is still here – there's only a few hours left!"

"Relax, Duo, the windows and doors are all open and the fans are going strong. It'll be fine."

"But who are we going to use? We can't use your Manguanacs, one look at any of them and Heero will know! Where else are you going to find hulking guys like that in this city?"

"I have a few sisters in town who Heero's never seen before. I called them earlier, they'll be here."

"You really are quite the businessman, aren't you? No detail escapes your eagle eye."

"Years of practice. I must say, though, the idea behind all this amazes me. I'm not sure if I'm awed by your imagination or a little worried about your lack of restraint."

"How about being amazed at both?"

"That could work."

"Personally, I'm amazed by how skilful your Manguanacs are. They should hold exhibits or something. When I came up with the idea, I never expected something this good."

"It is rather well done, isn't it?"

"Man, I can't wait for Heero to get back… this is going to be awesome."

Heero trudged up the stairs to his apartment underneath a black cloud of doom. He had gone to see Catherine after lunch, but her gentle advice had only served to confirm the little he had learned that day. What had really made him think, however, was lunch itself.

He had recently been eating all his meals with Duo – at first, it had been because Duo had practically dragged him out to eat, or else had pestered him to eat the food he had bought back or cooked himself (the latter being surprisingly tasty, seeing how he had once blown up the kitchen, but then again that had been largely done on purpose, so perhaps it didn't count). Lately, though, it had become… habit. It was comfortable eating with Duo, who seemed to know all the good food to be had and always had interesting thoughts and pieces of random knowledge. Now, eating wasn't the chore it had been, but something that he looked forward to.

So many changes had happened, and he had no clue as to why and how and what he was going to do about it, except for the fact that he thought of Duo as a special friend. Or a special whatever it was that Dorothy had been about to say.

He came out of his thought when his key wouldn't fit in the lock. Heero frowned at the doorknob, and jiggled it experimentally. To his surprise, it turned in his hand. Had Duo forgotten to lock it? Pocketing his key, Heero pushed the door open –

– and stared.

The door had opened into sprawling grasslands under a sunny blue sky with fluffy clouds, and butterflies and birds hovering in the air. All the walls in the living room had been painted with green grass and butterflies near the floor, and blue skies and clouds and birds near the ceiling – which was itself blue, with the overhead ceiling fan painted yellow like a sun. The couches and tables were his, but they were arranged differently, clustered in the middle rather than against the walls, and there was a lamp and a fluffy rug he'd never seen before.

His mind completely blank, Heero moved in a daze to the kitchen, and stopped again in the doorway to stare. This time, a café veranda greeted him – railings were painted all around the room, and there were flowers in flowerboxes and cobbled streets beyond.

Backing away from the kitchen, Heero made a beeline for his private soundproof study, dreading what he might find in there. The door opened before he could get there, however… revealing a towel-clad girl.

Who promptly screamed.

Heero hastily turned his back. "I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I just – I didn't expect –" His brain caught up with events at that point, and he frowned. Why was he apologizing? Why was there even a towel-clad girl in his study, anyway?

He half-turned, to watch her out of the corner of his eye. "Excuse me – I would like to know what you are doing in my apartment –"

"Your apartment? What are you talking about?"

Heero growled. "Please stop this charade, woman. It's obvious that Duo put you up to this –"

"Duo? Duo who?"

Heero turned to stare at her, but quickly turned away again when she uttered a little shriek. "Duo, the person who turned this place into madness within a day."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," the woman snapped. "And that's a likely excuse – how can someone do such a thorough paint job in a day? It took me weeks!"

"Duo can always find a way," Heero said, but doubt was beginning to niggle at him.

"I don't know this Duo you're talking about," said the woman, glaring, "and if you don't want me to call the cops on you, you'd better get out now."

"Look, woman, I think I should know what my apartment looks like! That's my furniture–"

"There are only so many designs for furniture, and all the apartments in this place are structured the same," she pointed out. "Maybe you just have the wrong door? How did you get in, anyway? Don't tell me I forgot to lock the door again!"

"I…" Heero remembered that his key hadn't fit the lock, and the doubt grew. He couldn't possibly have made a mistake, could he? It couldn't be a coincidence that all of the furniture and kitchen cabinets and assorted items in this place were exactly the same as his, could it?

"Wonderful. Is it a habit of yours to just try doorknobs to see if they're locked? I am sure you know what such people are called." The woman gave him the coldest, most haughty glare that Heero ever saw, effectively making him feel like a bug on the sole of her expensive shoe, and stabbed an imperious finger at the door. "Get out."

Retreat seemed like the best option for now. Heero turned and walked stiffly out the door, the woman following him at a safe distance. Two seconds after he cleared the doorway, the door slammed behind him, and the lock turned.

Heero blinked at the wall opposite the door, and then looked around him. Yes, there were the faint marks that his paintballs had made on the walls. Yes, there were the scratches on the door two doors down (the old man who lived in there had two cats). It was the same hallway he had passed through for years.

So… it had to be his apartment.

And yet he had no idea how it could be.

It was an unsettling feeling. Heero looked around him one more time, and then headed for the next door and knocked on it. After a few interminable seconds, old Mrs King opened the door and peered out. Her wizened face wrinkled into a frown when she saw who it was, and before he could open his mouth she was off on a rant:

"You young people have no manners, no manners at all, no consideration for your neighbours, no respect for your elders, no good and polite bone in your bodies! All day you disturb your neighbours with thumps and people coming in and out, making that awful racket, and the smell went through the whole corridor, I felt so faint when I opened the door that I couldn't even make it for my daily afternoon walk, my health has been compromised, you young people have no heart –"

"Mrs King –" Heero was beginning to lose patience. Normally it was best to let her finish, but this time he wasn't in a very good mood to begin with.

"– and all this on top of the gross indecencies that I know full well you two boys are carrying out in your apartment! Don't you feel any shame, two healthy young men wasting your lives in that kind of relationship, it's not right, it's not proper at all, and that other young man, why, that hair of his is –"

"I would advise you to stop right there."

"– !" Mrs King's jaw hung open.

Heero didn't know why this nonsense would irritate him so much, when before he would just tune her out until she was done, but for some reason when she had started in on Duo… It was no one's business how he wanted to live or wear his hair. And it was damn nice hair, anyway! It wasn't even remotely green anymore!

Not the point, Yuy.

Right. He cleared his throat. "Mrs King, I was out of the apartment all day and I have no idea as to what happened. If you would tell me what happened to make you so upset, I will lecture my roommate immediately."

She narrowed her eyes at him for a moment longer, and then grudgingly said, "I think it was housecleaning of some sort. There were paint fumes everywhere the whole afternoon, and lots of scraping and thumping, I think it was the furniture being moved, and there were lots of big dangerous-looking men!"

"Thank you," Heero said shortly. Spinning on his heel, he marched the short distance back to his door. Duo was new in this city, and he wouldn't have known enough people to pull something on this scale off in such a short time. He did know one person who did know enough people, however – or it might be more accurate to say that he employed enough people. Big, dangerous-looking people.

He knocked sharply on his door. "Ms Winner!" he called out. "If you do not open this door, I will open it myself."

There was no reaction.

"Very well. I expect you to pay for any damages, of course –"

The door swung open, but instead of light blue eyes, Heero found himself looking up into purple ones. A strong sense of déjà vu hit him, and apparently Duo, too, for they stood there blinking at each other for a moment.

Then Duo grinned. "Welcome home, Heero."

Heero ignored the warmth in his chest at those words and glared back. "That paint job had better not be permanent."

Duo's mock-hurt expressions was ruined by an uncontrollable grin. "Aw, Heero, why so serious? I think the new deco does wonders for the place." He stepped back and waved Heero in. "You're no fun, though, you figured it out so quickly… I was hoping you would be running around like a headless duck trying to find out what was going on. How did you know Marissa was Quatre's sister? He said you hadn't met her before."

"Yes, the identical eyes and pose didn't give her away one bit," Heero said dryly.

Duo made a face. "I was hoping you'd be so confused that you wouldn't notice." He waved to the now-named Marissa, who emerged from the bedroom, thankfully dressed. She smiled back at him, and laughed when she caught sight of Heero.

"I hope you don't hold it against me for helping your friend out," she told Heero cheerfully. "I'll never forget the look on your face when you saw me, it was hilarious!"

Heero's scowl deepened, and he refrained from saying anything for fear of what would come out. This was Quatre's sister, after all. She didn't seem to mind, patting his shoulder and then smiling charmingly at Duo. "It was lovely meeting you, Duo. Maybe we could go out for lunch some day?"

"Sure," Duo agreed easily. "Heero needs some extra company other than me."

Her smile faltered, the charm fading, replaced by understanding amusement. "I see how it is. Well then, I would be delighted to have lunch with the two of you."

"In that case, call us up anytime, my lady." Duo gave her an exaggerated bow.

The two of them exchanged goodbyes, but when she turned to Heero, he gave her a distracted nod, too busy thinking. To her credit, Marissa merely raised an eyebrow before leaving.

Duo waved a hand before Heero's face. "Heero? Anyone in there?"

He swatted the hand away. "Duo…"

"Yes?"

"Does she have stalker tendencies?"

The other man stared.

"Because her words are reminiscent –"

"And I thought I was the one breathing in paint fumes all day," Duo muttered. "Heero, what on earth possessed you to think that?"

He had the grace to look a little embarrassed. "Nothing," he said. "It's simply that – no, never mind."

Duo looked suspiciously at him. "I'm not stupid, Heero. There is something." His expression turned thoughtful, and then a gleeful smile slowly spread. "Oh, no way – it can't be – you have a stalker? You have a girl after you, don't you!"

Heero's back stiffened, and he gave Duo his coldest glare – or at least tried to, anyway. It fell rather flat due to the faint redness on his cheeks. "I don't see it's any of your business." He stalked past Duo towards the study, intending to barricade himself in there.

Duo followed him, laughing madly. "This is priceless, Heero Yuy fighting off the passions of women with a stick! Oh, I've got to meet this chick – uh – but not today, yeah? Some other day. In fact, you know, I'll just… pop out to grab some food…"

Before he even thought about it, Heero's hand shot out and just barely missed catching Duo's wrist, as the other man skipped out of reach. The completely innocent smile he gave Heero did not make him feel any better. "I'll see you later!" Duo said brightly.

Heero considered his options. Then he lunged for Duo, but the other man yelped and practically threw himself out of the door. Heero decided that it wasn't worth his time giving chase; the other man would have to come back sometime, and he could have his revenge then. In the meanwhile, depending on what he found, he could take his time choosing the mode of revenge.

He turned with trepidation to the study door. Whatever was inside had to be bad, or Duo wouldn't have escaped with such alacrity. Taking a deep breath and shutting his eyes, Heero reached out. His fingers found the handle to the door, and with a silent plea of mercy from any omniscient and omnipotent being around, he pushed the door open and opened his eyes.

And was promptly blinded by the dazzling light thrown into his eyes by the whirling disco ball hanging from the middle of the ceiling, surrounding by sparkling sequined purple and pink walls. Neon purple and pink walls.

Heero stared.

Then he calmly turned around and walked back out of the room. The door closed behind him with a click. He stood there for a moment in deep contemplation.

Then his brain wrapped itself around what he had just seen.

"MAXWELL!"

He jumped a little as the front door opened and a head poked around the wood cautiously. "You called?"

Heero reached out for the standing lamp –

"Wait, wait! You haven't seen nothing yet," Duo informed him. "There's still your room left, remember? I did that one personally, by the way. Well, not the base paint, but the artwork."

"Why," Heero said reasonably, hands wrapped around the pole of the lamp, prepared to swing it or possibly throw it, "are you not running far, far away, in fear of your mortal life and your extremities?"

"Because you still have one room left."

Heero gave him a Look that promised painful death and the removal of dangly bits on his person, which made Duo eep and retreat slightly behind the wood again. Then the Japanese man set the lamp back on the floor with a thump and stalked towards his bedroom door, throwing the door open.

If he thought he was blinded before, that was but mere short-sightedness. This… this was what caused men to go blind and little old ladies to have heart attacks. It was the fluffy meadow again, only this time, the living creatures were not limited to birds and butterflies. There were cute, fluffy little critters of all kinds…

Doing decidedly non-fluffy things.

On every available inch of painted grass, and scattered liberally throughout the painted sky.

Heero's thoughts, at this point, ran something like this:

1. By the gods, is it even possible in the air?

2. Those are three rabbits. Three.

3. Is that a dog and a cat? On top of the cat?

4. Both those horses are male!

And so on.

"Uh… you haven't short-circuited your brain, have you, Heero? Heero?"

Blue eyes had glazed over, but they refocused at the sound of that voice. Very slowly, like a sleepwalker, Heero looked over at Duo, who was hovering in the doorway. "Duo…?"

"Uh… yes?"

"DIE!"

Mrs King, who had been startled by the yelling, hastened to her door, intending to go out and give her neighbours a piece of her mind. She opened the door –

"MWAHAHAHA!"

"DIE DIE DIE DIE!"

– and gaped as a whirlwind of insane hysterical laughter blew past her, followed by a screaming raving axe murderer waving something sharp and pointy.

"MWAHAHAHA!"

"DIE DIE DIE DIE!"

On second thoughts, perhaps she should leave her neighbours alone after all.

I am rather amused by the idea of Manguanacs painting fluffy clouds.

It's possible that the painting feat is not humanly achievable, but I figure if you have enough hands, well, why not?

Anyway, not a very funny chapter, and it's very abrupt and rushed in some places, but I was kind of stuck. So sorry. At least it's long, right?

Ashen Skies
"It wasn't even remotely green anymore!"